Work People

Had to work today. Some people that I've met were so bitchy. There was an 18 year old guy and 20-something year old girl/woman making fun of other people the whole time. I didn't want to leave them, in case they'd start bitching about me. I know, I shouldn't care what they think but I can't help it. I want people to like me.

The good thing that happened was after the 18 year old guy finished talking to some 24 year old guy, the 24 year old said to me, "Who was the weird guy?" And I thought they knew each other!

The 20-something year old woman was very snobby. She completely ignored me and wasn't helpful at all. I'm so used to being around nice people (at uni and from school) that I forget that not everyone is friendly.

Click here for some short and sweet poems.

My Life Is A Bad Movie

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a boring movie, waiting anxiously for something interesting to happen and see how it’s all going to end. My life is so ordinary. Actually, that’s an overstatement. An ordinary life would be a nice thing to have ‘cause that would mean that I would have a boyfriend.

I started my job. I’ve met a lot of new people, including a nice guy. I’ve only worked there for two days and I’m already sabotaging my plan of getting a boyfriend. On Monday, there was a really nice guy who would make a nice friend (at least) but I didn’t even come and talk to him, unless I had to. While irritating myself in this fashion, I came to the conclusion that the reason I didn’t come up to just talk to him was because I didn’t want to have awkward silences and I was afraid that would happen because I had nothing to say to him.

Procrastinating Again

I have so much stuff to do but all I want to do is read. When I went to return some of my books yesterday, I couldn't help but borrow another one, although I have enough to read as it is. I still haven't finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. When I go to the library I get really overwhelmed to be surrounded by so much information. It was really quiet there (not surprisingly, considering it was Friday early evening). It was the only time I have to go to the library. Actually, I don't even have the time then 'cause there's so much uni work to do, especially that I'll be working tomorrow and on Monday. Speaking of which, I'm a bit nervous about it. I hope it will be all right, not like for April. Although it will not be such a new thing for me to have bad managers. Unlike her, I have experience with ignorant people who don't know how to deal with people.

Changing Tastes

I have never been a vegetable person. Tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers and raw carrots were as far as my vegetable intake went. But my tastes has changed drastically since my Aunt came. She made the most delicious dish using eggplant (the most gross name for a vegetable, in my opinion). Now I'm addicted to it. I can eat it all day when before I wouln't touch it. The same thing happened to rice, a few years back. When I was little, I hated rice but when my Grandma came to stay with us and made it, I've been eating it ever since. It's weird how a person's tastes can change so much. Maybe when I get older, I might start to hate chocolate, bread and pizza.

The Nerdy Guy. Work Deja Vu

Have you ever felt like you've been shown something that could be really great and then taken away, never to be seen again?

Well, I feel like that's about to happen to me. I haven't mentioned Jesse here because I didn't think he was worth mentioning. He is in one of my groups for one of my assignments. At first I thought he looked really girly (no, it's not the girly guy that I mentioned before) and just wasn't someone I'd consider cute. But then he turned out to be a really smart and nice guy who pays attention to me. And he's really easy to talk to! Finally a guy who I can talk normally with. He's a bit nerdy but that kind of makes him easy to be around. He is not immature like the other guys.

We won't be doing this group assignment for 2 weeks, so I won't be able to talk to him before then. And after this semester, I'll never see him again 'cause he finishes uni this year. Not fair!

I went shopping with my Aunt and Mum today to get stuff for Yvonne (my cousin) and they were making me trying stuff to see if it'll fit her 'cause she's the same built as me (except 175cm). I thought it was going to be really annoying 'cause I don't particularly like trying stuff on. It just gets tiring. But it wasn't too bad.

I went to visit April on her first day at her job. She was counting minutes till the end. She was stuck folding clothes all day. Oh, the life of a retail sales person! Now she knows how I felt working at the bookstore (although the work was more interesting). She was stuck with some 50 year old lady who was never happy with anything she did. Doesn't that sound familiar!

Here's what I got in my email today:

Dear Sky
[My student] is not rebooking u for tutoring at this stage but will probably need u again at some time. Mrs [student's surname] said u were really great
Thanks, [Tutoring Agency Woman]

What the hell does that mean?! Was she saying it to be nice or what did she mean by needing me again at some time?

Well, I don't mind now. I'm a bit over tutoring. And I have to start the other job this weekend already so I won't need tutoring anymore.

April vs Nadine

I forgot to mentions that April and I made up after our 'almost fight'. We talked about it and agreed to be honest from now on, so if she doesn't want to do something she'll tell me straight away, instead of cancelling at the last moment and that I'll let her know if I'm annoyed at her for whatever reason. She also said that since we were being honest, she said that she was upset at me when I decided not to have a double birthday party at the last minute. I just knew it!

Anyway we're both over it since we discussed it. That's the good thing about April. She likes to have things in the open, rather than keeping things to yourself and then having it piled up until one day it all bursts. With Nadine, she didn't really notice when I got annoyed at her and so I just end up being bitter towards her. Haven't spoken to her for ages. It's wierd that I don't even miss talking to her.

The Club

April and I only talk about our non-existent boyfriends now. It’s like a club now. It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who is so frustrated with the whole situation. Maybe I can go to POB. There it’s the norm to be married in your early 20s and most couples get married after a year or so. And although that seems ridiculous, most couples are very happy. I’m still not sure how that works. I think that the way they see it is if they find a deep connection with someone, they don’t wait. They see no point in waiting. My parents only knew each other for a year and they are very well suited. Maybe it’s because lots of people in POB are very deep and intense (from the hard lifestyles). If you talk to a person from POB, you’d straight away notice how deep their thoughts are. I’m not saying that everyone is like that. Lots of people there who live in horrible conditions don’t have any thoughts but the people that my family is around with are like that. Although if I meet a guy there I won’t have a lot in common with him ‘cause we were brought in completely different environments.

It’d be perfect to go out with a guy from POB who grew up here, but I don’t know any.

Family Saga

Well, the last few days have been interesting. On Friday, my Aunt Ingrid (Mum’s sister) and Grandpa (Mum’s Dad) have come over from overseas. I don’t want to say which country so people that I know won’t easily recognise me (if they happen to stumble on this). I’ll just say that it’s in Europe. From now on I will refer to it as POB (place of birth).

Anyway, I got heaps of presents from my relatives there. My Mum and I were amazed at how much stuff they got for us. It felt like it was my birthday or something. My cousins (Ingrid’s kids), Gordon (17yrs) and Yvonne (16yrs) got us some CDs of European Pop. It all sounds like something you’d hear on Eurovision. I love it!

And the clothes they got us are so European. You won’t find anything like it here in Australia. All very stylish (but not over the top, except one yellow coat/jacket for Mum which made her look like an egg. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it). It made me a bit nostalgic and miss my relatives. Yvonne, Gordan, Andrew and I used to play together all the time when we spent the weekend at our grandparents. Being the oldest, the others followed me around and so we ended up getting to a lot of mischief. The good old times…

Ingrid and Grandpa also brought a wedding video of a woman who stayed with us for a while when she was in Australia. This woman is a niece of an extremely famous POBian person. My Dad said that he’s almost equivalent of Sinatra. Yes, that’s how famous he is. At the wedding there were all those famous film producers, musicians, actors, doctors, lawyers etc. I just can’t believe that our family in POB moves in such high social circles. If I was in POB, I would have so many connections! I would just be able to chat to famous film producers to see if April and my film scripts are any good and if they have a chance. They’d be able to give me advice.

Also, all the stories that Ingrid was telling us sounded like a soap-opera. My 3rd cousin (who’s 22) who is in another European country was married twice and engaged three times already! And this girl is the most saddest person. When she came to my grandparents once, when the four of us were there, I decided that I didn’t like her and since then the other three don’t like her.

I’ll give you an example of what she did. She stole stuff without even knowing. How stupid can you be?! She blamed it on her first husband and divorced him. So now she has a criminal record and can’t get a proper job. So she doesn’t work at all. She’s so lazy. She goes to her mother’s home to have dinner and then goes to sleep without helping. And she complains that she gets really tired all the time. Her current husband goes to work at 5am so she has to wake up to give him breakfast and that’s the only work she does for the whole day.

And Ingrid was telling us how with every husband/fiancé she says that she’s madly in love with them and marries them after a month of knowing them. And then cries when they break up that she can’t live without them.

I remember when she was little she’d sit on my grandma’s sofa all day and boss her around -
“Can you get me a blanket, I’m cold!”
”Can you bring me some food, I’m hungry!”
”No, I don’t want this, do you have any cakes?”
“I don’t like this one, can you buy me another one?”
“Your grandchildren are bothering me! They are being mean!”
“Can you tell them to stop laughing, they are being too loud. I’m getting a headache.”

No wonder we didn’t like her. I was so happy when Grandma told her to get up and stop whinging.

How can someone like her find three guys to marry her?! While I can’t find one!

This is just one of many stories that I’ve been hearing for the last few days. I’ve been completely distracted by it all.

Also, it’s so funny to see my Mum with her younger sister. She becomes all bossy and older sistery. Ingrid is really bubbly and was giggling with me when Mum told us off for something minor. Ingrid and Mum are so cute together. Although they’re 40 now, they acted like little school girls gossiping about all of our relatives.

And Grandpa hasn’t been as irritating as I expected. He was extremely nice and happy to be here. He doesn’t want to go back to POB. The first time he came here and went back, Grandma said that he was really depressed to be back. POB is not exactly a nice country to live in. There’s a lot of racism and just the law doesn’t really do anything. You can bribe anyone, even police. Culturally it’s very well developed but in other aspects it’s lacking a lot.

Backward Conversations. Family Visitors.

I finally went to that dancing class yesterday! With Christine who was 20 minutes late (not surprisingly). It was just what I expected - the best fun! I got the biggest high from it. I wouldn't mind going every week if it was more convenient to get to. I was so glad that I didn't have to get the train afterwards 'cause Christine gave me a lift home which was nice of her since it's a bit out of her way. On the way back we stopped at her boyfriend's house so she could pick up some of her stuff. I waited in the car but when she came back out, he came with her and you know what I said?

I said, "Hi, good." (Almost in the style of Effie, who irritates the hell out of me.) As if he asked me how I was! I think my brain was moving too fast for everything around me so I said it automatically because I expected him to ask me how I was. He then asked, "How are you?" Man, that was weird! It was like a conversation played backwards. It's good that it was only Evan since I couldn't care less what I say to him. Although I'm being nicer to him now for Christine's sake. If he makes her happy, that's all that matters, not that he was her tutor when they started going out (3 years ago, I think), almost 10 years older than her. I'm sure it bordered on illegal.

The weird thing was in the morning when I called my Grandma to ask her about her little birthday celebration today, the first thing she said was, "Hi, thank you!" and I laughed and said, "For what?" Then when I went to her house in the afternoon, I realised why she said it. It was her birthday!!! Her brain was ahead of her and she assumed that I called to wish her a happy birthday. And I completely forgot! I kept thinking that since we were celebrating it today, it was today, not yesterday. I was so embarrassed so I bought her some flowers which surprised her since we usually get her a present from the whole family. She was then telling me to tell my Mum not to get her any more flowers but I said that if she wanted to get her more flowers, I wasn't going to stop her.

I also got some for my Mum 'cause I kept wanting to get her something for a while to show that I don't have to get her things just on Mother's Day when the Media tells me to. She was pleasantly surprised, which was my aim.

I also got my work shirt for tomorrow's training session. April and I are going to the same one, even though we'll be working in different stores. It doesn't fit properly but I liked the style. It has really wide shoulders and really narrow sleeves. What kind of person would have big shoulders and skinny arms? Is it even possible to have both non-excusively?

I hope the training goes well and that April and I will be on normal speaking terms (not on polite ones). I'll have to tell her that I misinterpreted what Christine told me and she can actually come clubbing on Friday. I hope she won't think that I made that up. Although I wouldn't mind going out on Friday night, I have too much work that I should be doing. And that's not an excuse. And I know they won't go without me cause it's usually not a good idea to go into crowded clubs with only two people. (Amelia is working and Claudia said she has lots of uni work, although she might be finished by then).

My Grandpa (Mum's Dad) and my Aunt Ingrid (Mum's sister) is coming from overseas to stay with us. Aunt Ingrid is only coming for about 2 weeks but my Grandpa is staying with us for 6 months! I think I might go crazy cause he'll be staying in our study (where the computer is) so I don't know how I'll be doing work late at night since he would want to sleep then. And also this Grandpa's habits really get on my nerves so when he stayed with us before, I always used to be in a really prickly mood and would snap at everything and everyone. He means well but argh, he can be so irritating!

After he'll leave, my Grandma (Mum's Mum) is supposed to come over. She's all right cause she has a talent for making any story absolutely hilarious and having everyone in stitches from laughing. My only problem with her is that she's very prying and I just don't want to tell her every detail of my non-existing life. When I was little and used to tell her stuff, she'd always blab everything that I told her to our other relatives and her friends. So I learnt my lesson.

Anyway, the next few months should be relatively eventful.

Almost a Fight

April and I just had the closest to a fight that we ever did.

I wanted to see if her uni group meeting today was a real excuse for not going to the dance class or just a convenient one. I asked if she wanted to go tomorrow with Christine and I but she said that she should do her work. I then said that we won't be going clubbing on Friday like we planned because the others can't come and after she acted upset, I asked if she wanted to go anyway. When she said yes, I suggested that we go to the dance class instead since we go to both for the same reason - dancing. And then she started saying that she should probably do her uni work. If she doesn't want to go, why can't she just say so?!

I told her that I'd rather she told me now that she won't go, rather than a few hours before because that gets annoying. She then defensively asked when did she ever do that before? And I hate when people ask me to give examples of similar past events because I can never think of any from the top of my head. I just know that it has happened because once is never annoying, it's when a person continously does it, then it gets irritating.

So now we're not talking.

Cancellation

I just knew it! April can't come to the dancing class. Argh!!! This is annoying. I guess it's not really her fault since she has a group meeting at uni, but still! How convenient! She said that Christine might be going but she's driving there and she usually comes half an hour late so it's the same as just going by myself. At least if it was close by, I'd go by myself but I don't feel like travelling for 40 (if not more) minutes to go alone. Maybe we can go tomorrow...

Archive Check

Can everyone please check if the links to my archived entries work or not. Let me know by posting your answer in the comments. I would really appreciate it!

I'll do the forward that she sent me here.

1. What's your full name? Can't say here.

2. What are you wearing? Navy track pants and grey and blue sports top.

3. What are you listening to right now? Silence. Can't decided what I want to listen to. Actually, I was just listening to the typing of the keys.

4. Last four digits of your phone number? who cares?!

5. What was the last thing you ate? a meat pattie, rye toast and some vegetables.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Dark blue.

7. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? I haven't planned that because I'm not sure if I'll be having a honeymoon since you need to get married in order to have one.

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? My Mum.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? What they say (if they talk) or their height and face (if they don't).

10. Your favorite drink? That yummy apple & strawberry juice or (Cherry) Coke.

11. Favorite alcoholic drink? One that has the least alcohol.

12. Favorite sport to play? Dancing, if that counts as a sport. If not, then ice-skating.

13. Favorite sport to watch? Dancing or figure skating.

14. What's the next CD you're going to get? None. I dowload music from the net.

15. Did you ever wear braces? No, thankfully!

16. Best memories? The ones spent with close friends and family.

17. Do you wear contacts? No.

18. Siblings and their ages? One brother, Andrew, who's 16.

19. Favorite month(S)? August because the weather is nice and because there's still half a year left.

20. Favorite food? chocolate, pizza and fresh bread. Mmmm......

21. Last movie you watched? Finding Nemo.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes. *Sigh*

23. Do you like scary or happy movies better? Depends on my mood. I guess I usually prefer happy ones.

24. Summer or winter? Winter, for sure!

25. Relationship or one night stands? Relationships.

26. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

27. Who is most likely to respond? I'm not sending this to anyone so no one will respond.

28. Who is least likely to respond? Everyone, since I'm not sending it.

29. What books are you reading? Lots. Can't be bothered typing. I should update the column on the right.

30. What's on your mouse pad? Don't have one.

31. Favorite magazine(S)? Changes from time to time. I haven't bought any for ages. But I guess I like girly mags.

32. Favorite smell? The smell of fresh bread.

33. Least favorite smell? Gross smells.

34. Worst feeling in the world? Loneliness and physical pain.

35. How many rings before you answer the phone? Depends how close I am to the phone, but at least one I guess.

36. Future child's name? James, Mark, Alina... They change from time to time.

37. Favorite movie? American Beauty, Amelie.

38. What's under your bed? Carpet.

39. Glass half empty or half full? Half full. Before I used to say both but it makes more sense to me if it's half full 'cause I think of stuff being poured in, rather than out.

40. What is your favorite number? 25

41. One nice thing about the person that sent this to U? sometimes she can make me feel really good.

42. Many friends or one best friend? A few very close friends.

43. Favorite current TV shows? Friends. Other non-current favourites are Ally McBeal, Once And Again, Felicity.

44. Name one funny thing that happened today? I'm having a funny conversation with April on MSN right now.

45. Have you ever been in love? No.

Now, it's your turn. Answer these questions on your site and send me the site's address or post them on my message board or email your answers to me!

Green

Just got an email from Nadine. Not really an email but a forward where she answered questions about herself and I actually found out more about her from it. It's kind of funny in a really sad way. One of her answers made me feel a pang of envy. She answered yes to "Have you ever been in love?". I'm guessing the guy that she's been in love with is her current (if they haven't broken up yet) boyfriend, Jack.

I really don't want to sound like a cliche, but it's so not fair. I hope Jack is not as nice as he seems and I hope that I'm lucky not be going out with him.

I know I'm horrible for thinking that kind of stuff.

Invitation

April and I went to a local film festival yesterday but it was so freezing that we didn't stay long (although we really wanted to) and ended meeting up with Claudia and Christine.

While we were talking I got a message from Jacqui saying that she and Amy were organising a get together for the 'group'. I thought about going for no more than a couple of seconds. I really don't see the point in meeting up just for the sake of meeting up. I really doubt that they really want to see me. And I don't really want to see them. I hope they won't think that I'm avoiding them (since that's exactly what I'm doing). Those get-togethers are always so awkward for me that I don't see the point in going.

Tomorrow, I might finally be going to those dancing classes that I have been wanting (dreaming!) of going to. For some reason, I have a feeling that they'll (April and Christine) will cancel because that's what usually happens when I really want to do something that the others don't really want to do but I convince them to anyway.

I have been craving chocolate lately so I need to do some exercise to burn it all off.

I have so much uni stuff to do in the one week break that it doesn't even count as a break. And I wanted to do heaps of not-uni stuff. Somehow, for now, I'm managing to fit both.

Quizzes are so addictive!

You are a true nature girl!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Reader Assumptions

I always assume that the only people that read my site regularly are the 4/5 people that started reading it at the beginning, when I just started it. So I assume that everyone who reads this know everything that's been going on for the last 8 months.

Just Ask!

I noticed when some bloggers have nothing to write about, they ask people to ask them questions. So since I have nothing to write about, you can ask me any questions (but preferably ones that I can answer).

I haven't written any uni stories for ages. Probably cause none happened.

There's a really hot guy in one of my tutorials but I can never talk to him cause I'm always with my friends and they'll think it's weird if I just wander over to him to start talking.

The reason I'm online is cos I have an online meeting that's taking forever, as usual.

Terribly,
Incredibly,
Ravingly and
Extremely
Dead tired.

Seasons

I like winter cos it's nice and cold and cosy.

Summer is uncomfortable and sticky.

Spring is ok if it's not too hot and autumn is nice if it doesn't rain all the time.

La la la la!

I CANNOT STAND HOT WEATHER!!! My brain has fried.

Yay! Pretty pictures!

I have nothing else to add.

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You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
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I Want A Holiday

Can't wait till the holidays (not that I'll be having much of one). Can't believe that my second year at uni is almost over. I hope someone would want to pay me for my design skills after I get out of uni. If not, there's always the movie business with April. I wish...

And "Felicity" is over. Which show should I watch next? There's nothing that catches my attention. Maybe it's a good thing if I won't watch TV for a while.

I need some free time without any pressures hanging over me (like uni assignments).

I should start doing some work.

I feel like writing something intelligent and witty but nothing comes to mind.

Bitter Reminder

As soon as my Mum came home, the first thing she told me was that she spoke to Talia's Mum today and she told her how Talia and her boyfriend go to some dancing classes at my uni and that Talia's boyfriend's friend needs a partner for the class. I was like, "Oh my God. Don't even start", rolling my eyes. She then goes that in the class, they swap partners anyway and that she goes there with a group of friends and that I should call her. First of all I'm not calling her. She's nice and all but I just don't find it easy to talk to her. And it'll be weird if I call her out of the blue. And secondly, it'll be really awkward if I start going there with her friends.

Now I'm just annoyed that Mum had to tell me about other people's boyfriends because it's not like I can do anything about my lack of one.

I need to talk to April. She'll find the funny side to this.

Sally informed me today that the store that I'll be working in has only middle/old-aged women and gay men. Well, there goes my plan to meet guys.

Friday Five

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?
Rob Thomas because every song that he writes, composes and performs is different every time I listen to it which makes me not get bored of it.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?
No one specific that I can think of at the moment but I can stand those singers who sing dancy songs that have one line repeated over and over with a boring beat in the background.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person?
Unfortunately, I don't personally know Rob Thomas but if his personality is relfected in his songs, then I would really like him!

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show?
Matchbox 20 for sure!

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music?
I enjoy downloading free music because I can listen to songs that I probably wouldn't buy. I guess it's probably not very ethical but I'm a selfish person.

Compliments

Although it's nice to get compliments, when I get them, I feel that now people expect me to be what they say and that I won't be able to live up to it. Like today (and yesterday), Sophia kept saying that I was really funny and now I feel like I should always be funny, otherwise it's not true. And people who try to be funny, usually aren't.

So sad jokes, here I come!

I'm sooooooooooo tired and I have to do work.

"Felicity" is finally over. I'm really going to miss the show. I have gotten quite attached to the characters.

Hehe, I'm ranked 383 on Top Blogs. It's so low that I'm not even on the front page! Oh well, I had my moment of glory!

I've been told which store I'll "initially" be working at. And not only is it not the same as April's, it's in the City! I do realise that I didn't have to put it as one of my choices but when I was filling out the form, I thought it'd be better to work there than not work at all. I didn't realise that if they want to hire me, they'll put me anywhere!

I will look on the bright side - City store is bigger so there'll be more people to meet.

From The Past 3 - Growing Up and Flying

Here's what I wrote on 8.01.03.

I was just reading my first proper diary and it's amazing how much I changed. I sounded like such a child. I was kinda funny at times. I think I used to write better than I do now. I don't mean grammatically but the style. It's weird how when I look back, I feel like my younger self is another person. I feel old. I don't want to grow older. I know my life is improving but I just miss the naiveté and innocence of childhood.

When you're young, you have so much hope for the future. So much to look forward to and when you live that future, it's not as great as you hoped it'd be and that makes you sad. Or maybe it's just me. I think I'm just lonely because I don't have RG. I need to get distracted. This reminds me of "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" where it says that flying is an Art that you just need to get a hang of. It just involves falling and missing the ground by being distracted just before you fall. Maybe I just need to get distracted from thinking about RG and I'll have him.

From The Past 2 - Angst

Here is an angsty diary entry that I wrote on 17.12.02.

I read a lot of Katie's journal today and it brought up a lot of anger in me. For example, I can't stand a number of people but I just try to avoid my hatred for them. I think I would feel so much better if I told them how much they suck.

One of these is Shannon. She's so fake that Barbie dolls seem real in comparison. She agrees with everything and everyone, even contradicting herself. But with me, she's such a bitch because I can see right through her. I can't believe she's going to be a doctor. People like her should be put in a plastic pink box and sold at discounted price. I know this is mean but I feel better after I let my feelings out.

I'll never forget how at year 11 camp, she was bitching about Kate (who she didn't even know properly since she only came to our school in year 11) with a group of other girls when Kate has never done anything to her. Another girl asked me if I wanted to join "the bitch session' and I said something like, "Don't you have anything better to do" and Shannon replied, "It's just a bit of gossip." It was so revolting that I left.

Also, when Amy was having her nervous breakdown, Shannon would always pretend to be on her side and listen to Amy's whinging. Then when Amy wasn't there, she'd be on Melissa's side and bitch about her. It was disgusting.

I'm also disgusted that I'm starting to do that. When Amy calls me, I act nice to her but then bitch about her to Nadine. I'm so angry at myself for that. I'm just sick of Amy so much. She always has to rub things in to make herself feel better. I kinda feel guilty writing how other people suck. I'm not close to perfect but at least I try to be honest and I take people's feelings into consideration. I just so can't stand fake and hypocritical people who feel good when they put down other people. No one in the world is perfect but can't everyone admit that and try to improve?

I've got a really big headache but I'm supposed to participate in an online meeting for one of my uni subjects and my group members are not online yet. Even online, I'm early!

Carly

I made a new friend today. Her name is Carly and she's Amelia's friend. She's quite eccentric and straight forward -- qualities that most of my friends have. She's also one of those people that don't let study ruin their social lives which is really rare in people that I know. I've only talked to her properly for one day and we've already planned what we'll do in the holidays. I love talking to outgoing people.

I watched "Finding Nemo" on the weekend. It was absolutely excellent! I couldn't stop laughing. And the visuals were just astounding. Everyone, go and watch it!!!

Yay! I'm ranked 62 on Top Blogs!

I watched Australian Idol yesterday and I really liked that big guy Stu. He's like a big friendly werewolf, who has an interesting voice. I liked his version of "Whisper Your Name" much more than Harry Connick Jr's one.

Congratulate me, everyone!

I just got a Coles Myer summer job. And so did April. I'm not sure whether we'll be working in the same store or not, but that's not the most important thing.

I'm so happy about it. I'll finally be able to finish saving up for my trip to US next year.

I just knew something interesting would happen this semester.

I always get excited when I'm about to start something new where I'll get to meet new people.

Woah! My blog is ranked 85 on Top Blogs!

Back To My Old Ways

I was reading the diary that was dedicated (unintentionally) to Max and it made me remember how much I used to like him. I went crazy there for a while. I might post some entries here later if I feel like it. Right now I'm too embarrassed about them. I acted like a pathetic sentimental teenage girl that I never liked.

I can sort of laugh (a little) about it now. Although I still talk to Max, even if it's just through SMS. I might try talking to him on the phone again. Just not now 'cause my throat is killing me and I can barely talk.

I thought that last Saturday's party completely changed me because of the way how I felt after I've met Nadine's boyfriend. I didn't want to ever talk to any guy who was worse than him. Now, I'm back to my old self where I just don't care who I talk to.

From The Past - Discovery

I was reading through my old diaries. Here's what I wrote on 27.01.02:

Today I made an exciting new discovery! I was (and still am) very proud of myself. I discovered that blueberries are white inside. Who would've thought?! I found this out accidentally (as all major discoveries get found out). While I was washing them, I had to cut out a rotten bit out of one. When I did, inside it was all white. I thought it was a bad one but then another on was white too. So after biting a number of them, I realised that they're all white. It tuned out that my grandparents, parents and brother also assumed that blueberries were a dark reddish bluish colour inside. Isn't it amazing the surprises on can encounter in one's daily life, just by being observant?

I know, from now on, if I have nothing to write I'll just post entries that I've written in my notebook diaries.

Is this a joke?! I can't believe that such an offensive guy can be so entertaining.

Magic

Magic

After watching my tape of yesterday's episode of "Felicity", it got me interested in Wicca. If you read my blog, you'd know that I'm not a fan of religion but this one sounds interesting. Of course, they say that it's not like magic that you see on TV, unfortunately, but it's still interesting to pretend that magic spells work. I can only believe in something if I've experienced it. And sometimes, even I have experienced something, I still don't believe in it.

Take for example, astral projection (out of body experience). After I read a book about it, I thought I'd try it just for fun because according to the information about it, all I had to do was when I was dreaming and was conscious of that (which I used to be all the time), I could make my 'soul' come out of my body and do whatever I wanted without my physical body.

So one time when in the dream, I realised I was dreaming, I had the weirdest experience that, although was probably just a dream, freaked me out so much that I'm too scared to try it again. Basically, somehow I got out of my body and felt fully conscious of this and I saw myself sleeping. I got scared that if I left or moved, I wouldn't be able to get back into my body so in matter of seconds, I woke up. I haven't had a dream in which I was conscious of it since then.

Although it would be great if that was real astral projection, my skeptic mind tells me that it was just a really weird dream. I just can't get out of my head how conscious I felt when I was looking at myself sleeping. I've had dreams where I felt extremely conscious and could logically think in them but never like that one.

I had a dream tonight where another blogger wrote that my blog was the 2nd most entertaining one that she read. God, I'm even having dreams about my blog! That's worrying.

I hate having a sore throat. I'm already imagining long quite lectures where I will be the only one coughing horribly and making my eyes water, my nose runny and my face red. Why is it that no one has thought of an effective cure for the common cold?

I've just read some blogs written by 30/40 year old adults, talking about their non-existent love lives. I'm scared I'm just going to be one of them. This is too depressing.

Social Circles

On Monday when April caught my train (completely unplanned) and she asked me if I've met any SCGs on Saturday, I got really paranoid that someone on that crowded train reads my blog and would recognise me just from that. So I think I'll stop decoding April and my abbreviations. Although I'll get paranoid anyway because it's not often that you hear people on trains speaking in code.

I finally told Andrew about Saturday and all he said was that it just goes to show that if I want to meet new people, I should stop hanging out with my quiet friends and hang out with people like Nadine. He thinks that the whole reason why I don't have a boyfriend is because my friends are not very outgoing and don't have close friends outside our group which makes it impossible to meet new people. Well, except for Christine whose uni girl friends are pretty cool. Her guy friends are too weird for my liking.

Anyway, I think I need new friends. Not to replace old ones, of course, but to expand my social circle. And they have to be not like the usual people that I hang out with. Even at uni, I'm already clinging to people like my high school friends. It's like a habit.

I saw Lara on Monday. She's nothing like my usual friends but we still always find stuff to talk about. I need more friends like that.

I think the fact that I went to an all girls high school has had a strong influence on my social skills. I can always make friends with girls but find it hard to have guy friends. I never thought that going to a girls school would cause so many problems. Because if you think about it, most people make close friends in high school so how am I supposed to have guy friends if there weren't any guys at my school? I know it doesn't stop some people but I'm not like those people.

Letting It Out

I chatted with April about Saturday and feel a bit better. Andrew hasn't been very understanding about the whole thing 'cause he doesn't seem to care. I'm glad there's always someone I could talk to about this stuff. And there's always this blog, but it's not the same. I'm one of those people who likes to talk about things. I can't keep stuff inside. Although I don't tell everything to everyone, just the special few.

Life Is Unfair

I came home at 7:30am today. I'm not tired at all. Really. I just feel horrible because I found out that life is officially unfair. Yeah, I know some of you already knew that.

I finally found a guy that seemed to be really suited to me. But of course he has a girlfriend -- Nadine! I don't understand what really intelligent and nice quiet guys see in not so intelligent crazy irrational loud girls. If that’s the way it is, it’s an impossibility for me to find RG because my RG won’t see me as his RG.

I also noticed an interesting thing. When I go with my friends to the club that we went to yesterday, there were never any sleazy guys around but yesterday, when I was there with Nadine and her friends, it seemed that the whole club was populated with jerks. It was disgusting.

There was this weird looking guy, who I thought was one of Nadine’s friends’ friends. who was hanging around us the whole time so I decided to talk to him in case he was a really nice person. I asked him how he knew Nadine’s friend and he said that he just met her when we got to the club. I was talking to the guy as if he was one of our friends and he turned out to be some complete stranger that no one knew anything about! I tried to avoid him after that. That was really bad.

I also must stop smiling shyly at guys that I talk to because they think I’m coming onto them. They don’t realise that I can’t help it.

Nadine’s friends are absolutely crazy, except her guy friends who are all pretty quiet. One cute Spanish (I think) guy (Nadine’s friend) told Nadine that one of her friends was really hot and that girl was far from what I thought most people would consider as ‘hot’. Some people’s tastes are so bizarre. Her other friends were the most loud people I’ve ever met. They were nice though.

By midnight, Nadine got completely drunk. She told me that the only reason her boyfriend left was because I was completely sober so I could make sure that she was all right. So he trusted me to look after his drunk girlfriend, although he wouldn’t give me (someone who can look after herself) a second glance. Life is unfair. I know I shouldn’t like someone who doesn’t like me, that’s just stooping too low, but I can’t help it.

Nadine is not the best person to be around when she’s totally drunk, especially in the middle of the night in the City. She talked to any person who walked by, including creepy guys who started following us, but not for too long, fortunately. That was kinda a bit scary. She kept making stupid comments and singing on top of her lungs, attracting weirdos. I swear I’m never going out with her again. Another one of her friends was with us who although was completely sober, acted like she was drunk too and sang on top of her lungs as well, so her soberness didn’t mean a thing. Another one of her friends was even crazier than Nadine. She was telling us how when she went to some place, it was really stupid because “Not even one guy tried to chat [her] up! What [is she], ugly?!” Then some of her other friends were also into being drunk so they fully told me the details of their love lives. That was entertaining for a while, although again I was pointed out how unfair life is because these drunk girls had guys who liked them and I didn’t.

Max messaged me yesterday but I don’t feel like talking to him anymore, after yesterday. I know I said I want to meet him ‘cause we could be really good friends but I have enough of really good friends and don’t need anymore. And I’d never go out with him because I can’t be attracted to someone who’s dumber than me. So meeting him would be completely pointless.

Anyway, after yesterday, I decided that I’m over wanting a boyfriend. I don’t want any. There are too many dumb and sleazy guys, and all the good ones like girls that are opposite of me in personality. So what’s the point?

I feel really bitter at the moment. I’m sure you can tell.

Bravenet is getting all annoying again. It won't let me see visitors' IP addresses!!!

Relationships

I’m going to Nadine’s party tomorrow night. The one that all her friends are going to. I have a bad feeling about it but it’s probably just nervousness at the thought of being around lots of very loud people. I know that if I won’t go, I’ll regret it. Here’s my chance to meet new people, although I think I’ve met most of them before and didn’t particularly like them. It’d be good if my friends could come but if they will, I know I won’t talk to anyone else.

I talked with Nadine on the phone for a couple of hours tonight. It was weird. We fully talked about things that we used to talk about when we were close, i.e. guys, friends and relationships, not general stuff that we talked about lately (although we can talk about general stuff for hours too).

She told me about how one of her friends (I think I mentioned Netta before), who is about 25, and really wants to get married and have kids, is really good friends with a guy (who’s perfect for her) but doesn’t want to go out with him because she “doesn’t want to ruin the friendship”. That kind of reason irritates me so much!!!! It would be perfect to have a relationship with someone who you’re best friends with. Can’t people just get over their “Dawson’s Creek” melodrama?!!! Arghh!!!

Nadine offered to find me a guy. I told her not to, although I didn’t mean it. I’m just worried that she’ll embarrass me. I asked for her to find a guy for April. It’s less embarrassing to ask her to find guys for my friends, rather than for myself. I’ll have to ask her again. I should be beyond embarrassment. If she knows someone for me, then why not? Right?

Sometimes I wonder how Nadine and I became such good friends in the first place. We’re complete opposites, yet I can talk to her, like I can talk to April. Although we keep drifting apart sometimes, we always drift back again.

April came to uni with me on Thursday. That was totally cool! She needed to use my uni’s library so while I had the lecture, she went there, and then we caught the train back home. It was almost like school.

In my web design class on Wednesday, there are two girls who always giggle together about not very funny things and the tutor said they act like sisters. That made me miss April heaps ‘cause we were like that at school. All the teachers (and students) always associated us together. Once at a parent teacher interview, my teacher told my Mum that I got the similar marks as April, as if my Mum wanted to know how April went.

On the train, people turned around because we were laughing so loud and having a conversation that made no sense to anyone else 'cause we abbreviate some words (that we use all the time) e.g. SCG (smart cute guy) and some others so our conversation is all coded.

Sometimes, though, I’m glad that she doesn’t go to my uni because out of all my friends, she’s the one that I’d keep in touch with no matter how far we were, and if she went to my uni, I’d probably end up hanging out with her all the time.

On Wednesday, I found out that the baby-faced guy (that I mentioned before) catches my train. I think he recognised me. He’s not that baby-faced actually. He was quite all right though. I didn’t talk to him though. Did you think I would?!

Today on the train I saw this guy who was so absorbed in a book that he looked really cute. He looked like Rodin’s sculpture “The Thinker” with a book (and clothes). I came up with the following scenario that would be nice if it happened:

I see the guy, reading a book that I want to read but can’t find anywhere. I come up to the guy and say: Oh my gosh! Where did you get that book?!! I’ve been looking for it EVERYWHERE!

The guy: I got it as a present. Would you like to borrow it?

Me: Could I?!

He gives me his phone number so I could call him when I’ll be finished with the book so I could return it. We then meet up so I could give him back the book. We discuss the book and mention another book (that one of us has). So the other one asks to borrow it. So we keep meeting up to discuss books for a while and then decide that we like each other so much that we stop talking about books and talk about other things too.

Yes, this is how I entertain myself on the train. Don’t laugh!

Max messaged me. I don’t know what to do about him. Alice (a girl at Nadine’s family birthday party) said a very smart thing. She said that the most important thing about liking guys is not to obsess over them.

Just had a talk with Mum about getting married. I think she used to go out with a guy like Max. The weird thing was that she wouldn’t tell me how they met. Sound familiar?!!! The guy even proposed to her, but she decided that she couldn’t live with him for the rest of her life, although he was a really nice guy.

I’m going to meet Max soon. I’m serious. I know I’ve been saying it for a while but it’s been a bad time.

I asked Mum if she ever went out with a guy who she knew she had no future with and she said that she did when she had no one at the time. Poor guys!

I’m turning out to be like my Mum. That’s scary!

I was also saying that looks matter and she said that although they do, if you love a person you won’t notice his looks. I can understand that but looks matter before you get to love a guy.

She said how when at her work Christmas party last year, one of her colleagues said that she couldn’t believe that such a good looking woman had a not so good looking husband! My Mum said that the woman is completely stupid. My Dad isn’t even that ugly. It’s just my Mum is really pretty. She’s not like a model but her face is like an actress. I don’t really look like my Mum, unfortunately, although some people say I do. I think I look like my grandma (when she was younger!)

I’m so curious now about how my Mum met that guy who proposed to her. There was no internet then. And she said that she met him herself, i.e. no one introduced them. She must be embarrassed about it, even though so many years went by. I’m so curious now! I think if I married Max (which by the way will never happen), I’d tell my kids how I met him, even though I’m embarrassed about it now.

Anyway, I blabbed on enough for tonight.

Nadine, The Drama Queen

I went to Nadine's birthday (family) party. There's so much to write but I don't feel like it now. Every time something like what happened happens and I go home, I feel really awful and frustrated and annoyed and depressed and I HATE it!!!

Why do I have to be the one who is always there for her when she's never there for me?! She is the most complicated person I know (and probably don't know too). And the biggest drama queen. I just can't deal with it anymore!

And she always makes me think (indirectly) about how I will never find RG and I really don't like her for that. I've been doing a pretty good job not thinking about RG, thanks mainly to April (cos when we talk about it, it's seems ridiculous and we can laugh about it together) and Claudia and Christine because they make me forget about wanting RG because of their distractions with other topics. The three of them were doing a really good job of making me not sad about not having RG.

And then today, Nadine just made me feel terrible about my non-existant RG. She didn't do it intentionally but she did it anyway. She was in a really bad mood and was going off at everyone at the party except me. So we went to her room to talk and she wouldn't tell me anything specific. She'd just said how she has a lot of "friendship, relationship and other problems". Apparently she had a boyfriend for the last 3 months that she obviously hasn't told me about. I hate how after not talking to me for months, she spills all these little hints to what's been going on with her and I'm supposed to be all understanding. Not once did she ask me any questions. She went on about some other things (because she was all emotional and had no one to talk to). She wouldn't have told me if she wasn't depressed or in other circumstances.

Maybe I'm just envious that she had all these relationships when she's this over-emotional self-centred drama queen while I haven't had any. I think that's what makes me so tired of her.

Ok, I think I'm going to sleep now.

Australian Idol - Close To Home

Yesterday, Christine asked us, "Would you be embarrassed if I entered Austrlian Idol?". I couldn't help myself and cracked up laughing. Then I pulled myself together and asked her if she was serious. She was. Poor poor disillusioned Christine.

She can carry a tune but her voice is nothing special. Of course, I didn't say that. I told her that if she does go, then could she please get some singing lessons beforehand or enter a smaller competition to see what it's like. She said that she might get singing lessons.

She also said that she's pretty confident that she might get through. I asked her if she'd be upset if she didn't and she said that depends on whether whoever was chosen was better than her. (So if he/she's better, she wouldn't get upset.) I said that if they chose someone worse, there'd be no point in getting upset because the competition wouldn't be fair.

I think she has seriously thought about it because she was saying how females usually vote for guys and guys don't really vote. She asked if we would vote for her. April said only if she liked how Christine performed. Claudia said that she would. Then Christine said, "Well, at least I have one loyal friend." But then Claudia said in her small innocent voice, "I'll SMS though ICQ cos it's free".

I think we shattered Christine's dreams and any evidence of loyalty that she thought she had.

I told her that I'd watch her, if she got on TV.

I think the reason "Australian Idol" got so many people auditioning was because some of those hopefuls never got told that they are not really that good at singing.

Personal Reminders

What to do to reduce stress:
1. Stop obsessing about EVERYTHING!!!
2. Stop procrastinating, leaving work to pile up with not enough time to do it.
3. Concentrate on positive things.
4. Reduce computer use -- think of poor eyes!
5. Stop eating when stressed and not hungry.
6. Relax
7. Follow the above!

For once, I can't think of a title for an entry

How could I not realise the joys of online messaging earlier?

The only time I used ICQ was to chat with Max (or other people I didn't know).

But for the last few weeks, I've talked with my friends through MSN and it's not that much worse than the phone. April and I had the funniest conversations. I actually talk to her more now than I did before since we're both on the net at the same time.

I'm going over to Claudia's house tomorrow for a small party (i.e. just me, Claud, April, Christine, Beth and maybe Emma; Amelia is working). Should be fun, as usual. April and I will probably stay over cause we can't get home otherwise since Claudia lives quite far.

Guess what?! Nadine decided to invite me to her birthday party which is next Saturday. This Sunday is just the family celebration which was why her Mum invited our whole family and Nadine hasn't said a word about it to me. I hope there'll be some smart cute guys there. April was imagining nice scenarios of how I could meet a guy there. They were all 100% unrealistic. They were quite entertaining, nonetheless.

Knowing Nadine and her friends, they will all get drunk quite quickly and start acting... uhm... drunk which will put me in an awkward situation. Usually my friends and I don't drink much but act drunk anyway but it's no fun acting drunk when all the other people really are drunk.

As I told April, a perfect scenario would be if everyone got drunk except me and some nice guy and we would bond over our non-drunken state and make fun of all the drunk people and afterwards make up embarrassing situations that the drunk people have gotten themselves into.

Not happening.

I've just been checking out Top Blogs and all the top places are taken by 'adults only' category. Honestly, can't people be interested more in intellectual topics?! Not that my blog is very intellectual but you have to have some brains to follow my confusing thought processes.

Actually, this got me thinking that my blog doesn't have anything that stimulates the brain cells. It's just a soap opera without anything happening. Almost like "Passions".

Can't wait to see "The Diary Of Ann Frank" on Sunday. I've never read the book but the movie looks interesting.

Weekend

Nadine's party is this Sunday and I still didn't get her a present. I can't believe that Nadine still hasn't personally invited me. Her Mum invited our family so my Mum can get something from 'all of us'. I hate getting Nadine presents cause no matter how hard I try to find something she likes, I never do. I remember on her 13th (I think) birthday I gave her something (that I don't remember now) and she said to me, "I really like your present but I love the ring that my cousin gave me". She's the only person I know that will tell you if she likes your present or not. The funny thing is that I've never liked any present that she gave me. I only liked what she wrote in my cards (which was always personal and touching and funny).

I'll probably be going to Claudia's this Saturday. I probably shouldn't cause I have so much uni work but it's not likely for me to be doing it after 5pm anyway.

Need Cure For Procrastination

I hate the feeling of procrastination. I so should be doing an assignment, but I can't make myself. Although it's only due next Thursday, I have other assignments that I have to do before then. I just want to get it out of the way. I can only fully concentrate in the mornings and there just isn't enough time in the mornings. I'm too sleepy in the afternoon and too tired in the evenings (although not as much as in the afternoons). Maybe I'll get some energy later on. Please!!! I need to concentrate and I can't right now.

I didn't even go to uni today so I could finish a part of an assignment. I never pay much attention to today's lecture anyway. It's completely irrelevant to my future career.

Yesterday in Web Design, we had to redo a webpage in 2 hours and I couldn't make a good one. I knew it was bad but I didn't know what to change but the lecturer didn't know that I knew it was bad so he came and told me about specific things that made it bad (which I already knew) and didn't help. But now he knows me as the girl who is mediocre and I don't like being known as mediocre.

At school, I was one of the people that everyone knew as being good at design stuff, but at uni I have to prove myself again and for some reason I can't. I want to be really good at something but I can't find anything that I'm really good at. I'm just better at design that at other things. That doesn't mean I'm actually good at it. I'm not even sure if it's something I really like. I just know that I like it more than I like other things. I want to do something I'm passionate about (but who doesn't?).

The only things I'm passionate about is reading, TV and friends. How can I combine these into a career?!

Cravings

I've been craving chocolate for the last couple of weeks. Probably 'cause I haven't had any for a while before then. And I was always a chocaholic. I'm trying to eat healthy. At least for this week! I need to lose some weight.

I've got a haircut yesterday. Isn't that exciting news! I knew you'd want to hear about it.

Sorry, I can't help being sarcastic. My future goal is to be less sarcastic.

Although, I said that Bachelor 3 isn't addictive, I still watched it. I can't wait till the show the girl version, ie. where a girl chooses a guy. Then I'll have some fun. I don't understand how the bachelors always think that a number of ladies could be their wives. They must be very compatible with a lot of people. If you put me in a room with 30 guys, I probably won't like any of them. How can they find so many people that they can really connect with?

It does not seem very realistic to me.

There was a cute guy in today's tutorial, but I still haven't spoken to him. There was even an empty seat next to him but of course I didn't sit there 'cause there wasn't any space for my friends and it'd look weird if I sat away from them. If only April was in the tutorial. She'd understand.

Under The Table

When I met up with Amelia and Claudia today, a very funny thing happened. We were just sitting, eating lunch when all of a sudden, Amelia sees her stalker who sat down a few tables away from us. Then in matter of seconds, Amelia kneels down next to her chair and goes under the table!

The cafeteria was crowded so all people at near tables are looking at what she's doing while Claudia and I were cracking up laughing. So it looked like everyone was staring and we were laughing at an empty chair since people further away (ie. Amelia's stalker) couldn't see that Amelia was next to it, under the table. So her stalker started looking into our direction to see what was going on. Then Amelia started peaking to see if he was still there so you could only see the top of her head and eyes above the table. Strangely, her stalker didn't see her.

After he left, all Amelia would do is look out the window to see if he was coming back. Talk about being paranoid! It was quite funny for me and Claudia, though!

7 Phases Of Obsession

I’m not sure whether I just like obsessing or if I really can’t help it. No matter how many times I tell myself that I shouldn’t be thinking of Max, I just don’t listen to myself. What happened to the times when I totally didn’t care? Were there even times like that? For as long as I’ve known Max, my attitude towards him, I’ve noticed (due to constant recent obsession) follows a cycle of:

1. distant liking
2. really liking
3. denial of really liking
4. admittance of really liking (due to non-caring whether I really like him)
5. obsessive liking
6. dislike
7. not caring

… and back to 1.

Sometimes the cycle varies a bit, but mainly sticks to those 7 phases.

I feel like Bridget Jones about Mark when she kept telling herself that she didn’t want him at all but every time the phone rang, she hoped it was him.

I know that the only thing that would stop my obsessing is another guy (i.e. not going to happen).

I never obsess about anything, except a guy. I think that’s a bad trait in my personality.

I wonder what Max would think if he knew. I know that if some guy would obsess over me, I’d react depending on who the guy was. If I didn’t like him, I’d be quite scared. But if, for example, Max was obsessing over me, I wouldn’t mind at all.

Stranger

Guess who called?!!!

No, not Max.

Nadine!

I almost didn't even recognise her. Can you imagine?! Here's the beginning of the conversation (as accurately as I can remember).

me: hello?
[silence]
me: hello?
N [in the smallest voice]: hi
me[not recognising her]: hi
N: do you recognise me?
me: Nadine! I can't believe it's you!
N: Oh my God. You don't even recognise me anymore.

I talked with her as we usually did before. Not like someone you haven't spoken to for months. The first thing she asked me was how I was feeling. It turns out that she heard that I had an operation. My Mum told her Mum who told her. My Mum doesn't even talk to her Mum that much. When she had time to tell her beats me. Do you see now why I (and Andrew) don't tell my Mum anything? She blabs it to people that she doesn't even like.

She told me about her trip. To every tiny detail such as the food she had. She said that she didn't tell me that she was going because she didn't even know she was going until the very end and then she had exams. It's no excuse though because it doesn't take that much time to call and say that she was leaving for a month. Anyway, I'm over it. It's not like I told her about the operation.

You should've heard what she's been up to there. She fully told off some woman who couldn't keep her 4 children quiet on the train (from one city to another). Then she said that the woman looked like she was going to punch her but then the other passengers started clapping which shut up the woman. Then she told off some shopkeeper who was rude. The woman was so scared that she was polite from then on. Then she told off some more people. Although some of the people might've deserved it, some didn't. But that's Nadine for you. She can be as mean as she can be nice.

She also told me about some American girl who thought we ride kangaroos in Australia. Nadine told her that we also have cars to which the girl asked her how we travel if we don't have cars. Nadine said that then you can "hop on a bus" to which the girl said, "So they let kangaroos on buses?" That girl also asked some other stupid question like if we all dress like the Crocodile Hunter and how we deal with all the dangerous wildlife. How can some Americans be so sheltered? It's a cilvilsed country!

Anyway, it was nice to talk with her. It's her birthday next week so I guess I'll talk with her then.

Arrgh!!!

Warren was being his usual immature self and was telling Sophia, Lilly and me which guy likes us. Guess who he said liked me?! Yes, Fabian. Seriously, he could've at least pretended otherwise. He was telling us that we act too 18 year old-ish and was asking if we had curfews. My God! How immature can you get?! I had to sit next to him in the lecture and he was being so irritatingly immature. He wouldn't sit still and kept saying and doing really stupid things (eg. hitting the fold-out desk on his knee and saying how strong he was. I was surprised he didn't break his knee!)

I just cannot deal with immatureness (is that a word?) anymore! He wasn't the only one acting like that. I'm just using him as an example.

This is what made me think of Max so much. I used to think Max was a bit immature but he's nothing like the others. If there's no better guy than Max, then the world is really screwed up. I'm not saying Max is bad. He's just not for me. I'm sure he can make some girl very happy.

I seriously need a life.

The comments thing is coming along now. I've just got to figure out how to fix a couple of things.

I had to get that out.

I Want To Talk With Max

I want to talk with Max.
I WANT to talk with Max.
I want To talk with Max.
I want to TALK with Max.
I want to talk WITH Max.
I want to talk with MAX.
I WANT TO TALK WITH MAX!

Substitute Entry

I wrote a relatively interesting blog entry yesterday but when I was about to post it, blogger stopped working and so my entry disappeared for ever and ever...

I was writing while I was talking on MSN with Lauren, Sophia, Sally and Lilly about our assignment. I've never laughed so much while talking on MSN (except with April). I can't believe I ever said they were boring. (Well, I can actually but they're not as bad as I thought). Sally is really quiet but very interesting (when she does say things). I'm very surprised that she's got a boyfriend. How can a quiet person like her get one? She's a great person but how did she get a guy to notice that?

Anyway, speaking of guys, I haven't heard from Max for a while. Well, he actually messaged me 2 days ago. But that's it. He didn't reply to my email that I sent ages ago. I want to talk to him on the phone again. I'm sick of this 'minimum communication".

I have to fix the comments things. I will, just not now. I should be doing my tutorial.

Personal Note

Lindsay, thank you for your e-mail. I would like to reply but there was no e-mail address.

Can someone post a comment so I can see if it works or not 'cause I can't post anything for some reason.

Code

I was talking to April on MSN yesterday and my brother glanced at the window and he couldn't understand a thing. It made me realise that we speak in code. We abbreviate everything from the movie title of the one that we're writing to places to people. Here's an example of what it looked like:

Sky: and then we could have J go to TA but A thinks that J is going there because she's ID
April: I'm a bit ID too. Maybe when we can get into mgb, we won't be so ID
Sky: maybe we'll meet PH there!
April: and we could be like A and J in ID!

etc.

Does anyone want to have a go at deciphering the above? If anyone can come up with something funny, I'll post it here.

It's funny when we talk about our TV show/movie on trains. Everyone always look at us really weirdly because they think we're talking about real people and events.

Laziness

I so should be doing work right not but I so don't feel like it.

Hey, can anyone tell me the difference between the 'i' and 'em' html tag? I could probably try to find out myself but I'm lazy.

I should add the comments section asap but I'm being really lazy. I think it's because of Max. When I think about him, I can't be bothered doing anything else. Imagine if I had a real boyfriend! I wouldn't be bothered to do anything!

Does anyone know any interesting blogs that talk about the blogger's life? I need to read them to make up for the lack of mine.

I know that's really sad.

Teenage Parties

All day yesterday, Andrew talked about the party that he went to on Saturday. It was one of those where everyone gets drunk and makes out. My brother was really annoyed that his friends that don't drink (or make out) left early but he wanted to stay longer and 'socialise'. He was saying how it's annoying that people who don't drink are not as social. Which is actually true (from my experience). Andrew didn't drink (cause he's on acne medication with which you can't drink alcohol) and didn't make out. He was saying that his friends were only snogging 'slutty girls' which made me annoyed and I had to have a 'talk' with him about double standards. I told him that his guy friends who were making out with the 'slutty' girls were being just as slutty as the girls since they were doing the exact same thing. I told him that he shouldn't sink to that level and smart girls would respect and like him more if he didn't do that kind of stuff. I think he got the point.

It was actually a bit disappointing that he couldn't figure that out for himself. He knows that he shouldn't do that stuff but he doesn't realise why, which is the whole point. It's like the only people who didn't drink were religious and were doing that because their religion told them not to, not because they knew the effects of alcohol. It just annoys me how people can't think for themselves.

Back

I just spent a couple of hours trying to get the comments thing to match my website. And the window closed down. I can't be bothered anymore.

I've been quite good today actually. I did quite a bit of uni work although I did get distracted by the comments thing. But if you think about it, it's actually quite useful for me to be trying to figure out the code for it for my future career in web design.

Max is back.

Nadine is back too. Her mother called mine to invite our family to her 21st birthday. Our parents don't get on at all and yet her mother invited us before Nadine even told me about it. What is going on?! I'm really confused. Why didn't Nadine tell me that she was going overseas? Why didn't she tell me that she was back? Why do I get invited to her birthday party by her MOTHER?!!!

The whole thing is just too sad. Andrew never liked Nadine so he made me feel better. Nadine used to envy me that I had Andrew (which is very understandable). She tried to act like he was her brother too which used to make me really annoyed at Andrew because when I was little it seemed that Andrew would always take her attention away from me. That was so stupid. There's no one more loyal than my brother. I'm glad I have other friends now because if this happened when I was younger, I would've been devastated. Now, I'm just confused. It's just a pity that things had to turn out that way. April is such a better friend that Nadine ever can be. And so is Amelia. And Christine and Claudia. Nadine can't be compared to any real friend right now.

My Mum is forcing herself not to say "I told you so" because although she doesn't mind Nadine, she can't stand her parents. She always thinks that every bad thing that Nadine does is brainwashed into her by her mother. Nadine is easily influenced. When I used to spend heaps of time with her, she was always trying to match my behaviour. Even her Mum said thank you to me when she got into uni (as if I had anything to do with that) because she thought that she only went because I always wanted to go. When she hung out with her private school friends, she'd do really stupid things and act completely differently. When she made uni friends, she told me how much easier it was to be herself. I used to feel privileged that out of all people, I was the one that she told stuff to and could be herself. Maybe now that she's popular, she doesn't need me. Although she's only popular with people that don't really know her. People that are close to her know how difficult she can be.

April could've come over today but I needed to do uni work. I love seeing her every week.

I want to go dancing.

Andrew went to a party. Speaking of him, one of his friends (who's a model) meets heaps of people from the net. That just goes to show that maybe you don't have to be desperate to meet people from the net. Andy said that the girl is having some guy from America coming over to stay at her house!!! Her parents called his school to make sure that he exists. I'd never tell my parents about what I do online but then I'd never have a stranger stay over. I still haven't even met Max (one person that I properly communicated with for over 2 years, going 3 now). And he sounds the most normal. If only he wasn't so quiet on the phone. I always imagined him to be more talkative. I know he said he was shy but so am I. Well, maybe not anymore. I surprised myself at how at ease I was on the phone.

April was telling me how annoying her ex-best friend was when all she talks about is about a guy who she met from the net and how they are just good friends. April said that she wants to tell her to just go out with him already if he's the only thing she ever talks about. April was saying how her friend can put him into any conversation. She even gave me a funny demonstration. It just made me think of Max and how when I was obsessed with him, I'd only talk about him to Andrew. I wonder what April would think of that if I told her. I was really close to telling her about Max but then thought against it. There's not much to say anyway.

Well, I can go about him for ages sometimes but not so much anymore. He's just a really kind guy with no tertiary education. That's my summary of him. Sure, there are a lot of things about him, some of which I don't even know. He has a complicated life.

Show Business

April and I are writing a movie now because we decided that it's a lot easier to get a movie produced than a TV show. And if the movie is popular, it will be a lot easier to get the show done.

I read somewhere that it's best not to write about personal things. I don't know, everything we write is quite personal. The best stuff that we've done were about ourselves. The very first thing we wrote together had nothing to do with our lives and it was pretty stupid and cliche. Or maybe that was because we were 15.

I'm glad we're writing again though.

3 Things

Well, I can write about 3 things that happened today. They were all negative but at least I can write something other than random thoughts.

1. When I was getting out of the train station, some woman behind me tried to overtake me and slipped and fell as a result, almost taking me with her. I turned around to see if she was all right, but she started yelling, "Fuck!" over and over and wouldn't get up. She looked as if she was on drugs. She went completely insane from anger, rather than pain. I didn't know if I should've stayed and did something or leave her. I mumbled 'sorry' even though it wasn't my fault, it just looked like it was because she tripped on me. I shouldn't have said it because she may have started to think that it really was my fault. There was the usual group of druggies sitting around who saw the whole thing and kept screaming 'Fuck!' as well. I got a bit scared and quickly went. I'm scared to go to that station alone now because what if the woman (who looks like she hangs around with the druggies) will get them all to bash me up?

2. Guess who walked in late into our lecture? Mark! My heart must've skipped a beat. I thought that maybe he changed courses back to my one. He looked so cute!!! Really neat, without trying to impress anyone. And those blond curls! I had to remind myself that I no longer care if he likes me or not because I know his bad points. It was really hard though! I was glad when he left because I'm so much more relaxed when I don't want to impress anyone. First Nathan came to our lecture (last week), now Mark! It's the second time he surprised me with his presence! I don't like surprises like that because at first I get really excited but then really disappointed. Not a good feeling.

3. I shouldn't have said anything about Fabian ignoring me because he was a real jerk today. I hate him. In the lecture, every time the lecturer asked a question and no one would answer, he'd say my name so that the lecturer would look at me. Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I despise speaking in front of a large group so him attracting attention to me made me really angry. The first time I ignored him but then he wouldn't shut up so I gave him a 'look' that hopefully he interpreted as "Shut up or I will kill you". After a couple of times, when the lecturer was actually waiting for an answer from me, another guy saved me and answered himself. Why the hell does Fabian have to single me out in front of everyone?! Can't he pick on someone else. I hate him.

Yesterday I had that indigestion type pain again so I decided that my body was telling me to call the gallbladder surgeon. I'm supposed to go in 3 weeks.

I was looking through some blogs and it made me wonder what is it that makes some blogs really interesting and engaging while others are just plain boring.

Adrian Mole is the funniest character! I love neurotic personalities. That would explain why I like Bridget Jones and Ally McBeal among others.

I just checked the dancing classes and it's $15 per lesson (1 3/4 hour), not hour! Must remember to tell the others!

I found really good dancing classes but my friends don't want to go 'cause they think they're a bit expensive ($15/h). They are obviously not as enthusiastic about it as I am. I don't want to go by myself, though. Especially at the beginning.

I really should start being more independent and stop relying on my friends so much.

Check out how much teen angst one person can have here.

My Life Now

I feel like writing something interesting but my life at the moment doesn't allow it.

Here are some random things:

* April also got through to the next stage of the Coles Myer Recruitment Program. It would just be absolutely excellent if we got to work together.

* Fabian stopped bothering me and now avoids talking to me. This makes me so much more relaxed when he's around. I think my non-existent reactions to him really bored him. Which was the whole point.

* Jack is starting to go all weird again. He always keeps staring at me. It's really unnerving.

* Justin (the weird guy) is actually quite interesting but I can't help but be really distant towards him because in my head, he's stuck as the weirdo that has no social skills. I can't change that perception of him.

* I spoke up in class on my own accord. Amazing! My face went red straight after I realised what I've just done. That was too embarrassing.

* After April and my chat last Saturday about finding RG, I completely felt no desire to talk to Max but now I do again.

* Got really irritated at Andrew today because he was being selfish. I hate being in a fight with him because when I want to tell him something, I have to stop myself because we are 'fighting'. It's dumb but I can't help it.

* Thought about what Nadine is up to and if she's back yet. I wonder if she'll invite me to her 21st birthday. It's unbelievable that I even doubt that now. Well, she didn't give me a birthday present this year which was really weird because she was always the one that I counted on to get at least one birthday present from. I don't know how I should act with her now if she calls me or if I'll see her at uni. I can't believe how weird our friendship got.
April said that it's inevitable for childhood best friends to drift apart. I really believed that it was possible to be best friends with someone for your whole life because of how close Nadine and I were. She was just like my sister. And the really strange thing is that I still see her as my sister, only one that I haven't seen or spoken to for a really long time.

* I'm trying to read "Wuthering Heights" but I think you have to be in the mood to read it. This is probably why I read so many books at the same time. Each one is for a different mood.

* Can someone post something on my Message Board?

* Maybe I should get a comments thing. I wonder if people will respond more. It's weird that although I want people to respond to what I write, when someone does, I get a bit anxious about what they write.

* The guy that I wanted to talk to yesterday wasn't there. A bit disappointing.

* There is this really tall guy in my yesterday's tutorial. It'd be pretty cool to have a really tall boyfriend (although I'm more on the short side).

* Nathan (really cute but not my type who transferred from my course this year) came to last Thursday lecture for a few minutes. I don't know why but I was kinda happy to see him. He's really easy-going and social and he pays attention to me. Maybe he'll be there tomorrow. During that lecture, Jack was drawing dirty pictures and showing them to Justin. Seriously, how immature can you get?!

* Don't have to get up early tomorrow. Yay!

* My life is at a stand-still.

Bachelor 3

I couldn't resist to watch "Bachelor 3" yesterday since I was addicted to the 2 previous series. I'm happy to announce that this is one is not addictive at all, as all the women seem like competitive airheads who don't really care about finding a husband on the show, just to win the 'game'. This lack of priorities ruins the whole entertainment. I don't want to see lots of adult women fighting over something they probably don't even want. I want to see genuine people.

Rollercoaster Day

Bad things that happened:
* Had to borrow the tutor's textbook and she left without taking it back which meant that I had to take it home. After that I had to buy another 2 textbooks (one of which is the same as the one I had to borrow). This meant that I had to carry 3 very heavy textbooks around uni. And I'll have to take 2 back next week (one for the tutor and one for me).
* Got a headache from the heat of today's weather.
* Hit my head when I was trying to get out of the car because of all the bags I had to take out. It really hurt!

Good things that happened:
* Met up with Amelia (who's doing very well), Emma (who's annoyed that lots of ODVs, including me, are not doing ODV next year), Beth (who actually talked with us, instead of on her phone with her 'cool' friends) and Claudia (who I'm seriously worried about because some 40 year old guy wouldn't leave her alone yesterday and kept following her. She ended up getting off at another uni and going to the library before he left her alone and then calling Christine to drive her home. She's now scared of going anywhere near the bus stop where the guy started talking to her. Amelia's stalker doesn't even compare to this one. This guy was seriously creepy. It made me think what I'd do in that situation. I'd probably get off the train at the station where I know there is a police station and let the guy follow me there so that the cops could deal with him).
* Got through another stage in the Coles Myer Recruitment Program. Seriously, how many stages are there?!! How bad would it be if I got through every stage except the last? All the stress for nothing. Anyway, I'm not going to think about it too much. I didn't even want to write about it so not to jinx it but I remembered that I don't believe in jinxes or any other non-scientific occurrences.

I'm supposed to see the surgeon that did my gallbladder operation a month after it but I haven't gotten around to making an appointment. I know I should. It doesn't really bother me except for a few times where I feel like I have really bad indigestion (although I'm not exactly sure what indigestion feels like since I don't think I ever had it before).

I also need to call about the dancing classes. I swear, since the musical, I have been dancing around the house every time I switch the radio on (and sometimes even when I don't). I must look really stupid if anyone would see me, making every movement a dance one. I'm not sure if this is just some phase or what. Oh well, exercise never hurt anyone.

Dancing. Predictions.

I should be writing a 'short' report for one of my subjects but... here I am, writing here.

On Friday I went to see the musical in which my brother plays almost the whole piano score. It was very good for a high school production. All the kids were very talented. (Andrew goes to a performing arts school.) The whole production seemed so much fun that it made me a bit annoyed that I couldn't be in it. My school was more of an academic one so we didn't really put on shows.

In my first primary school, I had a teacher who used to direct professional shows and since I was in her class, I always got to dance in them. I used to get the biggest thrill doing that so I was very disappointed when we moved and I had to go to a crap private school that didn't do anything.

I tried to get into dancing classes when we moved but somehow it didn't work out 'cause the class that I was enrolled in cancelled and the others were for people who already did dancing since they were 5. I never actually had dancing lessons before, only the rehearsals that we did for the shows.

Now, after seeing that musical, I want to join some dancing class for fun. Dancing is the only form of exercise that I really love. I looked up the ones that we have at uni but apart from the ones where you need a partner, the others sound too weird. I might go to a dancing class that I went to last year once. It was at another uni and you don't even have to enrol to those, just pay for the time that you come. It was the best fun. April might come too because surprisingly she said that she wants to do dancing too. Who would've thought.

I went to April's house yesterday after we watched "Identity" (which was better than I expected). We just talked about everything, the way I used to talk with Nadine. It's amazing how it really is possible to have a best friend who is not Nadine. I never thought I'd be really close to someone like I was with Nadine. We agreed that once a person gets a boyfriend, that puts a whole barrier in the friendship that no one can help. It's ok if both people don't have a boyfriend at the same time, as long as they both had one before. Actually I'm not sure about that either.

I wish April and I went to the same uni, we could've done more stuff together to meet guys. We could've constructed some insane plan and then laughed about it when it failed miserably.

We wrote predictions of where we (and our friends) would be and what we'd all be doing this time next year, in 5 years and in 10 years. That was fun. We predicted the saddest things for ourselves, but it was funny. So when we'll read it, we'll be happy about our lives. Please!!!

We were imagining what it would be like if the five of us had boyfriends and we'd all go out together... That would be the best fun.

We were trying to come up with plans for meeting guys. We didn't get very far, apart from asking Christine if she knows anyone she could introduce us to. I doubt she does.

Oh well, it was nice to hang out with her. It was just like talking to Andrew (who right now is having the best time because of the musical and all the new friends that he made). I remember that year 11 and 12 were the best years in high school because that's when you become really close friends with people.

Sometimes I just don't really realise how lucky I am to have people that I could really talk to.

Friday Five

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
30 minutes before I have to leave for uni, but if uni starts in the afternoon, then around 9am.

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Well, I can sleep in till 10/11am if I went to sleep late the night before but if not, then 9am.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Go to the bathroom.

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
30 minutes.

5. When possible, what is your favourite place to go for breakfast?
I can never be bothered to go out for breakfast. I'm still planning on at least trying out the McDonalds morning menu sometime in my life.

7 Months and Counting

I was thinking (yes, again) about how it's pretty cool that I wrote in this blog for 7 months. And since I wrote almost everything (because some things should stay private) that has happened to me, it's pretty interesting to read it again and remember some things that I've forgotten. I don't think I've really changed in the last 7 month but that's probably because 7 months is not a very long time.

I really didn't expect to be writing here for so long from the very first entry. Also when I re-read some entries, I noticed bad grammar and misspelt words (which irritates me in other blogs) so I changed those. Although I check every entry before I publish it, somehow, there are always errors that I miss. I can read an entry 5 times and only notice a mistake on the 6th time so please try to overlook any imperfections in the language.

Oh my God, what the hell am I going on about.

Baby Dreams

I had a weird dream a few days ago. I had a dream that I had a baby and the labour was completely painless and I felt the happiest I've ever been. What is my sub-consciousness trying to tell me?! Actually I've been dreaming of babies a lot lately. Not only human ones but kittens and puppies too. Weird...

Fear of Public Speaking

I had to do a small presentation today. I absolutely hate public speaking. I don't know why I get so panicky all the time. My heart starts beating faster, my breath gets uneven, blood rushes to my face, my hands get clammy. It's like some disease. And although logically in my head, I'm not stressed, it's an automatic reaction. It reminds me of that Pavlov experiment where the dog starts salivating every time it hears a bell because it associates food with the bell. Maybe it's the same thing with me and public speaking. Just the thought of it causes me to react physically, even though mentally I know it's stupid and nothing bad could happen.

I volunteered to go at the beginning because maybe if I force myself to do public speaking, I'll get over my fear of it. I've been trying to make myself get over it since high school and for some reason it's not working. Aren't you supposed to confront your fears in order for them to go away? Well, whose bright idea was that because it doesn't work.

Does anyone know how to get over the fear of public speaking? Or if you experienced and got over it, what did you do?

Friends, Foes and Others

I haven't written for five days in here! Amazing!

On Saturday night, I went over to April's and hanged around there with her and Christine. I don't know why but I have just as much fun hanging out with my friends at someone's house as I do going out to clubs (or any other place). Hanging out at someone's house is so much more relaxing. While I was there, I actually thought that if I had a boyfriend and had to choose between hanging out with him or hanging out with my friends, I'd rather be with my friends. That just shows that I don't really need a boyfriend. I just want one.

I wonder if I'll have a lifestyle similar to Bridget Jones where I'll be single for so long and get used to my friends so much that they'll be like my family and it would be very hard for a guy to feel more special than my friends.

Nah, that would never happen. A serious boyfriend would always be more special than friends because he'll be just like a close friend... but uhm... even closer.

On Sunday, I went to my grandparents house 'cause I couldn't use my computer (since an important part of it broke and could only be replaced on Monday) and did my uni work a few days before it was due! Finishing work earlier gave me such a sense of relief that I will try to finish all my assignments early from now on. If only my lack of motivation won't prevent me.

On Monday, I wrote a relatively long email to Max (who's not in Sydney at the moment) because I felt like it. I just blabbed on about the Matchbox 20 concert and uni. Pretty boring stuff for him so I don't know why I did it.

Yesterday, I went to an advanced screening of a movie that hasn't been released yet. I think I might've mentioned that April, Claudia and I got free tickets for it a week ago. Each ticket was for 2 people so we could bring another person. Amelia didn't come. Christine came and guess who Claudia invited?! Georgia! Claudia doesn't really know how much I can't stand Georgia so I can't be too mad at her. (Actually it's very hard to be mad at Claudia for anything.) The very strange thing happened, though. While I was waiting for Claudia, Georgia comes up and says in a really friendly voice, "Are you waiting for Claudia?" I was stunned that she said anything to me at all. I didn't know if I should answer her or pretend that she's not there (like she used to do to me) but then I thought that I'm better than her and replied. She then said, "Yeah, me too" and stood there with me, in complete silence. I don't want to keep any grudges but I don't want it to be so easy for her to just come up and pretend that she wasn't a complete bitch before. That's what infuriates me so much -- I don't know if I should show her that I hate her or if I should make it easy for her and be nice. If I show that I hate her, she'll know that she has power over me but if I pretend like it never happened, she'll know that she could get away with being so horrible. What would you do?

When we met up with Christine and April, I noticed that April was acting really strange. Sometimes (very rarely) April acts as if she's this really cool and superior person which makes it extremely difficult to talk to her. In all the years that I've known her, I only saw her act snobby like that maybe 5 times. Most of those times was when she was with other people. I don't know why she was acting like that yesterday.

After the movie when Christine was driving us back, I got an SMS from Max which was a bit of a surprise. He just asked how I was which probably meant that he hasn't read the email. It was weird how there I was in Christine's car with everyone being loud, and Max was a small part of it all. Two completely different worlds in one. Of course, no one noticed that I was really quiet suddenly which was fine with me because I didn't want to explain to them who Max was. The whole thing was just kind of weird.