Dysfunction and Loyalty

I'm having a fight with my brother. Not one of the little ones you forget about the next day, but a big one where we haven't been talking for over a week. I remember we had one this size same time last year. And I also remember admitting it was mainly my fault and apologising to him which he didn't make easier since he wouldn't accept my apology and my want to sort things out.

But this time, I can't apologise because I'm too upset at what he said to me. And if I try to make up with him, I know he'll think that what he did wasn't so bad. He's going to think it's ok. And it's definitely not ok. He doesn't even realise how hurtful he's been. When my Mum tried to get in the middle (in her typical fashion), she said that he thinks he did nothing wrong and that I deserved it. Which makes me just SO ANGRY. The fact that he said that I say worse things is such a lie, I get so frustrated.

I quickly mentioned to David that I wasn't talking to Andy (as part of another conversation) and I didn't realise he was going to get so interested. He started asking me questions about it. And I didn't want to tell him what Andy said because I didn't want David to judge him based on that since he didn't know what he was really like.

Even though I tried to change the subject and told him that I didn't want to talk about it, he somehow managed to get the general idea of what happened. And I didn't expect him to start getting angry about it. He started saying how he was going to talk to him, which totally freaked me out. Made him promise not to 'cause I know that would make things so much worse if he started getting involved.

I so didn't think he would start getting the way he was. His eyes bore into mine and my eye started watering so I got worried that he might think I was about to cry, which I wasn't. So I looked away. Which surely made him think that I was going to cry. I was getting so uncomfortable having him staring into me so much which I let him know. Told him the fight wasn't really a big deal and I was just being sensitive about it. He didn't look like he believed me. Made me regret mentioning it to him at all. Although it was nice to know how loyal he was. And he wasn't like one of those people who try to be on everyone's side. I knew he'd always be on mine.

He said that he never had a fight with his sister where they didn't speak for a week. Made me feel like I was the one in a dysfuntional family, rather than him.

This all happened after Ria's birthday party. Her party was a lot better than last week's one. There was plenty of yummy food, fun mingling and getting to know new people, and of course dancing. If I was single, the party would've been great considering that about 90% of people were single. But being with David was even better. I didn't even get to talk to him much. After first chatting with him and Ryan, I soon moved on to other people. I felt pleased that I was able to easily chat to people I've never met before and didn't need David. Although it felt nice to meet later and talk with each other.

I had two guys ask me to dance. Unbelievable, when I was single no one asked me. One guy first asked David if it was ok. How weird. Like I couldn't decide for myself! He was another one of the advanced dancers (which there were plenty of since a lot of them met at a dance class).

I don't know if I'm being biased but no one compares to how it feels to dance with David. The high I used to get from dancing before meeting David was pretty big, but now it grew so much, I feel like I'm in ecstasy. Seriously. Who needs drugs when I can just dance with David? And to top it off, David said the same thing about dancing with me. It's times like these that I can't even imagine finding another guy who would make me feel that way.