The Beginning and the End

It's hard to describe all the details of yesterday because it wouldn't be fair to David if I was writing everything for anyone to read. So here is the basic version.

We met up in the city and then drove to a beach area. We walked around and acted like kids. Then we sat down and started talking more seriously. He said that it was weird that we've only met recently but he felt like he knew me for a lot longer. I agreed. It's still hard to believe that I've only known him for a little over a month (and we only met on the weekends) and it feels like he's an old friend. Then he said the sweetest thing:

D: you really made an impression on me
me: how?
D: I always laugh with you. You make me laugh. And I can really talk to you. And you're smart.
me: but I say lots of stupid things
D: I like all the stupid things you say

I don't think I will ever forget him saying that.

After that, I decided to ask him what we were doing (since he kept holding my hand and trying to get close, not something friends do) and he said, "We're going out" and I was like, "What do you mean by that?" since only on Thursday we were having a discussion of all the meanings of 'going out' and he goes, "dating" and I said, "like boyfriend and girlfriend?" (and even just saying those words felt weird) and he asked, "do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?" I replied, "Depends if you want to. And I don't care what you say, just be honest" and he laughed and said, "Yeah, I want to... do you want to be my girlfriend?" and I said, "Ok, if you insist". So that was that. How weird, one minute we're just friends and the next we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Then, he said, "Do I get to kiss you now?" and then when it happened.

Of course, I imagined this moment before many times but it was nothing like in my imagination. Without going into too much detail, let's just say that I said something not very nice about it and had to show him other ways of doing it (like I'm such an expert) and I wasn't even sure if I'd like my way. To make things worse, my way wasn't much better. The whole thing was turning into a disaster 'cause I didn't want to offend him anymore but I didn't want him to keep doing it his way. To smoothe my insult, I said that we should just practise more so of course he liked that idea.

I just never expected the kiss to be bad since I'm attracted to him. He thought I was being a child 'cause he said, "You're such a little girl". Stupid inexperience. Although his experience wasn't helping.

Fortunately, the whole incident didn't ruin the night. I hated that I couldn't tell if he was just being a sweet-talker or if he was serious. After he said some sweet things, I said to him, "You know all the right things to say" and he said, "But I mean it." He just proved my point.

He said a few times that he was really a shy person, something I found very hard to believe since he talked so much. I told him that and he said that's because he found me really easy to talk to. I asked him if he found that with lots of people and he said, "Very rarely". I want to believe him but how do I really know he meant it?

The night and place was beautiful. The water was pitch black and the almost full moon was giving a gorgeous reflection in the ocean. I commented on it and said, "The moon is pretty" and he said, "You're pretty". I was taken aback by that and automatically said, "Nah" and he said, "Well, you're pretty to me and that should be all that matters". And even though that's a sweet thing to say, I kept wondering if he meant that other people wouldn't find me pretty.

For the rest of the night, anyone who walked by would've realised we were a couple. He wouldn't let go of my hand. He said that it was amazing that we came from such different backgrounds and were a couple. I still had to register in my brain that I was now in a 'couple'. I said we were quite different, except our music tastes and minor things like that. He said that he thought our differences were great because we wouldn't get bored quickly and can have disagreements. I told him we better make our disagreements fun. He agreed.

When we were driving back, I was trying to process what happened and had a smile creeping up on my face and then I realised he was looking at me and caught me smiling. At every traffic light he'd take my hand or do something small like that and I couldn't believe that this guy was my boyfriend now. How could it be possible? I've wanted this for so long and now I finally have it. Deep down, I thought having this was totally unattainable for me. It was something that only happened to everyone else. Finally, I'm like everyone else.

Met up with April today to watch a movie. I thought we'd chat afterwards but she said she had uni work. I hate that she's in so much pain now 'cause now she doesn't have me to share the pain with. I can't tell her that she can still talk to me about it because she knows that I can't understand it anymore. And I can't tell her all the good things that happened to me because every sweet word is like another stab in the heart. How I wish for this not to cause us to drift apart too much (since I know we're going to a little bit because it will be impossible not to). Any advice on how to keep our closeness is welcome (especially one coming from experience with your friends). I can only go by what happened to Nadine and I, but somehow it's not working with April.