Weakness

Weakness

People really disappoint me. Or maybe I just have unrealistic high expectations of everyone. If I believe that, the disappointment grows even more.

Today in the morning, I couldn't wait to hear how last night went. Mostly it was as I expected - everyone smoking their lungs to death and drinking. What I didn't expect was that Elaine started to smoke too (obviously for the first time since she went into a coughing fit) just because everyone else was (other than Andy).

Andy asked her what she was doing and she said she wanted to fit in with the others. All I can say is that I've lost most of my respect for her. Why are some people so weak? It's not like the others would've hated her if she didn't smoke. My brother never smokes with them and they don't care.

There are so many more people who don't have inner-strength to be confident that if they are a smart and nice person, people will like them even if they don't smoke or do other stupid things.

I remember how Nadine used to say how much she hated smokers and how it was a filthy habit but when she went to some party, she decided to try it because everyone else was. Ugh. Same goes for Amy who would start fakely coughing whenever some smoker was near us to give them 'hints' but then after some holiday called me up to tell me that she tried smoking! Like it was something to be proud of.

What is it with people?!

Even with all my insecurities (and I know I have plenty), I would never sink as low as doing something I totally didn't believe in to impress other people. If these people didn't like me because of that, they wouldn't be worth impressing anyway.

I don't know why this makes my blood boil so much. Andy told me not to care so much about other people doing stupid things but for some reason I can't help it.