Testing Times

I didn't hurry to the platform from which I was supposed to catch my connecting train and just missed one. I sat down on the nearest bench to wait for the next one. Then, I thought that since I have some time, I'll just move to the next bench (since it was closer to the exit of the station at which I had to get off).

A couple of seconds after I sat down, I felt something warm drop on my head. I put my hand to touch my hair and what do you know, a bird pooped on my head. I looked up to see a fat pigeon fly away. To make myself feel better I tried to think of those face masks that are made of mud (which is really made up of about the same stuff as what birds eat). It was all a part of nature and really nothing disgusting. This thinking helped me get through it.

The whole incident just reinstated my hatred for birds. They should be taught some manners and behave like normal people (i.e. not go to the toilet on the heads of others).

I'm glad I had more than a couple of tissues with me. I kept wiping and wiping my head and probably looked like some weirdo. Then when I got to work, I tried to wash off that spot in the bathroom. Some lady came in and gave me a look. She probably thought I was some obsessive compulsive who had to wash a patch of her hair even at work. I bet she never had to experience such gross things and therefore would not understand.

Oh why did I have to walk slowly and miss my original train. And why did I have to move to the other bench, especially that the original turned out to be closer to the carriage which stopped near the exit at my station.

Even remembering it now (after I properly washed my hair) makes me feel really grossed out. Although, I did think, "I'll have a story to write in my blog".

Today, I also got moved to my manager's spot and got a better overview of what I'm going to be responsible for. I've decided that I wouldn't mind working here for longer than my contract because it would give me a very benficial experience that would improve my chances of getting into publishing. Not only do I get to design stuff, I also get to write articles for the company's newsletter (which gets sent out to thousands of people all over Australia).

And the people aren't that bad. I talked to some guy who sits next to me and he seemed friendly enough. Although, I couldn't help but think "I'm younger than all of you but have one of the highest positions". That felt good. REALLY good.

My manager seems to be a really great one because he's open to new ideas. Like, when I suggested something, he said, "Just because we've never done it that way, doesn't mean that we can't change to it". So now he told me to use my idea from now on. How cool is that? And I loved showing him one way of doing something quicker and better. It was cool to see him excited about it because he wasted a lot of time doing it the long way.

I SOOOOO hope they will keep me after my contract because my position will be open. My main objective is to not ruin my good first impression. That's always so hard.

The Real Career Beginning

I knew it was going to be hard to match the atmosphere of my temp job but I still had some hope that at least it would be an office buidling, not a warehouse with 2 rooms (which they like to call offices).

I guess it was better than the office where I had my trial. But I really miss the kitchen and toilets of my last job. The microwave and fridge here were so disgusting. And the toilets felt like the ones you get in public parks.

Don't really know much about the people (other than the guy in charge of me) but they don't seem like ones that I'd be friends with. They don't even seem like ones I could have lunch with.

At least the actual job is ok. I get to design pictures for most of my day (one of them is already online). And I solved my boss's technical problems which made me feel really good. Like I was the computer expert. And it definitely made me feel like he wasn't going to fire me immediately; he needs my help.

I guess it's a good job for a career start. Even if it's not the career I've always dreamed of, it is one I spent 3 years at uni studying for. And the manager seems easy to work with, especially now that we've established I know more than him.

I was so tired when I got home. I wished I had RG to greet me. To make my train ride home go faster, I imagined what it'd be like to come home to be greeted by a guy who was totally in love with me. We'd have dinner together while talking about our day. Then we'd curl up on the couch and talk and laugh like we were the only ones in the world. Then we'd go to bed, totally content and it wouldn't be so hard to wake up the next morning, knowing that we have each other. Today, this guy looked like BG2 (that's what I've decided to call the guy I met on the bus on Saturday).

When I told April about him, she suggested to start my own BG club. The rules would have to be that I only meet the guy once on a bus and never talk to him again (or find out his name). I guess I could start a collection. And BG2 is easy to see as RG because I know nothing about him and can think whatever I like.

Surprises

First of all, I'm so glad my comments are working again!

Secondly, the matchmaking game is over. Claud's brother isn't interested and could only recommend one of his womanising (according to Claudia) friends. My (yes, I own her) 29 year old doesn't need anyone like that. To be honest, I'm disappointed. I sort of expected it but I still had some hope that it might work.

Funnily though is that some stranger tried playing a bit of a matchmaker with me. When we were out clubbing last night, some girl came up and started talking to me. She looked a bit familiar (kinda like a bad version of Alicia Silverstone, which is still pretty good if you think about it) so I pretended that I remembered her. Turned out I didn't know her. She just came up to tell me that her friend wanted to talk to me but was too shy to come up himself and if I could go and talk to him. My ego shot up since that never happened before. Of course being me, I got a bit suspicious and wondered if this was some joke this girl was playing with her friends. Nadine was rolling her eyes at this moment. Amelia was getting a drink so she didn't witness this.

I asked which guy and when she pointed I couldn't tell 'cause the dance floor was so crowded. I told the girl if this guy wanted to talk to me, he can come up himself. So she went back to tell him that and while I was trying to see who it was and hoping that he could at least be a little cute, this not very attractive guy comes up.

Even though at first I thought it was a bit cowardly to get his friend to do all the work but then I realised that if he came up himself, I probably would've ignored him. This guy seemed really shy because he kept trying to initiate a lot of small-talk and I wasn't helping in making conversation. First of all, it was really loud so I could barely hear him. Then, his whole group of friends were watching us. I did ask him some things though 'cause I didn't want to disregard him just because of his looks. So later I disregarded him because he wasn't very smart. A more plausible reason. I know I would hate it if I ignored some guy who had the personality I was looking for because I wasn't attracted to him (and honestly, I can usually find something in a guy to be attracted to physically if I like his personality, even though it would've been really hard with this one). This was also after I asked about his friends (he could've had good ones but the only ok one seemed to be the girl who came up to me).

I was glad when Amelia came back and after 5-10 more minutes, I said good bye and we went to the courtyard. For once I was worried if the guy would feel rejected (which he was) 'cause I don't want anyone (nice) to feel like that. Nadine said that she just tells everyone to 'f*** off' no matter who they are. I think I just understand the pain of rejection (even from no one specific) better than she does. I don't mind ignoring random sleazy guys but I feel for the ones who have friends who care enough to help them.

And I think it's also the fact that I stood out to him (since I'm pretty sure he wasn't getting his friend to ask every girl since she walked past quite a few, including Nadine). Why can't I stand out to smart guys? But I'm not complaining. It was a pleasant surprise and I like those.

And I didn't expect to get a second one (which was something I DEFINITELY did not see coming.)

Before I mention the best part of the night, I have to say that when we went to the courtyard there was a fight going on and I saw a bouncer throw a guy's head into a metal table. I've never seen such violence in real life before (and it's definitely not like the movies). I've seen worse on TV and wasn't as affected by it as seeing it in front of my face.

When I saw the guy's head crash into the table, I automatically looked away. Nadine and Amelia have seen this before and were saying, "Yay! It's a fight! We get free entertainment". I hate violence so much I don't see the fun in watching it. Some people were standing up on chairs (including Nadine) to get a better view, like it was some show. When Amelia said, "At least, it's not *********. They would've already sorted things out with guns" which freaked me out because she put the idea of shooting in my head. Although, I guess it would've already happened.

I made them go back inside with me to dance. Fortunately, that guy and his friends were not in sight. At around 2, it started getting empty so we decided to head home. Amelia's bus came straight away but mine wasn't due in 40 minutes so Nadine waited with me. We really got to catch up last night. It's strange that even though we're more different than we've ever been (and we always were opposites), we can still talk like family.

Earlier that night, she was telling us about her friends/boyfriend dramas. And even though she has lots of guy friends, boyfriend and guys who like her, I wasn't even a bit envious. I do not want a boyfriend who smokes pot or friends who get drunk every other night and guy friends who are extremely rude and no respect between anyone. I was scared to ask her if she smoked too now but was glad when she said she didn't.

Apparently her new boyfriend is shorter than her and she doesn't care (which is admirable since her previous boyfriends were really attractive tall and smart guys). She said she lowered her standards because she realised that her current boyfriend really cares for her, not like the others. So it doesn't bother her that he takes drugs.

She knows I don't agree with all this and she said she understood why I don't but it doesn't bother her. Oh well, everyone's different.

At the club, she also asked me what kind of guy I wanted so I told her the summary. She said that the 'doesn't get drunk' part rules out all her friends except one but he doesn't fit the 'funny/witty' part which Amelia found quite funny. I told her I'd be impressed if she found someone for me. She said she'd keep her eyes open. Good luck to her. I said that basically I wanted an improved male version of myself and Amelia said that perfect people don't exist. Who needs a boyfriend when I have a friend like that?

When we were sitting at the bus stop, there were lots of people but they were all quiet and could hear quite clearly Nadine's quite personal stories. She didn't care. She even told me about her 20 year old friend who got married recently and was trying to get pregnant who called her up to ask where the 'hole' is. I'm surprised everyone didn't turn around. Only one woman did. I was squirming so much in my seat. Nadine couldn't care less that there were 50 people who were listening to us. She probably didn't even realise. She can be very unaware of herself.

When I sat down in the bus I noticed how some guy sat next to a girl in front of me and they started chatting. It reminded me of BG. But most things do so it's no big deal. Some old guy sat next to me. Why couldn't BG sat next to me? Ok, I'll stop with pointless questions. Since my ride was long and it was late, I decided to go to sleep. But a few minutes later, the guy next to me bumped into me when the bus turned because he decided to go to sleep too. I moved closer to the window and made him see that it was because of him. So I closed my eyes again when he bumped into me again, much harder this time. I know the bus made a really sharp turn but I'm sure he could've held on. He looked at me and apologised and I looked at him to say it's ok. And wait a second, this wasn't an old guy. This was a cute young guy.

Ah, who cares what he looked like, not like anything could happen. So I closed my eyes for like the third time and 5 minutes later, the bus turned and he sharply bumped into me again. I gave him an 'Again?!' look and he became alert and said he was really sorry, he was just really tired. And he smiled a really sweet smile. (But, don't worry, I'm not naive enough to fall for guys with sweet smiles.)

I said he had an extra hour of sleep (since daylight savings ended - something I found out only an hour before). He said it was great 'cause he had to pick up his brother from the airport today in the morning. He, then, asked me where I was tonight so I just said the area, rather than the place. It's not like I knew him. Then, I don't remember who said what but somehow we ended up chatting about trains and buses and where we lived. There's nothing like public transport to bring people closer together.

While we were talking, I was thinking, "This is almost deja vu from last year. There's no Amy here, everything depends on me! I've been given a second chance." I was thinking of saying "You look familiar" but that seemed like too much of an embarrassing pick-up line. Asking his name would've been a bit odd too since I haven't actually talked to him about anything other than public transport (unlike with BG).

When he had to get off, he said something and looked like he was waiting for an answer but I didn't hear what he said other than 'taxi' which he mentioned earlier he had to catch. I guess I don't really regret anything I haven't done 'cause I know it would've been inappropriate to just ask him his name since we didn't know anything about each other. I guess I could've said, "Did you go to [my] uni by any chance?" but I didn't think of it then.

Also, when he got up, he looked a bit older than I thought. But it's really hard to tell whether he was 22 or 30. And he was wearing a pale pink shirt. Do straight guy wear pink? Or am I just stereotying?

Maybe buses (or trains) are the places for me to meet RG. Especially night ones because everyone's more talkative then.

Just Don't Want To Know

I had a dream tonight where I accidentally met someone who read my blog. And this person realised it was me by my handwriting (hey, dreams are not supposed to make sense). And surprisingly, I didn't even care that much that this person found out after I got over the shock.

Maybe it's because I found out more about one blogger than I was supposed to and I've had the dream about the reverse of this.

If anyone recognises who I am, I don't want to know about it!!! Because if you tell me, I will never write in here again.

The Art of Psychology

April: u know, we're going to be 22 and alone one day
me: i'm going to be 21 and alone tomorrow
April: well i've been 21 and alone since monday!
and the day i turn 25 and i'm alone, i'm really going to lose it
me: i've already lost it
April: i think i might need counselling
me: i'll be ur counsellor :)
April: hehe
but u won't be able to tell me the benefits of being alone
me: it's not the counsellor's job to do that
how do u feel about being alone?
April: i hate it
me: how do u feel about hating it?
April: lol!
is this ur idea of therapy?
me: yes
it's everyone's idea of therapy
April: i feel annoyed that i have to justify my hatred
me: why do u feel u have to justify it?
April: cos u just asked me to
me: ok, time's up for feelings, let's get to your childhood
April: i don't think ur taking this seriously
me: i am!
April: don't quit ur day job! :P
me: lol
at least i have one, yay!

me: it's fun playing psychologist
April: ur being very stereotypical
me: so
April: it's not helping me!
me: that's the fun in it
April: i'm not having fun!
i'm still depressed!
me: i've only started! u can't expect results so fast
April: u just want to make lots of money off me by taking ages!
me: why do u see right through me
April: cos i studied psych at uni :D
me: well, u r getting free therapy
April: i can see why it's free :P

What About the Other Side of the World?

I was talking to a woman for who I did my first work experience job. I called to thank her for giving me a really good reference (which was probably the reason I got my new job). I'm sure it helped that she's a big CEO. (This was the woman who always asked me how my job search was going.)

Anyway, she suggested for me to expand my job search criteria and look outside Australia. At first, I thought there's no way I'm going to live and work overseas by myself.

But then curiosity got the better of me and I decided to see if there were any jobs worth going for outside Australia. Like ones in the entertainment industry (my dream job) since there's no point going overseas for a job that's only 'ok'. And I found LOTS of entry-level jobs in the entertainment industry. Mainly in Los Angeles studios. I really doubt they'd look at my resume since I'm sure they have plenty of local candidates but it really peaked my interest. I don't even know how they would interview me since I don't think the agency that advertised these jobs has any offices here.

All the things that stopped me from even considering something like this are all the things that only show why I should - still young, won't have anyone with me. It seems like a great adventure that I might not have an opportunity to do later.

Of course it's going to be VERY hard to live without my friends and family on the other side of the world (why does Australia have to be so far from everywhere else?) but maybe it'll give me a chance to meet new people.

I'll have to think about this some more before I consider applying for these jobs.

My New Project: Cupid

I've aimed my arrows and they're going in the right direction.

The first part of my matchmaking scheme had a positive outcome. Claud's brother doesn't have a girlfriend and she thinks he needs one so she's going to ask him if he wants to call my 29 year old.

I'm so pleased with this! And if he's not interested, Claud's going to ask about his friends.

So this is not over yet. Yay!

(I told April about this but she was in a bad mood so wasn't as happy about it as I was. She asked why I couldn't find someone for her. I wish I could find someone for everyone. Including myself. Especially myself. And if I did find someone for myself, I'd be doing 2 people a favour - myself and my RG.)

Playing Matchmaker

If my day was a cartoon, after lunch, you would see a lightbulb light up over my head.

At lunch the single 29 year old was saying how she doesn't know many people here and never has anything to do on the weekend. And this other woman said to me in front of her, "She needs a boyfriend!" in a joking manner but I could just feel the 29 year old's pain. For someone to say that so light-heartedly as if that was the easiest thing in the world to get is just mean. Of course, this woman didn't mean anything bad by it, but married people just don't understand the pain of being single (and 29). I can't even imagine what state I'm going to be when I reach that age.

So when I got back to my desk, something in my brain clicked.

Claudia has a 30 (approximately) year old brother. Last I remember, her brother lives at home and doesn't have much of a life. I think it's because he's shy but not totally sure. He seemed nice enough every time I saw him. And he is related to one of the sweetest people in the world, he cannot possibly be a complete loser.

The thought of setting them up got me so excited, I started getting carried away in my head by imagining being invited to their wedding and being thanked for making them the happiest people alive. It would give me so much pleasure to bring 2 lonely people together. I could be the fairy godmother. And it would definitely distract me from my singledom.

So now, I'm a girl on a mission. If it turns out Claud's brother found a girlfriend, I'm going to ask about his friends.

Can't wait to see what happens!

(And don't even think about what could go wrong, it's too much fun imagining what could go right.)

My Reward

My yesterday's entry that got deleted was about my career crisis and how I would look down on people who did the job I've been doing but now I was one of those people. I wrote what I wanted to be when I was growing up and how I happened to be on this career path. Basically, it was more of my self-pity and some reflection on judging people.

So today I was shocked that I got the job I had the interview for yesterday. Yesterday I was interviewed by an agent and if successful, was expeting to have an interview with the actual company. But somehow I skipped all that.

The agent called me today and said, "I have some good news and some bad news". I expected her to say that I didn't get the job but she found another one I could go for. After she told me I got it, I didn't know how she could have any bad news. Only maybe that the company moved to some location that would take me forever to get to. But her bad news was that I had to start on Tuesday and she was worried I wouldn't be able to leave at such short notice. She was obviously wrong. Something like a short notice would not stop me from accepting.

My manager was really nice about it and said that after I finish the contract (since it's quite short), maybe they'd have a position available for me. I wish I could take all the people I work with to my new job. I know how hard it is to find such a nice group that makes it so much easier to get up in the morning.

Fingers (and everything else) crossed, there are going to be nice people at my new job.

At least the actual job is a lot better. It's creative and involves communicating with different people and co-ordinating.

I guess, religiously applying for jobs every day paid off. One woman at work said to me, "You got it so easy!" after she found out I only had an interview with an agent. That irked me a bit because I've looked long and hard enough. Something was bound to come up.

It's weird how I got this so close to my birthday. It's like 2 years ago, when I got the bookshop job and a tutoring job on my actual birthday.

Really hope I like it. But if not, it's only for a short while. Then, back to another daunting job search.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I've written a really long post and blogger decides to stuff up. And even though I learnt to copy it before I press the publish button, since I was doing other things at the same time, I copied another thing afterwards so the post got lost.

What Attention To Detail?

When I told my manager that I had to leave early, she was SO nice about it. She asked me about what sort of job it was and wished me luck.

I still can't get used to working with such nice people. When at the interview, the woman asked me what I liked most about my current job, without thinking I blurted out, "The people". I don't think I should've said that. I also don't think I should've showed my desperation by asking her (after we finished) to please say good things about me to the employer. I was just at the point where I felt like if I just left, any chance of getting the job would've been gone. Not that the interview went bad, just that it was so standard and I didn't feel like I stood out. Although I'm pretty sure I made her remember me by adding my last plea. How stupid.

Another VERY stupid thing that embarrassed me SO much was when she pointed out that on my Resume I wrote that I worked at one place from 2005 to 2004. Fortunately, I didn't say that my best qualities included being attentive to details. Just thinking about how many resumes I sent out with that mistake is horrifying.

Warm Inside

Last night Amelia had a birthday dinner. It was a small gathering but nice (not counting Georgia being there). Claudia even bought Mike (which was a surprise).

I miss meeting up with Amelia every week at uni. We caught the train back together and had a really good long conversation that we haven't had for ages (since the last few times we met up, there were lots of other people). She's finishing her last year part-time and works at a community youth centre which sounds very interesting.

When we were sitting there talking about everything without anyone else, it made me realise how much I miss seeing her every week. She's such a warm and interesting person. When I'm with people like that (eg. April), for that time, I forget how upset I am about not having a boyfriend. I guess my close friends fill that emotional connection that would be really nice to share with a guy.

If I never find RG, I hope I always have friends like that.

Rob Thomas Is Not Dead. Eminem's Daugher.

When I turned on the radio, I had 2 thoughts:

1. Ohmigod!! Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20 has a new song!!! (I, then, stopped making dinner and proceeded to listen to it as intently as possible so I could enjoy every bit of it)

2. I wonder what Eminem's daughter is going to be like when she grows up.

Seeing Guys

I'm not sure what happened yesterday but when I got into the dance studio, I thought I was seeing things that weren't there. How could it be that there seemed to be more guys than girls?

As it turned out, the other class (which had a lot of guys) got canceled and they all moved to my one. Too bad most of them were kinda old. There was also some creepy woman who was learning how to do the guy's part but when I had to dance with her, she wouldn't do it properly, but really forcefully. And when I said that she was making me turn too early, it seemed like she was in her own world and just kept doing it incorrectly. And she'd squeeze my hand really hard. I was glad when we got to change partners.

I also had to dance with some 60 year old gay man in a pink t-shirt who was almost as creepy as the woman.

There were no guys who really stood out to me. They all seemed heaps older than me, gay or just weird. Doesn't create any feelings of motivation to make conversation with them. Although there's one 30ish guy who always wears pink t-shirts who seems normal. I guess pink has a bad rep.

Also, when I was dancing with some old (for me) guy, he told me to not lower my arms when I was turning because it looked less elegant. And I thought, what does he know, he didn't even come to the first 2 lessons so I said, "Is this your first time?" and he laughed and said, "I'm a teacher! If this was my first time, I wouldn't tell people what to do". How embarrassing. I hope he didn't get offended when I asked him that. Maybe there were more guys there who were teachers and not students, invited to help out the class.

I hope it's always going to be more even now.

Train Observation #67

Yesterday, on the train there was a lady reading a magazine. On the page there was some pretty girl and a large title saying 'I Hate My Body'. Then I saw a lady in a wheelchair, holding onto the pole when the train was jerky. And I thought, people have no right to hate their bodies if they function.

The RG - Extra

Forgot to add something very important to last entry's list:

- not meet him over the internet

Especially this blog, because that would mean I will not be able to write here anymore. I'd only sacrifice that if I truly feel like the guy is worth it. Just try and imagine meeting someone who you don't really know but who knows your deepest thoughts. Very scary.

The RG

Must be
- older than me
- not religious/doesn't believe in God
- does not get drunk
- does not smoke
- has never taken drugs
- funny and witty; shares my sense of humour
- has tertiary education
- very intelligent
- wants a family
- good with kids
- has some career drive
- practical
- not a risk-taker
- attractive to me (not very hard, just be masculine and sweet looking)
- supportive
- kind
- caring
- loyal
- not stubborn, can compromise
- has good judgement
- reliable, responsible
- has a sense of fun
- interests me
- has inner-strength
- calm under pressure
- organised
- clean
- hygienic
- be willing to help clean (especially toilets)
- confident but self-aware
- thinks I'm the best person in the world
- shares a deep connection with me
- makes me happy and feels happy with me

Would be very preferable
- creative (preferably plays some musical instrument or has some creative hobbies or both)
- POBian
- has a happy family (without any serious problems) that will like me
- would travel with me
- no piercings or tatoos

Would be nice
- not obsessed with sports
- doesn't have health problems
- would go dancing with me
- can cook

Bonuses
- taller than me when I'm wearing heels (not too hard)
- dark curly hair
- dark eyes
- broad

What can I say, it's fun imagining my perfect guy.

That Time of the Year

That Time of the Year

Last night was April's birthday party. To my surprise, I had a great time! The party had all ingredients of a fun night - close friends, other friends I haven't seen in a while, new people to get to know, an absolutely delicious (not to mention beautiful) cake, great music (April has my taste) and dancing. This was a first party (since I can remember) when I left exactly when it finished, not early or before I had enough, and not late.

It was great to see April's relatives and family friends. I love seeing people when they're surrounded by those who knew them since they were kids and are friends with their parents.

It was also great being one of those people who knew her the longest. One of her uni friends asked me what April was like in high school and if she had any secrets. I said she was just the same (almost true) and that she had no secrets (not true) and the girl said, "Yeah, she doesn't seem like the type to have any". I should've said she used to be a drug addict who skipped school and was in trouble with the law, until she got into a car accident which caused amnesia and made her into a conservative person she is today. But I didn't think of it then.

Also talked to some guy who studied ministry. He was really nice. I was trying to ask him questions about it without seeming like I was interested in religion. Didn't want him to start trying to convert me. He didn't, though.

Talked to Valerie's sister for a quite a bit. It was just like talking to an older version of Valerie. While I was talking to her, some guy came up and just listened, without saying anything himself. Must remember to ask April about him.

Too bad all the guys that April invited were either her young family friends or ones from her church. Why don't my friends know any non-religious ones?

Ellen kept asking me about my dance classes. She said she wanted to come. I told her to bring guys 'cause there weren't enough and she said she'll ask. Why do I feel like she won't be coming?

This year, for some reason, I wasn't too depressed about my birthday. I just didn't really think about it. But now that April's is tomorrow, mine is so close. And I'm getting those horrible images of me being 40 and single, living in some tiny apartment by myself and still doing some administrative work. This has been happening every year for the last couple. Although I guess last year was worse 'cause it was the year that I wasn't a teenager anymore. From 20 to 21 isn't as much of a difference. Anyway, must not think too much of the future 'cause it just depresses me. Will try to continue living in the moment.

Yesterday my Mum told me I had 4 grey hairs and I totally freaked out and probably got another 4. Mum was telling me to stop stressing so much which stresses me even more because I don't think I stress that much anyway. Hopefully it was just a once-off thing. I wish I had my grandma's genes because she's 82 and still has most of her black hair. And everyone says I took a lot of things after her (body shape, height, eye colour, eye problems, some personality). I wonder if I'll take her getting married late too... That is, if I ever do get married.

Why do my posts always turn to depressing thoughts, even if I start with something good.

Relationship Bytes

True Story 1
A girl can't be bothered studying for her final school exams. She hopes her friends would hurry up so they could all go to the beach. The girl finishes school and gets a job licking envelopes at an unheard of publishing company in the middle of nowhere. She gets fined twice in her first week for parking illegally. The girl can't handle this and quits after a week. The girl gets a job at the company where I (and she) work now. She meets a guy who sits across from her. They have lunch together every day, telling everyone they're just friends. Five years later, they get married.

True Story 2
A woman's mother-in-law keeps asking the woman's husband if his wife nags him a lot. The woman vows never to nag her husband just to spite her mother-in-law.

The woman asks her husband to do some handiwork. She gives him a week to do it. She can never ask her husband to do something twice because that would satisfy her mother-in-law, something that cannot happen under any circumstances. He doesn't do it so she gets out all his tools to do it herself. The husband asks her what she's doing. She says she asked him to do it but since he hasn't, she decided to do it herself. The husband is protective of his tools and tells her he's going to do it right now himself.

The woman's mother-in-law visits them. She asks her son if his wife nags him. He can only say no.

True Story 3
A woman's husband says he's going hunting on the weekend. She says she's going out with her friends on the weekend. He says she can't. She gets annoyed. She says, "But you're going hunting!" and he says, "It's not the same." She says he tells her what she can wear and can't. He's possessive. She excuses it, saying she's the most jealous person so she knows where he's coming from. The woman from True Story 1 says to tell him that she's going hunting too, hunting for men. She's joking and everyone laughs. The woman doesn't. She can't even imagine how angry her husband will be if she tells him that.

When the woman leaves, the woman from True Story 1 says that she doesn't understand how you can have a relationship without trust. The woman from True Story 2 agrees.

True Story 4
A 29 year old woman spends her days working and studying. She desperately wants to meet that special someone but can't. She says Australian men in their 20s are like teenagers in adult bodies. Only on the lookout for a something short-term. She wants someone mature and serious. The woman from True Story 1 asks her to describe her type so she can keep her eye out for someone. The woman says that she doesn't want a 'Perfect Man'. All she wants is someone to give her a feeling of peace and contentment. That's all she wants.

True Story 5
Someone sits quiety listening to older women's tales of life. She wants to tell them her type so they can be on the lookout for her too. But after the woman from True Story 4, no one would feel like this one needs any help, being so young compared to them. They say wistfully that she has her whole life ahead of her. She doesn't think they understand that having your whole life ahead of you without anyone to share it with takes most of the enjoyment out of it.

Surprise

I was thinking about BG again while I was getting on the train. Imagining how happy I would be if I saw him again, when I felt someone pull my arm. I turned around and saw...

Amy.

You didn't think it was him, did you?

Her again. Why do I have to see HER and not HIM?!!!

The New Lifestyle

What I've learnt since I started my temp job:

- how to tell whether a pile of paper has 1, 2 and 3 pieces, just by feeling it with my fingers. (At first I could never tell whether there were 2 pieces stuck together or if it was just one, but now I can.)

- getting to a bank is impossible without taking time off work (since the bank I need is not close to where I work and I can't go there during lunch time)

- doing pretty much anything (non-work related) is impossible without taking time off.

- life is wasted away when you don't like your work (since it takes up most of your life)

- when I do get home, I have to choose between checking out the internet or watching TV since there's no time for both, unless I want to cut on sleep. Which I don't.

- going to bed at midnight is too late in order to get the healthy 7 hours of sleep.

- if you stay at the office the whole day, you never experience what the weather is during the day (since it's always cold in the morning and cold at night)

I miss uni SOOOO much! Sure I don't miss the assignments, but I'm at work for so long, it cancels out.

For the last week (and a bit) my day went like this:
1. wake up at 6:30 (which is early for me)
2. get to work at 8:40.
3. sort, staple, type, file
4. have lunch, chatting to the women (sometimes going for a walk with a couple of them)
5. type type type
6. leave work at 5:15
7. spend time being a sardine in the train
8. get home at 7pm
9. eat
10. check job ads and apply for them
11. check mail, blog etc.
12. either watch my taped shows or surf the net
13. make lunch for tomorrow
14. sleep

and back to 1 again.

I don't want to waste my life in this manner. If I'm going to be at work most of my life (which I know is a normal), I want to do something I would feel good about.

I think I'll do this job for a month (to increase my savings) and the ask the agency to find me a REAL temp job where I get some time off. Even one day would be enough for me. So I can call up companies and be even more active in my job search.

Anyway, I think I'm just experiencing a bit of a lifestyle shock. The laid back student way of living has drastically changed to a 9 to 5 (even more for me) every day job that leaves no time for anything else.

Even though I'd like to say I'll get used to it, I know I'm going to hate working at this job. I need to feel like I'm contributing to society in some way or at least doing something exciting so I don't feel like I'm wasting my life away at a desk, looking at never-ending numbers.

Just Curious? Not So Familiar Dancing Fever

The woman from work who asked me whether I had a boyfriend last week, asked whether I minded if she did. Was it that obvious? Or does she read my blog and know who I am? Of course, I said I didn't. But then something flew into my eye and it started watering and she thought I started crying. God, how embarrassing.

So, since I said I didn't mind talking about that stuff, for the whole of lunch, we had a deep and meaningful conversation about marriage and what sort of guy I was looking for. It was exhausting. I was glad to go back to work. The only reason I was open was 'cause I hoped she might know someone for me. I need any help I can get.

She also told me she was married to a distant relative. That's just so gross but hey, if she's happy, that's great for her. Sometimes I wonder if people like her ask these questions because they're nosey or because they don't see the big deal in talking about such topics. Even though she's married, she kept saying how hot some guys were. It really confuses me how people in serious relationships can say such stuff. I guess it can be in an impersonal objective manner but she really didn't sound like that.

People like that fascinate me 'cause they're different to the majority. I love hearing different perspectives from people with different backgrounds.

Not So Familiar

After work, I saw that girl who came up to me last week, saying I looked familiar. I was so happy to see her since I really wanted to tell her where we met before. But after I did, she said, "I never worked there." Hmm..... Well, then I've definitely never seen her before in my life. She was so openly friendly though, I felt like I could talk to her like I knew her. She was really pretty too. Maybe I can introduce her to my brother. He'd like her. Although she is a year older than him, but he doesn't mind. Hopefully she doesn't either. Oh my God, they'd make such a cute couple.

I'm so getting ahead of myself. Her parents probably don'teven let her date, especially non-Indian guys.

Dancing Fever

Either lots of guys read my blog or my mind because there were twice as many guys today at my dancing class. And the actual class was so much better than the boring one last week. It was actually challenging. Even though I was kinda tired after work and felt like going home, after the dance class I was so hyped up. We got to do really cool moves today. And there were some South American looking guys who could actually dance. They were old, but hey, in dancing, age doesn't matter. Sure I'd prefer to dance with cute looking young guys but it's always fun dancing with someone who can.

Some lady tried to pick up my brother. It was so funny to watch.

Lady: You're really good!
[me: can you not see he's almost stepping on your feet?]
My partner: stop trying to pick him up!
Lady: shut up

Lady: How old are you?
[me: younger than you, that's for sure!]
Andy: 18
Lady: Oh. That's so cute!
[me: *eye roll*]

The class couldn't go without some sleaziness from desperate old guys. When we were warming up by trying to follow really advanced moves from the instructors, the guy instructor ran his hands down the girl's body. He was just doing it to tease the guys and no one was expected to repeat that with strangers. It was just for a laugh and for the couples. But the guy I was partnered with goes to me, "Do you mind if I do that?". What the f- do you think?! So after I said I did, he said, "What am I supposed to do then?!" Oh my God, what a freaking idiot. Then later, when the guy instructor picked up his partner, this idiot actually picked up his partner (who happened to be the lady I mentioned earlier complimenting Andy) and wouldn't put her back down. I was just happy I had a different partner then who said, "I have back problems" which made me laugh since no one was expected to pick anyone up.

I guess my dancing class will make up for some stories for my blog.

Two Guys and a Girl

Met up with Tim and his friend who's name is... wait for it.... Max!

He messaged me earlier today to invite me to go out with him and his friend for dinner and just hang out. I didn't even think about it. Although I didn't really want to go if Lauren wasn't coming. But then, I realised that I can't not go just 'cause she wasn't.

And of course, I'm glad I went. It was almost just like it was in America. Only now I was outnumbered by guys, rather than the other way around. We walked around for a bit, talking. Max was kinda cute (in certain light - probably 'cause I compared him to Tim) but Tim quite quickly let me know that Max had a girlfriend. No wonder he was kinda stand-offish. Although he warmed up a bit later on.

Since it's Sunday night and I usually don't go out at that time, it really reminded me of when I went out with Andrew. Although, unlike Andrew, Tim already asked if I wanted to meet up tomorrow. I wish I could but I have to work and then there's the dance class. Damn. I liked hanging out with both of them. Max was really nice once he stopped pretending I wasn't there.

Tim asked, again, if I wanted to visit him in his home city. Even though he tried not to sound serious about it, I could tell he was. Told him I had work every day. Which is true.

I'm also certain that they both smoke since Tim had a lighter on him. Non-smokers don't just carry those around. It really makes me wonder how people in medical professions can smoke. Although I guess people in most professions know that smoking isn't too healthy but they still do it. Max also smokes 'cause he checked his pockets for one when someone asked him.

I really lose so much respect for smokers. It's such a reflection of weakness on their personality.

I guess having smokers for friends couldn't really hurt. Especially if they're guys since I'm lacking in those. And of course the fact that Tim seems to like me really boosts my ego, even if I don't like him as much. As long as he doesn't cross the line, then I have no problem.

The Urge To Comment

I used to never comment on people's blogs but lately I always have something to say about what some people write. So now, all the bloggers who have Blogger comments won't let me post. Seems like some error or something. I hope it gets fixed soon.

And I guess I should stop assuming that everyone likes to get lots of silly comments just 'cause I do (apart from those preachy ones but they are pretty rare).

Email Form

Just a note to say that email form is not working. It's Angelfire's fault. They admitted to having an error in the system that they're planning on fixing soon. However long 'soon' is.

I'm Not That Unlikeable, Just Bitter

Tim is coming this weekend. Lauren told me about it last night.

Then today, I got a message from him to tell me personally. He must've gotten my number from Lauren. I'm way too happy about a guy asking for my number. Even if it is someone who's not boyfriend material. Oh well, he's not too bad, just not my type.

He asked what I was doing on the weekend and I wanted to say something that wouldn't make me seem like a sad case who has no plans but at the same time would allow me to meet up with him whenever he's free. Went with the "Not sure yet".

He said he was meeting up with his friend and then has Monday and Tuesday to do whatever. There's no way I could meet him on Monday since I'm doing that dance course. I would invite him but it would be too awkward. And Tuesday, I could only do after work when I'm positive I'm going to be tired. And he might be leaving that night anyway. Not sure.

I need more time to come up with a good plan where he introduces me to his friend. I would suggest going clubbing but Lauren wouldn't come 'cause she doesn't like that stuff and it would make it hard to talk. Don't want to go to pubs or bars either. Just going out to eat is a bit boring. Too bad he didn't come when I volunteered at that festival a couple of weeks ago. That would've made a great outing without any awkwardness. Must think of something fun to do!

When I got his message I couldn't concentrate on boring work anymore. It was a nice feeling to have something interesting to think about.

Speaking of work, I had lunch with 2 women today who were really nice. Actually everyone there is so nice, it makes my job a lot easier to bear. When I made some mistakes 'cause the work was so mechanical and monotonous, I couldn't concentrate (and you know, I don't understand the skill of concentration), the people who it affected were SOOO nice about it, I felt like hugging them. My past job experiences taught me that people will get angry even if they even only think you made a mistake. They will act condescending and mean. But not here. I'm just not used to working with such understanding people.

During lunch, in the length of the first 15 minutes, a woman asked if I had a boyfriend. I wanted to scream that it was none of her business but I did something worse. I asked if she had any kids, having the feeling that she wanted to but couldn't. You should've seen how quiet she got. And her smile dropped in a second. I felt so bad about it. But hey, at least she has her husband to support her, whereas I'm sure I'll have to go through that alone.

I know I'm becoming such a horribly bitter person. Might go eat some chocolate to make myself nicer.

Mood: Bad

Something happened today and it made me feel worse than I already do. I don't want to say what it was 'cause I think I'm getting too worried of how people who read my blog perceive me. Not that's it's anything too horrible and I'm sure lots of people would be able to relate but I need to pretend, at least to myself, that it hasn't happened.

Train Observations
After work, I got into the full train where no matter where you look, it seems like you're staring at someone. And in front of me was a young European couple obviously travelling around Australia and they just couldn't keep their hands off each other. I really wanted to tell them to stop 'cause it's not like I could look anywhere else since the guy was standing below me on the steps and the girl was towering above me and I was squished in the corner. Couldn't look down. Couldn't look up. Couldn't look sideways.

Sometimes I entertain myself on the train by guessing who's single and who's not. I wonder if I look really bitter. I probably do 'cause I am.

Work

Since I'm seated in the corner and can't talk to everyone else without yelling, some woman must've felt sorry for me and came over to talk. She asked how old I was and said I looked really young. I've been told this twice in one week! Maybe she meant, young for 30. When I was young, people always told me I was mature and I hated that. Maybe that's why I like to act childish now.

A few more women came to talk to me which was nice. The atmosphere is really good there. Everyone is warm and friendly. But the actual job sucks. I guess I can't have everything.

6 Components of Happiness

6 Components of Happiness

I've been officially rejected from the jobs I had interviews last week. I wish I knew how to act differently at interviews to get accepted. I try to do the 'genuine, friendly, enthusiastic, confident' thing but either I'm not doing it properly or I need to do something different.

Maybe I'm just a unlikeable person, which is so easy to believe if you look at my job search and boyfriend situation.

When I was working this week, I hated to feel like everyone thought I was someone incompetent and uneducated and just average (or even below average). I need people to know that I'm smart and way above average. Before, I'd just have to say what school I went to and everyone would be impressed. Or say that I was studying a course that's hard to get into. But now, no one knows or cares. They just see me stapling and filing.

People treat you differently if they think you're smart. They immediately have more respect for you and listen more intensely to what you're saying. Now, I'm just so ordinary and boring. I hate that. And if I go along with the whole ordinary thing, then I should enjoy it for all it's worth and have a boyfriend.

Oh my God, I really should stop all this self-pity. I've been doing it enough this week. It's just life is really unfair to me right now. Of course, my logical and practical self would say, "You make your own life. Do something about it and stop complaining". But right now, I feel like I'm doing my best and it's just not good enough.

Things just have to get better. They have to.

6 things that have to run well in order to be happy:
- health
- love life
- family
- friends
- home
- career

My health could be better but it's managable.

My life life... well, no comment.

Family - something that's running well.

Friends - could be worse.

Home - perfect.

Career - you know.

Life At The Office as a Temp

Life At The Office as a Temp

Another work day finished. Since I was seriously bored at work doing the paperwork, I pretended that I was in a sitcom about an office...

There's the old lady who acts like a girl, singing along and laughing and being silly with everyone. There's a young bubbly African woman who wears lots of gold jewelry and talks about how she decided to get married and have kids, instead of finishing her education and has no regrets.

Next to me is a woman who looks like she's about to go in labour any second. She spends all day talking on the phone, organising different social events. Sometimes she sounds mean and cranky, other times she has the warmth of Cinderella's godmother. I was scared to talk to her at first, but then she started being really sweet to me so I don't fear her angry outbursts anymore. Those are only reserved for caterers and other people she pays money to make sure her social events run smoothly.

There's the woman who's in charge of me. I don't have an opinion of her yet. She seems nice but there's something not quite right about her.

While everyone thinks I'm involved in my work, I entertain myself by observing them (since my desk is too far to actually talk to them). I have a perfect spot for eavesdropping 'cause I'm near the hall and everyone always walks past. But they're not close enough to see what I'm doing.

I even felt like emailing or blogging at work, but then remembered all those stories of bloggers being fired.

Tomorrow I have a day off, yay! I need to go clothes shopping. I have enough work clothes to last me 2 days. Which have already passed. The best thing is that I actually have money to go shopping! And there's no need to save up for anything now. Although I am thinking of going interstate sometime soon to another city that I've never been to. Sally said she'll come with me. So now that I have a job, it's going to be possible. It is so exciting to have money to spend on superficial things.

Busy Day

Busy Day

I'm tired. And I'm upset. Or more like frustrated, annoyed and irritated.

No, my first day at my temp job was ok. I was quite happy comparing stapling and monotonously typing while sitting at a desk to standing behind a counter waiting for customers (like my previous jobs). But after a couple of hours, I was bored out of my mind. All I could think was "I did not go to uni for 3 years to play with the stapler and put big numbers in order".

My whole department only has women, most of whom are married and have kids or are pregnant. So they like to talk about their family lives. I tried to concentrate on the sound of my stapler making holes in sheets of paper. I hoped it annoyed them. Ok, so I didn't really hope that, I was actually hoping it wouldn't bug them too much.

After work, I went to my dance class. I had extra time but not enough to go home, so I pretended to wait for a train at a train station. Some girl sat down next to me and started staring. She then decided to talk to me like we were friends. She kept saying I looked really familiar. I said she did too, but at the time I was trying to make her seem familiar. We talked for a bit 'cause she was quite nice. She asked what uni I went to and when I told her I finished, she said I looked young. Then, when my train came, it came to me! She used to work with me at the store last summer. I've only talked to her once then but we had a pretty long conversation. The reason I remembered was because last time she also told me I looked young. People don't usually say that to my face. Then I also remembered how she told me about living in India (and this girl looked Indian) and since she's in 2nd year of uni now, it would make sense that when I worked there, she would've just finished high school. I wished I could jump off the train to let her know my realisation.

The dance class wasn't as good as the one I went with April to. The girl-guy ratio was horrible. There were like 5 girls to every guy. And the instructors made some girls do the guys' parts which I really dreaded. Thank God, I convinced Andy to come. It guaranteed me that I would only do the girl's part. All those times at my all girls' school when I had to do the guy's part really put me off doing it.

The guys who came also were a lot worse than the ones from last time. They were old and stupid and terrible to dance with.

I think I will take this opportunity to encourage ALL guys (especially ones under 30) to join a dance class. It's a LOT of fun and you are really needed there! Especially to the one I go to. But unfortunately I can't tell you which one. Maybe you could just read my mind? Anyway, here are some reasons you should go:

1. You'll meet LOTS of girls
2. You'll be able to impress everyone with your cool moves on the dance floor.
3. It's a good form of exercise and it tones your body in the best way
4. It's fun!
5. Please????

Now, I'll get to the reason I'm frustrated. The person who I did the website for (for free, don't forget) called me up to tell me that she showed it to some people and they said that in order for a website to look professional, it has to be in shades of grey and blue. And they want me to redo it. Even though they loved it before and were really happy about it. I have nothing against blue and grey sites but I really don't think they're appropriate colours for the product they're selling. First of all, I don't have as much time to redo it and secondly, I don't want to work for free anymore.

What I'm afraid of, though, is that if I refuse to do it, they'll get someone else and I won't be able to show it off in my portfolio. It's the only thing that got me last week's interviews. Speaking of which, they haven't gotten back to me which means I didn't get those jobs. Very disappointed. I was kinda optimistic before about my job search, but now that I've got a crappy job that doesn't need any mental skills, I'm feeling like I will never find a job that would make use of my abilities.

Also, I have no opportunity to meet guys. I'll be alone with a boring job forever.

(Please, excuse my self-pity.)

Got A Bad Job

Got A Bad Job

I've got that temp job doing admin/data entry work. I guess I should be happy that I'm going to get a lot of extra cash now. And I am happy about that. I'm just going to have less time looking for a job I actually want. But even having this job for a week would be like tutoring for a year. I felt really bad calling up the tutoring agency to cancel the student. I really liked her family.

This job is going to be so boring. I even hoped I wouldn't get it. Oh well. The recruitment agent told me the manager is really nice. She better be. And the location isn't the best. It's actually quite close to where Nadine lives. Might visit her after work. Oh my God, that would be so weird.

I'm Not Home

I'm Not Home

I think I'm going to stop answering our phone. Last night, one of my Mum's friends called and she always asks me about my job search. And it's not just the casual "How's it going?", she asks about every single detail. Every interview, every application. And she likes to give advice that I already know. And I can just hear her feeling sorry for me over the phone. The 'hmm...'s and the 'oh...'s and the 'good luck's. Every time.

Hottie and Shoelaces

Hottie and Shoelaces

Oh my God! I saw a bit of Lost and the doctor guy is Charlie from Party of Five!!! I used to absolutely love that show when I was about 12. I thought Claudia was a television version of myself and I lived vicariously through her 'cause I thought it would be great to have a big family. That's until she started getting boyfriends and I stopped relating to her.

The realisation of that doctor being Charlie came to me when I thought his voice sounded very familiar. I definitely didn't recognise his face with the short haircut. He's also now so muscular. Quite hot, really. Gosh, that high voice was so recognisable.

Since this was the first time I've seen the show, maybe it's just me who thought he was always crying. But he had a masculine way of crying. The 'trying to hold back all the deep pain but my eyes are watering 'cause the pain is too much' way.

Maybe when I was 12 I was too young to notice his attractiveness. I just wanted an older brother like him 'cause he was really caring. Oh, and Bailey (Scott Wolf) seemed like a cool sibling to have. Until he started going out with the 'I'm holier than thou' Jennifer Love Hewitt and became an alcoholic. She's just got that "I'm so pretty" look about her. She reminded me of a girl from my primary school who I didn't like. This girl used to not tie up her shoelaces because she said it was a cool thing to do. Unfortunately she never tripped and so never learnt her lesson.

This reminds me of when a girl from another year of primary school died of cancer and everyone was crying but I couldn't because I didn't know the girl (since I was new) and the tears wouldn't come. So I looked out the window so no one would think I was cold hearted. Then this 'can't tie my shoelaces' girl pointed at me to her friend and started laughing. God knows why. So the tears came easily then. So I turned back to face everyone else. There was no need to pretend I wasn't sad then.

It's weird the little moments that we keep in our memories for so long.

Anyway, I don't know how I managed to go from the hotness of Matthew Fox to my primary school days... It's like you're inside me head, reading my thoughts.

In Search of Employment

In Search of Employment

I so want to work where I had an interview today. The guy who interviewed me was so cool. He was so easy to talk to, I felt I was talking to someone from uni. He was young and really understanding of the difficulty of breaking into the industry. He said he had 40 applicants so I really doubt I'm going to stand out.

The temp agency called to ask if I wanted to do some admin/data entry work starting next week. I said yes and the agent said she's going to send my resume to the company.

Another guy called about the job where he was offering below minimum wage to get some work experience doing ads for ebay. Since I've already done free work experience, I told him (a couple of weeks ago) I'd only do it for a higher amount (which was pretty minimal). Today he said that since he got a lot of applications, he's going to get everyone, who's interested, to do the ads, and he's going to pay the person who does the best. He must think everyone's an idiot. It's not a competition. I don't want to work for free in the hope that he might pay me close to nothing if everyone else does worse.

During the interview, the guy asked if I was doing anything afterwards and stupidly I said I was going to meet friends from uni (which I was). I thought he was just being friendly but then I realised that he might've suggested for me to see what they do and I could've increased my chance of getting employment there. I'm so annoyed at myself for not thinking of it at the time.

So after the interview, I met up with the girls from uni. We had lunch and then walked around. I wish they all lived closer so we could meet up more often. Most of them are very cool - Sally, Sophia and Katie. The other 2 are ok but not my type. None of them have career related jobs either which gives me some comfort. It really is hard and not just me.

I left a bit early 'cause I remembered that I was planning on going to the dance class tonight (after successfully convincing Andy to come with me), but when I got home, I was so tired I decided not to. Especially that I enroled in an actual course starting next week. After some deliberating, Andy enroled too (although he doesn't know if he's going to be coming yet).

It's so useful to have a brother (or any sibling for that matter). Last night, after the concert, we met up with Valerie's older sister and you could see they're really close. They do everything together, including going overseas. Siblings are like permanent friends. If I had to choose between having a brother or a sister, I'd definitely choose a brother. An older one preferably (for his cute guy friends) but I'd never swap Andy for anyone. Maybe an extra older one?

Would you rather have a brother or a sister? And older or younger?

My Day Before Bed

My Day Before Bed

Yes, I should go to sleep, especially since I have a job interview tomorrow. But I just feel like I need to write about things that happen. I don't think I'm addicted to blogging. It's just a habit.

Today I went to Christine's 21st birthday party. It was at a restaurant and everyone had to pay for themselves a standard amount. The food was so not worth it. It was mainly people from Christine's fashion design course. Before we got there, I told April that Christine's course just has girls and gay guys. April told me not to stereotype. But I was right, at the party there were mostly girls and some gay guys from her course. Stereotyping isn't a made up notion. It's based on fact. Of course I'm not saying that every guy who studies fashion design is gay. Simply because I don't know every guy who studies it, but generally speaking it's true.

After the party, I started thinking that maybe I should organise a big party for my 21st, something I wanted to avoid altogether. (And don't tell me about turning 21 only once, every birthday happens only once.) I guess my main reason for not wanting to celebrate my birthday was 'cause I was scared people won't show up, since I skipped so many parties last year and some this year. Reason being, some were too hard to get to and last year I was obsessively saving money for my trip to America. Also, don't want the guys from uni thinking I have no other guy friends (which is true) since I went to an all girls school and never really joined any other groups. Maybe I could get Christine and Claudia to bring their boyfriends... That's if I can get out of Claud that she got one now. I really don't know why she's so secretive about him. What's the big deal?

Tonight, April, Valerie and I went to see a band at April's old uni. There were so many teenagers, I felt old. There was a cute guy standing next to Valerie but how was I able to talk to him without seeming like I was coming on to him? Every time I go to concerts, I always wish I stood out from the crowd. And that I could have the opportunity to meet a guy. Anyway, that's just wishful thinking.

The temp agency called me to offer me a job tomorrow but I have the interview so had to cancel. Damn. It always happens like that.

Now that I've written about my day here, I feel satisfied and can go to sleep.

Ouch

Ouch

Just read April's and my private blog and I feel a pang inside. She already met lots of nice and smart guys and it was just her first day. I can already see her getting a boyfriend in the near future and I won't be able to share my pain with anyone anymore.

I guess this is how she felt when I had that 'date' that went nowhere. But unlike my bleak outcome, she has all the opportunities of getting exactly what she wants. And it's great for her and I know she wants to share all this new hope for a happy future with me but it's just like being punched at an already sore spot. All of that acts as a reminder that I have no opportunities for such things. And I was doing so well getting myself distracted...

Model Versions

Model Versions

I was having some fun with My Virtual Model.

Another Family

Another Family

I went to tutor my new student and was pleasantly surprised. I was greeted by her grandma who was very friendly and straight away told me she had 2 grandsons, one finishing uni and the other finished. I wondered if she was like my grandma, looking to for a match for her grandchildren. When the girl actually came down, the grandma goes to her, "She's a pretty girl!" as if I wasn't there! Maybe she wanted me to hear or maybe it's just an old grandma thing to think no one can hear you. Either way, I was so flattered.

My student didn't turn out as bad as she sounded on the phone. We joked around the whole lesson. She didn't even notice she was doing Maths.

Her younger sister was so hilarious. When we finished, the older girl goes to her sister (who's about 12), "... 'cause you're annoying" and the sister goes, "But that's what makes me so cute!" I couldn't help but laugh and want a sister just like her.

Even though I think I don't want to tutor anymore, when I'm there I absolutely love it. It gives me a high knowing that the kids and their family like me. If I get a full-time job, I don't think I want stop tutoring in this family.

Want That Job. A Bit of Max

Want That Job. A Bit of Max

Just got back from my interview at the media company. The location was great, the managers seemed great, the job is wonderful. I'm going to be so disappointed if I don't get it.

Watched the excellent episode of Desperate Housewives yesterday. I'm so in love with that show. I loved when Susan was stranded in the middle of nowhere where prostitutes worked and she called her daughter to get someone to pick her up, some guy drove by and asked her if she was available (thinking she was on the job) and she said to him, "I'm on a break" in a really apologetic tone. I actually laughed out loud. Gabrielle is starting to seem really mean. Bree was actually really nice to that boy. And I thought she was evil. I hope they won't resolve the mystery in the obvious way - boy kills his sister and the mother pretends she did it to protect him or something along those lines.

Dancing With The Stars is on tonight, yay! I'm so getting back to my TV obsession. It was too long since there were any absorbing shows.

Got an email from Max today. Just said that he was leaving and coming back in late April and that he'll talk to me then. Even though I asked him last time, he didn't tell me where he was going. Maybe jail? He said he got really busy last week and was sorry we couldn't meet. Yeah, right. He also wished me luck with my interviews as if that's going to make me think that he remembers what's going on in my life. Like it's hard. Too bad he isn't right for me. We could've met and I would've already had a boyfriend. Anyway, enough of contemplating about it for today.

Tell me the most interesting thing that happened to you today.