Fight with Mum

I had a pretty bad fight with my Mum yesterday. So bad I couldn't concentrate on doing my work. So bad I wanted to cry and go to sleep. So bad I wanted to move out as soon as possible.

For those of you who don't know, my Mum and I have a love/hate relationship. Some days I feel like life would cease to exist without her and other times she inspires anger I never knew could be conjured up within me.

When David called after work, I didn't tell him straight away about having the fight. I just kept whining. He told me to stop whinging. Then I told him how I had a fight with my Mum. He asked what happened and I told him I didn't want to whinge. He said he wanted to know.

Unlike usually, I didn't want to tell him the details. I thought that unless you knew my Mum pretty well and lived with her, my side wouldn't sound too correct. I sort of told him a bit but then just said I didn't want to talk about it because I had a lot of work to do and I was tired (which was true). He said, "Well, any time you need an ear, I'm here. Remember, I'm your ear!"

I wish he really was my ear so I wouldn't have to listen to half the things my Mum tells me and get hurt. Although I wouldn't want to put him through it either.

Today, my Mum sort of apologised (i.e. she offerred to do something for me that I couldn't since I didn't have much time). I decided to also pretend that yesterday didn't happen.

I'm sensitive enough as it is, I don't need my Mum to exploit that so that she could feel better.

(Sometimes I worry that she will be even more diffucult as she gets older.)

God, I miss David.