Just As You Are

"You're everything I never knew I always wanted"

- Fools Rush In

David: You know those pills [first of all, I prefer not to call my naturopathy medication that but fine] you take? What if you want to have a family? Would they have an effect if you have kids?

Oh. My. God. He's thinking of having kids with me?! Ok, jealousy monster gone. I reassured him that there's no way vitamin type herbs could have any negative effects if I have kids.

I started worrying that my mysterious disease was getting to him. I asked him and he said, "Actually it does worry me". Well, nice to know. And I was doing such a good job trying not to let it bother me. I told him that I wished I didn't have to take anything but there was nothing I could do about it so I decided to not let it stress me out. Then, he said, "I'm kidding!" I asked if he was sure and he assured me he was.

As you can probably tell from my last few posts, I'm getting quite stressed about my extended job search. I tried not to bring it up 'cause I still worry what he thinks of me and don't want him to think I'm getting depressed or anything. Then I thought, he's my boyfriend, I should be able to tell him when I'm not feeling the best. So when he asked if I was ok, I told him. I said I didn't want to make a big deal out of it even though it was. I shouldn't have underestimated him. He was so so sweet. Told me to always tell him when I was worried about anything because he wanted to be there for me. Said something was going to come up and just not to give up.

My Mum said half-jokingly that if I can find a guy to put up with me, that's good enough. My view of RG is slowly changing. I'm realising that all I need is someone to understand me and always support me. So David was never the perfect guy I've had in mind but even with all his bad points, he's always accepted me the way I am. Plus he brings out the best in me which in turn makes it easier for him to accept me.

Lately, every time I stop talking to him, I immediately start to miss him. Reminds me of "I Miss You" song by Darren Hayes. I used to love that song when I was single and wished I had someone to miss so much and to miss me. It's like a dream to have this reality.

You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on.

It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too.

[The last two lines relate to me too well. I remember quite clearly when I almost followed David to the toilet and April intervened, "Stop following him everywhere!"]

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you.