Time Apart Makes the Heart Grow (A Lot) Fonder

I don't know if it's because I haven't seen David for two weeks but in the last two days something occurred to me. I'm in love with him. I started getting that feeling when I saw him on Friday but thought it was probably 'cause I missed him so incredibly, but then when he came over yesterday, I had to control myself not blurt out "I love you!"

I wondered if that last time he told me he felt that way about me and I made it into a joke, made him change his mind.

What started to worry me when I realised this was fear that he didn't feel the same. The last thing I want to do is put myself on the line for easy damage. And nothing would hurt more than being rejected by him.

It was simple to stay a little detached because if things didn't work out, I could be like, "Well, I didn't really like him that much anyway" and I'd be able to tell myself that I didn't dissolve into emotional jelly for someone who wasn't worth it.

I'm not exactly sure what changed in the last two weeks (other than not seeing him) but now I stopped being interested in meeting someone 'better' because I don't want anyone else. I just want him (with all his flaws because they seem so easy to deal with because they're his). So maybe there is some POBian guy who'd suit my ideal of RG a bit better and maybe there is a guy who is not so prone to risk and someone who's more cautious and more calculated. But the point is that these guys would never be David.

(The rest of this entry is here. It's Friends Only so if you want to read it, let me know your livejournal username and who you are. I decided that I want to have control over who reads my more private posts.)