High Heels = High Pain. Ways To Embarrass Myself.

Earlier this week when I was talking to Christine on the phone, she said she bought her first pair of pretty pink shoes that she wanted to wear today but she didn't want to be the only one wearing those sort of shoes just for lunch and if I could wear my high-heeled shoes. I told her no because there's no way I'm spending all day in uncomfortable shoes, only to get sore feet for the formal (for which I would have to wear nice shoes). She said she'd try to convince the others.

I didn't think much of it until today when Claud and Amelia turned up in high heels at 11:30 in the morning. (April didn't come because she had exams to study for.) Since Christine wasn't there yet (as usual), we had to go to the place without her. Amelia and Claudia said a few... uhm... words about wearing inappropriate shoes just for Christine when she wasn't even there. I tried to joke around and say that maybe she decided not to wear her new shoes at all but they didn't find it funny.

Almost an hour later, Christine did turn up in her new shoes (which I have to say didn't look as good as I expected). I felt like we were some high school clique - all wearing the same type of shoes just 'cause Christine asked. Almost like in Mean Girls. Except the mean part since I was wearing my comfy sandals and no one cared.

After lunch, when we were walking through the city, I felt like they were part of Sex and the City with their casual clothes and high heels. Oh my God, there goes my TV and movie obsession again.

Claudia left straight after lunch but Christine, Amelia and I hung around at a shopping centre for a bit longer. Christine started bitching about Ellen and Amelia said a few of "And no one believed me she was fake!". I felt kinda bad 'cause I don't dislike her as much as they do. There are a lot worse people to dislike.

At about 3pm, I rushed home to get ready. I tried to curl my hair but it was a disaster because it wouldn't stay curled so I gave up. Maybe I'll master the art of curling hair one day. Then had to make the hard decision of whether I should wear stockings and my new closed toe shoes or no stockings and my year 12 formal strappy shoes. After some deliberation I made my decision.

I was a bit worried about catching the train in my dress because I always think that people would stare at me but there was another woman who was wearing a more stare-worthy dress so no one paid attention to me.

When I was on the train, I got a call from Sophia saying that they (she, Katie and Norma) could pick me up at a closer station. I was quite happy that I wouldn't have had to change trains. Just when I got to the station where I had to get off, I got a call from Sophia telling me to hurry up because they were already there and they couldn't stop to park.

So ignoring the pain that was forming in my feet, I walked quite quickly to where they were supposed to meet me (About 10 minutes from the station which seemed a lot further when you are wearing high heels). But there was no one in sight. I called Sophia, asking where they were. I, then, hear Katie's voice telling me that they already passed where I was and were now quite far and could I catch the bus there?

I was obviously not very very happy. And I obviously let them know that. Katie said she was driving and gave the phone to Sophia who told me she'd call me back. A minute later, I get a call from Sophia telling me that they are turning around and coming to pick me up. And that they are very sorry and they didn't know what they were thinking.

Five minutes later, I get another call from them, telling me that they're lost and they don't know when they're going to be here. I offered to start walking towards their direction.

I ended up walking for another twenty minutes. All I wanted to do was snap my fingers and be at the hotel where our formal was supposed to be. However, real life is not a fairytale. It was weird how even though I felt a bit uncomfortable wearing an almost formal dress on the train but could not care less when I was walking in it through the city because I was too focused on fast-forwarding the time to when we are actually at the formal and didn't care at all what anyone on the street was thinking or if they were even looking at me.

While I was walking, I got a few calls and messages from people who were already there and wondering where I was. I didn't have the time to answer the calls or the messages because every few moments I called Sophia and asked her where they were and her answer was never what I wanted to hear (which would be "Right next to you").

Finally, we connected and I got into the car (while they were stopped at a traffic light). It was so windy my dress flew everywhere, almost flashing all the other cars. My feet hurt too much to be embarrassed. It's funny how pain can block out every bit of self-consciousness.

After they all apologised some more, Norma asked if I could drive so that Katie could change (since she was planning on coming early to decorate and was going to change later). I agreed and we changed places at the next traffic light. Everyone else was stressing so much, I had to calm them down. Being late was not the end of the world.

Everyone was calling us asking where we were. Katie got changed in the back seat which was a first for her. Sophia was at the front, trying to read a map (quite unsuccessfully). I had no idea where I was going. Norma was telling everyone to stop stressing and I told her to stop telling everyone to stop stressing because she seemed to be stressing the most. I said that it would be a funny story to tell everyone.

After a few failed attempts to find parking that didn't cost a fortune, we found a spot (that only cost half a fortune).

Katie lost a few things in the back seat while she was getting dressed. She, then, refused to get out of the car without her makeup which was silly because I wasn't even wearing any (except lip gloss). I'm sure she could've gone without.

We had to walk another fifteen minutes to the hotel. My feet were barely alive by then.

When we got there, there was no one there which was very unexpected. It turned out that everyone was outside in the courtyard. When they came inside, we told them we were there the whole time. Somehow, 95% of people didn't believe us.

The dinner was followed by lots of photo taking. Even though I brought my camera, I didn't take any because I was too lazy and thought I'd just get the photos from the other people. I regret this a bit now because I could've taken photos of specific groups of people that I wanted a photo with.

The gross girl (that I wrote about earlier) made out with her boyfriend the whole time. Another gross thing to add to her list.

We had some time for good-bye speeches that anyone who wanted to could make. Fabian couldn't resist the opportunity for so much attention. What he also couldn't resist was to mention me right at the end of his dumb speech. This of course encouraged everyone to look at me, cheer and yell inappropriate things. And there I was, thinking that Fabian got over trying to annoy me. At least I know that was his last chance ever to bring unwanted attention to me. I will never see him again. Well, other than the graduation but it's highly unlikely for him to say anything to/about me then.

That incident was a little uncomfortable but my main embarrassing moment was still to come. (Don't get too excited yet!)

After literally dragging my friends onto the dance floor because a fun night cannot possible go without dancing, I was starting to relax and enjoy the party.

Then, this guy who I've never properly spoken to for my three years of uni and who was showing off his one cool move over and over again, took my hand and pulled me into the centre of the dance floor.

I was so shocked that I couldn't dance properly. I tried to match his moves (which we can assume was learnt to impress) but I couldn't get the hang of it so I looked like an idiot in front of everyone who was dancing around us. I should've just stuck to standard club dancing and not stared at his feet the whole time, trying to copy what he was doing. That is one part of the night which I wish went better (i.e. we danced really impressively together) but it will be added to my list of 'moments I'd like to forget' and will therefore be another one of 'my moments that I will always remember'.

When I decided to stop my embarrassment and rejoin the other people who were not the centre of attention, the guy I was dancing with sort of held on to my shoulder and his hand slipped to where it was not supposed to. I'm still not sure if it was accidental because he didn't take it away fast enough. After that, I stuck to the outskirts of the dance area and stayed there till the end, chatting to my friends (who were not into dancing at all).

When the party (at the hotel) was finishing and everyone was hugging and kissing each other good-bye, I got hugged and kissed by people I've never even spoken to.

One guy, Bill, should learn to keep his saliva to himself. I felt like my cheek was brushed with a wet sponge. Sally also had that experience with him so we talked a bit about how gross it was.

The guy who I embarrassed myself with earlier gave me a hug that was a bit too long and too strong. I think he might've been drunk.

When I saw Justin coming my way, I tried to move away before he came to me but he managed to get to me. I wanted to yell at him to stop hugging people who don't want to hug you. This party was not supposed to be an excuse to get physically close to people who have never liked you. Why couldn't they (especially guys since they were doing most of the hugging and kissing) understand that? It seemed like there was a whole line of guys waiting to hug and kiss you. At one point I felt like saying (in a Queen-like sort of voice) "Who's next to have this honour?"

When I saw the drunk 30 year old who did our course hugging and kissing Sally (who was standing next to me), I moved faster than I had all night. I saw Sam and almost felt like hugging him myself because I've actually talked with him throughout my course and he wasn't as sleazy as the rest of them.

I've ended up hugging Sam a few times throughout the end of the night. I think he just forgot that we hugged already. A poor guy can get confused after so many girls! Even I lost count how many guys had 'the honour'. That number probably made up for the last few years when I didn't have any guy hugs (even if they were like the immature idiots that were in my course who'd I wouldn't want to ever hug again in the future).

I walked back to the station and waited for a train with Jason (one guy who's smart and mature enough not to hug every girl) and we had a nice appropriate conversation about our future and our years at uni. I wish there were more guys like him. Only more my type. It's easier to respect them and therefore be friends.

It's 2am already and I still have to finish packing before I leave. If I don't write in here before I go, I'll be back before Christmas with all the juicy (hopefully) details of my trip. Meanwhile, if you find you're sufferring from withdrawal symptoms because you can't live without knowing what's going on (or not going on) in my life, feel free to email me!

Thanks for reading my blog and I'll be back in a month to continue your reading pleasure :P

Progress Update

I finished one website layout but I'm not too happy with it. Somehow, I really doubt that I'd be able to finish everything by tonight.

I'm also pretty sure that there's no way that I'd be able to finish by library book by Saturday.

I think I might plan some more for my trip now. (This trip planning that I want to finish isn't completely necessary but it would be very useful in saving us a lot of time when we get there.)

Where My Thoughts Lead

I think April and I are way too obsessed with movies and TV shows. We see every event of our lives (no matter how small or insignificant) as a possible scene.

Anything that we find even remotely funny, we imagine how it would look like as part of a TV show or a movie. We are the main characters, of course. And everything revolves around us.

I don't remember where I saw this quote "Your purpose in life may be just to serve as a warning to others". Not that I believe in everyone having a purpose since I think everything happens by chance but that is such a depressing thought.

So if I believed that, my purpose in life would be to warn others that "If you're like me, you'll end up alone and crazy". And it might also be to make April feel better about being alone and crazy. But then her purpose might be to make me feel better about being alone and crazy. So what would be the point of having 2 people living just to make the other one feel better.

I think my thought process is leading me into bizzarre territory (like when nothing made sense in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass).

Time to go and read my library book. Really don't want to return it without finishing it and only coming back to it in a month.

Yay, I'm Not Stupid*

Tjej's blog entry today made me feel clever since I got it in about 2 seconds.

* I'm not saying that people who didn't understand are stupid. Just so we're clear.

New Generation

Ok, so I didn't finish any layouts. My excuse is that I felt a bit sick (from the homoepathic medications, which the doctor said would make me feel like that). And I didn't really finish the trip planning for the same reason. And didn't read the library book at all.

I'm sort of baby-sitting my cousin, Jenna, now. I think she's growing up because she no longer runs around like a lunatic, breaking everything in her way.

After she ate (and fed her clothes and everything that was around her), she wrote some stuff in her notebook and is now watching some cartoon her parents gave her, while running into the kitchen every now and then to take biscuits and feed them to the couch (fortunately it's leather and is easily cleaned). If my Mum wasn't home today, I'd probably already take the biscuits away. So many aren't good for her.

Knowing that there's a new generation of kids in my family, makes me feel old.

Friday night is the formal. Can't wait. I think I'm excited about it only because I get to wear a pretty dress - something that is extremely rare. In the morning I'm meeting Amelia so my main goal for this week will be achieved.

And then, I'm leaving. I know I've said this a hundred times before but I ABSOLUTELY can't wait!!!

Should

Should do the website layouts right now.
Should stop procrastinating so I can finish my trip planning.
Should finish my library book.
Should stop getting distracted by writing in here.

The Little Events of the Last Two Days

I was going to write something amusing but I completely forgot what.

I met up with Nadine today. She took me to a shoe outlet place near her house. After my 2 months search for shoes, I've found a pair that I'm relatively happy with. Nadine (or anyone, for that matter, who goes shopping with me) should be given a medal for their patience. I'm the pickiest person on the planet (and no, I haven't met everyone on the planet but I'm sure I'll be in the top 10, at least). Although, the clothes and shoes that I do own, I wear for ages.

After my shoe purchase, we went to Nadine's house and chatted there for a few hours. She told me how she can't wait for her 10 year reunion because she can bring one of her hot guy friends and show-off to everyone who gave her a hard time. She hated her high school with a passion (which was understandable since it was the high school of the primary school that I went to which I also hated; think - lots of snobby rich kids whose purpose in life is to make nice kids' lives hell). Even though she was always loud with me, she used to be very shy in high school but at uni she finally showed her real self so people (from her school) would definitely not recognise her.

I always wanted to show off at my high school reunion too (but I guess most people want to be seen as successful) but at the rate I'm going I don't even want to go to my high school reunion. I don't want to go if I'm single and have a boring 9 to 5 job. I always wanted to go to a 10 year reunion with my husband and tell everyone about my 2 wonderful kids and my exciting job at a TV/film studio.

I told April this a while ago and she said that she doesn't care if she's going to be single and living with her parents, she's still going to go and see how successful everyone else is. I told her to let me know when she gets back.

Since Nadine had to go to work at 3, she gave me a lift to the station and I went home.

My 'boss' called me in the morning to tell me that my original logo with his added suggestions was perfect and he now wants me to do his website. I was planning on meeting Amelia tomorrow but it'll have to be postponed till Friday since I have to do a few different layouts by Thursday.

I also got an email reply from the girl that I was planning on meeting in New York. She said she has to find out exactly which days her exams are so she can meet us on her free days. She seemed excited about it. It's kinda weird because I don't even really know her that well. We just talked a few times in class and when I mentioned going to America, she said to let her know when so she can meet us (since she lives near New York). I guess it'd be great to have a local show us around.

Oh my God, I SOOOOOO cannot wait!!! I can't believe I'll be leaving in less than a week (sorry, can't tell you the exact date because I'm paranoid people might recognise me since I've been talking about my trip with everyone).

Oh! Andy's girlfriend is leaving for over a month today! Ok, I'll try to be less happy. As one person pointed out, I should put this in perspective - she's not a murderer or a drug addict and she makes my brother happy. Andy was saying how a lot of guys ask her out and she might find someone else overseas. Secretly, I really hope so. I'm starting to feel ashamed of my selfish thoughts. But I guess thoughts can't hurt anyone. My brother deserves someone better. A lot better. She's lucky to have him at all.

I saw the Sex and the City final last night. I had a sneaking suspicion that they were going to reveal Mr Big's real name. He actually looked like a John. Even though I never watched it regularly, I was satisfied with the ending. And does anyone think that Samantha's boyfriend looks like Heath Ledger (especially when he had long hair)? I think the thing I liked most about the show was the women's friendship because I can really relate to it with my close friends.

It's kinda sad that so many good shows are ending. I wonder if there'll be any new ones that would really involve me.

Last night I was chatting to some of my uni friends and they were all complaining about not liking their formal dresses. I felt quite happy that I liked mine. Then I tried it on again and for some reason I didn't look good in it anymore. I looked so plain and ordinary. Oh well, can't change the way I look.

Yesterday something really cool happened. When I went to tutor my student for the last time and I was telling the mother that I wasn't sure who they were going to get as a replacement and the mother said to me, "Oh, we asked the agency not to give us any replacements because we'd like to stay with you.". I felt so overwhelmed with warmth because even though they paid full term fees, they didn't want anyone else but would rather wait for me. I told them that if I get a full time job, I'd have to make the lesson later and she said that she didn't mind because she was happy with me. It's little things like that that make a single girl like me really happy.

The Edge of Reason

I was just reading some message boards on IMDB about Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and I found this very amusing one.

Bridget Causes the "Silliness Syndrome"

I had quite a busy weekend.

Last night started with meeting April (straight after her shift at work) and Claudia. We were supposed to have dinner but we didn't have time to decide on where so we just ate at McDonalds. So my 'don't eat any junk food before the formal' plan didn't even have a chance. After that, we went to get movie tickets for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Just before we were about to buy them, Christine called Claudia to let us know that she can get us discount tickets when she gets here.

So there was the catch - wait for Christine (the Queen of Coming Late) and risk missing the beginning of the film or get bad seats OR buy the tickets and have the peace of mind. After April obsessively checked her watch ("Ok, 5 more minutes." 5 minutes later... "Ok, 2 more minutes" 2 minutes later... "One minute and that's it! Oh what the hell, I'm just going to buy them now"), April and I decided to get the tickets. Claudia decided to wait for Christine. April and I said that we were going to go into the cinemas and get the best seats. Then we walked to the entrance a bit too hurriedly and handed our tickets to the guy who checked them.

"Sorry, the cinema isn't ready yet. Come back in about 2 minutes," he said. Embarrassed April and I went back to Claudia who laughed at us. And quite rightfully so - we were behaving like fools. It was just a movie, after all, but it was a movie that April and I've been waiting a year for.

Exactly 2 minutes later we went back. I don't know why but we almost ran which was so stupid but we couldn't help it. The guy told us that the cinema was still not ready and he probably thought that we were crazy for thinking that he meant exactly 2 minutes. And we were crazy (but then again, that's our usual state).

April asked if we could go in anyway and wait outside our cinema. He let us. There were exactly 2 seats outside the cinema door so we assumed they were made especially for us. We sat down as if the whole movie was just for us. Some people started coming too and making a line at the door. We quickly got up and stood next to the line, right at the front. We were there first so we deserved our choice of seats. We prepared a nice plan in case worst came to worst. We were going to stand in front of the door with our arms blocking it and April (since she was wearing her work clothes and looked like she worked there) was going to tell everyone that the movie was going to be at the other cinema and that this was a private screening. The way it should've been.
While we were laughing hysterically at the image of us trying to prevent everyone from coming in, Christine and Claudia came and the doors were opened and everyone started to go in. April actually made some sort of squel that sounded like "Ah!" and quickly pushed in front of the others so we could walk in first. We were the second into the cinema and got our choice of seats. Christine and Claudia were rolling their eyes at our insanity.

As soon as we sat down, the memory of my last cinema visit (with Andrew) came to me and it wouldn't leave my mind. The only images I could see were the ones in my head of us talking before the movie. The same memory film (of our date) that had played in my mind many times started playing again. I tried to distract myself by talking with April but all I could focus was his smile and the words he said. It's like one mystery I will never solve. I will never find any clues in my memory of what happened and figure out some answer as to what went so wrong when we had such a good time.

All I could remember were all the hints that told me that I was going to surely see him again (him double checking he gave me the right number when I asked him, him saying that he'll tell me something the next time he sees me, him asking me if I liked the food, him telling me so much about his family, him teasing me, him laughing etc.)

He SO does not deserve so much of my memory space (something I only have a limited amount of). I guess I should look on the bright side - I saved $22 (since he paid for dinner). I will spend those $22 for all they're worth.

When the movie started, its wonderfullness blocked my memories and I got totally involved in Bridget Jones's life. April and I laughed more than others because there were so many little things that we could relate to (eg. putting the word 'boyfriend' into every sentence - something that we would so do). Claudia, later, told me that she didn't get why April was laughing so much (since she laughed louder than me and was sitting closer to her). Some bits were so hilarious that my stomach hurt from laughing.

The ending was very sweet (as expected) but I mentioned to April that the sad thing about it is that after we get to 34, we are not going to be able to relate to Bridget anymore.

After the movie, we went to Christine's place and played Pictionary. April and I were once again playing against Christine and Claudia. And once again, we lost. No one can compete with Claudia's genius guessing abilities. Christine would just draw one line and Claudia would know what it was straight away. Meanwhile April would forcefully and frustrated circle what she drew over and over again as I would unsuccesfully try and guess what her blob meant. It was fun nonetheless.

Yesterday was probably the last time I would see April before I leave. I don't know how I'm going to cope without talking to her almost every day. For the last year, especially, we've been each other's free counsellors and it'll be weird not to tell her (almost) every detail of my life for a month.

Today, I met up with Claudia and we went to some town festival. We hung around there for a while before Claudia's new friend, Mike, came. He's the most insecure guy I've met. It was hard to believe he was our age (not only because he looked 14 but because he was so unsure of himself). He wanted to eat but couldn't decide what. Every time we'd stop in front of some place and ask him if he wanted to eat there, he'd say "I don't know". And we did?

I told him that he'd have to decide himself because we didn't know what he wanted. After about 30 minutes, he managed to pick a place. He'd also fakely laugh at every comment I'd make. I get that he was just trying to be friendly but it makes me feel like he thinks I'm being funny when I'm not. Something that happens quite often with people who just meet me. It's part of my personality to make comments about things and people who don't know me think I'm trying to be funny. April thinks that it's hilarious that people think I make sad jokes when I'm being serious/friendly. I think I should just stop commenting (although that's what usually makes me make friends with people).

Christine was supposed to come and meet us but she called when we were already leaving. Claudia and Mike went to meet her and Evan but I decided to go home because I was supposed to call back my 'boss' about the 'work' since he called me last night and this morning just before I was leaving. He decided (or more like his girlfriend) that my original logo was more suitable so now I have to make a combination of my original logos. Will do that tomorrow.

I also found out that I had a missed call from my brother's girlfriend. This isn't the first time she called me. She also called last week to remind me to tape a show for my brother. I really don't want to talk to her. I'll tell Andy to call me himself if he needs something.

There are still so many things to do next week before I leave. My main goal is to see Amelia before I go. I'm starting to miss her because I haven't seen her in SOOOO long.

It's going to be so weird with only Claud still being at uni next year. No more meeting up for lunch. April might stay on at uni and do a post-grad course but it won't be at the same one as Claudia. All of our lives are going to be changing so much next year.

Why Guys Act Like Idiots, Big Sister Duties and the Irony of Confession

I get some interesting search queries that show my blog in the results. The latest one was "why do guys act like idiots". I can't believe that someone actually was looking for an answer to that. They are not going to find any such wisdom in my blog.

As my brother would explain anyone acting the way they do - "They can't help it, it's the way they are". Which I guess is the reason why he is so tolerant to everyone.

I don't know if I can really agree with that because I feel like people can change their behaviour. I guess they can't change their basic fundamental personality but people do have some will power over their actions.

As for why guys (or anyone for that matter) act like idiots, I'd love to know too. Must be a combination of genes and environment, like most (or even all) personality traits are.

Now, to the topic of my brother and his girlfriend. Yesterday, for the first time, he actually organised a real plan for their date (not just meeting up for no reason) and she cancelled at the last minute which made him quite upset since he put a lot of effort into it. So I had to try to be the understanding big sister without saying "I never liked her anyway".

We had a nice chat about everything which made me realise that the reason I'm so against his girlfriend is because I never get to see or talk to him anymore since he's always with her.

He said that he really hates it when I say that I don't like his friends/girlfriend because he starts to doubt them too since he's so influenced by my opinions so I told him that I won't say it anymore. All the complaints will be saved for this blog. (As they always are anyway.)

Yesterday was also quite an interesting day for me because I crashed the car for the first time since I got my licence. I crashed it twice when I was trying to get out of the wrong exit of a parking lot. I'm sure all the cars waiting for me had an amusing show of me trying to turn the car at an impossible angle and bumping into the front sidewalk and then the back one.

When I got home, I quickly decided to assess the damage and consider all the pros and cons of telling my parents. There was a significant dent at the front and some plastic came off at the back so I decided to confess because it would've been worse if my parents found out themselves.

So I showed my Mum and she took it better than I expected. She said, "These dents were already here. Your Dad did those". I wasn't expecting that response, although the dents did look too high up for what I hit. We looked for any other evidence of what I did and we couldn't find anything.

So I could've gotten away without telling. I could've saved that sort of confession for a next time when there would be actual visible proof so I wouldn't get another lecture how I should be more careful.

Oh well, that's life.

Blah Blah Blah

I'm sick of covering up for my brother. I wish my parents would stop asking me where he is all the time. I was thinking that I should convince Andy to tell our parents about his girlfriend but then if they knew, they'd start a pity party for me and I really don't need that.

I finished another logo for 'work' (maybe one day soon I will stop putting quotation marks around it). I showed my Mum and she started laughing which was the perfect reaction since my 'boss' wanted it to make people happy.

Talked with Nadine and we are going to meet up next week. (If she doesn't cancel at the last minute to keep up her tradition.) I don't even remember the last time I saw her. In March? A long time ago. Although she did know about the Bus Guy so it must've been after May. Hmm. Still a while ago.

Talked with Claudia on Tuesday which was nice. She's the sweetest person. Should call Amelia to meet up with her before I go since she can't meet us on the weekend because of her work. Haven't seen her for a while too. Haven't talked with April for a week (which is a long time for her and me) but she's been very busy with her assignments so it's understandable.

Judging by how often I write in here just goes to show how little I've been doing lately (or maybe more if I have more stuff to write about...)

Since lots of bloggers have been doing the following, I will too since I have nothing substantial to write.

A YEAR AGO, I:
1. Had the first long phone conversation with Max.
2. Was not 100% sure about going to America
3. Was working in retail.
4. Was writing a movie script with April.
5. I could not imagine going on a real date that I'd really enjoy and then get rejected in such a silly way.

YESTERDAY, I:
1. Went to meet my 'boss' to discuss what he wanted.
2. Sent my travel insurance form.
3. Got free TV show tickets to go to when we'll be in LA.
4. Emailed April about Saturday.
5. Found wonderful old comments that I've never read before.

TODAY, I:
1. Have made a new logo.
2. Talked with Lauren.
3. Talked with Nadine.
4. Felt bad about not liking my brother's girlfriend.
5. Read some more of "The Bronze Horseman" in the hope of finishing it before I leave.

Five things I would buy with $10,000:
1. Trip to America
2. Hair curling iron
3. Clothes
4. Shoes and accessories
5. Everyone's Christmas presents

Top five locations I would run away to:
1. USA (I'll be running away there next week!)
2. Scandinavia
3. France
4. Hawaii
5. Japan

Five things that scare me:
1. Death
2. Excrutiating long term physical pain
3. Being single for the rest of my life and never experiencing true love
4. Rejection
5. Public speaking

Five things that make me laugh:
1. Andy
2. Friends (especially April)
3. Funny TV shows/movies/books
4. Unusual/absurd events
5. Myself

Five things I hate:
1. Evil people (eg. terrorists)
2. Religion
3. Smoking, getting drunk, drugs
4. Being overly sensitive sometimes
5. Medicine not advancing enough to help people

Five things in my room:
1. My bed
2. My travel stuff
3. Books
4. My uni stuff
5. My desk

Right now I am:
1. In love with Maroon 5 old songs (when they used to be Kara's Flowers).
2. Looking forward to America.
3. Tired but restless.
4. Taking homeopathic treatment (it's actually helping my urticaria).
5. Wishing I had RG

Five things I plan to do before I die:
1. Get happily married
2. Have happy kids
3. Make a positive difference to someone's life
4. Travel
5. Get a job that I enjoy

Five things I can do:
1. Waste time
2. Play piano
3. Get excited about new things
4. Lie well
5. Think logically (even though my actions don't always follow)

Five things I can't do:
1. Sing
2. Get a boyfriend
3. Play piano by ear
4. Get over my obsession with getting married young
5. Be attracted to a guy younger than me

Five things I love:
1. Dancing
2. Great music
3. Nice surprises
4. Reading
5. Being appreciated

Being Selfish

My brother asked if it's ok if he invites his girlfriend over today and I don't know why but I was totally against the idea. It's so selfish of me and I wish I didn't care. But for some reason I just don't like his girlfriend. I'm still not sure why. She's nice, smart, pretty and she really likes my brother. Maybe it's the over-protective big sister streak in me but I don't think that's it because I wouldn't mind him going out with Jen (a family friend).

The more I think about it the more I feel that it might be because I can't relate to this girl. She's too perfect. She acts too cute, too nice, she's too tall. And she doesn't seem to have a sense of humour. She's like the most standard nice guy's perfect girlfriend.

And when I asked my brother if she has said anything about me, and he said that after meeting me she said, "I'm sure she's the nicest person!", that kind of condescension really annoyed me.

Andy is taking Jen to his formal because he asked her before he started going out with Vanessa and Vanessa isn't even going to be here for his formal. I wish Jen liked my brother enough to want to go out with him because at least she's a real person who's not perfect and she is very clever and funny.

I wish I'd just like Vanessa because it's never a good idea to have a conflict with my brother's girlfriend 'cause that's not fair to him. I'd hate it if Andy didn't like my boyfriend.

Or maybe I'm so against her coming over because I don't want to see yet another happy couple right under my nose.

Surprise Comments

I was just reading through my old entries and I found new comments that have been posted a month after I've written the entry. What a nice surprise! It was 10 comments from one person! And he/she said one of the nicest things readers have ever said about my blog (and there have been lots of people lately saying nice things which makes me feel extremely good). I think I will just read it over and over again now.

My Career

I met up with my 'boss' today to show him what I've done and see what exactly he had in mind since I actually haven't spoken to him until today.

It turns out he has very unrealistic expectations - he wants the logo to be an 19th Century Art masterpiece. I tried to explain to him that a logo has to be simple and he agreed but he still wants an illustration fit to be a movie with lots of characters and a complicated backdrop.

*Sigh*

I came up with an idea that would still capture the feeling that he wants but without millions of details. Really hope he likes it because I honestly don't think it's possible to create what he wants. I talked to my Dad about it 'cause he always has good ideas about such things and he totally agreed with me. And he really liked my idea (which is rare).

Now I just have to make my idea a reality and use my communication (i.e. manipulation) skills to convince the guy that I know what I'm talking about. Especially that he seemed to really want me to agree with his choice.

Ahh, this is what my design career will be like - lots of clients with unrealistic expectations. Can't wait!

Songs That Touch The Heart

Songs That Touch The Heart

She sits all alone reading books and drinking wine
Admires all the cracks by the doorway
She tries to look happy but shes slowly running out of smiles
Gracefully wasting away

Who is gonna make the birds sing?
Who is gonna be her everything?
Everyday goodbyes

She foolishly tries to convince herself that she'll be fine
She blows all her kisses to noone
As the phone rings again, she just closes her eyes
She covers her ears and screams "please not today!"

Who is gonna make the birds sing?
Who is gonna be her everything?
Everyday goodbyes

She cries and then she sighs
And gets down on her knees yelling "I don't believe what has happened to me"
She cries and then she sighs
And gets down on her knees yelling "i don't believe what has happened to me"

Who is gonna make the birds sing?
Who is gonna be her everything?
Everyday goodbyes.

I love Maroon 5.

Sign of Age

Sign of Age

I just realised that people being too cute doesn't impress me anymore. I think it's a sign I'm getting older.

Dear Reader,

Dear Reader,

I feel kinda restless now. So I'll do what I usually do in those situations - ramble here.

I've been wanting to say something about this here for a while now but didn't get around to it until now. I was going to say that it's really cool to have readers comment regularly. It makes me feel like I have a secret blog life with a secret circle of people that know more about me than some people in my real life since it's so easy to be open anonymously.

And what I really like about this is that I probably wouldn't even talk to some of you if I met you in real life because of a number of things such as large age difference and location and just a different place in life, yet it's so easy to talk to you here because there are no preconceived notions of what you or I are like in our daily lives and everything is so neutral because there are no expectations of anything. Everyone can be completely honest without any repercussions. It's like, it's just lots of minds talking to each other and nothing else comes into it. Not age, not looks, not status nor your place in society. That is one reason I would never meet anyone who reads my blog.

Anyway, I think this sort of arrangement is very cool.

Work and Friends

Work and Friends

I've done a number of different logos now and my 'work day' hasn't finished yet. Can't start on the web site yet because my 'boss' has to approve the logo first.

(As you can probably tell, I love saying how this logo and website designing is like a proper job.)

Yesterday when I told April about this 'job', she said that I 'always get everything without doing anything'. It makes me laugh just thinking about that because the last few good things have happened like that but before, I used to feel that I never got what I wanted without working hard for it and used to be amazed at how Nadine got everything without doing anything. April and my friendship is starting to feel like such a reverse of my friendship with Nadine.

Last few times I've talked to Nadine, all we talked about was uni and me going to America. I cannot believe that those general topics are the only things we can discuss now when before we used to talk about everything. But April and I are more similar than Nadine and I so hopefully won't drift apart so much.

Mystery Solved

Mystery Solved

It was my brother calling from his girlfriend's phone.

Mystery Caller

Mystery Caller

I've done one logo so I'm allowed one distraction.

About half an hour ago someone called my mobile but since I was in another room and didn't hear it straight away, I missed the call. It said it was from some number I didn't know. First thing that came into my mind was that it was from Andrew (who might've gotten a new number which would explain why he didn't get my other call and message) but then I told myself that was highly unlikely because why would he call me from work? And he could've also called me from his home number before.

I hate how even though I've stopped expecting him to call since last week, something as small as getting a call from an unknown number would bring all this hope back. Argh. And I know it's not from some company (eg. travel agent, tutoring agency etc) because they all have private numbers and they leave messages on my voicemail and they don't call from mobiles. They call from their office phones. So it was probably just a wrong number. Yep, that's what it was.

Ok, back to work.

Home Work and Other Things To Do

Home Work and Other Things To Do

I got a job. Well, sorta since I'm not sure if I'm going to get paid for it (depends on how much they like it) but I don't care. It's going to be great work experience.

I have been asked to design a logo and a website for a friend of a family friend. I can do all this from home which I guess doesn't make it seem like a real job. Maybe I'll put on proper work clothes when I do this so I can focus better. Otherwise it would just feel like some uni assignment which I do in short blocks (depending on when I get stuck) and make trips to the kitchen in search of snacks and get distracted by the internet (especially writing here).

Although they are not in a rush, I've given myself a 2 week deadline so I can get it done before I leave for America. I will start from tomorrow and will set specific work hours and a lunch hour so I can get into some routine.

Here's my plan:

9-10: start work
1-2: lunch
4: finish

Great work day, huh? I think so too.

Oh, and no music while working. No wait, maybe a little. Only if I work faster. Will pretend my boss is in the next room (to make me get less distracted).

I'll see how it goes.

Now that there's only 2 weeks till America, I'm starting to realise how many things I still haven't done.

Still need to get travel insurance.
Still need to buy Disneyland and Universal Studios tickets.
Still need to email that American girl to see if she wants to meet us in New York.
Still need to call the tutoring agency so they can find someone to replace me.
Still need to finish all library books.
Still need to get shoes.
Still need to get a ticket to a TV show.
Still need to get everyone's Christmas presents because there won't be enough time when I get back.
Still need to alter my dress for the formal.

Still need to write a proper list of things to do.

Wish of Wit and Cleverness

Wish of Wit and Cleverness

I've always wanted my blog to be full of witty and clever observations on life. But then again, who doesn't? (Most, probably, just don't think about it.)

I've also wanted some funky design for my blog but since I can never decide on what I want it to look like, I just stick with the boring Blogger style. At one point I even decided to just change the background colour to a slightly different shade of purple/morone and see if anyone would notice but it just looked wrong so I left it this way. I think that as long as this blog exists (either forever or until someone I know finds it and recognises who I am), this design is the only one it will have.

Not Quite Over and Famous People

Not Quite Over and Famous People

It feels strange now that I've finished my uni assignments a few days early. Very unexpected. No one else has finished which makes me think that I should've done more work. Hopefully I'll be able to scrape through with a pass with the work that I have done.

April and the others are not not going to be finishing for a while. Some still have exams. Claudia is the only one who has finished already (apart from me). We should've organised to meet up today. Oh well.

Next week we are all meeting up for a little farewell party for me and Claud (cos she's going overseas as well). We'll be watching Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. I've been waiting to watch that movie since I read the book. I remember I even posted a few entries about it here and here.

I also found Zach Braff's blog. You know, the main guy from Scrubs. It's great to read famous people's blogs to see that they are just ordinary people. (Which most of us know deep inside but it's still nice to know directly.) He gets over a 1000 comments for each post. Not surprising considering he is a celebrity. Speaking of actors being ordinary people, Renée Zellweger sounded so down-to-earth on that Oprah special yesterday.

No Pressure = Inspiration

No Pressure = Inspiration

It's funny how now that I've finished my course, I have all this new creative energy that's been missing for the last 3 years when I needed it. I've been designing a Flash photo album for some of my digital photos. I'm actually having fun doing it when there's no pressure to get good marks and finish by deadlines and make it good enough to put in my portfolio. It's just for me and I can do however I like it and take as long as I want.

And there I was having the common graduate student crisis - "Do I even want to have this career for the rest of my life?"

Finally

Finally

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! I finished my final assignment!!!! (Well, as much as I can be bothered to finish it.)

I decided to browse through some job ads and was confirmed my feeling that getting a job is not going to be easy. There are lots of positions for my career but they all require years of experience and professional portfolio work and knowledge of programs that I've never used and can't get my hands on.

I think I will try to get some free work experience first.

Mummy

Mummy

My Mum saw that girl that knows Andrew yesterday and although I asked her not to say anything to her, she just couldn't help herself. I'm still not exactly sure what she said but she told me that the girl's boyfriend (who's friends with him) can never reach him on his mobile and has to call his home number.

I won't be calling his home number though because he can call me himself if he wants to. One message and one phone call is more than enough from my side.

My Mum was also telling me how she talks to some two good-looking 27 year olds at her post-grad course and that one of them is always asking her to introduce him to someone but she said she didn't know anyone, because they're too old for me and because she knows I don't like guys who pester people much older than them to introduce them to someone. But it's kinda funny though for my Mum who gets amused by them. Here's apparently how their conversation goes:

Guy: Do you know any beautiful girls for me?
Mum: All you want is someone beautiful!
Guy: Fine, they don't have to be beautiful. I just want some nice POBian girl.
Mum: so you just want someone POBian?
Guy: I just want a girlfriend. You must know someone.
Mum: nope, no one.

I bet that guy has a crush on my Mum or something. I don't know why but that's kinda funny. Anyway, guys having crushes on my Mum is understandable. She's in her early 40s but looks like she's in her late 30s and people always say she's got a news reporter/actress face. I can kinda imagine her reading the news, although her voice isn't stern enough. And one of her old bosses kept buying her gifts. My Dad didn't seem to mind. He'd laugh about it with my Mum.

Never thought I'd say this but I actually wouldn't mind turning out like my Mum because everyone loves her and she has a lot of discipline (something that's lacking in me). She always gets things done. And she has good judgement.

Anyway, this just turned out into an entry about how wonderful my Mum is, even though she does things I ask her not to. But I guess it's good to reflect sometimes how lucky I am to have my family.

Now, back to the last part of my assignment. There's still hope that I can finish it today.

What Is Marriage?

What Is Marriage?

Why are some people so against gay marriages? It should be none of anyone's business but the couple's if they want to marry each other or not. It drives me crazy wondering why some people are so against it. It's hard enough as it is to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with only to have some dumb law not allow it. Love between people (gay or straight) should be recognised and celebrated. The gay couples who want to get married are going to live like a married couple whether the law recognises it or not so why not treat them as married and give them the same benefits as married couples get.

This issue really frustrates me because it is so illogical. No one is going to have a worse life if gay couples get married. Why take away from other people's happiness?

Just Annoyed

Just Annoyed

I messaged him yesterday but he didn't reply. How rude. It's not that hard to write a message saying "Sorry, but I can't". He wouldn't have even had to tell me over the phone. How freaking cowardly can you get?

Like April said, it would've been like taking off a bandaid - painful but quick.

If he can't even do something as simple as reply to my message, I've completely overestimated him.

Yesterday I was wondering why it would be so hard for a guy to reply to a message, saying he didn't want to meet up. What would make me not reply to a guy's message if it was the other way around. And I had a thought. He might be on the border of getting together with some other girl but since he's not sure if it would work out, he doesn't want to tell me a definite no.

This, of course, doesn't make me feel any better.

Got yet another email from Max. He obviously decided that it's ok to start flirting with me. He's very wrong. First of all, I'm not in the mood for some guy who I don't even really like that much to think it's ok to do nothing but send me silly emails. And secondly, I don't flirt with guys who are scared to do anything. It's too hard to like a guy who I feel like I can only relate to on a childish level. He reminds me of the level I relate to Nadine. He talks to me like I'm some 16 year old and don't see through his annoying cutesiness. The same cutesiness that gets to me in my brother's girl friends.

Can't wait for America to take my mind off everything and just focus on enjoying myself for all the money I've worked for over the last few years.

Break From Uni

Break From Uni

I've been doing uni work and one part of my assignment that I thought would take 3 days, actually took me an hour. Such a phenomenon happens so rarely that I should take advantage of it and finish the other stuff early too. And I have started on them but I'm getting so tired of writing essays and reports. It feels like I'm never going to finish. I wish I could just fast forward to Monday (the last day to hand it in).

America is getting so close, I can almost touch it. I hope the craziness with their elections won't affect my trip too much. There's always terrorism at the back of my mind but I can't let it get to me because otherwise I might as well stay home all my life and never venture anywhere.

I still need to get shoes that I can take there because all my ones are so old they're falling apart - not a good thing when we are going to be walking A LOT. Can't even remember what it's like to have below 0 temperatures and snow! I just remember that nice feeling when it's snowing but not too cold and everyone's cheeks get a really nice red glow and your skin feels really clear. And I loved how when it's snowing, the windows get pretty frosty patterns on them.

And hopefully, Lauren and I are going to miss at least some of the Australian summer heat when it's impossible to breathe. It's going to be great. It can't not be. I'm putting myself in that laid-back holiday mood where if something doesn't go to plan it's just another chance at a spontaneous adventure. Like the time when my Mum, my brother and I were returning from POB and our plane was so late that we missed our connecting flight and we had to spend a night at Singapore. Some people were annoyed about that but I thought that it was great because I don't think I would have ever gone there otherwise.

So if things go to plan, it's going to be great and if not, it might be even better. As long as there are no dangerous surprises. I can definitely do without those.

Manipulation

Manipulation

This is going to be a bit generalised but one thing I've learnt with Max (and I know all guys are not like him) is that it doesn't take much to change a guy's mind (especially if it's not totally made up, and sometimes even when it is). There were so many times when Max didn't want to talk to me but then did a 180 and would contact me all the time just because of what I would say.

And it's not just Max. I usually find it so easy to change people's minds so that they can see my way. The trick is to know what the other person's like and hit their buttons. With Max, that involved knowing when to make a joke and when to be serious and when to give him some time.

With my brother, the only way to change his mind is to use logic to show him how my way is actually better for him. Same goes with my parents.

With lecturers, the easiest way to get my way is to show them that I know everything they do but let them think that you know they're in charge.

To get the best out of sales people you have to show them that you know more than they do and they can't trick you.

I can keep going with this list but I guess the general rules are to be nice and know more than they do.

So this brings me to my problem. How can I change Andrew's mind if I don't know him well enough? And why would I want to change his mind if he doesn't like me? Because I have no dignity, that's why. And because I still can't understand why he didn't like me. In my mind it makes more sense for there to be some extraordinary excuse than for him not to like me.

I should just accept that I'm not as wonderful as I think I am.

I even came up with a sort of humourous message to send him because people usually warm up to humour (if it's not too obvious). But I don't know if I will. I guess I could. I have nothing to lose. My sanity, pride and other important qualities have been long gone.

I think I'm being silly like this because this is the closest I have ever come to having some sort of relationship with a guy who I liked. And if I give it up, I'm back to where I started from and I don't want to go back there just yet.

On The Border of Adulthood

On The Border of Adulthood

I went to uni today to hand in one of my assignments and right after I left, I realised that today was my last day at uni. Ever. I still have one assignment to hand in but I (most likely) won't have to go to uni for that. Sometimes time seems to drag on and on but then you look back and realise how quickly it went.

From next week I'll have to do real adult things, like look for a full-time job. It's scary and exciting at the same time. But mostly scary. I don't think I'm looking forward to a real job as much as I looked forward to uni. But maybe if I don't have high expectations, it might turn out to be better.

And my trip is approaching faster.

Andy asked about what happened with Andrew. I told him to guess and amazingly he guessed right. He thinks I should call just so I can get a definite no. Everyone is telling me to do different things, it's confusing. Some are saying that I should call one more time to be sure and others are telling me to just get over it. In my opinion that regardless of my phone call yesterday, if he was interested he would call himself.

I think I'm almost ready to put Andrew into my 'funny life stories' files. Not that it was very funny but I'm sure I'll laugh about it later. It's good that it happened because it made my week more interesting and I did have a few days of hyper happiness (even though it was on a fake basis).

Creepy

Creepy

Time for a little anecdote.

Yesterday when I was driving to work and stopped at a traffic light (at which I had to turn) and waited for some people to cross the road. One of these people, an old man, came up to my car. And me being the suspicious person that I am, started to close the window slowly but not fully (because to be fair he could've just wanted to ask something normal and not be some creep about to get into my car and kidnap me).

Now, who wants to guess what the old man said?

He told me that I should move more forward so I don't hit anything when I turn. I mumbled a thanks and wondered if he used to be some driving instructor or something. Even though I still have the P plates, did he not realise that I had a licence and knew how to make a right turn? A turn that I've been making for more than a year now! Then I thought, what if there was something on the road that I didn't see?

As I turned, surprise surprise, I didn't hit anything.

I was a bit confused by what the point was of the man telling me to move forward. Maybe he was some creep. It's good that I had all the other doors locked.

That incident reminded me of another creepy old man incident that happened when I was in high school. I was waiting at my train station for the train to school when some weak looking old man with an unmbrella (an important object in this story) came up to me and said "Thinking of a boy, eh?" and I laughed thinking it was some old person joke and said, "No" and he poked me with his umbrella and said, "You looked like you were somewhere else" and that point I didn't look as friendly. Even old people have no right to poke me. And I said something like, "I just have a test today" and then he poked me again which made me realise that this old man wasn't just some innocent old person. He was a creep. So I pushed his umbrella back at him, hoping I wouldn't hurt him too much because I didn't want to kill anyone, even if he was some creep. I think I took him by surprise and he left.

Now that I think about these 'creep' stories, I'm realising there've been quite a few in my life. One of the worst ones was my second driving instructor that I got when my first one went on a holiday. He would always ask me personal questions that were none of his business and when I'd make a mistake, he'd always say, "If it wasn't for me, you could've crashed. What would you do without me?" and he would just go on and on about it for the whole hour how good it was that he was with me. That really used to annoy me because I was paying him to be patient and not snap at me like that.

And when I had enough of him and got another instructor, he'd call me up and ask why I was getting another one and what was wrong with him. And he'd call months after I got the new one (who was wonderful). And after I got my licence, I got a call from the agency (that he worked for), asking why I dropped him. I had a strong urge to tell them exactly why but for some reason I didn't and said that I was busy and couldn't talk (something I said to the creep when he kept calling me).

Anyway, I'm glad that's over. Hopefully there won't be any creeps for a while.

Rejected

Rejected

I called him and no one picked up. His mobile should say that he got a missed call from me. He either ignored my call or got it and decided not to call back. Either way, that makes him a coward. He should at least have the decency to call back and say he's not interested, rather than ignore it.

Oh well, he's not worth it then.

I'm more annoyed at myself for misjudging him and last Sunday. I truly thought it went well and he seemed to have a good time and he even referenced a 'next time' which I guess was pretty mean if he didn't plan on having a 'next time'.

Maybe he read my blog and recognised himself. How ironic that my blog would drive a guy away. Although I really doubt that happened. Maybe he found himself a girlfriend last week. I can come up with a few more 'maybe's but there's no point.

It's time to move on.

A Real Excuse

A Real Excuse

Fine, if he's going to be like that, I'll have to call him then. I was planning on calling him tonight to make plans for the weekend but I realised that I have a doctor's appointment on Saturday morning so if I meet him on Saturday night or Sunday, I won't have any time to finish my final assignment by Monday. The only hope is to finish it by Saturday by I don't see that happening.

Argh. I don't know if it's going to be weird if I don't call him for another week. I really should stop wasting my time writing in here and get back to my assignment so I can have any hope of finishing it by Saturday.