Forgetting Loneliness

I'm struggling to remember the pain of feeling alone. I want to talk to April about everything happening in my life right now but I just can't. She told me she's finding it very hard to deal with the fact that I can't understand what it feels like to never have a boyfriend anymore. I told her that it's not like I've forgotten, but today I found it difficult to summon those feelings again to remember what it was like. All I can feel is contentment that I have David.

I miss talking to April like we used to. I need advice about so many things to do with David but there's no one I can ask. I want to hear April's perspective, but I know that it's painful for her to hear his name 'cause it emphasises that she doesn't have anyone.

And she already stopped telling me about little things in her life. She mainly just listens now and doesn't share anything. It makes me very sad. I try to get stuff out of her and keep asking questions but I'm only met by short answers, like she's embarrassed to tell me about her trivial stuff. I was just like that with Nadine when she got her first boyfriend. I can't talk to David about it because April doesn't deserve to be talked about in that way.

The more I see/talk to David, the more I feel like I'm changing. It's like I'm transforming into a real adult. I really didn't expect my first boyfriend to get quite serious so very fast. Or maybe it's not that fast since I have nothing to compare this to. I mean, I've heard a thing on the radio when a celebrity (Andrew G) said, "It took us three days to pash!" like it was forever.

I asked David if he thought we were going too fast and he said he didn't, but if I felt we were, we should slow down. When he says such considerate things, it makes it hard to slow down because I end up liking him even more. I just can't seem to get enough of him. And the wonderful thing is that I can actually say that to him because he feels the same way about me.