Weddings, Prayers and Constant Failure

I'm finally going to a wedding! I'm so excited as I've never been to one. I feel so grown-up going as someone's partner. In my head I still sometimes feel like a 17 year old. I'm also excited I have a reason to buy a new dress. I only have one and I think a wedding requires something lighter than black.

Work was ok. I ran out of things to do because I was waiting for the articles to be written. I went to a meeting today. At the beginning they prayed. Yes, I work for a religious organisation. I started to panic a little when someone suggested for everyone to take a turn. Fortunately no one asked me. Anyway, this is the sort of thing I can ignore as it doesn't really bother me.

Talked to David on the phone after work and he got talking about buying property and what the best thing for us would be. That got me really excited. When I first met him, he used to talk about moving out and buying his own place like it was his ultimate dream. Now he talks about doing it 'together'. The words 'mine', 'I' and 'me' have been replaced by 'ours', 'we' and 'us'.

Felt really down about not having a permanent job. An agent called me about yet another job I didn't get. Failure after failure really doesn't help my self-esteem. Sometimes I just want to give up and quit. Just accept that I will never be permanently employed. But I can't do that, simply because somewhere deep inside I have a glimmer of hope that I will get a job. I know if I stop looking, that spark of optimism will be squashed and I will definitely not be employed.

Having David helps so much. He gives me some peace of mind that at least I'm not alone with my failure. Having him reminds me that I'm not completely useless, which is how long-term unemployment makes me feel.