Catch Up

This blog is starting to feel like a paper diary I used to have. The more things happen the less time I have to write about them. And the less times I have, the less I can be bothered. So when I do have the time, there's too much to catch up on that I feel like I'm stuck in the past and can't get to the present. And for some reason I don't like writing about things that happened days ago. It's kinda like not having the time to watch a TV show episode that you taped before the next one, so you have to tape that one too, and then there's even less time to watch both before the following episode.

But I'm going to try and catch up to today.

Saturday night: I finally told Christine and Claudia about the existence of my boyfriend

Here is the short version of how it happened:

Claudia: my sister and her fiance broke up for good and are not getting back together because he already found a new girlfriend.
me: remember David? We're going out.

Told April about it later.
April: why do I always miss out on all the best conversations?!

Christine: you kept it a secret
me: like Claudia and Mike?
Christine: but I knew about that
me: well, April knows about David
Christine: is April seeing anyone?

Later:
April: Did you tell them I was seeing a really hot guy? Several, in fact?

When Claudia and Christine were talking about Mike and Evan, I actually felt like now I had something in common with them. Finally I also had a boyfriend to talk about.

Wonder what it'd be like to go out with our boyfriends. Now, it's just April and Amelia left.

Sunday: Mum got to know the real David

David and I had a nice day out. We saw a part of a football match (since we had free tickets) but didn't stay for the whole thing because even David got bored. He said he was more into soccer. I didn't complain. I don't think I would've ever gone to a game had it not been for the free tickets (which I offered to David's friends but he said he'd rather go with me, something he changed his mind about later).

David: it was getting boring
me: why? I thought you liked sports
David: I do but I was getting bored because you were bored. I can't enjoy it if you're not having fun

At least it's not only me who's so easily affected by his moods. But so weird anyway.

Afterwards we had lunch. There were all these stalls of international food. There was even his national food. I tried their traditional drink which was SO yummy. Then we made a little detour while getting back to the station.

We had an... 'interesting' discussion on the way. We talked about the best way to discipline kids and also what religion I'd want my kids to be. I told him I wouldn't want them to be any religion and he said he didn't mind as long as it was either his, my family's background's or nothing. I was trying to tell him that as long as the kids are happy, it shouldn't matter. He then started saying things that weren't what I liked. Like he wouldn't be happy with them choosing a totally different religion. It gave me this image of him in the future of one of those unaccepting fathers that only wanted things their way. Since I wanted to hear more of his perspective, I pretended that he didn't say anything bad. Then, I casually asked him what he would do if his kid turned out to be gay. And he said he wouldn't talk to them for two years. I couldn't believe him. He then started saying how he'd make sure they wouldn't be because he didn't think it was something they're born with. I told him gay people can't help being gay just as straight people can't help their sexuality. Then he said that if that's the case, the gay genes wouldn't be from his side of the family.

How freaking narrow-minded! I was so upset at his views. I was like, "But he'd be your kid! How could you just turn away from him?" and he said, "You put me in the spot! I don't know how I'd react. I'm just telling you how I feel now".

I don't want to be one of those girls who sees their partners through rose-tinted glasses and ignores things like that. But I actually believe that I'd be able to convince him otherwise and make him more open-minded. I mean I already changed his political views closer to mine and he was so stuck on his before. And if he thinks I'm not feeling the best, he's always like, "How can I make it better?" So if he saw that I was upset about something like having a gay kid, he'd probably do anything just so I wouldn't get mad at him.

As long as he's not so easily influenced by other people.

When we walked past a furniture shop and looked through the glass window to see the different kitchens and beds, we started talking about what kind of furniture we liked. And then I don't know how but we talked about what kind we'd get if we moved in together.

Then, on the train, he asked me what age I wanted to get married at. I wouldn't tell him because I said I knew it wouldn't happen anyway and asked him to tell me his. He said he wanted to get married at 28. He then kept asking me to tell him my age. So I did. He was like, "So that's next year, eh? You wouldn't find anyone else by then." I said, "I told you it's not going to happen, but you wanted to know". He then asked, "Would 25 be ok?" and I said, "I want to have a kid then". He said, "You want to have your first kid at 25?" and I said, "No, my second". He was like, "Ooo-k!" in the "Noooo waaaay!" tone.

I explained to him that I wanted to have kids while I still had the energy to bring them up and before 30 when I'd want to grow in my career. He was like, "Oh yeah, that makes sense".

When we got home, he asked my Mum to help him with some uni question and later she told me that he's taking his uni work too seriously which makes him waste a lot of time. I said, "What, is he stupid?" and she said, "No, but you have to know when to read deeply into questions and when it's not necessary". She said in the kind of tone that meant, "He's not that bright". Which of course made me think, "Maybe she's right".

Went to bed wondering if I'm wasting time being in this relationship, with the guy who I always knew wasn't my type.

Monday: Andy apologised and David and I had an argument

In the morning, I got a message from David wishing me a nice day. Rather than thinking, "Aww, how sweet", I was thinking, "Is him being sweet and nice to me enough to make our relationship last?"

Got home when my brother was getting ready to leave. I was having dinner when Andy opened his mouth and apologised. I immediately stopped eating and listened to his apology which was sincere (not like his forced last one). It made me so happy that he realised that he was wrong and actually felt bad for saying what he did. It was a relief to know that my brother was capable of feeling remorse. I told him I appreciated him apologising.

Later I called David to ask about his resume and cover letter before I fixed them (since it was embarrassing to send his one to my Mum's friend's work). After two hours of helping him, I started to feel frustrated that he wasn't able to do his own resume properly. And because it was late and because he kept asking me if I was ok, I told him that it annoyed me that he couldn't do things well himself. Unsurprisingly he got quite offended and told me that he never asked for my help. I said I knew that he didn't but I felt like I had to help him because without it, he had absolutely no chance. So after quite a long discussion about that and me trying to find a nice way of saying he wasn't smart enough (the best I could come up with was "I feel like you're a kid") Well, he was smart enough to understand what that meant.

I said that it would be nice if he was able to help me with stuff, rather than me helping him which of course he took the wrong way - he thought that I felt he owed me help because I helped him. All I meant was that even though I didn't need his help, it would be nice to know that he was capable of doing some things better than me. Basically I want a guy who's smarter than me so I don't feel superior to him (like I was starting to feel with David).

David: do you need time to think about this?
me: about what?
David: about us
me: do you need time to think?
David: no, I know I want to be with you. I just want you to be sure

All I could think was I didn't want to break up with him now that I told Christine and Claudia.

Then he started with all the sweet stuff about him being there for me if I needed him (as a boyfriend or as a friend) and that he would do anything for me. I was like, "Are you sure about that? 'Cause I can take advantage of that" and he said he would seriously do anything. And how he liked me the way I was and he'd try to be more organised so I wouldn't have to remind him of stuff (like I've been doing lately) and he'll never ask me to do anything for him again but I was free to ask him because he'd help me unconditionally (he's so mean making me feel guilty like that). How he wants to make me happy. Blah blah blah. My sensitive girly side was hungrily sucking in all the nice stuff, but my brain was thinking, "He still can't write correctly and has a bad memory".

Really don't know what to do about him.