I Want It All

I have found a really witty blog that really interested me but then when I read how the blogger is completely content and happy because of her husband and child, I just couldn't read it anymore. Reading about other people's happy love lives makes me feel even worse about mine. It's horrible that I'm at the stage where other people's happiness makes me more depressed.

I hate how my life is passing me by so fast and I can't stop it. Getting my job involved a lot of luck and being at the right place at the right time, so why can't I be lucky in love.

I always said that I'd be able to be happy with having RG and nothing else but I could never be totally happy with everything else but RG.

For some people, their careers are enough or their family and friends are enough. Why can't my life just be enough for me. I feel so spoilt even writing this. So many people would only wish for my life. Am I one of those people who can never be happy? I sincerely hope not.

Sometimes I think, "Would I be really happy if I had RG but not my family?". What if I couldn't talk to my brother ever again or not have my parents' support, or no friends to like me for me, could I really be happy?

I imagine for a tiny moment what it'd be like if I got home to find something horrible happened to my brother and then the next day I find RG. But even thinking that makes me so terribly sick that I vow I'd rather never have a relationship than something bad happening to my brother. Or my parents.

Why can't I just have everything?