A Day Just To Think

Today was a wonderful day of absolutely nothing. I wish it wasn't over.

It's so nice just to be able to sleep in and read and catch up on some people's blogs and just nothing much.

Went to the homoepath in the morning, but she just gave me more stuff. I'm so sick of constantly taking medicine. I don't even remember what it was like not to have to take anything. Stupid gallbladder. It ruined everything. Anyway, I've been doing well not dwelling about it but today I just started to reflect on my annoying condition and some self-pity set in. Must remember things could be worse. A lot worse. It's not like I'm in pain. Just itchy. Not like it's life-threatening or anything. Just a nuisance.

Maybe I'll just think of how interesting it would be to have a South American boyfriend. Or friend. God, I'm so easy for guys to chat up. It's kinda funny actually to think of myself as 'easy'. Or the type that chats up strange guys. Although, they were the ones who started talking to me first. It's weird remembering how before I wouldn't dream of encouraging strange guys to talk to me.

You know, the 'guys on public transport' thing started in high school. There were numerous guys who tried talking to me when I was catching the train home. Will never forget the surfie guy who sat next to me and said, "Do you want to see something really cool?" and even though I ignored him, he took out his water bottle wrapped in a towel and said, "Even in this hot weather, my water stays cold". And I just raised my eyebrows, gave my friend (sitting opposite me) a look and wished the weirdo would leave.

Or this other time when some guy (from another school) started talking to me and then when I got off at my train station, he got off just to ask if he could have my number and I said "No".

There was another time in the later years of high school when Allison and I were sitting near the water one night talking and some guy sat next to me and said, "How are you?" and I just gave him a death stare, stood up and got Allison to move somewhere else with me.

I was suspicious of every guy. I don't know why.

But even though I acted like the ice queen, I was secretly pleased to have all this attention.

I wonder why I was like that. Maybe my parents telling me that I shouldn't talk to strangers when I was little got too deeply ingrained or something.

And right now, I'm the total opposite. If a guy doesn't seem too sleazy, I'd talk to him. I just realised that thinking every strange guy is a potential murderer or some other dangerous psycho isn't very realistic or helpful. I mean, you never know what a wonderful person you might meet if you give them a chance. That's my new way of thinking. This doesn't mean I'm naive to do something stupid. I just decided to be more open and not think the worst of people before I get to know them.

Please please please David doesn't smoke or get drunk or is religious or dangerous. Everything else I can deal with. If he's religious, I could always just keep him as a friend.

Anyway, I bet nothing good will happen anyway so I won't have to worry about these things.