Curiosity Killed the Cat

Curiosity Killed the Cat

You will not believe what I just did. I emailed Max. I'm not kidding. Ever since David's and my discussion last night about one-night stands, I just got this dying curiosity about whether Max would have one. I thought it'd pass but it hasn't so I just emailed to ask him. I told myself that I would not enter into any correspondence with him if he replies. I just want to know if he would. I don't know why. Being extremely curious about everything is one of my weakest personality traits.

Even yesterday when I got home and my brother said that he's just been talking to David on Messenger, I just had to know every detail of what they talked about. Andy got so annoyed at me. Even though I'm pretty good at analysing myself, for the life of me I have no idea why I have this thirst for such information. The only reason I can come up with is that I'm most comfortable if I'm in control of every situation and the more knowledge I have, the more in control I feel. Although that still doesn't explain why I care what Max would do.

I, honestly, could not care less about him. He's nothing compared to David. He doesn't possess one single quality that I like. He's weak and I only ever liked him because he was the only guy who appreciated me (or at least made me feel like that).

So don't think that I'm getting interested in him because I'm so far from that. He's like a game to me. Fills up time when I'm bored. I don't even care that I'm not sounding very nice about it.

I just miss David so much right now. He has qualities that I really admire - he's brave and is not scared of failure (unlike too many people I know). He doesn't let obstacles and set-backs stop him from living and moving forward. He's influencing me in being like that too. He challenges my fears.

I remember how ages ago we were playing naughts and crosses and I kept telling him that I knew a technique which either let me win or for the game to be a draw (depending where he went). We played over and over and over again, proving what I said to be true. He could not win. After we filled up the double-sided sheet of paper with naughts and crosses and I begged for him to stop playing because I was getting bored, I stopped paying attention and then... I missed it. I didn't think where I went and he won. He had the most satisfied grin on his face. He said, "See, if you don't give up you will get what you want, even though it seems impossible".

One time I asked him if fear of rejection ever stopped him from asking girls out and he was like, "You can't let rejection stop you. You have to move on. If I let fear of rejection take hold of me, I would've never asked for your email and we wouldn't be here".

Then when I worry what other people think of me, he reminds me that everyone is too worried about themselves to worry about me. He always says, "It's not like we're doing anything wrong". It actually helps to not care what other people think because I just tell myself that I'm not doing anything wrong.

Another quality I really like about him is how he's very open. He's always willing to talk about everything. If he has a problem, he's the first to bring it up so we could solve it. It's much easier to fix things that are visible.

As I'm writing this, I'm starting to realise that he's been a pretty good influence on me.

Since I'm writing about what I like about him, I have to mention that I absolutely love when he surprises me. Usually I think this is probably just a phase during the dating period. If we were married, he'd probably stop doing that. Although I guess you never know. Plus, I love how he knows I'm not into flowers and chocolates type of romance. Last present he gave me was a CD of his favourite Spanish singer. It's in my CD player on repeat now. Can't say I really love the songs but they remind me of him. When he first mentioned this singer, he said, "You probably won't like it. It's slow romantic stuff". I don't know why but I love that he loves that. Maybe deep down I like it too but just don't want to admit it.

I guess I just like how he's such a guy on the outside (with his interest in soccer and cars and that sort of stuff) but inside he's the biggest softie (who likes romance songs).

Anyway, I could go on about him for a very long time so I'm going to stop. This entry has completely lost its focus.