Compromises

You wouldn't believe it but I had to turn down another job. I'm serious.

Alyson called to ask me to design a website for some company which was planning on paying me. I would've liked to do it but I barely have enough time for two jobs.

I think I'll have to get used to coming home and continuing working.

I went to meet with the marketing manager at the new company yesterday and she already gave me work due tomorrow. Usually it wouldn't take me long to come up with something good but yesterday I was so stuck. I was falling asleep by 8 o'clock.

David called just as I was about to close my eyes. We had a fight. A very stupid one that made me really upset.

He told me that when he starts working full-time, he'd like to take the 4 weeks annual leave in one go. I told him I'd much rather spread it out over the whole year. Then he was like, "This is interesting..." in the "I don't like that" tone. Then he said, "Now, I'm getting to really know you. Another thing we disagree on". And the way he said it was like it was the biggest problem! I mean freaking annual leave! Who cares?! I told him he could take his one month holiday while I divide mine throughout the year (if I even plan on using up the whole four weeks). Then he said, "What's the point of me taking four weeks, if you don't?"

I got a little sick of the argument so I said, "If it makes you happy, we can take turns. One year I'll take four weeks in one go and in another we spread it out". Then he said, "No! Why should I?! I want for us both to take one month every year". That obviously got me annoyed.

I said, "What's wrong with a compromise?" and he replied, "Maybe there are some things I don't want to compromise on". That would've made me laugh if I wasn't so annoyed with him making such a big deal out of nothing. I said, "Then we have a problem because compromise is very important". He said, "I'm starting to think there are too many things we have to comprimise on. We don't have much in common." Then, he tried to list things we did have in common and he came up with 'salsa' and 'chocolate mud cake'.

I got so mad!!! I mean, why the hell was he listing things, like he was trying to justify staying together? I stopped saying anything. He asked if I wanted to go to sleep. I said I did and hung up. Then I started crying because I let myself get to a point where all I wanted was him and I was willing to do anything just so we could be together. And once you get to that point, it's too difficult to let go.

I thought of calling him back and telling him I loved him but that would've been sinking too low and I was too angry and upset to call him back when I haven't done anything wrong.

It was terrible not having that content feeling of falling asleep knowing I was really important to someone. I got too used to it.

I managed to calm myself down and tried to think rationally. It usually makes me feel better thinking that soon this will be over and we'll be back to the happy state of being together. However, last night I thought I should make myself feel better by thinking that I can be totally fine on my own and don't need anyone to make me happy. That didn't work too well because I couldn't help but compare how much nicer it was to be happy with David than being happy alone.

As I was thinking this, David called.

I said, "What?" and he replied, "I want to compromise".