The Length of Time Limits

I really missed David last week 'cause I haven't seen him until yesterday. And now I feel kinda empty. Not because he left but because once again he said things that made me feel like he really is just very temporary and he's definitely not the type of guy I want to have a future with. Every time that happens, I immediately try to push those thoughts to the back of my mind because if I don't have him, I'm back to being horribly single (and I absolutely hated that, as you would know). I know that's a bad reason to keep a boyfriend around, but it's a realistic one.

I've never been the type of person to lie to myself (only others) but I can feel myself sugar-coating him to manipulate my own perspective of him. Every time I think, "If he was my type, he would never say that", straight afterwards I think, "But he also said..." which makes the first thing not so bad. And then I get confused and find it impossible to see my view of him objectively.

Even had a momentary thought about asking my Mum to introduce me to that POBian guy she was telling me about. But it passed because I know I can't do that to David.

Last week, David was telling me (on the phone) about the time limit he's giving himself to find a career-related job and it made me notice that he always gives different areas of his life time limits. I was planning on asking him what time limit he's giving our relationship, but there was no appropriate moment. I wonder what he'd say. Maybe I should give it a time limit myself. Should I give it 6 months? A year? And what happens after? What if I never find anyone even close to him? I know I would always regret it.

With some guys (that I've known, e.g. Tim), I'd ask myself "Would I rather be with him or alone?" and the answer would always be alone. But with David, there is no way I would rather be alone. He enhances my life, not takes away from it.

I guess now that I have a boyfriend, all I want is to find RG. That person I want to spend my life with. The best friend. The supporter. The person I could be totally and unconditionally in love with. Someone who'd feel like family.

And no matter how much I want this person to be David (because that would be the easiest and most convenient), something deep inside me knows that it can't.