The Other Side

Yesterday, at the callback audition (where I saw one relatively popular Australian actor), I told the Director that I found someone who doesn't mind being an extra. When the Director asked, "Who?" I couldn't get 'my boyfriend' out of my mouth. I felt like I was about to lie and that I really didn't have one. It was like all those other times when I was single and wanted to mention a boyfriend but couldn't because I didn't have one. When I managed to say "My boyfriend" as casually as possible, I felt like I was lying. How very odd.

After the audition, I met up with April, Christine and Claudia for dinner. Christine tried to get information out of me but it didn't really work 'cause she wasn't doing such a good job and it was so easy not to say the actual word 'boyfriend'.

While we were eating and chatting, all of a sudden I saw someone call my name and waving her arms. It was Amy. Couldn't believe it. The girl that ruined my BG1 moment. She was there with some friends and her boyfriend. Where was David when I needed him?

Afterwards, met up with David. Called Nadine to see where she was but she and her friends decided not to come out to the city but stay where they were. David and I didn't feel like going there so we just walked around. Until 3am. I was considering going to say hello to my my school friends who were at a bar at that time but didn't feel comfortable bringing him along. He was acting too couply and I know my friends would think it was a bit too much. Plus, he messed up my hair so it would've looked very suspicious. We actually walked up to it and then I just decided that I didn't want to go in. April would've felt pretty horrible if she saw us holding hands.

David kept asking why I had such a problem being couply in public. He said he didn't care who saw us because he was happy to be with me. Couldn't tell him how much I hated seeing people act affectionately in front of me before. Didn't want to become on of those annoying couples. I think that's one the things he doesn't like about me.

Realised yesterday that we really have no real future together. I guess I knew it before but now it's become quite clear. I guess this can be my first lesson in relationships. I'm pretty sure he realises this too so it's not like I'm leading him on or anything. Even if it does feel a bit like that. What I hate most is that I can't tell if he's being genuine or not. Sure I'd like to believe that I'm all the good things he says I am, but realistically, no one can be that great.

After yesterday, I feel like I've really crossed to the 'other side'. My life has really changed dramatically. I don't feel like I'm such a child anymore.