Kid at Heart

Today was so... dull.

I had to take my grandma to a doctor for a check up. He said her tumour completely cleared up after the radiation and is unlikely to come back. Well, that's good news. Then I had to wait for her to do the shopping which took about an hour. She dragged me through the huge shopping centre to buy a few items. I guess I wouldn't mind so much to spend time with my grandma if it wasn't for a headache which I had since this morning.

Got home to check for jobs. There was absolutely nothing to apply for. I've been reading up stuff on being a teacher to see if it's really something I want to do and the more I read the more I want to do it. It's not going to be easy though. The graduate recruitment process will take hard work but hey, at least they have a graduate program. I've read the application form and I will have to write a lot about examples of my organisation, leadership and communication skills and experience. The good thing is that I'll be able to put a lot of stuff for my extra-curricular activities, skills and hobbies (i.e. piano, dancing, movie-making, art, computer skills, second language, tutoring).

If I get into the graduate masters program, I think I'll start taking up more tutoring jobs again to use that as experience. The agent will be pleased. She called for my brother last week but I picked up. She asked if I was working full-time now and I told her I was because I didn't want to get any students. Now that was a boss I liked. It actually felt like she tried to be nice to me so I'd take more students. Maybe I can get her to give me a reference if I end up going for teaching jobs. Also, if I start studying again, I know what I'll do differently. I will try to form relationships with my lecturers/tutors so they would remember me and give me a good reference. In my undergrad degree I tried to be invisible and now don't have one single referee from an educational institution.

I also used to not care too much about getting high marks. I just wanted to pass because I knew graphic designers don't look at your marks when you apply for jobs. Not anymore. I'm going to do extra research, I will participate, I will ask questions, I will be involved. Maybe I could even do some volunteer tutoring at uni to show I'm committed to the profession.

I think it would be good for me to have another goal because my failure in finding any design work is really getting me down. It's sucking out any positivity out of me.

I was reading some message boards by teachers and they all say that even though the work is draining and has a lot of negatives, they all love it because they know they are making a difference.

I rememember when I was a leader at a winter camp for kids, in year 10, I felt completely exhausted at the end of each day. I just didn't want to move, that's how physically tired I was. Of course that was because I was taking kids on excursions and not sitting down for the whole day and barely having time to eat. And yet, I remember loving it. It was a total love/hate thing. Little moments like all the kids wanting to hold your hand rather than pair up with each other and interrupting each other to tell you something really meant a lot.

Hopefully teaching in a classroom would not take away as much energy. And I guess the holidays would give me some time to take a breath.

I know I'll have to become stronger emotionally though because there will no doubt be difficult kids, angry parents and unsupportive administration/coworkers. I'll have to learn not to take things personally.

As you can see, I've been giving this a lot of thought. The idea of not having to work in the corporate world anymore sounds very appealing. I don't think the office life is for me. Not to have to sit in front of the computer all day, not having to wear unconfortable work clothes, not concentrating on making sales sounds so refreshing.

Imagining having a classroom I can decorate any way I want, reading kids books, playing games, being involved with families, being around kids all day. That would so fulfill my inner-child.

Fingers crossed my application to study the accelerated graduate program will be approved. Maybe while I'm concentrating on becoming a teacher, I will find a job in design. Who knows. For now, I have nothing to lose.