The Desperate Want

He hasn't replied.

This better not be a repeat of last year with Andrew.

As soon as I start to care whether a guy likes me or not, things just stop. Are my thoughts that powerful?

He:
- used to smoke
- thinks speeding is fun
- believes in God

Ok, I feel a bit better. Must resist writing all the good things.

I finished another chapter of my life today because it was my last day at my job. The feeling of unemployment started sinking in. I wish I could say that another chapter of my life was beginning (in regards to BG3) but I think that's ending too. Before it had even begun.

At least I get to see April and Claudia tomorrow so that should cheer me up.

I'm finding it really hard not to turn my thoughts into thoughts about David. Replaying Saturday in my mind entertained me for almost a week. I need new entertainment.

Keep thinking how before I would replay the meeting with BG (the original) and wonder what it would be like if Amy didn't turn up. What if she wasn't there, what if we got each other's numbers, what if... But with this one, there are no 'what ifs' because everything went the best it possibly could have. I remember that crucial moment when I said "See you later. Actually I'll probably never see you" and he asked for my email. Hope more than anything that my anxiety about seeing him again is for nothing and that next week I will have more memories of him to keep me distracted.

I keep getting too close to getting what I want, yet never actually get there. I need that cycle to stop.