Life: Found

This is it.

Tomorrow I'm getting married. I have started getting butterflies in my stomach since yesterday.

As you might realise, a wedding was the whole purpose of my story "In Search of a Life". After several years of wanting, desiring, craving the "happily ever after", I'm about to get it. I always knew that I would keep the blog until I found love and excitement because that's the 'life' I was searching for.

I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get it. Sometimes I expected to be blogging about boring single life in my nineties (if I ever lived that long because we all know statistics say that single people don't live as long as married ones).

When I first started blogging, I was a university student preparing for adult life. I lived with my parents and brother, I hung out with a group of close girlfriends from high school. I worked casual jobs. I dreamed of an exciting career in film/television.

Most of all, I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone in my single misery.

Now I have a permanent full-time job as a designer with great hours and handy location. It is definitely not as exciting as the movies but at least I gave the movie biz a shot and realised that it wasn't practical for me. I have my own home, something I never dreamed of to have at my age. I have overcome the "dancing curse" and have discovered a new joy in Latin dancing. I have kept the same friends and even found a couple of new ones.

Of course, the biggest and most important part is that I have found my RG and I have no doubt of his love for me. He's the one who brings my life the most happiness.

Now I want to tell those people who are searching for something more that it is possible. And not just for everybody else, but for you. Yes, you.

So as my blog was supposed to encourage me to go out and find the Right Guy, which it didn't, I have found him anyway (or he has found me, as he likes to think). He has a name, an active mind, a kind heart and now he has me. My search for a life (and everything I always wanted life to be) has been successful.

In case you're wondering, this not an ending. This is another beginning.

Hen's Night

This time next week I will be getting ready to cross over to the other side. The married side, that is.

Last week has been so busy I didn't get a chance to blog about my Hen's night. I have to leave in 30 minutes so I'll quickly do it now.

It was almost everything I wanted my Hen's night to be. By 'almost' I mean that there was something missing. I'm not sure what. I had such a great time anyway. All my close friends came. There were 12 of us altogether. We were really dressed up for our theme and the photos turned out great.

We ate, talked, danced and even saw a couple of strippers that were organised for the other hen's/buck's night at the same place. I found the whole thing quite disgusting because I couldn't stop thinking what these people's partners would think. But hey, they probably got their own.

I must've been really naive but I thought a stripper just does a dance while taking his/her clothes off. The male strippers were actually touching the women and almost simulating sex. It was gross. The guy from the buck's night got two girl strippers who touched not only him but each other and got completely naked at the end.

When I told David about it, he got annoyed at me for going to that place. How was I supposed to know people from the other groups would get them! Not like I intentionally organised it!

Nadine said that she would only marry Dean if she could have the hot fireman stripper for her hen's night. She also divulged too much information when she said that girls can kiss better than guys and not to diss it till you try it. She also completely freaked out my conservative uni friends.

My other school friend, Beth got up on stage in front of everybody to dance the macarena. All other peope at the place followed her. The guys from the buck's night thought she was the one getting married. She and Nadine got chatted up by 50 year olds from the buck's night. It was really disgusting. When they tried to make conversation with me - "Come on, dance with me!" I ignored them completely.

April looked absolutely beautiful with Amelia's makeup. I seriously considered asking Amelia to do my wedding day makeup. I guess it helps to have amazing skin. She also had her hair done in beautiful waves, the way she will for my wedding.

Everyone commented how I lost a lot of weight which was emphasised by my tight dress. It felt so good to be able to wear it and not worry about any uneven bits coming through. I love the dance class I went to. I wish I could keep going so I could keep my current shape.

I can't believe my hen's night is in the past now, after looking forward to it for so long. Now I'm looking forward to the wedding!

Wedding Jitters

Two weeks till I get married. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The countdown has begun.

I feel so stressed. I'm not even sure exactly why. Most things are coming together but I just wish everything could be done already so I don't have to think about it. Unfortunately that's impossible.

David is so relaxed which is amazing. He's the one who has exams, not me. He said stress doesn't achieve anything and of course I know that! One thing is knowing something and totally another to be able to do it.

Tomorrow is our ceremony rehearsal and I should get to sleep but I feel so restless. Thoughts just won't stop running through my head.

Am I making the right decision? Will I be happy? How can I be certain of anything?

I want to hear over and over again David explaining in detail, illustrating with examples why I will be happy with him. Only in my dreams.

Tonight he was reading jokes from some book to cheer me up and they were all really dumb which only annoyed me.

I'm so touchy these days. I told his Mum she won't be getting a place card as she will be sitting at the main table and she said, "That's discrimination! I want a place card". She was obviously only joking but I wanted to scream, "If you want a place card, make it yourself and sit with the other guests!" Did she even know how time consuming it was to make those cards?!

This is how bad I'm getting.

I'm starting to not even enjoy this process anymore. I should be having fun and being extremely happy but I'm too busy being worried.

I really want to relax a bit before the wedding but I guess any relaxation will have to be postponed to the honeymoon.

David said his perfect wedding would be to go from the ceremony straight to the honeymoon and skip the whole reception bit. Never thought I would say this, but that option is looking very appealing.

I'm also having the hen's night this weekend which doesn't even sink in. It seems like my friends are more excited about it than me. Hope the weather holds up for my outfit. I expected it to be very warm when I got my little dress. Now I might have to wear it with boots but that might make me look too slutty. April said you're supposed to dress slutty to a hen's night. When I showed David the dress, he looked very confused about how it should go on which made me laugh. He's so innocent sometimes.

Too bad my dance classes finished. I lost 3kg doing them which is a lot for me. I can actually fit into size 8 now. I hope I don't put the weight back on in the next week.

I might also mention that I found another makeup artist who will be doing my makeup on the wedding day. It was by luck but the trial went much better than the first one (where I freaked out so much when I saw myself in the mirror that I literally jumped). The second one at least kept my feature the same shape (which I strongly specified). The whole 'professional makeup' experience made me realise that I'm quite capable of doing my own makeup. Also, David kept saying that I didn't need makeup because I had natural beauty which cheered me up enormously. He's so sweet.

And for the biggest news, my grandma and aunty are coming from POB next Monday!!! I'm happy beyond words that they will be at my wedding.

Now, after this long post, I'm actually feeling a lot more relaxed. I forgot about the therapeutic benefits of blogging.

Breaking News

I was listening to a morning show on the radio when I heard "We have to stop the show for some breaking news that has just come in."

My ears perked up and my heart started beating faster. Was there a huge mass attack somewhere? Did a famous person die, been murdered? Was the world coming to an end?

No, a Melbourne Cup horse wasn't in the race anymore. Woah, that's the sort of news that stops a show? I couldn't believe my ears. Gotta love Australia.

The Lost Key

At work I was given a key to my office (shared by three other people). As this office is very easy for outsiders to come into, we have to lock it every time no one is in the room. Therefore I have to carry this key with me at all times.

Every time I go to the bathroom I always worry that I will forget it there. Every time I go to the kitchen to heat up my lunch, I'm paranoid I will lose the key. (I don't always have pockets so mostly it's in my hand).

Yesterday, it happened. I lost it. I realised this at lunch time when I was going to go to the kitchen. I knew the only place I've been to that morning was the bathroom so I ran there. The key was nowhere to be seen. I started to panic. Someone must've taken it. Unless I took it back to the office and put it down somewhere and someone picked it up.

I wasn't actually too worried about it because I thought I would just make a copy of my colleague's key. Unfortunately it wasn't that simple. Since it was a security key and a 'company asset', I had to fill out a form, explaining the circumstances. I avoided writing that I could've left it in he bathroom.

I'm hoping I can sort this out without my manager finding out as today was her first day back from holidays (first time I saw her since the interview as she left before I started). What a great first impression that would make.

When I recounted David my story, hoping for sympathy, he said, "You should be more careful with things like that". I was so mad. When he lost the phone, I said, "These things happen". After brewing it till late, I called and told him how that wasn't a nice thing to say. He laughed and said, "Don't worry, these things happen," which made me feel better.

Bridezilla Alert

Oh my God. I'm starting to morph into a bridezilla. I promised myself I never would. A wedding is not about a wedding, it's about getting married. I never expected to become one because I'm not like that. I really surprised myself.

I think the expectation to have the best day of your life (or whatever) is so high that I want to make sure that everything is set up for it to happen. And it's only once! If it's wrecked, you can never get it back.

See, that thought of thinking is very detrimental to any sort of good time.

Thank you to a reader who kindly reminded me what would make the day happy. It's about finding the person you want to share your life with and not about your hair, makeup etc. Deep down I knew it all along but when you get into all the details (and they are endless) of planning a wedding, it's easy to forget your reason for having it in the first place.

Trials

I was supposed to have my hair and makeup trial today. Felt more like my sanity was on trial.

Months ago (because I'm well organised) I coordinated to have my hair and makeup trials for Saturday morning, 20 October. I thought it would be a good run to see how everything would go on the big day.

A couple of weeks ago, my hairdresser informed me that she's moving salons on the day of my trial and if I could have it on another day. Little did she realise how much she wrecked my well-planned weekends.

I rearranged the reception food tasting with David (since he can't see me on the trial days) and called the makeup artist. Not really surprisingly, she told me she had all her weekends booked out now, except the one Saturday I organised most of our furniture deliveries to come in. I asked if another makeup artist was available since it was a big salon. She said she was the only makeup artist there.

After some stress, I decided to take a day off work to have both the hair and makeup done on the same day so I could see the full effect. I also organised it on the day my Mum was home so she could help me put on my dress and I could see the whole picture.

I was also expecting the washing machine and the locksmith guy to change our locks. Did I mention I managed to fit in visiting our strata manager to get a spare securiy key?

I arrived at the hairdresser early. I showed her a picture of what I wanted:

I wish I could have those curls all the time but at least one day would be wonderful.

She looked at it and said, "Your hair won't look like that. It's too heavy. I will try something similiar". As my hot rollers were cooling down, I realised there was no way I would get to the makeup artist in time. I gave her a call and said, "Hi, I'm supposed to have an appointment with you at 11:30 but..."

"Eleven pm!" she interrupted me. I was like, "What? It's eleven for my wedding day but at eleven thirty for today." Then she got quiet and said not so defensively, "I have it written down as eleven." I knew by her tone she realised she made a mistake. I asked her if it was possible to do it later today. She said she couldn't. Here, I started panicking because I really wanted to see the hair and makeup together (I took a day off work for just this purpose!)

Then she said she'd try calling the other makeup artist to see if she was available. Another one?! She was already starting to sound like a liar. When she called back, this artist couldn't do it any other day after work. There was no way I was taking another day off work for it. I also didn't want to not have a trial.

I got home panicking because with less than five weeks to go, most makeup artists would be booked out!

I called the first one in the local wedding directory I got at a bridal expo. She said she was available so I booked it. I have no idea whether she's any good but at least she comes to wherever you are so that should save time on the wedding day. I'm having the trial this Saturday morning. I will have to wash it off before I see David that night.

Anyway, back to the hair salon. Once she undid the rollers, my hair was nothing like I wanted it to be. It was still straight at the top and only had a few spirally waves (which were dropping in front of my eyes). She used her tongs a bit to sharpen the curls but it still wasn't what I wanted. My curls looked so fake. My hair looked like this:

It looked pretty much the way my hair always does. Nothing dramatically different for people to go, "Wow!"

And now, at 7pm, my hair is already back to straight. So it won't hold all night. My hairdresser said she'll put more product on the day.

I'm already preparing myself that my wedding day will not be perfect because nothing ever is. (I haven't mentioned but I will probably have a 'girl's problem' on that day, possibly giving me headaches, cramps and a general bad mood). So as you can see, I'm not expecting a beautiful stress-free day. I will try to have fun nonetheless.

Wedding Bells

Isn't it weird that quite a few bloggers who I've read for ages now are also getting married?

I guess it's getting to the age where lots of people are deciding to settle down.

Time flies.

Reflection

People who are overly sensitive, insecure, take things too personally, indecisive, unsure, scared, nervous and anxious really annoy me.

I wish I wasn't all of the above.

Lately people tell me, "You are getting too skinny" but not a positive way. Yet, I love the way I am now. They all think it's due to stress. But I know it's because I stopped driving to work, walk a lot more and do the dance class every week. I don't eat much either because I'm freaked out that most things I'm eating are either bad for my skin or for my stomach (which aches regularly). It's putting me off food. At the same time, I have cravings for chocolate and wheat. I'm sick of healthy food. I'm also sick of paying so much attention to what I eat.

And yes, I am stressed. Only I can't complain much because David's too stressed with working, studying and assisting with the unit.

My Mum is being really overbearing too which really stresses me but she doesn't understand. She thinks she's calming me down but she's not. I tried telling her this but she got really defensive and upset.

I also cry too easily. It's always been my biggest weakness. I just can't control my tears when I'm upset. I hate that.

All I want is for David to put his arms around me and acknowledge that my stress is not an overreaction on my part. I want to go to that safe place where he's making me smile and laugh and I don't feel like there are needles in my gut. I want to feel like I have nothing to worry about, that I will always be happy and loved.

Another 10 Minutes

Every ten minutes of my life can be made into a blog entry. As I don't have time to blog every ten minutes, my blog is starting to miss many aspects of my new busy life.

Blogging is best when you have spare time on your hands to think, reflect and analyse. Nowadays, so many things are happening so quickly, I have no time to think, yet alone reflect and analyse. My brain is holding on to a lot of important information that I can't afford to forget. I have never relied on a planner so much. Every week, there's a list of things to be done, people to call, things to organise.

The fact that David is getting into his exam period and cannot contribute as much as I'd like him to, only adds more pressure. Yes, we could've waited till next year (as David can't help but occasionally remind me) but damn it, I just want to have a kid before I'm 24. Don't ask why, this is ingrained into me. I just want to and that's it.

The stupid thing is that now I'm reconsidering waiting till I'm 25 just so we could have a bit more time alone (and so I can have a chance at performing at the annual dance show).

Speaking of dancing, is it possible to love it as much as I do? I have moved on to the second level. The instructor tires everybody out so much, sweat is literally flowing down my face. The good thing is that I noticed that I can actually jog for a bit without my breath quickening. I noticed this while running to the train station. It was like walking. It was such a pleasant surprise.

I'm not going to be able to go to the third level as I will have to go on the honeymoon. I told this to April and she rolled her eyes and said with her usual sarcasm, "How inconvenient".

Even though I'm experiencing 'some' stress, getting so close to the wedding and all, I think deep down I enjoy it. I want to get stressed about things like getting all rsvps on time and picking songs for the reception. It's like it makes me feel normal, because most 'normal' people stress about insignificant things, right?

Like Yours but Better

David and I like to email each other at work.

David's email:
Everyone's teasing me now.

my email:
Why?

David's email:
Pam [his boss] asked what colour hair you had and I said, "Like yours, but nicer" which is true.

It made me smile all day imagining David telling his boss I had nicer hair than her.

New Members of the Mortgage Club

As of this week, David and I are home owners. Never thought that I would own my own place at the age of 23. It's amazing how a couple of years can change your life.

I remember how I was two and a half years ago - completely hopeless about where my life was going. I couldn't imagine that it would actually be the way I always wanted.

One little bump that we're experiencing on our home buying adventure is that our real estate agent won't give us all the keys. He says he doesn't have one and there's nothing he can do about it! Nothing he can do! It's his responsibility to provide us all the keys, isn't it? It just seems so obvious that I'm not even sure if it's a legal requirement.

I called the agency to speak to his manager (as he's been very unprofessional and irresponsible the entire process) but the receptionist said that he would call back. He hasn't. I also called our solicitor and left a message on his voicemail but had no call back. I just want to know if it's the agency's responsibility to provide us all the keys or not.

It's very frustrating.

In other news, I'm loving my dance class. It's really not enough to do it just once a week. I wish I could practise every day but I've been too busy. My 'friend' from first lesson hasn't shown up since.

This weekend, David and I are painting our new place. April asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her and Ella for hen's night costumes but unfortunately I can't. Also, have to pick up my wedding dress.

Although it seems like most things are organised for the wedding and the unit but there's still so much to do:

- get jewellery
- test reception food
- send dj a song list (i.e. choose songs)
- send photographer a list of required photos
- select ceremony
- finish the last batch of invitations (can you believe I still haven't finished them?!)
- connect to a telephone network
- choose best internet plan
- buy carpet
- buy new stove, oven, washing machine, fridge
- buy blinds

And to top this off, I agreed to do a book club with April and read "Gone With The Wind". I didn't want to say no because I've been neglecting all the things I used to like doing.

Bought myself a new skirt today. It was only $10 (original price was $69) so I couldn't say no. I think it would look nice on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon is such a good reason to buy nice new stuff. Not like I go shopping that often anyway.

I've noticed I've become more grown-up in my shopping too. I actually enjoyed browsing the homewares section. Imagining what cushions I'd buy for our new couch, what rug, what tableware. Ahhh...

The Lives of My Friends

Dear Sky,

I'm getting nervous about getting married and my boyfriend hasn't even proposed yet!

We've been together for four years. We talk about marriage A LOT but nothing ever comes out of it. I can see myself spending my life with him but some things about him make me nervous. What if he has an affair? You hear it happens to people who never expect it. He also doesn't want to have kids but I do. He's great with others' kids so he's probably only going through a phase and will change his mind.

He can also be very immature but all guys are at this age, aren't they? Does quarter-life crisis exist? I think he might be having one.

I don't know what to do. Is this the guy for me?

- nervous and confused

Dear nervous and confused,

Get a hold of yourself! If you're getting cold feet before you're even engaged, you're not ready to marry this guy. You have to put your feelings and emotions aside for a little while (as hard as it is to do) and assess your capatability with him rationally.

If you think he might cheat, you obviously don't trust him. A successful relationship cannot exist without trust. Has he given you reason to feel this way or are you getting influenced by things you hear in the media? If it's the latter, you're being too easily influenced by people who shouldn't influence you at all. You have to know his character (which after four years, you should have a clear picture) to see that he's strong enough not to be swayed away from you or give in to weaknesses.

As for kids, that's not something to be taken lightly. If he says he doesn't want to have kids, you have no guarantee that he will change his mind. This sort of 'phase' can last a lifetime.

Immaturity doesn't always disappear with age. Some people have that condition all their lives.

A quarter-life crisis exists in people's heads. Age is no excuse for doing out-of-character things.

Having said all of the above, it doesn't mean that this guy isn't the one for you. He very well might be. Sometimes it's easier to convince yourself that he's the one because you have a history with him that you don't want to throw away. Unfortunately, the longer you wait the worse it will get if in the end you realise he's not the one you want. But only you can decide that.

Love Sky

Dear Sky,

My boyfriend and I have been together since high school. I am ready to take the next step and make a formal committment. The problem is that I know he's not. He has not grown up enough to be the adult partner I want him to be.

For example, we have planned on going overseas next year and as I was about to book the tickets, he called to tell me that he didn't want to go because he wanted to save up for a car. I was devastated because I was really looking forward to it.

I am also looking to buy a property but there's no way I'd want him to move in. I would just end up picking after him. He needs to grow up first.

My parents love him but I am not sure anymore if I want spend my life with him.

I also have a problem with him not caring what I do. He wouldn't even care if I had a stripper for my hen's night. He also never argues which really annoys me. I'd rather he screamed than stayed silent. I even try to provoke him to get any reaction but it doesn't have any effect on him.

Should I wait until he grows up?

- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Sounds like you're stuck with a guy out of habit. You might've had things in common when you were teenagers but it seems you don't anymore.

His last-minute cancellation on your trip shows not only his lack of reliability but also his complete lack of consideration.

The fact that you don't want to move in with him out of fear that you'd be like a mother figure is a big neon sign that says "Mismatch!" He's not a child anymore and should be able to look after himself.

Of course your parents love him - they only see the surface - his good job, his charm etc. That's not enough for you because you need some quality and substance underneath the perfect exterior to make your relationship work.

If you feel the need to provoke him to get a reaction shows either a bit of immaturity on your part or your need for his attention. If it's attention you want, you need to tell him! It might sound like a cliche but communication is key! If you're being immature, you'd make the perfect couple!

You're right that he still needs to grow up. Unfortunately you never know how long that will take. It's up to you to decide how long you want to wait. Don't wait too long because you don't want to wake up one day when you're 35 and realise that nothing had changed.

Love Sky

Dear all my friends with boyfriends who are 'not ready',

Be strong!!! Make a decision about what you want and stick to it. Let him know where you stand and if he's not standing right there beside you, it's time to cut loose (yes, it will be painful) but not as painful as spending your life with somebody who doesn't realise how lucky he is to have you.

Love you all,
Sky

Sweet Life

David and I ordered our wedding cake on the weekend.

The place looked like a museum. Each cake was a piece of artwork. They offered us some samples which sealed the deal. We're going to have the yummiest cake, which will hopefully look great too.

We also bought floor boards for our new place. It doesn't sound that exciting but I was so excited to be picking out the floor and the thing that goes around it, forgot what it's called.

We get the keys next week!!!! Ohmygod, I can' t believe it, we will be owners of a unit (and "owners of a mortgage" as David put it). This is too grown-up but I'm so ready for it.

On Sunday, met up with the school friends. Handed out invitations to those who haven't received one. They were so excited about the whole thing. We also decided on the theme for the hen's night which I can't wait for! A reason to dress up never goes astray.

Too many exciting things happening!!! I'm bursting with excitement.

Last night brought me back to earth though when at about 9pm, I got bad stomach pains and started losing conscience. I was freaked out but it passed and I'm fine now.

Dancing Adrenaline

I'm on a dancing high.

Started classes again.

The instructor was full of energy and really made it fun. She taught the moves quite differently to the last place I've been to but I got the hang of it. I also realised just how unfit I am. My muscles were killing me and my body just couldn't move as fluidly as it should have.

Seriously need more practice. Salsa seems so easy in comparison.

Made a friend straight away which was great so I didn't feel like I was alone there. She had a friend who does shows. That's pretty cool to know a professional dancer.

I can't wait till next week.

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

April is organising my hen's night! Other girls are all eager to have some put in so should be interesting! I'm so looking forward to it. I know it's going to be tons of fun. Still deciding on the theme though.

Work Hours

me: I'm so annoyed. I couldn't leave until 5pm!
April: what a hard life you lead

Money Talks

My old manager called me yesterday and told me that the position that I vacated will be advertised with a higher salary!

And I have been deciding not to go back because I'm learning so much at my new job and getting used to it. I'm even appreciating the extra walking.

But money is a big thing so I will definitely go for it.

Friday with Future In-Laws

I got my salsa dvd! I can't wait to start! The end is bad quality, though. I wonder if it's the DVD or our dodgy DVD player. Need to try it in another one.

Last night went well. Dinner was really nice. My parents weren't used to such large portions and so much seafood but it all turned out ok. They talked a lot. Especially my Mum. I never realised how social and outgoing she was. Especially lately, I started noticing that she just makes conversation with anybody. People in the shops, on an escalator, on a plane etc. I don't remember her being like that before.

Our parents will never be friends but I know that they always be able to get along. That's all we can really ask for. We're both very lucky that neither of our parents have any issues and are easy-going.

After my parents and brother left, I stayed with David and we watched Prime. It was a refreshing romantic comedy. Not your typical Hollywood one. It was a realistic (as much as you can be in a film) story. A rare enjoyment. The only thing that that was a bit weird was the main actor looked too much like my brother.

Breathing

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
and take a breath and hold on tight
spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't want to speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to you breathing
is where I wanna be yeah

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm
trying to identify the voices in my head
God which one's you
let me feel one more time what it
feels like to feel and
break these calluses off of me
one more time

cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside your door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be

I don't want a thing from you
bet you're tired of me
waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
cause I just want to be here now

cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to you breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be
where I wanna be

I love Lifehouse.

Hey There Delilah

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh its what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

I love this song.

Missed

It was my goal to get the 4:28pm train today. Still sitting in the office at 4:25pm, I realised that wasn't going to happen. I hurried up to try to get out of the place for the 4:40pm train but at 4:35, I was in the same position.

Finally I managed to get out at 5:00pm and almost ran to the train station for the 5:13pm. I got there with a few minutes to spare. I looked at the board and saw that my train has been cancelled.

Got home at 6:40pm.

Never thought I'd say this but I miss driving. Not having to wait. Just get in the car and go home.

Found a card from the post office telling me I've received the salsa dvd but since nobody was home, I had to pick it up from the post office. One little problem - post office closes at 5pm and I can't get home before then.

My brother offerred to get it for me on Monday as he finishes uni early. But Monday! I want it now!

Why couldn't the courier leave it in the mailbox. It's just a dvd. It was my first ebay purchase.

Met up with Amelia for lunch (once I managed to get out of the office). Haven't seen her in God knows how long. She looked a bit odd. She got a different haircut (ok) but had bright green eye shadow and a leopard print cardigan. We didn't get to talk much but it was nice to catch up at least a bit. I'm meeting her next week again.

David's parents invited my family to dinner this Friday. Should be interesting - first time at their house.

Last night was soooo good. Just because David was with me. I realised how similar we were becoming. Or maybe we were similar all along. If there were trillion different wavelengths, David and I would be on the same one. We just get each other. And he loves parts of me I like least.

I wish we were living together already. I miss having him around to do nothing with in the evenings.

We went to Nadine's party on the weekend. April and Ella were there too. It certainly made an impression on April. I was used to it. Nadine made a great fool of herself. I was embarrassed for her but April said, "Don't worry, she won't remember any of it tomorrow".

Dean, her boyfriend, didn't seem to care. He said he had a headache and went to his room to relax.

I was so glad to have David there. April said she could imagine us acting like a married couple. I loved having him there to do little couply things with. Like, saying I was getting thirsty and him immediately getting up to get me a drink. Or me asking him if he wanted to finish my roll. Or when he flicked my hair to tease me or pushed it out of my face as I was talking to Liz. Tiny subtle gestures that show that we're comfortable with each other.

Liz asked him, "So David, do you have any friends for us?" Talk about being straight forward. I'd never be able to ask a guy I barely know something like that.

I wonder if people think our couply ways are annoying or if they make them feel bad. We don't mean to do either. I think I've stopped caring how we come across to other people. I'm just too happy to care.

A Little Bit Better

Day two: better than day one.

Today was a small improvement on yesterday.

My old manager called me in the morning to ask for help. I like being needed. Maybe they can take me back.

I think I enjoyed today 'cause I actually had something to do, the music wasn't playing all day and I was the only one in the office for most of the day. Something I didn't mind at all.

I don't mind listening to music but doing so non-stop all day just takes the joy out of it. I didn't even want to listen to my mp3 player on the way home yesterday, like I usually do.

I tried to get the earlier train today but got on the platform just as it left. Had to wait another ten minutes. Got home after 6pm.

I wonder if I'll ever get home before 5pm again. I'm not even asking for 4:30.

David is going to come over soon so I guess today wasn't a waste.

Work Is Just Money

I miss my old job!

I really tried to be positive today at my new job but all I could do was compare how it wasn't as good as my last one.

I saw David after work which cheered me up tremendously and reminded me that a job is only a job and while I have love in my life, nothing else really matters.

The Wind

When I die, I'll become the wind
And will live above your roof
When you die, you'll become the sun
And will still be higher than me

I'll be the autumn wind somewhere
Flying with you all over the world
You won't understand, and I will invisibly
Whisper warmly, "Hey sun, where are you?"

Only, don't become the sun yet
Listen, I will sing you songs from the roof
I will once again be the one who you breathe
Only thing left is for me to become the wind

When I die, I'll become the wind
I will be the first snow that falls
Laughing, fly with you around the world
And there'll be no one happier than me

When you die, you'll become the sun
And will steal my frost
And flowers will bloom in gardens
And iced hearts will become tears

Only, don't become the sun yet
Listen, I will sing you songs from the roof
I will once again be the one who you breathe
Only thing left is for me to become the wind

I will wait only for your smile
And will listen to your cds
I will pick snowflakes from your eyelashes
Only thing left is for me to become the wind

I saw the videoclip to this song and it's about a girl singing to her paraplegic boyfriend. It's such a sweet song. It reminds me of how much I love David.

Wanna Dance Again

I have been getting the dancing bug lately. I want to start up doing classes. I want to finish all the levels of salsa that I've started.

I asked David if he wanted to do them and he refused, saying he was too busy (understandable) and he doesn't want to commit to 8 weeks of classes.

Unfortunately, now I can't go without him as it would be weird dancing with other guys. David said he's fine with it but I know he isn't.

Yesterday, he called me and said that he would do it with me. I was happy but I realised that he will be really tired and will probably get grumpy. I'd feel really guilty making him go after a long day of work and uni without dinner or anything.

We decided we'd get some dvds and learn new moves. Although it's not the same as having the consistency of going to class, it's better than nothing.

I finally discovered one negative side of having a boyfriend - can't focus on dancing as much as I'd like.

I'm also getting to the age where I'm too old for getting to an advanced level (even though it is only salsa, and not ballet).

This may seem really silly to most people but I dream of dancing in a proper show. It's a bit of an embarrassing dream. I'm too old for that stuff.

David asked me why and I couldn't even explain. I guess it's because I love watching dancing shows and it makes me want to be in one.

I've decided to go to samba classes close to my new job. Unfortunately, I will never be doing samba shows as I am never wearing the required costume. I remember talking to one of the dance instructors once and she said she refused to do samba because she does not want to wear the g-string bikini.

It's fun to learn though as it really expands your dance skills. And it's fun.

Wedding Crafts

I have been doing wedding invitations all day and I'm still not finished. I'm so over it.

It might've seemed like a fun idea at the beginning to design my own invitations but it's not even close to fun sticking the 50th piece of cardboard to another material.

I'm not even sure if they look good anymore 'cause I'm so tired of looking at them.

Looking on the bright side, I have learnt to use a glue gun effectively.

Best Job Ever

I have finished my job yesterday. It felt really weird, like it was the end of a school term. Only I wasn't going on holidays.

As soon as people at work found out I was leaving, they have been coming to me and saying that they'll miss having me around. I have also received numerous emails (including from the Director who was overseas), telling me how sorry they were to hear that I was leaving, calling me talented and saying my design skills have inspired them among many other sweetest things.

To be so well liked by so many people at my job is overwhelming beyond words. Especially after my previous job where nothing I did was ever right. It has restored my confidence in not only my job skills but my social skills.

One girl from another office (who I always talked with on the phone) came just to say good-bye and she brought the yummiest desserts. I was really touched that she made the effort.

I wish I didn't have to leave.

My boss told me to be prepared to be stolen back in a few months.

I was driving home yesterday and my heart was smiling.

Re: Previous Technical Question

Thanks for your feedback on my previous question. I changed some code and can now see the top image in Firefox. Can you?

Technical Question

I've started posting from Firefox, rather than Internet Explorer because for some reason it won't let me anymore. As soon as I started doing it, I noticed the top image (behind the title of my blog) doesn't show up in Firefox (or Netscape).

I have no idea why but I was wondering can you see it (and what browser are you viewing this blog from?

Another Anniversary

Email to David:

I turned over my desktop calendar and realised it's the 27th. So happy 15 months anniversary!

Reply from David:

Are you sure it's 15 months? I wonder who was the beautiful girl I met more than 27 months ago...

I can't believe I actually forgot that I've been with David for over two years!

I actually want to stop counting every month anniversary as it's getting too much after this long but every time the 27th rolls around, I always remember and have to point it out.

Maybe after we get married, I'll start keeping track of the wedding date, rather than the day we because boyfriend and girlfriend.

Furniture Shopping

David and I spent 7 hours shopping for furniture yesterday. Fortunately we both got a bed, two bedside tables, a dining table and chairs. I'm so happy we have our own furniture!

Some salespeople are so annoying though. They think we have time to just chat. They don't realise we've been shopping all day and don't want to stand there listening to why we should get something we don't like.

One guy was particulary getting to me. He said to David (like I wasn't there) that my tastes were old fashioned and that my skin would match the chocolate coloured bed. Like who freaking buys a bed to match their skin colour? Idiot. What a dumb strategy to tell me I'm old-fashioned to get me to buy. I just wanted to get out of the shop as soon as possible.

Our bedroom is a small size so we were looking for a bed with drawers underneath and this stupid guy said that we won't find any 'cause it's old-fashioned. I told him that we just saw quite a few in other shops. This lead him to say that it would match my skin. Then he added, "That's why I like to sleep on a white bed." He also went on to tell us how he buys at IKEA for his kids. Like we cared.

Pushy salespeople annoy the hell out of me.

Some have a bit of a sense of humour though like when one came up to me when I lost David and asked if he could help. I told him I was "just looking" (for David) and he replied, "It's free to look today". It made me smile.

David and I had a bit of a disagreement about the couch. He really liked one that I wasn't convinced about. In the end I agreed but when we went back, the shop closed. David wasn't happy.

Shopping for so long can get quite stressful as David can't take more than a couple of hours and becomes quite difficult. I had to bribe him with ice cream. Not like I don't get tired but it's something that we have to do. It's much better to spend one day there than go several times.

I'm just glad the day was a success. He made dinner for me when we got back to his house. I was feeling very sleepy by that stage so he wouldn't let me drive home by myself. I was sure I'd be fine but he was like, "I'm taking you home. It's not a question." I love when he looks after me.

I dropped him off at his house in the morning. He has heaps of homework. It's always really hard to say goodbye after spending time together, knowing we won't see each other until next weekend.

I also got a chance to do some housework. Really needed to finish invitations but didn't get to it. I'm taking Friday off so I'll do them then. One more week at my job. I'm getting nervous.

Real Life Better than Fiction

I'm in love with Latin music. I've been listening to POBian radio and all they play is Latin stuff. They also play POBian songs mixed with Latin ones. The rhythm is so catchy.

I would've loved to pick a Latin style of song for our first dance but we couldn't find anything appropriate. I really wanted something upbeat but most love songs are slow or sad sounding (if you don't understand the lyrics).

I saw Front Up today and I remembered how captivating that show was. For anyone who never heard of it, there's one guy who walks around Australian cities and starts talking to random people about their lives. It's amazing how much interesting information he gets out of them. One of my favourite documentaries. My other favourite is the 7 Up series and Promises.

Everyone at work has been so wonderful. I've had about five people come up to me and say how sad they are to see me go. I've never felt more appreciated in any other workplace. I really hope people like me at my next job. There's so much bureaucracy in government. So many procedures and processes to make everything 'fair'. They just take lengthy amounts of time 'causing me to leave this job even though everybody is happy with me and I'm happy to be there.

One woman said to me, "It'll be good for you to get out of this retirement village". She didn't understand that I didn't mind. Even the 63 year old next to me is great for a chat. Who knows how the 'young' people are going to be at my next job.

I'm trying to look it at it as a new adventure. I just hope I can get maternity leave when I want to. My probationary period is a year! Never heard of any that long. Not that they can fire me if I get pregnant but still. And I don't want to be like, "Oh, it was an accident" and look like some naive young girl.

The wedding invitations are taking me much longer than planned. I created such a huge job for myself. David offered to help but I'd rather do it myself and not have anyone to blame if something's not perfect. I feel like a one-woman factory. I did the first part. The next involves pasting in all the details and adding decorations.

On Saturday, David and I are going to look for our furniture. I'm so happy we like the same stuff. Last weekend, we had the same opinion about everything we saw. Now that we know what's around, we'll be more goal-orientated.

Claudia is also looking for a place to buy. April and I were surprised that she wasn't moving in with Mike. April said that Claudia told her that they never discussed their future. I (and April) could never be like that. I have to know every detail of where the relationship is going. Don't want to be getting any nasty surprises several years down the track.

So happy with my life right now. I have everything I could possibly want. Never thought I'd be so lucky. Enjoying every moment. Who knows how long it'll last.

Catching up with the Original Best Friend

Met up with Nadine today. Don't remember the last time I saw her. I think it was a year ago. Had such a great time, I wondered why we don't keep in touch more, like we used to.

She told me about her job as a nurse. How seeing a baby being resuscitated made her cry. She said it jumped on the board as it was getting shocks. She told me how adults are so much worse than kids. They whinge and can't accept that sometimes there's nothing that can be done about their pain. Kids, on the other hand, are much more accepting and don't complain as much. She said they were so understaffed a student had to do the work of a nurse without being seen by any doctors, otherwise the patients would suffer.

It's an interesting line of work she got herself into.

It was also good to chat to her about life of cohabitation. How she and Dean share the chores. We were eating sushi as we were talking about it and the cleaner just walked by as I was telling Nadine how I told David from the start that, "There's no way I'm cleaning the toilets!" I must've said it too loud because the cleaner gave me the dirtiest look.

A few minutes later we were talking about Liz and how she only had physical relationships with guys. Nadine exclaimed, "You can't base your relationship on sex!" and all the tables around us turned around.

Afterwards we decided to go for a walk. As we were browsing different homeware, I realised that I had more in common with Nadine than with April. We were both on the same level where we had long-term partners with whom we were planning on spending our lives. We had the same problems of buying property, getting furniture, which brand of appliances was better.

We laughed about the same issues of having your boyfriend sleep over at your house with your parents there. She told me how one day her Dad said to her, "I know that you sleep with Dean, I can hear the noise from your room, but I just wanted to ask you, 'Are you happy'?" She said she was still trying to absorb the first part of the conversation before being able to say anything. I understood that it was hard to be completely silent when beds creak no matter how quiet you think you are but man, you just don't want to know that your parents know.

Nadine's Dad is a classic though, she reminded me of the time we were at our piano teacher's house and all the Mums were there talking to the teacher about their daughters growing up when Nadine's Dad piped in, "Well, Nadine doesn't have her period yet!" She didn't speak to him for a week. He didn't even get what he said that was wrong. She said he brought it up at dinner a few weeks ago and it was almost like experiencing it the first time. He still didn't get what so wrong about it.

Time flew by so quickly. My new job will be close to where she's studying so we might have more chances to meet up for lunch.

It's her birthday party soon so will see her then as well.

Before she left, she said, "It's weird having to worry about someone else all the time. I have to let somebody else know when I'm coming home because he'll be waiting for me. But it's also kinda nice, having someone there waiting for you."

I can't wait till David and I live together. I'm getting very impatient. We're at the point where we get frustrated if we don't see each other.

We went to look for furniture yesterday and I was so happy that we have the exact same taste. We said the same things at the same time which was freaky, but oh so great!

Close To Your Body

It's true when they say that planning a wedding is like having a part-time job. There are so many things to organise, some of them not as fun as others. One of the things I've been looking forward to is the honeymoon, not just because I'll get to have an romantic holiday but because finally I have an excuse to buy fancy lingerie.

Unlike buying other wedding stuff, buying sexy underwear is not something you can take your friends or Mum to. (Well, I wouldn't anyway. One shop I went to had teenage girls trying them on together to get each other's opinion while their male friend waited uncomfortably outside the change room. Now that was a bit disturbing.)

I have been randomly looking around to see if I liked anything but I noticed that most pricey lingerie isn't even that different. Most of it looks pretty ordinary.

Last Thursday, while I was waiting for David at the shopping centre, I decided to have a look around the specialty stores. I walked into one small shop and was really happy to find really stylish stuff. (For guys fancy lingerie might be just something that turns them on, but for girls it's almost like buying any other nice clothes, you look for a style to suit your taste and something that would make you look attractive and make you feel confident. It's like any other piece of fashion.)

This shop had stuff that was a little bit different to something you'd wear every day. The best thing was that they weren't even that expensive! They were having a big sale so I got two nice sets for $30 each!

Right now I have to hide them in my wardrobe so my Mum doesn't accidentally find it. She's prone to puting stuff into my wardrobe.

It makes me smile to imagine how David would react when he sees me in my new stuff. Although sometimes I imagine him laughing 'cause he's not used to it. Now that would be embarrassing.

New Permanency

I got the job I was interviewed for two weeks ago. Same position in a different region but with one big difference: it's permanent. I really didn't expect to get it.

I have mixed feelings as I love my current job. I love my desk (which no one can see and gives me privacy to do whatever I want). I love sitting near a window and in a room with windows on the ceiling, providing good natural light which makes it easier to concentrate. I love the people I work with, always there to have a good chat. I love my work, full of variety and gives me enough space to be creative but enough boundaries to make it doable. I love being able to leave late in the morning and I love being able to leave work at 4pm.

The new place has a much larger team (who I still have to impress), in an old building, in the crowded city. I have to catch the train which means I can't leave home whenever I feel like. Since it'll take longer to get there, I'll get back later too. I'll probably have a computer in full view of everybody.

I've been really spoilt with my current job and work conditions. Anything even a little worse is disappointing.

The ironic thing is that now that I'm leaving and the person I'm replacing isn't coming back, they will be advertising my current position. Maybe if I really hate the new place, I can apply to this one. If I didn't get the new job, they wouldn't hurry to advertise it. Now they'll have to.

It'll be another new chapter of my life. I'm happy I managed to stay in one place for over a year! Thought that would never happen. I wanted to stretch it for as long as possible so I could have a long period in one job on my resume. Unfortunately I have to start again. I hope the new manager won't be too upset when I ask to take two weeks off for the honeymoon.

I start there in a few weeks. I'm nervous but excited about starting something new. It could turn out really well, right?

Girls Night In

Had a great time at April's last night. So great that I only got home at 1am.

Ella was already there when I got there, making dinner. April has been home alone for a week as her parents are overseas so she was making the best of her time.

After dinner April and Ella introduced me to some of Lifehouse other songs and I've fallen in love with "Breathing", especially this part:

cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside your door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be

That part really tugged on some heart strings. I also loved the lyrics of "Everything":

find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

All I could think was, "I wish David was here so just his one look could convey all the words of all those songs".

I couldn't help but sense that they loved those songs for the wish of having someone feel like that about them.

April and Ella said, "By the time we have kids, your kids will be able to baby-sit them."

We played Cluedo and I won.

Then we just talked. About relationships, as it's the most common topic with us. I was surprised to learn that April would want to have a separate account when she gets married. Then she and Ella were counting down when they needed to meet their future husbands for them to get married at their preferred ages.

April said, "Ok, so for me to get married at 25, I need to be engaged to him for a year, then I need to have gone out with him for a year before that. That means I have to meet him now. Oh wait, where would my whole 'living with him for a year' be? Ok, stuff that, we'll live together after we get married... Maybe we can move together after 6 months. That could work."

"Anything to cut corners, right?" I added.

"Of course, no time to waste... Oh crap, I need to meet him now."

Then Ella exclaimed, "So what are we doing here, sitting around the heater, instead of being out meeting them?!"

April also changed her view of there being only one person that's right for you. Actually she became a lot like me and doesn't believe in fate anymore. Ella is still optimistic.

I was happy to share my views of relationships and they were happy to listen since I was speaking from experience. I found April quite naive about it all. She was pretty much of the opinion that if the guy didn't have the same views as her, she'd break up with him. I had to explain that it wasn't that simple. When you have feelings for somebody, you want to be able to overcome all the obstacles, no matter how impossible they seem.

April said, "Soon when you have kids, you'll be so different to us. You'd have adult things to think about." I replied, "I think about adult things now but I still don't feel that different."

It's actually weird that even though I'm getting married and about to have a mortgage, I feel just like I did a few years ago, only much happier.

On Friday, David looked at me and said, "Babe, you don't look like someone who's getting married." I told him I was breaking stereotypes and he said, "You always like to break stereotypes."

As I was chatting with April and Ella, I had fleeting moments of thinking about David.

Ella wasn't as talkative and sometimes I wondered if it was because we haven't known each other for that long or if she was just not as opinionated as April and me.

I drove home in such a peaceful state of mind. There's nothing like having a good long talk about everything and anything with good girlfriends.

Today in the morning, I called David and had a good talk with him which made me realise that no matter how wonderful your girlfriends are, nothing beats having a guy friend who's in love with you.

I miss David more than I can say.

My Psychologist

David and my plans have been cancelled for tomorrow as he's very sick. He's got some kind of bad flu. My brother got the same thing so I'm assuming they both got it at uni.

Of course I feel a bit disappointed but it's more important for him to get better. I went to his house tonight and he's just the loveliest person in the world. Even when he's sick and can barely talk he tells me that I'm the most beautiful person. My heart just melts.

I have been feeling a bit cranky in the last few days due to several things and today he tells me, "Ok, tell me everything that's bothering you. I'll be your Dr Phil." (This just goes to show what daytime TV he's been watching while staying at home!)

I told him, "Eww, I'd prefer Dr David". So I told him every little thing that's been annoying me and he just listened to everything, sympathising with every detail. Gosh, I never felt better to unload. Every frustration that was coming out of my mouth was simultaneously flying out of my system.

Tomorrow night I'm going to April's house. Ella will be there too. I'm quite excited as I haven't seen both of them for quite a while and it'll be great to catch up face to face.

I'm also quite happy to announce that Andy will be David's best man!!! Could it be any more perfect?

Wedding and New Home

The real estate agent called me today to tell me he's put the 'Sold' sign next to our new home! We finally managed to exchange contracts (something that was supposed to happen more than a week ago but the vendor decided to go overseas before signing the contract).

What a weird feeling!

We have settlement in September. We can actively start to look for furniture.

My parents, grandparents and David's parents have been wanting to give/buy us things for the new home. I don't want to sound ungrateful but I'd much rather go and choose things like plates myself. I've been looking forward to decorating the way I want to, not to find place for other people's gifts.

David and I are planning on doing the bridal registry thing where people can go and buy us stuff off the list that we make, rather than getting duplicates. I told my grandparents of this and they thought that wasn't "tactful" but that's because they are not used to it. We think it's a brilliant idea and it's widespread enough for people not to get offended.

Last weekend I bought stationery supplies for the invitations. I thought I'd save some money by making them myself (and of course I will) but just the paper and decorations cost me $80!

I was reading wedding forums and it annoys me how some people say they've spent $50 on invitations, their brother is a professional photographer, their mother is a baker and the whole wedding ends up being $5000. That was my initial goal but that was before I realised that $75 per head for 70 guests already goes over that.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to making the invites and figuring out how I'm going to decorate the cake.

My current issue that I have is with table decorations. The problem is that I have a certain look in mind but it's prooving difficult to find the items I need. I thought it'd be easy to hire some long thin vases but no. And it's not going to be cheap.

Imaginary World

There is a void in my life now where Harry Potter used to be.

Stop reading now if you don't want to know anything about the book.

There is one bit (out of many) that stood out to me. It was happening when Harry thought he died and his dead school principal explained everything that happened.

"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

There were so many more memorable moments, I think I might go and read it all again. I predicted that Harry was a Horcrux and that of course he wouldn't die (the whole theme of good vs evil wouldn't have any point otherwise) but the story about Snape really got me by surprise. It really tied everything about him throughout all the books.

I only wish that in the epilogue, we would've been told the professions of Harry, Ron and Hermione. It made me laugh to read that Harry has four kids.

Magic

I have traded my Saturday night and Sunday with David for Harry Potter.

It was my goal to complete the book this weekend before I'm exposed to people spoilng it for me. Unfortunately, I've realised that this challenge was a bit unrealistic as I'm not even half way through. To be honest I've started a little later than planned and did manage to go shopping in the morning.

I got a trendy dress which will look great with my boots. I was a bit indecisive about buying it as it will make me stand out at work. (The majority of my workmates are at least 40 years old and choose conservative comfort over fashion).

I've decided I'm only young once and will regret if I don't take advantage of my youth to be able to wear odd-looking dresses that are in fashion.

Oh, almost forgot. On Friday, David and I put a deposit for our new home!!! We both couldn't quite believe it. I felt weird giving most of my savings away. We celebrated by going to see Harry Potter. I found the movie a bit odd as it reminded me of some arty film with horror aspects, like the eerie music and lighting. Not quite as scary as I imagined when I was reading the book.

My brother bought himself a laptop. We are now chatting to each other on the internet, even though he's in the next room. Weird, the future of technology.

Ok, time to go back and read some more of my magical Harry Potter book.

Facebook Fairytale

Facebook and MySpace were made for satisfying my stalkery tendencies.

First thing I did when I joined (pressured by April) was look up everyone I knew throughout my life. My personality already has an insatiable curiosity to know about everyone's private lives but to be able to do so from the comfort of my own home and the privacy of my anonymity, it's just too good to be true!

I have been a member for quite a bit now and have found out all the not so exciting details of people I know and used to know. The novelty has worn off.

Until a few days ago when I looked up the page of a girl from my high school and was intrigued by her life. She was always a bit of a bohemian type, had the type of non-standard beauty I always dreamed of (i.e gorgeous thick curly hair and a smile that said, "I know something you don't"). Pretty much a fictional character type.

I knew her parents were divorced and she had a mixed family. Turns out now she's married and lives overseas. She met the guy when she went back to her home country and now they live in his home country. Apparently they've travelled together for quite a while and now have settled down.

She posted pictures of them. Maybe it was the photos that got my interest (like glimpses into the lives of two beautiful people). Maybe it was her honest and deep style of writing, maybe it was her humour, maybe it was the cute notes her husband left on her site but to me they were like a fictional story played out in real life.

I was disappointed to also find out that they take drugs. I told April and she said, "Honestly Sky, that doesn't even surprise me". I don't know why I'm always taken aback when I find out someone who seems intelligent and 'normal' does something as stupid as that.

Not Well

My stomach really hurts. I don't know why and the doctor doesn't either. All my blood tests came back fine so I've been sent to a specialist.

Unfortunately, the specialist can only see me at the end of August. Panadol (and such) doesn't help. I don't know how I'll cope for a month. It's driving me crazy.

I really hope it's not anything serious. I have my wedding coming up! I can't be sick! But hey, knowing my history, I always manage to pick up some unlikely disease.

I haven't seen David since the weekend. He doesn't have a car. I'm too sick to drive there. It's very frustrating.

To top it all, I had a headache all day today.

Job Opportunity

As you know, I love my current job. You probably also know that even though I've been working at this job for over a year, it is not a permanent position. My contract has been extended many times and just before every one of those times I got very anxious and worried about it.

Since I've been working in the goverment for over a year, I am now allowed to apply for other internal government positions (and most of them are internal). So a few weeks ago, I decided to browse the job site and was very surprised to see an ad for the exact same position I'm doing now at another location.

Of course I applied. I didn't expect anything as sometimes the advertised positions are not really 'real', i.e. there might already be someone for the position but they just have to pretend to be fair by going through all the correct processes.

Today I got a call inviting me to the interview. I was so happy but nervous. Not nervous about the interview but nervous that I might not be working where I am now. What are the chances that the environment at the other place will be as wonderful as it is here?

I have to keep reminding myself that I need a permanent position, especially with a forthcoming mortgage and the possibility of having to take maternity leave in the next few years.

Who knows what possibilities there are at my current job. I could have my contract extended for many more months. The position could also be open and I could get to do it permanently. The big problem is that I have no guarantees now and this chance for a permanent position in my field and with the same salary and conditions is unlikely to come too often.

I might not even get it.

I Can Post Again!

Yay, I can post again! I have no idea why I can't post from Internet Explorer anymore. I thought it'd get fixed but since it hasn't, I had to download Firefox. Even Netscape couldn't cope.

And there were so many things I wanted to write about in the last few days!

However, I can't right now as I have rush to the broker who will hopefully explain why it's ok to sign our loan offer which has an incorrect first payment date ("the computer inputs any date" - ?!) and why it's ok that David's name is not on the account. For some reason, it was too difficult to explain over the phone.

But more about my problems with finance and legal professionals later.

Dreaming of a Life a Little Bit Extraordinary

As I'm growing older, my creativity has slowly disappeared into some deep dark hole and I'm worried I will never get it back.

Maybe it's because my life has gotten busy and exciting, leaving no need for my brain to come up with anything imaginative.

I used to write so much before. Stories just filled my head. Now it's an empty sponge which just absorbs reality.

If you've read my blog from the beginning, you might remember how I used to write scripts with April. It could be due to my lack of writing companion that I can't get out of this frustrating writer's block.

I've been really wanting to enter an annual play-writing competition which is open to anyone. It's not even a film competition where you need equipment. All that's required here is a computer and your brain.

I have come up with general ideas but can't move on to the actual details. Like, the plot. Yeah, a bit of a problem, I know. Being the critic that I am, my other obstacle is that I put down any idea that I come up with, not letting it flourish into something that could possibly be great. I have no faith in my ideas. But realistically, that's because they are just not that good.

Why do I even care about entering this competition? I can't think of a better reason but for the simple fact that I want to do something a little out of the ordinary. A little bit extraordinary.

Sadly I have realised that I'm just your average dreamer who can't finish any challenging project but can only imagine what life would be like if I had.

Home Start and the Black Wedding

After some negotiation and innocent bluffing on my part, our offer for the apartment has been accepted!

If everything is fine with the contract and building inspection and the seller doesn't change his mind, we will have a place to call our own.

I can't quite believe it! I really didn't expect to find a unit we liked so quickly! It's been a bit surreal running around trying to organise loan approvals, solicitors, inspections etc.

We're not even sure if we'll move in before the wedding.

We'll need to do a few minor things first, like paint the walls, change the carpet, put in new blinds and replace the stove and oven. Once we buy the furniture, it'll be ready for us to move in.

Never thought I'd get excited about going to look for wall paint and blinds but I guess it's different when it's for your own home.

Just hope everything works out with this place!

Also managed to meet with the marriage celebrant this Saturday. He was quite funny and I'm sure the ceremony will be a success.

He told us of some crazy ceremonies he's been involved in, like where there were two black cats walking in front of the couple, or when the parents had to hold a broom and everybody was dressed in black. He also did one where he had to say things like, "By the power of the sun and the power of the moon, I pronounce this couple as husband and wife". David and I couldn't believe it and even considered having two black cats walk in front of us, as well as giving our parents a broom each. We also imagined breaking into chorus and singing the whole thing like in a musical. Now that would be something no one would forget!

Landing in the Clouds

You might remember me writing about how David couldn’t meet me at the airport when I returned from POB because he had an exam that day.

Well, when I stepped off the plane and managed to get out of quarantine expection, I felt myself being emersed in a huge hug. I turned around to see my favourite person on the entire planet, grinning from ear to ear (or that could’ve been just me).

If there was one thing I didn’t expect, didn’t even let myself hope, was David meeting me at the airport on the day of his exam.

“Baby, I just wanted to come and say hello. And now I have to run!” And off he went as quickly as he came.

Talk about leaving me breathless.

Fingers crossed he doesn’t fail.

Date with My Future Husband

Last night I saw the type of film I've been craving to see for years.

I Do - how to get married and stay single.

It's a French romantic comedy. It was everything the genre is supposed to be. And with a French flavour.

Light, sweet, witty, funny, authentic and happy. I left the cinema with a huge smile on my face. David enjoyed it just as much.

It was the first night in ages we went out 'properly'. It was just so good. Reminded me of the first days we went out. Freezing out in the cold but staying up all night anyway. Before we started going to each other's houses. The first couple of months. The memories...

Last night, we saw the movie, walked a lot, had some tea and light dessert. Then caught the train back to my house. I guess you could call it 'a date'. Only much better.

It was freezing when we got to my house. Wished I could fall asleep in my personal heater's arms but didn't want to risk my parents walking in on such a sight.

Looked for apartments in the morning and found one!!! I didn't really expect to since we still have some time till the wedding. I'm going to check it out one more time tomorrow and then make an offer. The only thing is that we still haven't got a loan pre-approval. We were going to go to the bank next weekend. Will go to a broker tomorrow so he can speed up the process.

Our only issue now is that since David started a new job and my job is a contract, we might not even get the loan. Anyway, hopefully it'll be ok.

The other thing is that we want to offer a little less than what they're asking for but since the unit is pretty much worth the price, I hope there won't be anybody ready to pay the full price. Then we'll miss out and that would be a pity 'cause it's pretty much everything we've been looking for. The biggest bonus is that it's minutes from the train station. David and I can both imagine living there.

Hope everything turns out for the best.

Fashion on the Other Side of the World

One thing I noticed in POB that I never noticed before was that 80% of young women were tall, skinny, blonde and beautiful. I also noticed that 99% of POBian men werenothing to brag about.

Fashion is a huge thing over there so everybody was really dressed up. What I liked about it was that it wasn't like our baggy trend (e.g. over-sized tops over leggings). Even though they had the leggings trend too, they wore them with nicely-fitted short dresses which for the first time ever made me want to buy a pair.

Although majority of women wore 4 inch heels, no matter where they were going (even the airport), I saw a lot of really comfortable heel shoes which looked really stylish. However, for $300 per pair I had to accept to live without them.

Even jeans were different there. Every pair looked unique. Like the rest of the clothes, they had lots of extra detail that was subtle but looked really good.

It was so much fun just walking around because it felt like being at a fashion show. I was really tempted to get some stuff but then I realised that people here wouldn't understand.

That Box in the Living Room

Is it me or has TV become extremely boring?

I remember only a few years ago, there were several shows I used to watch regularly and now I don't watch anything. There's just nothing good on. It's all the same - cops, doctors, over-dramatised stories. There's nothing genuine, intriguing, sincere... original.

Television in POB was quite different. I'm not going to say it was full of great shows but it didn't follow the same stale format every week. They don't stretch out shows over weeks, they show all episodes daily with a visible end in sight. They also don't just limit their repertoire to one language. I switched on one night and there was a concert in a different language. And it was excellent! Not some wannabe singers but professional ones with education and real talent that they've mastered over the years. And it was so majestic - the stage, the lighting.

The truth is that if they showed something like that here in prime time, no one would watch it. Does that mean that the people here just want the same bland entertainment that doesn't offer much for the brain?

I wonder if people assume that intellectual entertainment is unenjoyable. To me, it's completely the opposite. It's so much more interesting to have your mind opened to something better than the average.

I know most of you probably won't understand what I'm saying because you've grown up in a society where this sort of weekly entertainment is all that you know. Oh well. My blog is for my ramblings.

Basically, I'm annoyed that I can't finish watching a TV show that I started watching there.

Together Again

David: You make me feel complete
me: Isn't that really not correct to say because no one should complete you? You should be complete on your own.
David: ??
me: I guess that's what single people tell themselves to feel better.

Why do I feel a pang every time he leaves, even though I will see him soon? But not soon enough.

That saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" is an overwhelmingly huge understatement.

I always felt that my trip to POB would bring me some realisation about my decision to get married. Either I would feel fine being there by myself or I would go crazy. And crazy I went. I couldn't even enjoy my trip properly because I missed David so much. I wanted him to share all my experiences.

This sort of crazy mad love where you want to be with your partner every second of the day and feel uneasy when they are not there is probably unhealthy. But I could not care less.

I just look at his adorably gorgeous face and those warm brown eyes and that's it, I'm gone. Where, I don't know. I can never get close enough.

I cannot wait to get married so I can spend these cold nights with him and not have to worry about either one of us having to go back home.

Home Again

I'm back and I'm sick. Had a stomachache for the last two weeks. And for the hundredth person who's going to ask me, no, I'm not pregnant.

Off to POB

In two days I will be in POB. I really cannot believe that tomorrow I will be flying there. Time flies so quickly.

Today was the first day I actually got excited about going. Before, it was more of a "I gotta see my grandparents because I don't know when else I can" but now it's like "YAY!!! I'm going to Europe!" And yay, I'm leaving the busiest time at work to enjoy myself while my manager and other worker scramble madly to cope.

I've also been told that Elaine is happy to take me out while I'm there and return the favour. I'm very happy about that as otherwise I'd probably be stuck with my Mum and grandparents. My cousins are not exactly the types to take me out to good places.

I'm a bit fearful of the danger factor when going to POB but I guess it's always scarier when you're not there. Going on about your life over there makes you not notice it so much.

Everyone at work was jealous because they wanted to go instead of me to one of the most interesting cities in Europe. The best part is that I will actually understand the language.

Things I'm most looking forward to are POBian food, television and radio (which I'll probably get over after a few days) and of course seeing my grandma who is absolutely hilarious. And maybe she can introduce me to some of her well-known friends.

One thing I'm a little bit annoyed about is that I had my second session of SPL yeserday and my legs have some rash on them which doesn't seem to be fading. I don't remember this side effect last time. And it's summer there! How will I go swimming or even wear anything shorter than pants? Anyway, I still have hope that it will go away in a few days as it's similar to the rash I used to get when epilating.

Beauty is pain.

There's this saying in POB which parents tell their kids when they get a scratch or a bruise, "It'll heal before the wedding". I really hope this heals before my wedding!

April is going to Europe too, straight after I come back so I won't see or speak to her for five weeks! That's going to be weird since we speak at least once every week and are always up to date with each other's lives, even the most miniscule details (e.g. "A guy sat next to me in the lab and he's talking really loudly on the phone. Now his friend came and they are talking really loudly together. Ok, they left.")

Not seeing David for two weeks will be weird too but we'll probably talk on the phone. His Mum told me to enjoy my time there and do lots of crazy things because David won't find out anyway! David wasn't pleased with her encouraging me to do things she was hinting at.

I'm disappointed David won't be able to meet me at the airport when I return as I always wanted to experience such a romantic scenario. Unfortunately his university decided to make him sit an exam at that time. Seriously, no considerations. However, he will come to the airport with me tomorrow and we can have a not very romantic good-bye. With my parents there (as April pointed out when I told her of the situation).

I still haven't packed so I better go and do that 'cause David will come over soon. Too bad he won't fit into a suitcase.

Back to the Girls

I never realised how much I missed hanging out with the girls until I was actually with them, laughing my head off.

It was so long since all five of us (April, Christine, Claudia, Amelia and I) went out together. Ok, so Evan was there but he has long been our shadow (but as April pointed out he came out of his shell, after 8 years of knowing us). Mike came as well but he was pretty quiet. That guy gets offended too easily and needs to learn to come up with some good replies. David, unfortunately wasn't there. His void was especially noticed when the girls wouldn't enjoy some classic foreign songs played by a live band. They're a bit immature when it comes to music taste and only like the anglo-speaking popular stuff.

Amelia met us after not getting through the interview process for a flight attendant. It was her 2nd try. She said their marked height wasn't accurate as she measured herself at home and satisfied their required criteria.

We all thought it'd be cool if Amelia got to be a flight attendant. She definitely looked the part.

Christine got into a bit of an altercation with some women. Here's what happened. After we left the cafe, we saw a drugged out looking guy on the ground. We proceeded to discuss what we wanted to do next when two ladies walked by and also saw the guy. They went into the cafe to tell someone to call an ambulance. When they came out, one woman said, "Watch him until the ambulance gets here."

April and I were like, "Why should we watch him?!" but then Christine yelled, "We're not watching him, bitch. We are just discussing where to go next so don't make any fucking assumptions." Then it dawned on April and I that the woman said her comment sarcastically because she thought we were standing there watching this guy. Christine didn't stop there, she kept yelling at this woman who yelled back.

The rest of us looked at the ground and pretended to be invisible. Even Evan told Christine to calm down.

There's a never a dull moment when Christine's around.

On the train back, I kept talking about buying property to April but she wasn't saying anything so I changed the subject to something that she could relate to. It's hard to believe but I feel a lot more grown-up now that I'm getting married.

Came home later than expected and David came over which was nice as always, even thought I felt weird. If I'm honest with myself, I felt a little annoyed/sad that David wouldn't have been able to join in on our jokes if he was there. Started thinking things that were probably not appropriate but quite scary. I'm even scared to write them in case they are significant.

Sometimes I get in that sort of state of mind where I start questioning everything and not having any concrete answers can be quite worrying.

Anyway, as always, I completely changed my track of thought.

But then...

You know that movie scene where the two main characters are about to kiss and the atmosphere is all charged, their lips come close... but then the phone rings? They hold still, almost thinking that the phone will stop and the scene can continue but the phone keeps ringing for so long that any built-up tension disappears.

And the audience thinks, "Typical".

Well, when David and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on the weekend and we were in the middle of a very similar moment, my mobile rang. Since it wouldn't stop, I reached for it and saw that it was Christine. I decided not to pick up. Didn't want to give any explanations on what I was doing and decline any invitations to meet them.

Today, I called Christine and explained that I didn't hear my phone and when I realised, it was too late to call back. Surprisingly she didn't believe a word of it and said, "It's ok, we thought you didn't want to be interrupted" with a knowing smile in her voice.

I was a bit embarrassed because it was true. I guess she had many similar moments with Evan.

Makes you realise cliches aren't only in movies; they densely populate real life too.