Job Search Continues

My whole point of not working 5 days a week at a temp job was so that I would have time to call up places and do the film thing. Well, the film thing is over now so I'm left with two free days. In theory I have time to call up jod ads and send out my resume at work, but in practice it's impossible. You can see what I'm doing on my computer at work from almost any angle and my phone conversations are heard by everyone. And it makes me so suspicious when someone calls me back about a job and I have to talk to them about my experience and skills, and everyone around me suddenly goes quiet.

So being able to do this in the privacy of my own home is a lot more convenient. And having these days off motivates me more to look for a job because it still gives me that bad feeling of unemployment. Although, only three days of work per week is starting to relax me a bit about a job because it earns me enough money for my expenses and takes out the urgency of finding a proper job.

I was feeling so frustrated today because I felt like such a bludger being at home. And I hate feeling so lazy. Does nothing for self-respect. To make myself feel a bit better, did all the housework that was possible. All the washing, ironing, dusting, cleaning and cooking I could. And I hate housework. Just made me feel a little more useful.

I refuse to end up being some housewife. I want so much to have a satisfying job where I could put all my energies. Why is it so hard. I don't know what I can do to improve my chances of getting a good job.

Did I mention the place where I work offered me a full-time position being a PA? I told the manager I was interested in graphic/web design and reminded him that the company produces a monthly magazine and a website that needs maintaining with which I could help. He said he used to go to the pub with the woman in charge of that and he'll talk to her. The other manager said he would too but he never did, unsurprisingly. So I'm not counting on this one, although it would be just so wonderful if he would. I'll be doing this PA position part-time now so I'll be sure to remind him of what he said.

Working in a government organisation is so different to the one I worked in at the beginning of the year. It's so more relaxed. No one stays up till 7pm. By 5pm, most of the office is empty. My Mum was telling me how it's very difficult to get into a government organisation but once you do, it's not too hard to move between different ones. Although the subject matter of this magazine and website isn't too exciting for me, I would absolutely love to get experience working there. Plus, the location is perfect.

Sigh. Must think practically and remember that it's not impossible to find a career-related job since I've already done that before. David said to just be patient and keep trying. Which is what I'm doing. A job's gotta turn up soon, right?

Meanwhile, I'll just look on the bright side - David.

April's David-like Guy

I was talking to April earlier today about her new exciting life. She's enjoying studying Law but I think she's happier about all the guys that she's surrounded with. Totally understandable. I'm finding it hard to keep up with all the ones she told me about. I'm so happy that she has all these distractions so she doesn't have time to be upset about being single. She actually told me that for the first time in her life she's enjoying it. Not surprised. By her stories, it sounds like she only hangs out with guys now.

There's one South American guy who sounds SO much like David. Fingers crossed they'll end up going out. How cool would it be for us to have similar boyfriends after all the shared pain? This guy also initiates a lot so it makes it easier for her. But she seems to have changed quite a bit because of all the initiation she does with guys. No wonder she has so many more guys around her now. I'm quite excited for her.

Can't wait till she gets a boyfriend too. I wonder what it'll be like for her.

Meanwhile, here I am constantly imagining what life would be like with David, if we got married. It's fun to make up scenarios in my head. I used to do it before too but the difference now is that the guy is not some blank face. Now he has a face and a personality. For some reason I doubt I'll marry him, but why not enjoy these daydreams while I can, right?

I don't even know how I feel about him now. I think my emotions are taking over so I can't think logically and objectively. When his Mum called him to ask if I could talk to his sister about her career options because she's interested in studying Design, I almost felt like they accepted me into their family. Silly, I know.

And he invited me to an outing where even his step-family is going to be at. He told me they were very interested in meeting me! I was like, "What did you tell them about me?!" and he said, "Nothing, just told them that I was going out with this really great girl..." I don't know why but I'm nervous. It's not like it's his close family but still.

Our Future Life

It's so easy to imagine our life together... I'd come back from my graphic design job at a little after 6pm. He would either be back from uni (this is if we get married in the next two years) or from his part-time accounting job (because he would change to part-time study if we get married). We'd have dinner together and talk about our days. He would study some nights and on Saturday mornings when I would do the laundry. Then, we'd go grocery shopping (which we might do on Thursday/Friday nights) and at night maybe meet up with some friends. On Sundays we'd visit our families. Or we might go somewhere outdoors.

I'd get annoyed at him for not helping enough with housework. He'd get annoyed at me for worrying too much. Then he'd help out and I would calm down. We would talk about everything. We'd discuss everyone and when we're not tired, we'd act silly and childish.

Then, after our first child is born, he would be out of uni and would be working. Life would get hectic but we'd support each other and be rewarded with inner-peace and content. Our families would help us out so I'd be able to go to work as soon as possible. I might work part-time until the child turns two when he/she will be going to day care. Then I would have another child. When that child is old enough to go day care, I'd go back to work and try to re-establish my career (which wouldn't be too established by then anyway).

So while our kids are growing up, David and I would be working hard to get our careers going. Of course, this doesn't mean our kids are going to be left alone. We would spend time with them when we get home and on the weekends. Some weekends they can spend with the grandparents (or even great grandparents) so David and I could spend them doing housework and have some time to ourselves. I would get annoyed at David for working too much. He'd get annoyed that when he is home, I'm too busy with the kids. We'd talk about it and comprimise our schedules.

When the kids become teenagers and David and I are financially well-off, we'd travel. Then, when the kids grow up and move out, David and I would step back from our careers and have more free time to ourselves. We'd reminisce about our lives and would still be able to make each other laugh.

Then, when we retire, we'd take a long trip overseas and enjoy ourselves. When we're back, we'll be busy with the grandkids who'll no doubt be staying over at our place while their parents work hard. We'd tell them stories of what it was like when we were young and they'd tell us the gossip from their lives, swearing us to secrecy and not to tell their parents. David and I would laugh at them when they leave. Then we'd put some music and dance like the 'old' times.

Ok, I think I just got too carried away just then.