Just A Bus Guy

If I look at how I've been for the last few days objectively, I think how pathetic I'm being. Making a huge deal out of every tiny thing. Deep inside, I love having a guy to make a huge deal about. I conveniently erased all the things I don't like about him from my mind. You'd think he was perfect from how I've been going on about him lately.

On Monday, there's a couple in the class before mine who I find hard not to stare at. The guy is this really cute South American and the girl is a not very attractive red-haired, yet the way the smile at each other is adorable. It reminds me of David and me. Not the adorable smiling but something else. It reminded me of how on Saturday when at the end of the night, BG3 leaned his head on the table so I had a nice view of his his short black hair. I was looking at his hair when I saw some strange girl watching me look at his hair. I wonder what she thought. I saw a lot of strangers look at us that night. I hope they weren't thinking "What's he doing with her?" Hopefully they were thinking, "They make such an adorable couple".

Just want to see him. I don't know how I can wait another week. It reminds me of those TV shows that build up romantic tension between two characters for way too long. I can see this being like that. Or a dream where I'm about to get a boyfriend but just before I do, I wake up to my cold reality. Think I might wake up soon.

Wish I could erase him from my mind so I can go back to being numb to being alone. Because I can just feel disappointment about to happen without anything ever happening.

Sometimes I think that just by thinking so obsessively about it, I'm driving him away.

I don't even know him. Gosh, I don't even like him that much.

Ok, I can't even convince myself that anymore.