Blindly in Love

Lately I've been feeling like I'm idolising David. Or is this what being in love is like?

I just can never take my eyes off him. I feel like I could stare at him forever.

Every time he asks me what I want to do or what movie I want to watch or where I want to go, I just completely don't care. I want to do anything he wants.

When I spotted him today when we met up, my face just lit up. I had to restrain from jumping all over him. And when I saw his face spread into a smile and his arms wrap around me, I knew he missed me as much as I missed him and that made me ecstatic.

He insisted on driving me home and when I said, "You really don't have to" and he replied, "But I really want to", I just felt giddy.

There was a Spanish rock song that was really upbeat and kinda funny. David sang to it and shook his head in mock exaggeration and I was just so happy, I started laughing. It wasn't that funny but it was like laughter was the only way I could relieve the energy I had from happiness. My laughter only encouraged him more which in turn made me laugh harder.

When he was talking to my Mum, I couldn't take my eyes off him. I was barefoot and he already put on his shoes and he looked so tall. And so broad. And his face had this childish charm as he talked to my Mum. Those laughing eyes that attracted me from the very beginning. The warmest smile. He was like a life-size teddy bear. Just wanted to curl up in his arms and stay there forever.

When he leaves, I feel a pang in my heart. Like a part of me is gone.

"If I could have my way, I'd see you every day."

- David

In Sickness and In Health

My Mum has to have a medical procedure tomorrow and she has to get ready for it today by not eating anything and drinking some horrible mixture which makes her nauseous. She keeps whining about not wanting to drink it and even though I feel for her, at least she doesn't have to drink the disgusting fish oil and take gross capsules every day (like me for my urticaria). Is it cruel of me to not sympathise with her complaining about feeling bloated when I had the most excruciating pain when I had gallstone attacks? Don't get me wrong, I wish she didn't have to go through it, I'm sure it's no fun but I've had worse and I didn't whinge like a kid.

What made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside was when my Dad came home, he actually tried to soothe my Mum as you do a child. I heard him say, "Come on, just one more sip. I'm here with you. Darling, you can do it." And my Dad is not your usual affectionate guy. I felt so happy for my Mum that she had Dad. Never saw him behave with such tenderness.

It's nice to know my parents have each other and will take care of one another. I don't have to worry about them so much.

The Voices Over My Shoulders

You know how in cartoons when a character can't decide what to do, an angel apears over one shoulder with good advice and a devil appears over the other with bad advice?

me: I'm nervous about the interview
April's respnse: just think you won't get it so you won't be stressed. Be negative!
David's response: be positive! Think you already have it. I know you can do it!

Funny how two people closest to me who want the best for me are completely opposite.

The interview was ok I guess. It boosted my confidence when David called and wished me luck and told me he really wanted to see me. I didn't really like how the person I'd working with was very nosy and wanted to have a more personal, rather than professional relationship. I don't want to be personal at work, that's left for outside. And I especially don't want to be friends with my boss. That could really ruin the job. Don't know if I'd get it. It does offer good money and conditions which makes me want it. Have to wait till tomorrow.

Nothingness

Today was the biggest waste of time. I wish I could've skipped it. The highlights were:
- ironing
- reading

I guess I could've at least done another lesson in "A+ Spanish" but I didn't feel like it. I should go and iron more, the pile seems to be neverending.

Tomorrow is my interview at a place I wouldn't mind working. Have a feeling I won't get it. (Can hear David's voice in my head saying, "Don't even think that!") I can pretty much say I didn't get the cinema advertising job as they haven't called. I wish the woman didn't get my hopes up. Oh well.

My life is so pathetic. I've been out of uni for a year and still don't have a permanent job. Wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I've probably had more jobs in the last few years than most people have in a lifetime.

Don't AskMen

I found this site from another blog and was interested to read the other side of female magazines. After reading some articles, I actually got angered by some advice some women give men about women. So totally off the mark, it's unbelievable.

1. How to keep a woman on her toes - wait for her to say (or hint at) the "l-word" first

Firstly, I find intentionally keeping someone on their toes very pointless. It causes unnecessary tension. It's so much better for a relationship if both parties are honest and upfront. If you are ready to tell your loved one how you feel, you should do it and not play stupid games.

2. How to keep a woman on her toes - don't make yourself too available

Ridiculous. If you are free, why cause extra problems by lying and saying you have plans? I know David has a lot of free time because he doesn't hang out with his friends much anymore. It doesn't make me think any less of him.

3. How to keep a woman on her toes - be the one to end the phone call

What the hell for?! Does it really make a difference who ends the conversation first?

4. Tell her that she reminds you of some beautiful famous woman, e.g. Jennifer Lopez

Never ever compare her to any other woman! However if she starts to compare herself, you're welcome to say, "Jennifer Lopez is nothing compared to you! You're the most beautiful woman in the world! And the universe."

There was much more advice that no one should ever take seriously but you can read that yourself.

I guess in truth, every person is different and it's very difficult to put all women as wanting the same things, other than the universal that any human wants - acceptance.

Grandma's Opinion of My Boyfriend

I talked to my grandma (the one in POB) on the phone on Saturday. I asked her what she thought of the photos I sent her of David. She said he looked very nice and had a 'nice figure' so he was welcome to come and visit them. She also said that since I liked him he must be pretty good. It's funny how my family trusts in my judgement because I always made my views very clear and they obviously think I follow them. Sure David is pretty good but if I didn't meet him, I could've sunk as low as dating Max. I wonder if my family would've still trusted my judgement then.

Grandma said my aunty and cousin were there and my cousin asked, "When's the wedding?" It's common there to get married in early twenties. No one waits for things like money for a house, careers etc. They manage to not let those different things interfere with each other. I wouldn't mind getting married soon. I know it's impossible though 'cause one, I don't have a job and two, David is still at uni. We have nothing to live on. And if you're wondering if I decided I want to marry him, I'm not 110% sure but I know I cannot be without him. Even though we don't agree on quite a few things, we've proved that we're both always willing to work things out and comprimise.

Last night we went out with Claudia and Mike. The hyped up club sucked. Every second person smoked, music not to our tastes and the volume too painful to bear. David and I left before 12:30am. We even managed to get on the last train. I was really happy that Mike and David got along quite well, with Mike even telling him things Claudia never told me. Our boyfriends are very different but they both have the ability to get along with pretty much anyone so that works out well. Claudia told me she called my agent (which made me really happy) and has an interview with her tomorrow. I gave her some advice for the interview since she doesn't have much experience in them. I just wanted to boost her confidence so it would show tomorrow.

Today David spent the day at my house, even though we were doing different things. I was doiing housework and he was watching TV. I wondered if that's what it's going to be like if we live together. I wasn't too disappointed in him 'cause I knew he usually helped out at home and he said he hadn't had a day to do nothing in ages. Which is true.

After I finished my chores, we hung out together. That was really nice. Spending time like that with him always makes me sad when he leaves.

When Bad Days Become Good

You know how "bad things come in threes"?

1. I lost my mobile phone
2. David's car battery went flat and he couldn't go home
3. David and I had a fight on our 8 months anniversary

Losing a mobile phone was very stressful but fortunately it turned out it was in a store I was in and the guy who worked there picked it up and called my Mum. I'm sure he looked through my messages too which was a little embarrassing considering there was a sweet one from David. But I'm happy I have it back. It's amazing how much I rely on it.

David came over on Thursday and when he was going home, his car battery turned out to be flat so we had to all the NRMA guy who came one and half hours later instead of the "under one hour" the woman on the phone promised. I started getting fidgety for David because I was worried he wouldn't get home when he was supposed to as he had to wake up early on Friday. He didn't seem too worried, he was like, "Yay, I have an excuse to spend more time with you". He left two hours after he planned to.

On Friday, he met me for lunch and gave me a little present (which was unexpected). It was a keyring which had a button that switched on a laser light shining in a shape of a heart. Even though he obviously didn't think of this but it's quite symbolic since he shines love into every corner of my life. (No need to "aww...") It was pretty cool, especially when I accidentally pointed it to a wall of my house and the heart was covering the whole size of it.

After work he came to my house and we drove to the beach. In the car we had the most stupidest argument that when we got there, he said he wanted to go home. I didn't want us to be like that so I told him I wasn't going. He got annoyed. I got annoyed. I thought he was going to smooth things out as he always does but he didn't. I decided I could be the first one to make it better this time.

When I told him I didn't want us to fight, he said he didn't either and apologised. I asked him if he was really going to leave and go home with us fighting and he said he was. I said, "But you always make things better" and he said, "I know, I wanted you to make the first move this time". Typical, I knew it.

So we made up and it was great. We went back to my house where we talked for so long. It was so hard for him to leave even though we both knew he had to as he had to work today in the morning.

We're going out tonight with Claudia and Mike. Should be fun. Claudia wants to go to a club I don't really want to go to but I haven't been coming to so many outings with my school friends that I feel guilty.

Got to see April on Thursday (the day I lost my mobile) which was good. I was planning on spending the day with her but on Wednesday night David called me and said he was in a really bad mood (because of work) and all he wanted was to see me so I rearranged my plans with April so that I'd see her in the morning and spend the afternoon with David. It was funny that when he came, rather than me cheering him up, he was trying to calm me down because of my lost phone. But it all turned out well and that's all that matters.

Do good things come in threes too?

The Premiere

I got a little surprise call yesterday, from the Director of the first film I helped out on. He asked if I wanted him to purchase a ticket for me for the premiere. Of course I did. I'm so excited! It's going to be in a film festival.

Job Search Update

I had a second interview for the cinema advertising job and the woman who originally interviewed me said she wasn't too impressed with the candidates so I had a pretty good chance, and after the interview she told me that I did very well and that she could tell the Producer liked me more than the others. I was supposed to receive an answer yesterday but I didn't. So I guess I didn't get it after all. I guess I'm not too disappointed as it's not really a design job. And they never mentioned the salary and I didn't think there was a good time to ask. Disappointing but not a huge loss.

The agent who got me last week's temp job called me up to ask if I wanted to work at that company in an administrative/research role because they were interested. Even though the package was very attractive, I realised I would just be wasting time working in a job which would lead nowhere. Plus it would be extremely boring and I'd have to be stuck in it for at least a year.

I told the agent that I had a friend who would be very suited to the role (Claudia). I gave Claud the details and urged her to go for it since she had a very good chance being recommended by me. I hope she applied but I don't know. She's not very motivated. I get a little annoyed trying to help people who don't want to help themselves and don't take advantage of opportunities.

I have an interview next week for a very appropriate position but I'm not very confident and I'm worried I might not like the manager who I'd have to work with. I was told she was a little difficult.

At least I have something but if it fails, I have to try again. Having had these last few interviews boosted my confidence a little and will give me energy and motivation to look further.

Temping

I have finished my one week of temp work. I've progressed from stapling and filing (my first temp job last year) to telemarketing.

My boss purposefully came into my room and pretended to file something while I was on the phone. When I hung up, she exclaimed, "Good!" Then she turned to the other two guys in the room and told them how professional I sounded and they should be the same. If only Renee heard that. Wish I could see her face. What a nervous wreck she made me making me think I couldn't talk on the phone. This boss also told the big manager how good I was and the big manager asked if I wanted a job in telemarketing. I politely declined.

I told them about my plans to be a graphic/web designer and even though the big manager said they don't have any positions available, my boss sent my portfolio to a few of her contacts and said she would do her best. If only all people in charge were like that.

In the room where I worked, there were two men - a gay 46 year old who would not shut up and distract me from my work and a late 20s friendly guy. The gay guy was unbearable. He would just not close his mouth and the most self-centred things would come out. He thought the whole world revolved around him. He believed his views were the only right ones. Then he also didn't mind telling me intimate details of his relationship with his partner (e.g. "When I first met him, I couldn't even touch him, he was just too hot! I have a picture, just look at his bod!" but that wasn't the worst so consider yourselves lucky you didn't have to listen to the other stuff).

I was so happy when he didn't come on Friday. Actually got to finish my work. I got so sick of calling up companies asking for information. Some were unnecessarily rude. When I told the guys about one of them, the gay guy said, "Don't worry, I'll send an assasin over there tomorrow". I'm not a fan of telemarketers but it's not like I was calling people's homes, I was just calling companies to find out the email addresses so that my company could send them an email invitation to one of our free seminars (with free food and cocktails) and people didn't want to give that out. If I was planning on sending spam, I wouldn't call them up and ask politely.

Anyway, I'm glad to be out of there because I was getting too bored.

Mush

How can I write what's going on? Too much of everything. Feel like I'm losing any ability to think coherently in order to write. But want to write anyway.

Cosmic. Supernatural.

Perfect Timing

I'm far from spiritual but today I felt that everything in the universe was perfectly aligned to make me have the most perfect moment of vanity.

David called me to tell me he could meet me after work so I gladly went to meet him. As I was waiting for him, guess who called out my name? Come on, you know. Who else but Amy? You knew it, I know.

She hugged me like a long lost friend she cared deeply about. The same old superficiality. I played along with it but not as much as I used to.

She asked what I was doing and I told her I was waiting. She asked for who and I wouldn't say properly, on purpose.

She managed to show off about doing an internship at one of the largest international firms. I could've disappointed her and told her I was temping to show her I wasn't trying to compete with her like she always seems to think. But I couldn't do it. I told her I was working. She asked where and it took me a few moments to remember the name of the company I started temping at today.

She asked if I wanted to come to lunch with the others tomorrow to catch up. How nice of her to only invite me because she saw me accidentally. Really sweet. I told her I couldn't because I had an interview at a company I really wanted to work at. Half true. (I do have an interview, just after work, not during lunch.) She asked which company and for several seconds I couldn't remember. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I was making everything up. She asked me if I still had the same phone number, I told her I did and didn't ask about hers. Not going to pretend to want to call her.

So while we're there talking about all her achievements, David comes with his usual grin and gives me the biggest kiss on the cheek. Her face was priceless. Her smile stretched all over her face and she lost her tongue. I know she always thought of me as someone who wouldn't get far in life and I know my life always made hers feel better. Well, not anymore. I introduced them to each other and unlike her usual constant chatter, she couldn't talk much. She even stumbled over "Nice to meet you". The devil inside of me that always wanted to show her that I'm better than she thinks I am was in heaven (or hell, if that's where he prefers to be).

We said goodbyes and left. I couldn't wipe the evil smile off my face. Does it mean I have low self-confidence to find so much pleasure in showing off my boyfriend? I reminded David about what I already told him about Amy. He was like, "That was her?!" Then he added, "I should've kissed you on the lips". Can always trust him to support my immature ways.

I could tell he missed me from the way he was acting. He said seeing me last night wasn't enough. He needs a whole day. I told him about my every second day theory and he agreed. He was like, "I wish we could go on another weekend trip. I just want to hang out without anyone else". I knew what he meant. It's soooo good when it's just the two of us, pretending to live together.

We were talking and he said, "I really want you to be successful so when you have kids, you can show off". I said, "I don't want to show off." He replied, "Yes, you do!" so I said, "You can show off for me". He said, "Of course, I'll show off about my wife!"

Rewind. Did he just refer to me as his future 'wife'?!!!! I acted cool and didn't react. Does he see us married? I know he always tells me that he wants to be with me forever but isn't that what all couples tell each other? Then he just started listing all the things he loved about me. I guess I should be a bit worried that they were all physical but hey, I'm confident in my personality qualities so I don't mind being reminded about attributes I had no say in. I'm pretty confident he likes my personality too so I wouldn't be too worried about that.

Anyway, tomorrow I have an interview at the media company and got called today about the design role (interview I stuffed up) asking me for a second interview next week. Not sure which one I want more but I'm going to try my best for each.

Christine organised a get-together tonight and I had to cancel again. Wish I could go but I was too tired after work. I bet if I organise something, she'll be busy. I hope she doesn't think I'm not going 'cause I don't want to, since that's not the case at all.

Can't Stay Away

So much for not seeing David till Wednesday. He called me at around 6pm and asked if I wanted to come over for an hour or so. Even though driving there just for an hour wasn't too appealing, seeing David sure was. Remembered that time he drove to my house just to see me for 15 minutes and that got me very motivated to go to his place.

For most of the time we sat on his balcony and he told me in detail the deep conversation he had with Ryan last night. It satisfied the nosy part of myself. Then I told him how addicted I was to him and he said he felt the same. He said he was thinking of surprising me and coming over today because he missed me.

I'm so much better now, having seen him. He reminded me what day next Friday was and I couldn't believe how fast time flies. It'll be eight months! It got me thinking that I want to start having serious discussions with him. I want to know what he wants from our relationship and how he sees his future. I want to know now what he wants his life to be, rather than later. Don't want to be one of those couples who go out for years and still don't know anything serious about each other so when they get married, they find out they are not well suited as life partners.

Can't bring it up out of nowhere though. I need the right moment...

A Night on the Town

Before David, I used to watch Gilmore Girls on Saturdays. It was the perfect escape from any lonely feelings that would surface with the reminder of not having anything to do on a Saturday night.

Then it got cancelled and only started up again recently. However, now that all my Saturdays are busy, I never got back to watching. Until yesterday. I was meeting the uni girls late so I got to watch the beginning. And now I'm hooked again. What makes it better is that I can relate to things I couldn't before. Little things that I wouldn't even notice. Rory and Dean tried to make out in the car and Rory said, "Ow, my hair!" Something so seemingly insignificant ran so true in my mind. It's so rare in movies when the leading actress would complain about her hair being in the way when in reality it always is.

Went into the city to meet uni friends. Even though I purposely came late, I had to wait for 30 minutes. I hate waiting by myself late at night. Tried to make myself invisible but some guy came and tried to talk to me about God.

Messaged April so I would look busy and no one would bug me. April messaged back so that little exchange took about ten minutes. Then, messaged David and as expected he called me and talked with me. He kept saying, "I don't like this! They're all coming together and they're making you wait by yourself for so long! I don't like this at all!" So had to calm him down by telling him that I was really fine and it wasn't such a big deal. And that I wasn't planning on going out with them for a while.

When they finally came, we went to a club event that was better than I expected. Dancing put me in a great mood. Plus, I needed the exercise. Accidentally looked at a few guys and they might've thought I was trying to make eye contact with them because they kept staring back. So after that I tried not to look at anyone. A guy tried to dance with me anyway, on my way from the toilets. Wished David was there. Imagined he was and all the flirty things he would say to me.

I was offended that after we finished they didn't even offer to wait with me for my bus. With my school friends, we never leave any one of us to wait alone in the middle of the night, especially if everyone but one is going together. They gave me a lift a little closer to the bus stop but that's it. How rude. Fortunately no one creepy talked to me while I waited. On the bus, however, some old guy tried to talk to me. He actually was sitting far away but when the bus started getting emptier, he moved to the seat in front of me and asked if I spoke Spanish so I just shook my head and looked out the window. Then he asked something else but I just ignored him. Closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.

It's weird that when I'm alone at night dressed in clubbing clothes, I get very self-conscious and feel like everyne's staring at me. But when I'm with David, I feel like no one's looking. And only David can see me.

"I had a fight with my loved one yesterday and now I’m sad. Missing him like crazy. But I won’t call him. Let him know for me."

- the always amusing POBian radio

Too Many Emotions

It's so ironic that only recently I was complaining about other people being ruled by their own illusions and here I am, just the same.

When I found out that I will not be able to see David until Wednesday, my "I'm fine alone" feeling evaporated. It was easy to be fine when I knew I'd see him tomorrow but now that I know I have to wait for four days, I'm driving myself crazy. When he hung up, I actually felt like he was upset at me, even though there was no reason for me think that. So here I am feeling bad for no good reason, only because in my head I decided that he was upset at me.

Now, I don't feel like going out with uni people, just want to hang out with David. But of course I'll go and probably think about him the whole time, wishing he was with me.

Felt like such a blabbering idiot when I messaged him to ask if he was ok. I was looking at the message for like 30 minutes wondering if I should send it or just get over it. I sent it. He called me straight away and asked if I was ok. He said, "Is it because we won't see each other tonight?" and I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about. Why the hell did I do that? Why couldn't I say what I felt - I'm going to miss you tons. When he said he'll miss me tonight, why couldn't I say, "Me too!" I said, "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have fun with Ryan". And then rather than talking more to him I said, "Ok, I'll let you go" so he said, "Ok, bye!" and hung up. What did I expect him to say? "No, let's talk a bit more. Please don't go"? Why am I upset that he didn't say it? I'm being way too sensitive.

I need to step back a bit and look at this objectively. Four days is not four years or even four months. It's good to have some time apart. (Oh my God, if only I could convince myself of that.) He's not upset at me. It's not his fault he has to work on Monday too and can't see me tomorrow. It's not my fault I'll be working next week and won't be able to see him.

I wish I could see him at least every second day. I would be totally happy with not seeing him for a day every once in a while. I need some alone time too. But not almost a week!

Funny how I used to be able to deal with years of not having anyone and now that I finally have David, I almost break down if I don't see him even for a couple of days.

(At least blogging calms me down and forces me to straighten out my thoughts. Very therapeutic.)

Too Busy for Friends

Christine invited me to dinner with the girls last night and I had to say no, again. I already agreed to spend time with David, especially that I wouldn't be able to tonight. I couldn't cancel on him. It would've been great to catch up but I wish she would've given me some more notice.

Told David about it and he was like, "Why didn't you tell me?! If you wanted to go, you should've told me!" I said that I'd rather spend time with him and he got all worried that he was getting in the way of me spending time with my friends. Had to convince him that wasn't the case at all. He was my first priority.

I'm going out with uni friends tonight and unfortunately none of their boyfriends are coming so David isn't coming along either. Quite disappointed about that. Won't see him until tomorrow night. He offered to meet me after my friends and come home with me. I think that's too unnecessary.

The good thing is that I'm quite ok that he's not here right now. Not like last week when I was going insane missing him. I'm perfectly happy alone today, even though I'm really looking forward to speaking and seeing him.

Took the Risk

I made my decision, I will not go to the second interview with the manager on Monday. I simply don't want to use my graphic design referee for this and they won't give me the interview without it. I emailed the agent telling her I've received two other offers and had to decline going ahead with this one.

Even if I did end up getting it, I wouldn't like it. There's a lot of boring web maintenance, it would take 2 hours travelling time and the hours are long. I also would have to figure out all the difficult technical stuff myself which might be very stressful and time-consuming. Even if I don't get any of the other jobs, it still wouldn't be worth it. I'll just pretend I didn't apply for it. Because I wouldn't if knew the location straight away.

Just hope I get one of the other two jobs I want.

The Imperfect Match

Is anyone interested how the 'double date' went?

Well, let me just say that I'm not too motivated to help April anymore. I got so frustrated with her. After about 15 minutes, she told me there was no way they would ever be more than friends. I asked her why and she said there was no 'click'. How the hell are you supposed to know if there's a 'click' after 15 freaking minutes?! I didn't have a 'click' with David for a few weeks!

This guy is very intelligent (he's at uni on a scholarship), doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, sporty, has a sense of humour, friendly, ok looking. Why can't she give him a chance? Who knows, it may lead to a lot of happiness. I told her that if she just likes him as a friend now (which is totally understandable, she just met him), why doesn't she go out with him a bit more and get to know him better. She said she doesn't want to lead him on and use him. I think that is so ridiculous. This guy isn't going to break down if he realises she's just going out with him but has no deeper feelings. He might be exactly the same!

I didn't think David and I had any future for months! But look at us now, I feel like we're going to be together forever. Imagine if I didn't give him a chance because we didn't 'click' straight away. I would be missing out on all this happiness that I didn't think was ever possible.

We let them talk alone a bit and I kept trying to overhear what they were saying but wasn't having much luck. (The fact that David kept distracting me didnt help either.) Later when they were walking behind us and David and I were acting silly as usual, I couldn't hear them say anything. I could feel the awkwardness of their silence. Just felt lucky that I had David. One thing David and I have in common is that in big group situations we're both very quiet but together we never shut up. I don't even remember what we were talking about, I just know we were laughing a lot.

At around 9:30 April got really edgy like she couldn't wait to leave which really didn't relax me. It's hard to try and have a good time when she looked like she was in pain. It happened so many times before! I always end up feeling guilty that she's having a horrible time. It's like she won't even try to enjoy herself. David kept insisting on driving her home so she wouldn't worry about keeping her parents awake. But no, she wanted to go home right now.

Since she left and we were with the guy, we didn't even get to dance. Just went home pretty much straight afterwards. David insisted on driving me home. He brushed my hair and said, "You look so pretty tonight, I wish I could dance with you". I don't know why but when he said it, I just got an electric shock in my stomach. Then he leaned over and urgently said, "I love you. I would do anything for you." So I got another electric shock in my gut. Then...

Too Many Opportunities

I have a major dilemma. Interview 3 seems to be leading to a desirable outcome. Well, the 'supposed' desirable outcome. In truth, I'm realising that I don't really want the job. And the agent called me today to tell me she organised an interview with the manager and to ask for a referee. I gave her the woman that liked me in one of the temp jobs. She asked for the guy from my graphic design job. Told her I didn't have his contact details on me (which was true).

She emailed me, asking me for the referee I'm not too keen on giving. I don't want to to use him (or even the temp woman for that matter) for a job I don't actually want. Apparently the agent already called the temp woman so it's too late for that. I'm supposed to go see the manager of this job on Monday. I don't know what to do! If I tell them I don't want the job anymore, I'm going to so regret it if I don't get any of the others. But if I do end up getting it, I will be annoyed at myself for missing out on all the chances for jobs I'd actually like.

The interview today was great! The woman who interviewed me seemed really cool. Very friendly and easy-going. The job isn't exactly a design one but it's pretty good anyway. If I do get it, I can probably say good-bye to growing my career as a designer. But the atmosphere of the place definitely gave a great first impression. Very relaxed and fun.

Here is the summary of my potential jobs:
1. 1 month contract that only starts at the end of January
2. marketing/design assistant (Interview 2 that I stuffed up). The manager gets back at the end of January and will only have an interview with her in February.
3. job that I'm the closest to getting - don't actually want it - too far, lots of boring work, no assistance with the hard stuff
4. cinema advertising job that I would love, only that it's not going to use my uni skills and not sure where I can go after that

I already got the second interview for today's interview because the woman said I impressed her. It's funny, it actually turned out that she didn't even see my new CV that I sent for this position. She got my details from an old resume that I sent for a graphic designer position.

I wouldn't mind going to the interview with the manager for the job I don't really want but it's not going to happen unless I give the agent my other referee that I don't want to give. Guess I will have to tell her that I got another offer. Man, I'm going to hate myself if because of this, I will not get another job.

Any advice is welcome.

"Please tell Michael I love him. He's so stupid, he can't figure it out himself."

- POBian radio

Marketable

I don't believe it. I really don't. I just got invited to another interview! The woman said that even though I applied for a graphic design position, they wanted to interview me for a production coordinator! I couldn't believe it! I mean, I didn't even apply for it!

This company deals with cinema advertising and is part of a larger film prodution company! I've applied to several jobs they advertised for last year and never heard a thing back. When she described this new position, I got a little confused because that was the last one I applied for. I don't know, maybe she was talking about an older application.

Anyway, this isn't exactly in my field but it's in the entertainment industry! I'm definitely going to the interview!

Finally my applications aren't being sent to a black hole. Since I've redone my CV, I've been getting 50% if not more replies. I actually got a little choosy today to which jobs I applied.

So now that I've made myself wanted for interviews, I have to find a way to make myself wanted for jobs.

Inner Illusions

Inner Illusions

Some people are so disillusioned. And people who are obviously very intelligent. They're blinded by their inner thoughts that have no external basis. I see it so easily in other people. I wonder if I'm like that but just don't see it. Do people read my blog and think, "Gosh, this girl is living in her own reality".

I guess everyone lives in their own little worlds but some people let these inner worlds block out the reality that's happening outside them. Sometimes they realise this but still can't move out of their illogical thoughts. Guess it's their personality that prevents them. I don't know. And no matter what you say to these people to try to open their eyes, they will not change. It just saddens me.

Three Interviews

Interview 1
OK. The agent said she'll pass on my CV to the client.

Interview 2
Complete stuff-up.

Stuff-up #1: when I was filling out the application form, I wrote the name of the position that I was going for in my third interview, rather than this one.
Stuff-up #2: I started speaking very fast so ran out of breath and couldn't talk properly
Stuff-up #4: my face went bright red
Stuff-up #5: lost all tongue ability and couldn't construct one proper sentence

Here is what the woman asked me:
1. Would you say your parents are a negative or a positive influence on you?
2. Were you ever asked to do anything inappropriate at work?
3. Tell me about yourself, personally.

Here is what she told me:
1. You are so undervalued in your current company!
2. You're POBian?! That's fantastic! They've got good work-ethic.
3. You will not have to wash up after anyone here. Everyone washes their own cups and we have a receptionist.

She said she'd love me to meet the manager I'd be reporting to. So maybe my stuff-up didn't matter so much...

Interview 3
Realised I didn't want the job but really loved the agents. We chatted for an hour.

David met me between Interview 2 and Intervivew 3. He looked extremely tired and like he was about to collapse. After about 20 minutes, he said he was going home. Even though I was disappointed that I'd have to wait for another three hours by myself, I wanted for him to get some rest.

I walked him back to the station and he was barely saying a word. I started worrying that he wasn't happy with something or if he was upset/annoyed at me. Especially when he didn't give me a kiss goodbye like he always does.

As soon as I turned around to go back to wait somewhere, I felt an arm around me and David laughing. "I'm not going!" he said. "I wouldn't leave you to wait by yourself!" I was a bit stunned and could only mutter, "What?!" and he said, "You've been punked!" I was like, "I thought you were tired!" He said, "I am, but I'm staying with you. Did you think I'd leave you?" Then he got energy from somewhere and became his usual bouncy self.

We went to a huge bookstore and looked at books together. He loves to read too. How fantastic that I can go to a bookstore with my boyfriend and he'd enjoy it just as much as me. Then we sat near the window and talked quietly. He kept staring at me. I get a little unnerved by that 'cause I start worrying that he's going to see all the imperfections - the large pores, the skin creases etc.

He walked me to Interview 3 and left. Later tonight he called me just to see how it went. I was talking to April at the time and when I answered the call waiting, I lied and told her it was an urgent call for my Mum because I knew she'd get upset if I hung up on her 'cause David was on the other line.

Tomorrow we'll be going out on an unofficial double date. Can't wait.

Imperfectly Happy

I have not one, not two but three interviews tomorrow! For two of them I've only applied in the morning. I see that my old resume must've been the problem before. So happy that's been fixed so now I just have to focus on impressing the interviewers.

Read this blog of a girl from uni and I felt envious. She wrote how happy her life was because she had an excellent job for 10 months, a three year anniversary with her boyfriend and lost weight. I'm always behind on something. Now that the boyfriend situation is on track, I have to fix the job thing.

It's weird but sometimes (very rarely) I don't mind not having everything perfect. Kinda makes my life have a little drama.

Longing

Longing

Late.

Sleepless.

Wish I had something thought-provoking to write but my mind has only thing on its mind.

Miss him.

Maybe there is one magnet inside me and one inside him pulling us together.

I still have two magnets Ivan gave me. I keep it in my special locked box because it's my only physical memory of him. I think he really wanted to keep them but for some reason gave them to me. Or maybe my memory is playing tricks on me. It was so long ago that I felt such strong longing for him. Funny how far I am from that now. He will be only a memory now. A part of my life that will always remain in the past. When I was little I used to imagine that we'd meet again when we're adults, fall in love and live happily ever after. Childish dreams.

The only other longing I felt for a person was for Max but that was stupid. He was just a face to put to my vision of RG. Nothing more.

The difference with my longing for David is that this longing will be satisfied. He is not continents away. Not time apart. Not unreachable. He might even be thinking of me right this moment.

Want

Just as I was writing my last post, David called and now I'm yearning for him again. He was about to go to a dinner with people from work. He said he'll call me after he finishes, on the train going home. I told him he didn't have to. He asked, "You don't want me to call you?" so I had to tell him that of course I wanted to but he "didn't have to".

Now I'm strangely looking forward to talking to him again.

New CV Works

I'm fine, totally fine without David. The desperation feeling from tomorrow is completely gone. I can function perfectly well by myself.

Registered with a temp agency and fortunately they didn't make me take any tests. Got home and got a call for an interview which made me really happy because I didn't even call them, just sent them my improved CV. It's not exactly my dream industry or a perfect location but the job is related to my degree so I'm happy about that. Hope it goes well.

The Clinginess Syndome

Symptoms
- The longer you spend with one person, the more you need them
- Feelings of anxiety at the thought of not seeing this person until another day
- Extreme feelings of content when this person is with you
- Desire to constantly have any sort of physical contact with this person
- Uneasiness and restlessness and not knowing what to do after this person leaves
- Wonder at how you used to live or can live without this person in your life
- Continuous thoughts of this person even when they're not there
- Feelings of extreme emotional co-dependence
- Fear of losing this person
- Ignorance of this person's faults

Having come back from our little weekend adventure, I honestly don't know how I'd live without David. He filled up my life in every possible way. Not only do I always have something to look forward to, I'm always doing something. We're either going for walks, dancing, watching movies, talking. I'm always entertained. Friends now fit into the gaps when we're not together and I don't depend on them to make life exciting, like I used to.

Highlights from our trip:

- stuffy caravan park (no air-conditioning)

- beautiful beach location

- couldn't fall asleep and every time I moved, the bed squeked and woke up David. Rather than getting annoyed at me, he said, "You can't sleep? Ok, let's talk". Even though that was too sweet of him, I told him to go to sleep because I knew he was tired. After a few more of these squeks, David went to the bunk beds where he slept properly. I tossed and turned until I remembered my childhood trick of getting to sleep - turn upside down on the bed. It worked. Woke up and got a little confused which way I was lying, then saw David smiling at me and didn't care about anything else.

- he insisted on buying me a piece of chocolate cake even though I knew I shouldn't have it. It tasted stale and I felt so guilty for not liking it. He had a taste and said not to eat it because that's how people get food poisoning.

- there was a little amusement park with rides and games. Being the kid that David is, he got two tokens to play that clown game where you throw the balls into the rotating plastic clown's mouth and the balls fall into different slots, each corresponding to a number of points. If you get a specific combination of numbers or a specific total score, you get a good prize. If you get a random score, you get some cheap consolation toy. I think these games are a waste of money but David pleaded for me to play. So I did. After we both got our consolation prizes, we realised that we both got the exact same score which is very unlikely. It put smile on my face for the rest of the evening, like it was proof that we were meant for each other.

- sitting on the boardwalk, our feet hanging off the ledge over the water, just being together.

- when we were returning, felt so anxious at the thought that I won't be with him like this for ages. Wish he was always around me.

- on the way back, we stopped for lunch at this beach side place that we both love. Went for a walk along the beach and I was being a little quiet 'cause I was thinking that our perfect weekend was almost over. David noticed, as he always does, and after trying to guess how I was feeling, he said, "Tell me what you're thinking. I want to know every thought, all the details". I said jokingly, "Are you trying to be a listening type of boyfriend?" and he said, "I just want to know you, all of you". I wonder if he'll ever stop saying the most perfect things.

When he dropped me off at my house and was about to leave, I started blabbering about how I was missing him already and then realised I was making a bit of a fool of myself. After I realised this, I changed my blabbering to saying how silly I was being, going on like that. He smiled at me and said, "You're beautiful".

Still In Love

David called me a little earlier.

David: I'm being attacked by Ryan's dog
me: you should give it Ryan's shoes to chew on. That seemed to work last time
David: so how's everything?
me: good...
David: are you ready for tomorrow?
me: yes. I'll see you at one?
David: yes
me: ok, talk to you then!
David: I miss you... wish you were here
me: me too... it's a bit late for me to come over
Davd: it's ok, I'll see you tomorrow
me: ok, see you then!
David: when are you going to sleep?
me: late
David: can I call you at 11:30?
me: of course

I don't know why I have the urge to write down such irrelevant conversations between David and me. I think I like reliving them as much as possible. It's not done to gloat or show off, honest.

Still feeling like I'm in a dream. Will this feeling ever wear off? When will I get used to my new life which involves an amazing boyfriend? It's been over 7 months now.

Had a nightmare last week that I was still single. Was never happier to wake up. Only a year ago I was having the opposite - dreaming of being in love and then waking to the harsh reality of being alone.

Amazing how one short phrase changed everything.

"Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice. Falling in love with you was beyond my control."

When Things Fit and When They Don't

Got called up for a temp job at a digital media company yesterday so went there immediately. Every person at the company was male, and gay. They had a major project due next week and needed help in figuring out how to do something. I figured a sort of ok way to solve the problem and the manager thanked me and said he could now do it himself. So that's it.

Of course it would've been great if they liked me and offered to stay but I'm not too surprised. I'm used to job rejections. And I guess being female and not gay didn't help my chances.

Afterward David and I went salsa dancing at a new bar that has free entry. Felt a little intimidated by the other professional dancers. And man, David looked so good dancing. Sure there were plenty of proficient male dancers but none of them looked like they were enjoying it as much as David. It's that enjoyment that makes him glow on the dance floor. Kept getting a little distracted watching him and forgot to move my feet. Felt some ridiculous inner pride, "That's my boyfriend!"

Between dancing, we sat outside and alternated between flirting like two people who just met at a bar and talking like an old couple. Discussed what a great matchmaking team we make because we managed the two unsuspecting victims (i.e. his friend and April) to come out with us next Thursday.

While we were taking a short break from dancing because some woman stepped on my foot with her stiletto heel, some old man came up and told David to go and dance. Then he asked me when I was going to dance to which I just said, "Later." Afterwards David informed me that this guy asked him to dance and when he said no, he asked for my permission. Couldn't stop laughing. David didn't look too comfortable.

After we had enough, we decided to go for a walk along the promenade. We were talking about the crowd at the bar when David said, "There were guys checking you out." I said, "Nah, you're imagining" And he said, "I saw them". I told him, "They were probably noticing how badly I was dancing" and he said, "No man, you're hot." I tried not to giggle, "Naah... really?" and he said, "You are! They were probably thinking, 'That guy only got her 'cause he can dance'". Then I said, "Why didn't I notice them?!"

David always knows the right things to say to boost my confidence.

Saw a free band playing in an outdoor bar. They were pretty good. The weather was beautiful. The view was stunning as usual. I love this city - you can go dancing, listen to a band and not pay a thing. Like David said, it was a perfect night.

Lately I've been thinking about our relationship in a different way. Before I'd always think, "Can I do better? Can I find someone more suitable?" Now I realise, life is not that simple. I'm more than lucky to have found him. The chances that someone else more right for me would even exist (let alone me meeting him) are next to none.

The more I get to know him, the more I see how compatible we are. Of course neither one us is perfect but I think he's the closest to perfect I will ever get.

Yesterday when I was with him I kept thinking, "I don't ever want anyone else. He's my dream come true. Want to be with him always". While I was thinking this, he said, "You're the only person I ever want to be with. It's crazy but I want to be with you all the time! You're perfect. I'm the luckiest guy." If that's not a dream come true, I don't know what is.

I remember only a few months ago, saying "I love you" was the biggest deal and meant so much. Now we've said it so many times, I fear it's losing it's deep impact, even though every time I say it, I mean it just as much as the first time. So we've started to resort to, "I love you, I really mean it. I really do," to keep the same intense meaning, only now it's starting to sound silly, as if before we didn't really mean it.

In the morning, we organised our little weekend adventure which we're both really looking forward to. Should be memorable.

Partner in Crime

'A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting beside you saying, "Damn that was fun!"'

- anonymous

I was amazed to hear David make the most detailed plan on how to set up April with one of his friends! I didn't even think he could be so wonderfully scheming. When he told me one of his friends (who I've met and wanted to set up April with) became single (a while ago - a fact he forgot to mention), I suggested that he invite him out (and I'd invite April) and to tell the guy we were going out in a group of friends so that he doesn't feel any pressure.

But noooo, David said that I should invite April for coffee in the city and that he would 'casually' call me up and I'd 'casually' tell him I was in the city with April. He'd 'casually' say, "What a coincidence, so am I!" and so we'd 'casually' meet up. And voila, April would meet his friend. Afterwards we'd 'casually' decide to go dancing and so this guy and April would have to talk since they'd be the only two who are not really into dancing. It would all be perfect!

David said, "I'm quite the matchmaker, aren' I?" I never thought that he could be such a male version of me.

We conspired on the phone all evening, creating elaborate ways to get his friend and April to like each other and imagining going out together. It reminded me of how April and I talked which made me so giddy with happiness knowing David could be like that.

Relationship Bites #4

Some slow old jazzy song plays.

David: that's a nice song... I like this music... Why are you smiling?
me: you're such a romantic
David: you don't like romantic stuff, I know
me: I don't mind it... I just pretend not to like it
David: hmm... so I should do some romantic surprise for Valentine's Day...
me: no! you don't have to do anything! Finally this year I won't hate it.
David: you won't ever hate it now.

The Guilt of the Unemployed

I've been dealing with my unemployment considerably well in the last few weeks. Haven't been experiencing waves of guilt because of not working, simply because no one else was. Then today, got worse. Not sure if it's Shopgirl (my current book) that's aiding me into a depressed state of mind or if it's just me.

I'm in a bit of a weird situation at the moment because I don't want to call the agent that's been finding me temp work before because I don't want to temp at the places where I've been temping before and there's a high chance that's what she'll offer. I just wouldn't feel comfortable coming back to those places, even though I liked them.

The other agent used to find me temp work while I was already temping last time. I'm hoping she'll find me temp work soon but she hasn't gotten back to me with anything.

Really don't want to join any new temp agencies because don't want to go through hours of testing again.

I think I might wait another two weeks maximum and apply to new temp agencies. The guilt of sitting around doing nothing will start to take its toll and that's going to ruin me. I just know it.

Shopgirl

I was bad. I started reading the third book that I've borrowed before finishing the first two. Was really in the mood for it. From the first chapter I'm in love with it. Steve Martin can actually write, as well as act. I like his style - simple, yet deep and poignant. Or maybe I can just relate to the main character. I don't know. It's been ages since I read a book I couldn't put down and thought about when I wasn't even reading it.

The Most Wanted

The Most Wanted

I think I'm slowly alienating all my friends. I really don't mean to but is it my fault that I want to spend every minute with David? Ok, so it is.

My uni friends are organising to meet up next week but David and I have planned to go on a trip. Sure I'd love to see the girls from uni but not as much as I want to go with David.

Also, people from uni organised a trip out of the city and I'm not going for the simple reason that I want to spend every weekend with David. That's when we have the most time together. Can't exactly tell them that. I know he was welcome to come but what's the point on going on a trip with him and my uni friends together? It would just make things difficult for me to be able to divide my attention between everyone. Plus, I know the majority of them will get drunk and I really don't feel like spending a weekend with drunk people.

I've heard and read many times that it's not healthy to spend all the time with one person but I just can't get enough of David. We're always talking, making plans, organising things, having fun. Spending time with other people just doesn't seem as interesting anymore. Sure sometimes I feel like I need some time off (like a couple of hours because afterwards I start missing him again).

Today, before he left:

David: so I'll see you on Thursday?
me: Thursday? Ok... That seems like ages away...
David: wanna meet up on Tuesday?
me: sure, if you want to
David: yeah, I'll come over
me: ok, so I'll talk to you on Tuesday
David: want to talk tomorrow?
me: yeah, should I call you?
David: I can call you
me: cool! Talk to you tomorrow!
David: can you call me tonight?
me: hehe, of course I can

Later my mobile rang. It was David.

me: I thought I was going to call you?
David: my sister is using the phone so I decided to call.

I can't stay away from him, but neither can he from me. No one makes me feel more wanted.

In the Heat of the Moment

I've decided to take dancing classes again. There are some new short courses at the place where I used to go which I think would be good to learn. I probably still need to finish all the salsa courses to get to a stage I want to be at but since I can usually keep up with David, I'm not motivated enough to commit myself to an 8 week course.

Went dancing last night with David to a latin club. I absolutely loved the atmosphere. I think I'm getting over my "That's so sleazy" state of mind and moving into "Just have fun" phase. I mean I was feeling like I stood out because I wasn't being sleazy enough. It's not hard to look uptight in a crowd of the most relaxed people swaying, shaking and twisting their bodies in every direction possible (and impossible).

When David and I were taking a break on the couch, I was getting a little hypnotised by one Latin looking girl. It looked like every muscle in her body was dancing. And she had the happiest look on her face like she was in her own little world where nothing was ever wrong. I wanted to be able to move like that. Maybe that's why I'm getting enthusiastic about joining some new dance classes.

Had a mini argument with David which put a little damper on the night. I hated that he was making a big deal out of nothing. I wasn't even sure what exactly he was upset about. All I wanted was to kiss his grumpy face. I said, "When do we get to make up? In 5 minutes?" He shook his head in annoyance and said, "You're not taking me seriously!" I asked him, "What's your problem?" and without waiting for an answer added, "Me?" He didn't answer for a while. To break the silence I said, "I love you." Then he smiled, gave me a hug and said, "When you say that, you make me forget everything! You're my problem, you're my happiness!"

A New Version of my CV

A New Version of my CV

I've completely redone my resume and made it what my Dad calls "graphically friendly". Fingers crossed it will now stand out from hundreds of other Word files. I've also deleted all the casual/temp jobs that I have done in the hope that it won't seem like I've jumped from one job to the next in a matter of months.

I'm quite happy with it now 'cause even I like looking at it.

Can't Help Falling In Love With You

There is nothing quite like being ecstatically in love.

Went to David's Mum's birthday dinner last night and it wasn't as uncomfortable as I expected. Had a lot of food and felt full all day today. David looked really hot, (thought I'd mention that). He was sweet enough to drive me home. Took a little longer to get to my house due to... the oysters that we had at dinner.

In the car, couldn't help smiling because I was happier than I've ever been. Remembered the pain I was going through before David and how I thought I'd burst if I didn't find a boyfriend. Now I am so totally full. I was just staring at his face the whole time because it's still sometimes hard to believe that he's real, and mine.

David: are you staring at me?
me: sorry, am I freaking you out?
David: no, you can stare as much as you want

David is one of few people who can deal with my weirdness.

Went over to his house today. He was really tired, understandably but he was happy that I came to keep him company. Had a really nice talk but can't write it here. He said it was really hard to find someone to love you. I couldn't agree more.

I wonder if maybe I just missed out on all the bad relationships and went straight to a good one. I feel so lucky that this is finally happening to me. I will not die without ever experiencing what it's like to love and be loved in return. David makes everything better. He has proven to me how much he cares in so many ways, there is no room for doubt. This will sound corny but he really does make me want to be a better person. I want to have a heart as big as his and be thoughtful without expecting rewards.

When I got home, he called again. I said, "I thought you were going to sleep" and he said, "I don't feel like sleeping, just want to talk to you".

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can’t help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can’t help falling in love with you
Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can’t help falling in love with you

Chivalry - Flashpost

Can be read here.

Mental Stimulation

I went to the library today. Really needed to get books. Too much spare time now and my brain desperately needs a workout. Usually I get fiction but this time I got a science book and two biographies (one describing living during World War II and the other about Pacific Island culture). Ok, so I got one fiction book too, but there's been a movie out based on it and it's by Steven Martin and I've never read anything of his. After I got over the difficult decision of choosing which one to read first, I'm deeply involved in one of them.

Also did Lesson 2 of A+ Spanish learning CD that David gave me ages ago but I had no time to do. I can now say useful things like:

Yo voy a la playa - I'm going to the beach
Nosotros compramos una vaca - We buy a cow
El escucha un pajaro - He listens to a bird
Yo tengo un hombre - I have a man

Spanish is so easy, especially that I learnt French at school and it's so similar (I even get confused between the two).

I would've never started to learn a third language, if it wasn't for David. So many good things come out of this relationship.

(Sometimes I worry that if it's going so well now, something bad might happen.)

Choosing Between Friends and Boyfriend

Who's more important friends or boyfriend?

Today I picked boyfriend. Christine called to invite me to a boardgame night with the others and I said no. Told her the truth - David was over and I was spending time with him. Then, surprisingly she got a little insistent and started saying that she didn't know when we'd have the chance to all meet up again because everyone's going to be busy. I lied and said that I won't see David because he's working all week. Well, it's true that he's working all week but it's not like that will stop me from seeing him.

Can't believe she made me feel guilty about not coming.

David and I were going to go for a walk but he was tired so we just stayed in and talked. He left already because he has to wake up early tomorrow. I can't believe I miss him already. And not just a bit. I don't know where to put myself because I feel so restless without him. He looked really hot today but I guess that's beside the point.

When I was younger and Nadine and I had chats about how we'd always stick to our friends and not spend all our time with boyfriends because friends were the ones who'd always be there for you. Now I see that was a very naive thing to say because a boyfriend is not just some guy you spend your time with (well, not David anyway). He's a friend too. He's my closest friend so of course it makes sense I'd rather spend time with the person I like the most.

I wonder if it's healthy to want to be with someone so much...

Something Only I Know

There is a blog I read that makes me feel like I'm the only one who reads it. And I love it because it's like I found a secret diary and only I can discover the writer's personal thoughts. It's so satisfying, like knowing something no one else does.

Which reminds me, last week when David and I went to the movies, David's lips curved suddenly and he said, "I know something no one else does" and being my usual want-to-know-it-all self, I asked, "What?" He said, "I"ve got the best chick in [the city]". I decided to ignore a few things about that well-meant phrase - can't stand the word 'chick' and only in this city?! What about the country? The world?!

Well, I guess I know some things no one else does too...

Another Year Over and a New One Just Begun

Happy New Year everyone!

I had a wonderfully fanstastic night to welcome the new year. It was spent lying/sitting around on a rug on top of a hill with perfect views of the fireworks, with yummy snacks and great company. It was everything I always wanted to have - enjoying life with great friends and having an extra great guy right next to me.

Felt just so lucky.

David and I met April on the train where they got along really well which was so good. We kept laughing the whole way by teasing each other constantly.

Even though we knew approximately where the fireworks viewpoint was, we didn't know the exact way. When we came to a staircase next to a tunnel, I logically assumed that since it's a hill, we should take the stairs while David kept saying he thought it was through the tunnel. So we dragged ourselves up the seemingly neverending stairs to realise that wasn't the way to the hill. I asked one of the security people what the best way to get to this place was and the man said to take the tunnel. David couldn't resist with his "I told you!" I was like, "You didn't insist enough!" and April said, "It's [puff] good [puff] exercise," then looked like she was about to collapse. The boiling hot weather didn't help.

Once we got to the hill, we dropped our rug on the ground and fell on it. I think we managed to take a few sips of water before doing so. The next half an hour or so was spent by April and I gossiping while David pretended to sleep and only let out a laugh when either of us said something stupid (usually that was me). Over an hour later, Christine and Evan came. Haven't seen Evan in ages. Was kinda surprised that they came at all 'cause I know they usually like to get dressed up and do something expensive on New Year's Eve. I think Christine was only motivated to come to meet David.

Soon afterwards, Claudia came with Mike. I was so worried about April feeling uncomfortable with all the couples, I might've unintentionally not paid enough attention to David. I guess I could just easily put myself in her shoes. Every time she got a bit quiet, I'd get worried that she was feeling the pain of not only being single but of never experiencing a relationship. But I guess everyone was pretty good and didn't separate too much into couples.

Later all the girls were huddled together and David went to talk to Mike. Evan was with us but not really talking. We started to notice that Mike and David seemed to be in a very intense conversation. We got wondering what they were talking about and got Claudia ('cause she was sitting closest to them) to pretend to get something where the guys were sitting. She did this a few times but didn't catch anything.

Then we tried to recruit Evan to help us. Christine said, "Why don't you go and see what the man talk is about" but Evan was like, "Nah, it's ok". Then Christine said, "Oh, he's just a big old girl". So the big old girl sat with us and listened to our girl talk. It was so weird but greatly satisfying to see that we were growing up and changing. Before, it'd always be just the girls but now there was the addition of three guys. And not just any guys, but boyfriends! Was this a glimpse into what our future outings would be like?

At around 11pm, Amelia came after work. She looked exhausted because she went the long way and she had 4 inch metal spike heels. David and I went to get her but she turned out to be walking from the opposite way. When she saw us on the grass, she stopped on the sidewalk and kneeled down. We were all a little confused as to why she wouldn't come over. Then we realised she was taking off her shoes because they would've made holes in the grassy area. That's how sharp the heels were!

When we asked her why she wore them, she looked aghast and said, "They're snake skin and I got them for $19.90 so I'm going to make every cent worth it!" Gosh, perfect logic. What even possessed us to ask!

Afterwards, we sort of split into couples while Amelia and April chatted. This was when David got a little annoyed at me for something very stupid which made me annoyed back at him. Then I started getting worried that we were going to end 2005 annoyed at each other and even though I'm not superstitious I like to have a good start to the new year. I told him this. He sulked for another minute, then gave me a hug and I knew we were fine.

The fireworks always manage to awe everyone. Not sure what it is about them, but they make me happy. Maybe all the bursts of bright colour are hypnotising. They bring out the children in us, seeing something beautiful and not taking our eyes off it.

Just felt so happy watching the lit-up sky, leaning on David, with his arms around me. Only had a tiny sad inkling of remembering how April was feeling. Hope Amelia was making her feel better by acting totally happy being single.

Afterwards we made our way to the train station three times longer than we should've had thanks to Amelia's shoes. I said to her, "Don't you remember how the heels stuck between the wooden boards last New Year's Eve? Didn't that teach you anything?!" and Amelia said, "No! I'm wearing these shoes to the beach tomorrow!" April and I could only sigh.

Halfway to the station, Amelia decided to take off her shoes. April and I tried to threaten her of the dangers of walking barefoot where there were so much broken glass, invisible to the eye in the dark. I even exclaimed, "You can get diseases!" Amelia just waved her hand and said, "Anything's better than this pain!" I said, "I'm surprised you can even feel your feet" and Amelia replied, "Fortunately not so much anymore." I tried with some helpful suggestions like, "Try putting pressure on your toes" but Amelia said, "I don't feel like I have any toes".

Then she started describing how hot she was. She felt the need to tell us that her sweat patch on her back made her feel like she put on her clothes after going swimming. April tried to comfort her by saying we were almost there. Amelia whined, "When?! I have a sweat moustache now!" That made me laugh really hard because only Amelia could use words like that. My laughing made April laugh and say, "Stop it! I really need to go to the toilet and laughing isn't helping!" which made me laugh more. I know I know, not very nice to laugh at your friends' pains, but so much fun! David was just rolling his eyes at this stage.

Finally got to the train station and said goodbyes to Christine, Evan, Claudia and Mike. We got on Amelia's train so she wouldn't have to go alone some of the way, especially with her special talent of attracting freaks. Later David said he was surprised Evan didn't offer to give Amelia a lift home this late at night. I told him, Evan was going in a different direction but David said, "So? I would've if I had the car." I don't know why David gets so protective sometimes (I'm sure Amelia would've been fine since we've been going home late all the time before by ourselves), but I guess it's sweet of him.

On the way back, when it was just April, David and me, April and I chatted, while David got a seat in front of us. April told me of how Amelia went to the beach the day before and went swimming with her contacts (which were a different colour to her natural eyes) and of course she lost one contact in the water so for the rest of the day her eyes were different colours. Amelia is absolutely crazy but we all love her.

After April got off and David came to sit next to me, he said he could see Amelia didn't have a boyfriend because she was just such a free spirit but he wasn't sure why April didn't have one. I really wish she could find some guy who will adore her for her wonderful nature. I'm really hopeful this year.

I asked him if he had a good time and he said he did. I know it's not really his scene to sit around and talk but he said he knew it was important to me and my high school friends were really special and close to my heart so he was happy to be there with me. And so was I.