The Perfect Store

Went shopping today. I love not having to save up for anything and working full-time. If I really want something, but don't really need it, I can still get it. Because what other reason is there to work if you can't spend what you earn? Of course I don't mean that you have to spend everything you earn but there's less of a need to be extra cautious about what you spend your money on.

Although I associate spending money on (almost) useless things with women who try to compensate for the missing parts of their lives with material things. How sad. Wish I could go and shop for a boyfriend.

The Boyfriend Store
salesperson: can I help you?
me: well, do you have any really intelligent funny ones?
salesperson: we actually have those in that corner over there. They seem to be very popular and selling fast.
me: I understand. Do you have any left?
salesperson: let's go and have a look.
me: what are those, falling out of the storeroom?
salesperson: the returned ones. We're told they're beyond repair.
[in a hushed voice] They don't even want to be fixed.
me: *gasp*
salesperson: that one even came with a free bonus
me: "Drinking problem included". How generous!
salesperson: we like to do what we can.
Are you getting one for yourself or someone special?
me: someone special for myself! I've had enough of giving others presents. They're never grateful.
salesperson: tell me about it! It's so hard to please anyone these days. Mother's Day is coming up and we still get unsatisfied mothers from last year. They say we ruined their lives. Doesn't the thought count for anything?
me: obviously not these days.
salesperson: so here we are...
me: ooo, I like that one!
salesperson: yeah, he's cute. Would you like to have a look?
me: can we actually open the box?
salesperson: of course! You can try him on in the fitting rooms to see if he suits you
me: great!
boyfriend: Sky, I've been waiting for you all my life
me: awwww... I'll take him!
salesperson: the 5 year warranty is included. If he breaks your heart, just bring him in and we'll give you a replacement of your choice, free of charge.
me: perfect
salesperson: how would you like to pay?
boyfriend: please, let me. I insist.

Ah, if only it was that simple.