Nadine

Nadine
 
As you know, I went to Nadine's house today. It was almost like old times. We talked for hours about everything. She even showed me a story that we wrote when we were younger that she apparently adds to every now and then. It was hilarious. It has such classic one-liners that I wish I could share with you but I can't.
 
She also showed me heaps of stuff that she got from America which was cool, and made me feel as if I'm already there. She got this huge rainbow poncho and said that she would wear it to uni. I asked if she cared if everyone would think it's weird and she said, "People will judge me anyway so I don't care". I really admire that sort of confidence. (I care way too much what everyone thinks of me.) This probably plays a big part in what attracts people to her. She apparently has a whole line of male admirers that she rejected. It's amazing how much people love those who don't care about how they are perceived. This to me is like that bit in Harry Potter when the kids had to relax while they were being strangled by snakes in order to be freed from them.
 
We are now talking on MSN which is new. Maybe it'll make us keep more in touch. I really miss talking with her like we used to.
 
Ever since I became really close friends with April, I keep comparing her to Nadine. Which is stupid because they are two completely different people. April is very conservative and would think hundred times before doing something while Nadine is the most outgoing person you would meet and does everything based on emotion. When I'm with April, I get pulled down to earth or into an imaginary dreamland where reality seems boring in comparison but with Nadine I get dragged into the craziest REAL situations (which always give me such a high).
 
I guess they are friends to my two contradictory personalities. April is friends with the serious introverted part while Nadine is friends with the childish extroverted one.
 
But somehow I always feel closer to Nadine. Even if I don't talk to her for months. I really don't know why.

Current Addictions

Current Addictions

I'm addicted to this and this. And you probably will be too (unless you're not into mixing and matching clothes for celebrities, in which case you probably won't be addicted to the latter one). Only open the mentioned links at your own risk. You've been warned!

Nadine and Me

Nadine and Me

I love it when I find a blog that can really touch me in some way and that hasn't happened for a while. Until I found "Anna and Me". Anna and Marie remind me so much of how Nadine and I used to be. We used to keep notebooks where we wrote each other letters and then exchanged them. We did this all through primary school, high school (when we could only meet up in the holidays) and a bit through uni. Sometimes that would be the first thing that we would do when we met up – we would exchange notebooks and read each other’s letters. Then we developed a code where we would put special symbols around the bits that we would read after the other one would leave. I would read and reread what Nadine wrote because it made me laugh and just feel special in general. She used to do the same. It was like writing in a diary but with someone reading it and giving feedback. A bit like blogging, I guess.

A while ago I was reading the notebooks that I have (we split them in half, almost in a divorce sort of way) and it made me see how much we changed from the curious and over-sensitive preteens, through dreamy Backstreet Boys obsessed teenage years to the beginning of our adulthood. It’s an amazing record of our friendship and something I will always cherish. It’s weird looking back on all the childish promises we made to be friends forever and not having anything getting between us (like boys, for example, which is funny because that’s exactly what made us drift apart).

I feel like I’m on the verge of too much sentimentality so I’ll stop here. I’ll be seeing her tomorrow (after about 4 months of not talking). You will be able to read the full report here tomorrow.

Loving Winter And The Secret Treasure Chest

Loving Winter And The Secret Treasure Chest.
 
Finally, it feels like winter. Freezing cold and just wonderful. I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest. I may be one of the very few people who like cold weather. To be more precise, I like being warm in cold weather. Everything feels cosier and more comforting.
 
It was so windy today that the electricity went out for about 30 minutes and it was already dark. After I realised that the darkness was going to last more than just a couple of minutes (the way it usually does), it quickly hit me how difficult it would’ve been when people lived without electricity (something that I’ve always taken for granted).
 
My eyes had nothing to focus on but shadows which made me want to close them. But since I didn’t want to go to sleep, it felt weird doing that. Then I realised that it was a great excuse not to do anything that put pressure on my eyes (i.e. computer, TV, reading etc.) and I started to enjoy it.
 
My Dad went to my grandparents so my Mum, Andrew and I sat on the couch amongst blankets and cushions and talked. It was great family quality time. I don’t think we all have ever just sat around and talked without being distracted by other things (especially my Mum who always has to do at least two things at once).
 
It was nice to stay home today in such cold weather.
 
Yesterday, I (and April, Claudia and Christine) went out and as usual I didn’t put on enough clothes. It was so cold, I couldn’t stop shaking.
 
We went out for dinner which wasn’t very eventful. Sometimes it’s nice to eat quietly with others without having any awkward silences or very demanding conversations. Yesterday was just that. The only peak of our conversation was Claudia telling us about rejecting a guy (that she met at a dance party) who asked her out. (This is the guy that Christine passed on to her after deciding that she didn’t like him.) The other peak was them teasing me about Ben when Claudia asked me about him after everyone making such a big deal last week when I thought I saw him. Christine was saying how I got a secret boyfriend (since she doesn’t know the exact details). I quite enjoyed that so if anyone ever feels like teasing me about my non-existent boyfriend, they are welcome to do so.
 
After dinner we split up. Christine and Claudia wanted to play video games (something that I can’t stand) so April and I went to some bar that was supposed to have live music. When we got there, we didn’t hear any live music (probably ‘cause it was still a bit early) but what we did find was a guy heaven. We finally found a place that had respectable looking guys OUR AGE and there were SO MANY of them!
 
We stayed at that place for no more than ten minutes (one of which took finding a non-discrete place to wipe our running noses from the freezing cold that we came from, another two checking the place out, two minutes to find a good spot to place ourselves, another two to develop a code for cute guy sightings and two to use the developed code, and one to take a call from Claudia telling us that she was getting picked up and to go and say our good-byes). So we left the bar, promising to come back soon. We waited with Claudia until her brother came and then went home (since Christine had to get up early today and April was getting a lift with her).
 
At least now we know where all the guys our age are hiding on Saturday nights.

Surprise Surprise

Surprise Surprise
 
I won't be going to the dance class that I was planning on going to today. I don't even want to talk about it. The universe is against me.

When April And I Die

When April And I Die

April: I told you, some people just aren't meant to find true love. Some people die alone.

me: if you die before me, I will be with you when you die :P
Did you take the life expectancy test?

April: yes!!!! I was so annoyed!!!!! How dare they ask about our love lives! I had to choose 'non-existent'!!!!

me: I'm glad they had that option. So when will you be dying?

April: 84, what about you?

me: 90, so I guess I'll be at your bedside when you die.

April: so I'll be first

me: and I'll die alone

April: you're right, at least I won't die alone :P
But who knows, maybe in the remaining 6 years, u'll meet a hot guy down at the retirement home

me: lol!!!! A hot 90 year old???

April: oh yeah, of course.

me: unless I get over my "can't date a younger guy" thing

April: yeah u won't care when u r 84 and the only other 'forever single' person has died.

Luck

Luck

Finally some luck came my way! I've got my new timetable and the planned times for the subjects changed but to my advantage so now I get a day off. I'm so happy about that! It should make up for my horrible timetable in the last semester.

Nadine and Amelia

Nadine and Amelia

Guess who called in the morning? Nadine must've read my mind (or my blog) because after telling her that I was planning on calling her tomorrow, she said that she wasn't going to be home then.

We talked for a while. I sensed that not everything was great but she didn't go into it. I wish she could tell me what was on her mind like before. I miss discussing details of our lives. Now we just talk about things on the surface which sucks.

I told her that I wanted to see her American photos and she said that she just wanted to see me. That made me feel a bit rude. I'm going to her house next week. Maybe we can talk properly then. I really want to know what's been going on in her life. Her summary of "Going out. Parties. Guys. Crap." doesn't tell me much.

After talking to her, I went to meet Amelia. We saw "Mean Girls" which I have to say I really enjoyed. Amelia thought it was better than "Shrek 2". I didn't think it was worse. We then walked around looking for a pair of jeans for her and a good photo opportunity for me. I started to carry my camera around with me because I always want to take photos when it's not with me.

Amelia decided to come to a dancing class with me next week ("The Life Expectancy Test" also affected her when it said that we need to get our heart rate up for at least 30 minutes a day). I thought of canceling this Saturday but then realised that if I do, then there might be some reason that next week's dance class won't happen. It'd be funny if I end up going to 2 dancing classes in one week!

Calling Nadine

Calling Nadine

Contemplated on calling Nadine today but didn't. I wonder why I keep putting it off. Maybe I'm waiting for her to call...

Really want to see her photos. Maybe I'll call her on Wednesday. No, not maybe. I will call her on Wednesday. I don't know why calling her seems like such a chore that I 'should' do, rather than 'want' to. Although, I do want to see her photos...

The closer my trip to America, the more I get obsessed about it. I've decided to make a soundtrack of songs that mention places that Lauren and I will be visiting. Can't find a good one for New Orleans (or Louisiana). Does anyone know of any? Actually, if you have any suggestions about good songs that contain lyrics (or are about) the following places - California, LA, New Orleans, Louisiana, Las Vegas, New York, Arizona, Phoenix or anything about USA in general, let me know.

Another Attempt

Another Attempt.

I'm planning on trying to go to a dance class this Saturday (since I have to work then, during the school term). I wonder what will prevent me from going this time...

I would go during the week but they finish too late to walk to the station by myself.

I watched the "Life Expectancy" test yesterday. I'm supposed to live up to 89.7 years. I'm planning on living longer. I've decided to start eating fish and continue not to ride on motorbikes.

When Nothing Is Fun

When Nothing Is Fun.

Today was the epitome of proper holidays.

April woke up me up at 10am. Actually I woke up earlier but I needed an excuse to get out of my warm bed. April's call was as good as any excuse (such as my stomach rumbling for breakfast or wanting to go to the toilet - you know, the usual reasons).

We ended up talking for almost an hour about weekend plans which ended up to be nothing (due to transport problems, time problems, people problems and general inconveniences which I guess would encompass all the previous).

Decided to go to her house to continue the conversation. Postponed big weekend plans for next week. Had a lazy day watching "I Love Lucy" episodes and talking about the usual topic of conversation. We always go through phases where we only talk about one thing. It used to be our TV show, now it's our loveless lives. Somehow I think this topic we'll be discussing for a while.

Visited my grandparents on the way home which was nice. They love hearing about my trip to America and I love talking about it so it works both ways. Andrew was nice enough to pick me up so that was cool.

I love lazy days like that.

High Expectations. Revelations. Future Planning.

High Expectations. Revelations. Future Planning.

Yesterday was a nice day. My holidays just highlighted the fact that I didn't go out much during uni. It's fun to be able to go hang out with my friends almost every day.

Yesterday we (the usual 5) went to see Shrek 2. It wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be. I really enjoyed it although by what people were saying, I was expecting to roll around laughing hysterically. I'm not saying it wasn't funny but I don't know if I was laughing more because everyone else was laughing or because I found it really funny. Andrew told me that he loved the ending so I was eagerly waiting to see what it would be. But I found it very predictable, not like the first movie. I think my expectations were too high and that's always a bad idea.

We had lunch at an Asian restaurant opposite the cinemas. The food was great. The conversation was a bit better. Claudia and Christine went to some dance party on the weekend and some guy that they met sent Claudia the corniest message. April and I offered our translations of what he meant (since we had lots of practice analysing the most insignificant things). I accidentally got Christine to say that the guy actually asked her to dance first and then she sent him to Claudia 'cause she didn't like him. Claudia was a bit surprised at this revelation. Well, it's Christine so April and I expect things like that from her.

Amelia brought up the 'bus guy' who I've actually stopped thinking about but it's sweet that she remembered. Since I don't really tell Christine my trivial guy stories, she got very interested. Didn't really get a chance to explain it. Although kept thinking how unfair it was that I never saw him again.

In the afternoon, Christine left and the rest of us went shopping. Well, Amelia and Claudia actually shopped while April and I sat outside the shops and talked. All we seem to talk about is how we'll be 30 and never have any relationships. Except when we talk about it, we seem to find it extremely funny. We already decided to share therapy costs by going together, since we'll probably need professional help by then.

Caught the train home with April. There was a guy sitting in front of us who looked like BG and got off at BG's stop. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't him.

Talked to April on MSN till late.

Spying. Addiction. Diets. Amelia and Ashalea. Nadine.

Spying. Addiction. Diets. Amelia and Ashalea. Nadine.

Sometimes I get this knot in my stomach for some unconscious reason. Like something's missing (my love life, probably). Everytime this feeling comes over, I feel like babbling in here about nothing in particular.

Random fact: I like to search people I know in the search engine and see what comes up. Must be the nosy side of me. But I prefer to call it curious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to information. Like I need to satisfy my brain by finding something interesting about the world. Even if it's something that doesn't involve a lot of brain power to understand. Actually that's the type that I like best. Maybe that's why I love reading and watching TV so much. Easy absorption of lots of information (especially the latter).

In other news, I put on extra weight after I went off my diet. This would be understandable if I put back on what I lost but the annoying thing is that I put on more than I had before. This is very frustrating cos my clothes are getting tight. This is the reason why people should never go on bad diets voluntarily. The best way to lose weight permanently is to eat healthy ALL THE TIME, not just for a few weeks or months.

I watched the Big Brother eviction tonight. Was a bit annoyed that Bree went cos she was interesting to watch. Ashalea reminds me so much of Amelia!!! I keep forgetting to write that. She's smart but acts all airy-fairy. They even have a very similar style and look 'a bit' alike. Hey, even their names are similar! (I just realised.)

I'm seeing Amelia and the others in a couple of days. Haven't seen them for a while so miss them a lot.

I should call Nadine and see what she's up to. Still haven't seen her photos from America. It's so weird how we don't talk much anymore. But I won't go into reminescing about old times.

Well, I feel better now that I typed out my flow of thoughts. Blogging is so therapeutic.

The Party

The Party

So I did go to Katie’s party yesterday. I fixed my problem of going there alone by meeting up with Sophia first. Some problems are so easy to resolve – if only everything was that simple.

I won’t say that it was a great party but it was ok. There wasn’t much of an opportunity to mingle because everyone stayed with their friends. That was a bit disappointing. But the most disappointing thing was that there were no guys that I even wanted to mingle with and get to know. I spent most of the night talking with Sophia, Sally and Sam. Sam was on a constant high as usual. He gave me the weirdest compliment that only a design student would give. Don’t want to say it here in case he ever reads it but if you want to know, tell me and I’ll email you. I think I’ll write in my (paper) diary so I won’t forget. Now, why can’t a guy that I like say something like that to me?

Mark was there. I’m not even sure why he came cos he’s not really friends with Katie. He sat in the corner for most of the night, right behind me. I pretended he wasn’t there. I think he pretended the same. If he really wanted, he could’ve come up and talked to me – he was sitting only a chair away. Jack was there too but he was far which was the way I liked it. Fortunately, Fabian didn’t come but Warren decided to take his place and annoy me. He wasn’t that bad though. He’s having a birthday party in a week but I don’t really feel like going. He’s not inviting any of his high school friends so no new people to meet (and that’s the only reason I go to parties :P).

At the end of the night I got into my sad mood of wishing I had a boyfriend because so many people there were with their boyfriends/girlfriends. I also feel that I’m stuck in a particular circle of people that makes it so hard for me to meet a guy that I would like. But I don’t know how to break out of that.

Oops

Oh my God, I just realised that I accidentally posted an entry in my Guide! Oops. Sorry for any confusion!

Booking American Flights Online

Booking American Flights Online

I've been having a 'slight' problem with booking flight tickets online within the U.S. It turns out that all major online booking sites only accept registration from people who live in the U.S. And the very few Australian ones have prices that are double the American ones. And I really don't feel like paying an extra $700.

Not exactly sure what to do about this. Does anyone know of sites which allow to book online from Australia for flights within America and don't cost twice as much?

Party Thoughts

Party Thoughts

One of my uni friends is having a birthday party on the weekend and I was planning on going 'cause I was expecting only our group of uni friends to come (apart from her high school friends) but now I found out that this other group (that I don't particularly like, including Fabian and Jack and maybe Mark) is coming too and it makes me not want to go. I think that if I was coming with someone, it wouldn't be so bad but the fact that none of my uni friends live around my area, I will have to go there alone. Maybe I can get Sophia to meet me beforehand... I just have this image in my head where I get there and see the people I don't like first and will have to talk to them. And it will be SO awkward and uncomfortable.

I hate that I'm thinking like this because why should some stupid bunch of people prevent me from going? It's ridiculous. Yet I'm seriously considering not going. Must stop thinking silly thoughts.

The Signs

The Signs

There's nothing like an email from April to make me laugh hysterically. The guy that she liked (which she denies, even though she always talked about him) turned out to be gay. I think once to prove that she didn't 'like' him, she was going to introduce him to me (which I was actually looking forward to).

There were signs of course but I didn't take them seriously. The first sign was April seeing him look through the uni gay club web site. I remember how she was totally convinced that it was proof. I didn't think that meant anything and laughed at April for jumping to conclusions.

The second sign started to make me suspicious. April heard a gay guy from her primary school talking to this guy about gay night clubs. I still didn't think that it really meant anything.

Then yesterday she got concrete proof. She was told that he was gay. So it's pretty official now.

It's kinda funny looking back on all the times when we devised elaborate schemes to find out whether he 'liked' April and how she could become better friends with him so I could meet him. And meanwhile I kept going on about how Jesse was probably gay because he looked so feminine (which really didn't mean a thing).

April is a bit traumatised now and suspects that every guy she meets is gay which is quite funny to me. We had many talks (since the 'first sign') about how to know whether a guy is gay (when he's not completely obvious) and we couldn't come up with anything. Does anyone know? I mean gay people seem to always know when another person is gay. How do they do that?

The Curse

The Curse

So I decided to go to a dancing class today. Again. I mean there would have to be a point where I would be able to attend one. I wasn't too hopeful, after lots of previous disappointment where something always went wrong.

Since yesterday I was waiting for something to happen that would prevent me from going. A mysterious disease? Being stuck in a train? Aliens kidnapping me? Anything was possible.

Miraculously, I didn't get a mysterious disease and the train was perfectly on time (another miracle, I know). I actually got to the studios!!! It was amazing. Even I couldn't really believe it.

But no one else came. Not the other students. Not the teacher. The receptionist was very sorry and said that it had never happened before. They usually had at least 5 people for that class.

I couldn't believe it. I don't know but deep down I really thought that everything would go fine today. I'm not a superstitious person but this has to be some curse.

I'm positive there's someone out there whose sole goal in life is to make sure that I never attend a dance lesson.

So maybe I wasn't kidnapped by aliens but I'm certain that the teacher and the other students were.

Uncertainty

"The lack of certainty only seems to underline new possibilities"

- "Almost French", Sarah Tunbull

I love that quote.

Endless Procrastination

Endless Procrastination

Yes, I should be finishing off my last assignment. But I can't make myself do it. It's so boring. I can never write reports in long pages when I can say the same thing in a sentence. I asked how others seem to manage it and they all say that they just b***s*** their way through. It can be easy for them but I can't do it. I can only go on in circles about things that I obsess about but it's impossible to obsess about the topic of my assignment. It seems so straight forward and obvious.

Instead I do everything other than the assignment: read, snack, watch TV and write here.

Tutoring

Tutoring

I just got paid double. The mother of the girl who I tutor decided to pay me for last week's lesson that she cancelled. I didn't want to accept but she insisted. I felt weird taking it, even though I need the money.

The girl got her test back and didn't pass. That was really disappointing because I put so much effort into making sure she did well. Well, she did improve by 20% from last time so I guess it's not all bad.

I don't know why I care so much about the students that I tutor. I always put more effort than most other tutors. I guess I like kids too much. I even wanted to be a teacher until about year 11. I get such a high from knowing that I helped a kid. Especially if they're as cool as this girl.

I think her mother paid me more 'cause she realised how much I care. Last time when I said that I "really want her [daughter] to do well" she was so thankful. I didn't even realise at first why she was thanking me so much.

Or maybe she's going to fire me soon, who knows...

Testing Time

Testing Time

What I am about to tell you is me making a big deal out of nothing to make myself feel better so don't roll your eyes.

Today I had a POBian exam. I finished early as usual. I have great side vision so while I was pretending to be checking my paper, I looked to see what Daniel was doing. He was being restless (as usual). I guessed he finished early too. After another guy who finished early left, I thought that I probably should too but the thought that if I would, I would never get another chance to talk to Daniel (not that I had much of a chance anyway) kept me firmly in my seat.

Being bored, I started to day dream, as usual. I was contemplating that if I never have a proper conversation with him again it would be a bit sad cos he was the coolest guy out of all the ones I know (which isn't saying much but still). I was also thinking whether he looked better with or without his glasses (since today was the first time I've seen him without).

Anyway, while I was deep in my thoughts, Daniel got up to hand in his exam and left. Great, I thought. Now I definitely won't get to talk to him again. Before (maybe a few years ago) I would've got embarrassed at my patheticness but today I didn't care. At least I tried so can't regret anything. My new motto.

Five minutes after he left, I decided to go too since there was no more point in waiting till the end. As I was walking out of the building I heard Daniel calling me. He just appeared out of nowhere! I think I was much happier than the occasion required.

I got a thought in my head that he waited especially for me, since he's always the first out of class and never waits for anyone. Sure he probably just went to the toilet or something but I liked thinking my original thought.

After the obligatory chit-chat about the exam he asked me if I was going to be continuing this subject after the holidays. This question just increased my confidence that he wanted to know if he would speak with me again. After my last few days of being sad about not having any guys around, this was a huge mood booster (even if it was completely casual, which I refused to believe).

Being so happy about this unexpected conversation, I just went on and on about uni stuff. He just smiled and nodded. What a waste of time; I should've asked him something useful. Anyway, when we had to part, he paused for a bit too long and I swear it could've been the perfect opportunity to exchange numbers but he just said, "Well, I'll see you around" which really just meant, "I'll never see you again".

I think he forgot that we have another exam together tomorrow but I definitely won't get a chance to talk to him alone then.

I'm reminding myself that it's no big deal 'cause we'd never go out with each other anyway. Although he could've made a really good friend.

Filling My Mind With Other Stuff

Filling My Mind With Other Stuff

Spend all your time waiting...
For a break that would make it okay.
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release...

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees.

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

- "Angel", Sarah McLachlan

I've taken up Norwegian.

My brother laughed and asked me, "Why Norwegian?"

And I said, "Because it seems easier than Swedish."

My parents laughed and asked me, "Don't you have anything better to do?"

And I said, "No."

Frustration, Hopelessness and Desperation

Frustration, Hopelessness and Desperation

I've just been reading this and I feel like crying. Why is everyone young in love? And I don't have anyone to even like a little bit? It's so irritating and frustrating and completely hopeless. I will go through my whole life without ever experiencing love and never know the feeling about being completely and utterly head over heels for someone.

All I want is ONE person to be in love with in my whole life. I don't need any more. And to find this person tomorrow.

I can just imagine my life being like one of those parties that only get fun when it's time to leave. If I ever do meet my RG, it will be in some nursing home when my life is ending.

Blurry Week

Blurry Week

This week has been such a boring blur. Being home, finishing assignments, studying for exams, finishing reading Harry Potter, getting distracted by TV, snacking too much, staying up late downloading music (how nerdy, I know) while playing around with photos in Photoshop. I realised (once again) how easy it is to make anyone look beautiful in photos when you edit them. I was so pleased with the way I made myself look that I had a tiny urge to post it here. But I won't.

Paid some more for my trip to US this week. My bank account balance is quickly diminishing. It's a bit scary how much less money I have now. I have to remind myself that this is what I was saving up all that money for in the first place. It should definitely be worth it. Every time I pay, I get more excited about the trip getting closer.

Next week I should finish all my exams and hopefully do something more exciting than this week. I will hopefully be going to that dancing class I couldn't go to last week. If nothing goes wrong as it always seems to.

Late Night Ramble

Late Night Ramble

I don't feel like going to sleep so I'll just write here. Nothing much to say.

Every time I write here, I feel like I'm talking to the great unknown masses of anonymous people. It's an interesting feeling.

I was reading some of my old diaries today while I was waiting to go to work (which was cancelled anyway) and I've written something thought provoking one time. Well, maybe it won't provoke any thoughts in you but being the over-analyser that I am, I kept thinking about it.

Anyway, what I wrote was "When I am myself, I become the best person I can be". I was thinking whether that would apply to everyone. And I think that unless you are some cold-hearted person (which is very rare), it would apply to most people. Because when we are not trying to impress others and conform to 'society's standards', we bring something special and unique to our world. And genuine people are always more likeable. The only problem is that people usually never get to know most people well enough to see the depth of their personalities.

Got Totally Drunk, Aren't I Cool!

Got Totally Drunk, Aren't I Cool!

Well, not me but I had to get your attention.

I've been wanting to write about this issue for a while but never got around to it.

What is it with people boasting about being drunk as if it's something to be proud of?

It's freaking annoying and plain stupid. There's nothing good about filling yourself up with toxic chemicals that wreck your body and mind.

And if people really want to drink, why is it so hard to control themselves? Is everyone getting so weak that they have no will power? Or is it something that they think is 'fun'? It is totally possible to have just as much (if not more) fun without getting drunk.

And if someone doesn't drink, people who do might not accept them as much as they would if they did get drunk.

How did it get to be so much part of the culture that people brag about getting drunk to sound cool. And this isn't just teenagers. It's everyone (well, way more than necessary).

Is there any hope for change?

Not All Reality TV Is Stupid

Not All Reality TV Is Stupid

I’ve discovered a great new TV show. It’s a reality one but more of a documentary. It’s called “Take This Job”.

Every episode shows what it’s like to work at a particular job. Although it seems like nothing special, it’s done so well that I was completely engaged in it. The episodes always delve into the culture of the workplace and really show the personalities of the people who work there. I think it’s that human side of it that always leaves me eagerly waiting for the next episode.

All Better

I looked up the ever helpful Family Doctor and took the advice given - lots of heat and analgesics.

Had a great sleep and woke up today completely fine (well, almost). Decided to finish some assignments that are due next week and realised there was a lot more to do than I thought. Well, nothing unusual there. Ended up doing them all day.

Many Times Described In 1 1/2 Words And Health Problems

Can anyone guess how the dance class was?

I'll give you a hint: 1 1/2 words.

NON-EXISTENT.

I'm totally convinced that I might never go to dance classes.

What happened this time, you might ask?

Well, even though I didn't know this but, it all started on Friday night when I felt what I thought was just a sore muscle in my shoulder. I completely dismissed it, thinking it would soon disappear. Little did I know that the pain was going to spread to the side of my neck the following evening and also get more severe. It got so bad that I couldn't sleep last night and painkillers didn't help much. In the morning the pain also spread onto the side of my head.

But I still had hope that by the time I would have to leave to go to the dance class, my pain would disappear. After another dose of painkillers in the morning, my shoulder and neck seemed to get better, only minutes before I would have to get ready to leave. I decided to test my shoulder and neck by moving them a bit. As soon as I did, all the previous pain returned.

Looking at the clock, I had to accept that I just wouldn't be able go to the much anticipated dance class. (And I'm sort of glad that I didn't because the pain continued all through the day and I can still feel it as I type.)

My Dad said that when he was my age he got a really sore neck and it lasted for a week. Then he got a massive flu. So I can only hope that this is an onset of a cold and nothing more.

I'm really starting to get very irked about my health. Every time one problem goes away, another one comes along. First my gallbladder, then my allergy (or urticaria, whatever), then my ear, then my foot and now this!

I feel like an old woman when I'm 20! My parents tried to make me feel better by saying that lots of young adults develop health problems that go away in a few years and only come back when you're old. I really hope so 'cause I'm sick of all this physical pain restricting my life.

Chocolate Mud Cookies

I made some chocolate cookies today. They were delicious.

(Well, isn't this the most exciting post?)

That Nagging Feeling

When you miss someone, it's so hard to remember anything bad about that person, no matter how hard you try. And if you do remember something negative, it doesn't seem as horrible as it once was.

I'm starting to miss talking to Max again. I was fine for a while but lately, I've been thinking about him once too often.

It's exactly what happened last year. At first when we stopped talking, I was quite happy to have it all be over but a few months later, that nagging feeling started to resurface. Last year, amazingly, he felt the same. Apparently he thought about emailing me a few months before he actually did, which meant that he started to miss me before I started to miss him.

I'm not even sure if he's in Australia at the moment. He was supposed to go overseas for a few months, starting from March. Maybe he decided that this time it's really over.

Oh my God, I'm talking about it as if we had some proper relationship. Our thing (whatever you want to call it) between us made me realise that there are so many different types of relationships between people and not everything is black and white. I don't even know what to call it. I guess it was the closest to a friendship that occasionally became emotionally more intimate. But then, we weren't proper friends.

I think a larger than I thought part of the way it turned out was my fault. I acted a bit too paranoid and very childish at times. But he didn't make it much easier. Although sometimes, I'm surprised that he liked me the way he did, even though I was so annoying to him. And I still don't understand why I wasn't open with him. Why I always had to put him down. Why I had to pretend that he didn't mean anything to me.

Hopefully this nagging feeling will pass soon.

Or he'll email. Maybe even call...

The Guide

Well, it's finally here. I have created a guide full of information about things that I've written about. It has a complete list of descriptions of people that I talk about and meanings to all the abbreviations that I use.

I'm open to suggestions about how I can make it even better. So if you have any ideas or requests, please let me know.

Lazy Day

Decided to skip uni today. It was only 2 hours of POBian. It would've taken me longer to get there and back.

Read Harry Potter. It had a bit of a slow start but it's gaining its pace.

I'm also in the process of doing a guide to my blog that has descriptions of all the people (so I won't have to describe them every time I mention them for new visitors). And it has what all abbreviations stand for and a bit of history. Should be useful. I'll link to it as soon as I finish it.

I think I might finally go to dancing lessons this weekend. Completely by myself. I'm tired of forcing people to go with me and then finding time so it's convenient for them, just 'cause I'm too scared to go alone. No more! I'm an adult and I can go wherever and do what I want without anyone else.

(This is a bit of pep talk for myself.)

Anyway, I'll probably meet more people if I go on my own. And that's always a good motivator. And also the fact that I need some exercise.

My Brain's Conversation

You know when you see a person behaving in a way that really irritates you and then you realise that you used to behave just like that? It's like seeing yourself in someone else and not liking it.

I'm talking about a blogger (who's name I won't mention). She has to point out good things about herself because she probably thinks that people won't notice otherwise. And yeah, I guess I do that too. Not as much though.

Ok, now I'm being bitchy about other bloggers (who are people too).

See, I'm doing it again. I had to point out that I knew that I was being mean in an attempt to show that since I recognise it, it's not as bad.

There are so many times where my brain is in conflict with itself. It wants to not think bad things about other people, yet it can't help it.

My brain conversation with itself:

Brain: that person is so annoying
Brain: well, it's not like you're not annoying
Brain: at least I know that I can be annoying
Brain: you still shouldn't think bad things about other people
Brain: that's such a high moral ground to put yourself on. You should be allowed to think whatever you want.
Brain: but would you like other people to say how annoying you are?
Brain: no, that would be very annoying of them
Brain: that's a bit of a double standard, isn't it?
Brain: no, cos I have to put myself first
Brain: other people might find that annoying.
me: shut up! You're both annoying me!

No, I'm not becoming schizophrenic. Really.

A Dream About You

Last night I dreamt that I found a post in one of my readers' blogs about what a great blog my one is. It went something like "Since our email hasn't been working, we found some good web sites. One of them is Sky's one...". Then it went on to say how good it was. There's a reason why the post was in first plural form. If you figure out that it's you, you'd realise why.

It kind of makes me laugh now that I had such a dream.

Boots

Yesterday I got the coolest boots. I always wanted a pair. Now I have a reason to wear skirts in winter.

Claudia's Birthday

Went to Claudia's 'party' today. She was a bit disappointed that lots of people didn't come. Amelia agreed that having assignments is no excuse not to come because we all have uni work. Even though I could see she was hurt that April didn't put enough effort to come to her birthday, being the sweet person that she is, she didn't let it bother her too much.

I told her that we were going to have such a good time and talk about it for at least a year so that everyone who didn't come would always regret it.

Christine thought that April didn't come because she was still mad at her. She seemed sorry.

I told Andrew about April's selfishness to make sure I wasn't the only one who felt that what she did was wrong and he totally agreed.

Rudeness

Everyone is getting so rude lately, I'm losing respect for people. I can accept that there will always be inconsiderate people, but when these people are my friends, it's a lot worse.

A few days ago, April got really annoyed at Christine. And for a very good reason. They planned on meeting so that Chrisine could help April with one of her uni projects. And Christine didn't show up. No, she didn't forget. She just got distracted by other things and decided not to turn up. And she didn't even see why she should've called to let April know! She didn't see what 'the big deal' was! How could anyone be so obtuse?! It really makes my blood boil.

Then today, when I went to tutor my new student, her Mum was in the driveway talking to the Mum of my other student (who was sick and cancelled). When she saw me, she told me that her daughter won't be needing any lessons until next term. I asked her why she didn't call me to let me know. And she said that she thought she'd just tell me after I'd finish with their neighbour (the one who was sick). I told her that I hadn't tutored that boy today and she was just, "Oh, sorry". Was it that hard to dial my number and let me know??? I wasted 40 minutes just to drive there and back.

Tomorrow is Claudia's birthday party. And April isn't coming. She said she has too much work to do. And she told me she hasn't started any because she can't be bothered. So basically she can't be bothered to finish her uni work today so she could go not just to some friend's party, but Claudia's! Someone she considers one of her best friends. That, in my opinion, is very selfish. And it's not like it's for the whole day. If she really had so much that she had no chance of finishing it today, then it'd be different. But not being bothered?!

She asked me (online) why I was so upset about it. There was nothing I could think of saying that would make sense to her (just like nothing April could say to Christine to make her see why just not turning up to an arranged meeting is extremely inconsiderate) so I just didn't reply. She hasn't said anything either. So I guess she's mad at me. I don't care.

Why are people so focused on themselves that they don't see how they affect people around them, especially people they think they care about?

There Are No Nude Pictures In This Blog!

I always look at how my visitors find out about my blog. And lately the most searched for item that yields this blog in the search results is "there's something about miriam nude".

Ok, now I'll probably get twice as many hits from perverts all over the world.

Honestly, who wants to see Miriam nude! It's disgusting.

Social Circles

I have always believed that if I hung around a certain type of people, I would be one of them. The problem was in finding that type. The type that I could really connect with. Since I couldn’t find that, I just had to find connections with people of other types. For example, my closest friends are nothing like the type that I wanted but they’re still people that I can connect with on a different level. The problem with being with these people is that I’ve grown so accustomed to them and have become one of them that when I meet someone from the type that I’ve wanted to hang around with all along, I find it hard to connect with them.

If that makes sense.

I’m starting to realise that there are so many sides of ourselves that the ones that we take on the most are the ones that allow us to makes the best of our social environment, even if those sides of ourselves are not our favourite.

So when there’s an opportunity for our social environment to change, it’s a bit difficult to project the other sides of ourselves, even if we prefer them to the ones that we’re used to. But when we do, we get a huge sense of contentment and fulfilment.

Translation of the above: I’ve met a lot of people this semester that are so much like the type that I’ve always wanted to be involved with. This type is hard to describe but I’ll try: intelligent, very friendly, open, warm, deep-thinkers, fun-loving but not very extroverted, self-aware, good conversationalists, very genuine, generous, funny, people that you feel like you already know. Most of them are from America. One girl I’ll be meeting up with when Lauren and I go there at the end of the year. Another one offered to let us stay with her but unfortunately we won’t be visiting her city.

It’s a bit sad that I haven’t been around people like that but I’m grateful for the friends that I do have and I’m glad that I’ve found a way to connect with them.

Unnecessary Thoughts

Why does a person who you feel you've moved on from, appears in your mind at the unlikeliest of times?

I feel like I'm really over Max and haven't been thinking about him lately. But today, I was getting really stressed about uni work and all of a sudden I had a strong urge to read all his emails. And that got me completely distracted.

In one email he was saying how he'd like to take photos of wildlife but there's not much of it around here and I said that he should go to the zoo. And this got me thinking how fun it would be to go to the zoo with him and take photos of animals. (I ignored the fact that he said that going to the zoo isn't the same).

I still feel like I'm over him but I know if he contacts me and starts talking to me again, I'd go back to the way I was. It's pathetic, it really is.

Uncomforts

It's weird how some people have the ability to make you feel really comfortable to be around them and others just make you want to go as far as possible from them.

I'm becoming a bit anti-social in one of my classes that has most of the people that I've had classes with from first year. I just have no desire to be friends with most of them. Which is strange for me 'cause I don't think you can ever have enough good friends to have around you.

The guys, especially, act like such idiots and cross any line of social interaction. Fabian, for example, tried to kiss one of the girls while her boyfriend was there. Her boyfriend didn't even turn around. The girl was shrieking and Fabian was just enjoying himself. I don't know why but I got really mad at the boyfriend. How could he just sit there and do nothing? I didn't find it as funny as the other guys did.

Jack sat near me and kept saying 'fuck' over and over again really loudly. It got so annoying I just wanted to punch him so hard that he'd really have some reason to keep saying that.

Fabian hasn't been bothering me too much lately which I'm really happy about. He was actually quite polite (in his own way). But him being polite isn't the best thing 'cause that's how he gets your attention so he can start annoying you. I just avoid him as much as I can now. And that seems to work the best.

The only interaction I had with him this year was him asking about what I've been up to and if I work now and where. It was so polite and normal and nice that if it was any other guy I'd be happy that he was interested. But since it was Fabian, I just got suspicious. Last week, he just came up behind me and pushed my chair while I was on it while saying something about what I was doing. It's those little things that have the potential to get out of hand.

Sometimes, I can't wait till uni finishes just so I wouldn't have to be around people like that. Although I'm pretty sure there are more like that in other places.

It's really hard not to meet people like that anywhere.

Re: Archives

Any new (or old) visitors who want to read the archives but can't, I'm sorry. I had to take them off for a while. There have been a gradual increase in visitors, which on one hand is a great thing, but on the other a bit scary. Especially since I have come SO very close to having someone I know read it. And I've written about way too many things that would make me very identifiable.

I also accidentally stumbled on a personal blog of someone I know. I haven't told them and I won't be because I wouldn't want to know if someone I know read mine. I would want them to act as if they haven't and never come back. I won't be visiting that person's blog in the future.

If you want to read some of my old entries, email me.

You might've noticed that lately I haven't been writing about any specific incidents. This is also because of my paranoia of being exposed. If someone I knew read this, I would feel like people do in those dreams where they realise that they're naked in public and everyone is staring at them.

I've never had that dream but I can imagine what it would feel like.

Hopefully, my entries will go back to the way they were before soon. 'Cause I miss writing about stuff like that.

Family Encouragement

My parents were so encouraging today, I feel like I’ve gained new confidence.

I showed them some designs that my friend from my course did to prove to them that I’m being realistic about my design abilities, not negative. I was surprised by their reaction. I thought they would just tell me to stop being negative and learn from my friend.

My Mum said that in the business world the best people don’t always get the job. Companies rather get someone who can do the job for less money and wouldn’t take over. And my Dad said that the main thing is not to be the best but to be above the required standard and he thinks that I am above that standard. They both think that I’m putting myself down for no good reason. And that work is not like uni where everyone reaches for the highest marks.

So I said, “Are you saying that it’s not good to be the best?” and my Dad said, “It’s best to have as much knowledge and as many skills as possible but know when to show and use them.” And that thought still stays in my mind.

The wisest person I know: my Dad
The kindest person I know: my brother
The most caring person I know: my Mum

A Bout Of Insanity

I'm not sure what happened yesterday. I prefer to forget about the whole thing 'cause it weirds me out.

After waiting 15 minutes for my train yesterday, it was cancelled. I got my brother to drive me to a closer station that had more trains. I was already getting a weird feeling in my stomach that made me want to forget about going to uni. I told myself that if the train would come in a couple of minutes I would get on but if not, I wouldn't go to uni. Even though I was supposed to have an assessment.

The train came so I got on. I realised that I would be late by about 15 minutes. While I was on the train, the feeling of not wanting to go to uni kept getting stronger and stronger. I told myself that it's no big deal if I was going to be late. I've been late before and didn't care. But yesterday all I wanted to do was just go home.

When the train arrived at the station, I couldn't make myself go to uni. I felt almost paralysed. I couldn't will my feet to get out of the station and get to uni.

So I walked to the platform that had trains going back home. But since the trains were stuffed up, I ended up waiting for an hour and a half for a train back home.

While I was waiting, all I could think of was, "What the hell is wrong with me?!"

Then I thought that since I've been waiting for so long, maybe I should've waited until the bus guy came. I was bound to see him if I waited. But when my train came, I got on and went home.

Made up a story for my parents about being stuck on the train and there not being any point in going to uni.

Maybe it was one of those things that you hear about when people have an intuition about something bad happening. Maybe mine prevented something bad happening to me.

Yeah, right. I'm just going mentally insane. That's a more likely reason.

I just hope that it won't happen again.

Procrastination Pain

I hate procrastinating so much, yet I can't stop doing it. I have so much work to do and not enough time. And I still haven't properly started.

Why can't I just will myself to do it? It's mainly because it's one of those assignments which I don't know how to start. And that's the worst. I've done everything that I knew how to start but this I just can't do. If only I started, I'm sure I'd finish.

Argh... so annoying. Looking on the positive side, I only have 3 weeks left till the holidays! Or maybe that's not a positive thing 'cause that means uni will be ending soon for me. But America trip will be closer. So it's both good and bad.

I wonder what I'll be doing this time next year...

Hopefully I'll be employed in a good job. And maybe have a boyfriend. Yeah, right.

Delayed Reaction

Went to the city yesterday with April, Claudia and Christine. We had dinner and then just walked around and talked. The dinner was very nice but the conversation was even nicer. Found out some very interesting things about my friends. Or more specifically - Christine. That girl never ceases to surprise me. She mentioned something about herself so casually in a conversation that I didn't even react. It only hit me in the morning that what she said was a bit of a shock. Maybe it was after midnight when she said it and my senses were lessened. I don't know. But today when I woke up, I thought I dreamt the whole thing.

That piece of information doesn't change anything but it never occurred to me. Or maybe it did, I just didn't really give it any thought.

I wonder if April knew. She was a bit quiet then. All I could think of when she told (or more like 'mentioned') it was: at least you have double the chances of finding your soulmate. And that's gotta be a good thing.

Public Thoughts

Had a major freak out because I saw someone I know looking through another blog that had a link to mine. I thought my worst fear was about to unravel right in front of my very eyes. I freaked out so much I told my brother about 'the situation', since keeping stuff inside can drive me crazy. And I wanted some (false) reassurance that everything will be ok.

After I told him, he asked me a very good question - why do I write personal stuff online if I'm so scared that people I know will find it?

I guess there are a number of reasons.

1. I like writing.
2. If I write about my life in an 'interesting' way, it might seem better than it really is. Sometimes when I read my archives, it feels like I'm reading about some character in a fiction book and that's kind of fun.
3. Knowing that other people like my blog motivates me to keep a record of my life. I can never stick to writing in a proper diary 'cause I get bored.
4. It's a good way to vent out my frustrations without affecting anyone I know. And at the same time connect with people that I don't know.
5. A small part of me thinks that by letting people read about my life, they would feel better about theirs. I always love it when I read about people who had similar experiences to me.
6. I also like to think that my blog is entertaining (well, sometimes anyway) and that makes me feel good.
7. I'm self-involved.

That's all I can think about right now.

The Diet Is Over!

Ok, it has finally been proved that I'm not intolerant to any foods so I can go back to eating everything again.

Everything tastes so much better than before. I don't think people (who are able to eat everything) realise how lucky they are. It's so nice now not to have to avoid most food groups. If I want to eat chocolate, I can. It's the nicest feeling.

The only thing that I'll miss about my diet is being on the skinny side of average. I think my weight will go up to what it was before my diet once I go back to eating more food in general (not junk food). Even though I'll miss being skinnier, being able to eat properly would definitely outweigh that.

Eurovision – A Family Affair

Eurovision brings people together. Well, it brings my family closer. Watching Eurovision is a whole family event at my house. It’s the only time when every single family member is enjoying the same TV show at the same time. Yesterday was no exception.

We all had the same favourite and they won which made us all very happy. They (Ukraine) had all the elements that made a winning entry – good song, good singer, good performance and originality. I was almost jumping out of my seat when it looked like Serbia and Montenegro or Greece were going to win. Serbia and Montenegro weren’t bad but I didn’t really like them. And Greece weren’t that good. I think the guy’s cropped top should’ve disqualified him immediately (although Eurovision wouldn’t have been the same without bad costumes to laugh at). I was a bit disappointed about Cyprus. I thought the 16 year old was great. And Turkey would've had a stronger chance of winning if they had a better singer.

Eurovision is also a great way to learn European politics. It was quite amusing to predict correctly who each country will be voting for. My family all cracked up laughing when Russia was awarded 12 points by Belarus when the girl that sang was absolutely awful. Same goes for the guy from Bosnia and Herzegovina. If his dancers weren’t fired, I don’t know how Albania’s could be when his dancers were of the standard you’d see in a strip club (not that I’ve been to one but I can imagine).

Overall, it was still a very enjoyable event. Much better than last year’s.

Wanderlust

I got my plane tickets!!! I can actually hold them! Just the thought of going to America fills me up with so much ecstatic joy.

Since I finished planning everything to do with the trip, I decided to look at some Europe brochures (just for fun, of course). I haven't even gone on this trip and I'm already thinking about my next one.

I don't know why but since I was little I always craved adventure. Not the physical type (like jumping out of planes) that puts your life at risk but the type where I can explore new places and all the different cultures that they bring.

I remember when I was four (I have memories since the age of two) and my grandma took me for walks around the neighbourhood, I always asked her to take me somewhere where I haven't been. So maybe this type of wanderlust is something that people are born with, rather than develop.

I think that visiting new places and experiencing different cultures is a wonderful way to see the beauty of our world. And there's so much of it, even in the most unlikely places.

Ok, I think I've been reading too many travel magazines.

There's Something About 'Reality' TV...

I'm sure lots of people have already heard about the controversial show "There's Something About Miriam". The one where lots of men compete for the affections of Miriam. The catch being that Miriam is a man. Of course I think that's a horrible thing to do to those poor men who are probably traumatised for life now. And of course I'll be watching it.

Call anything controversial and the ratings will go up. Especially weak TV viewers like me who will watch anything that shows how people behave in unusual circumstances. It's like watching someone being the subject of a practical joke. It's funny to watch but you wouldn't want to be in that person's shoes.

Although people who go on reality shows shouldn't be so naive. Don't they know that they're volunteering to be humiliated?

Another Perspective

On Friday when I met up with Amelia and told her about my meeting with the bus guy, she had some 'interesting' input.

me: but he might be married...
Amelia: don't worry, the divorce statistics are in your favour.

Disappointment

I’m so disappointed that I didn’t see the guy from the bus stop again (who from now on I will call the bus guy). I knew I wouldn’t see him but I still hoped that I might’ve. I’m more upset about it than I should be.

I have to remind myself that I don’t really know him. For all I know he could be (in April’s words) “a complete jerk, who smokes, drinks and deals drugs in his spare time (when he’s not telling everyone how much he hates kids)”. God, I really hope so. Then at least I’m being saved future pain.

Fear Of Public Speaking Evaporated

I think my new diet (yes, my old one had to be changed since it didn’t work) is changing my chemical composition (if that’s possible). Since I can’t have wheat or dairy now, I’ve been eating buckwheat pancakes (which are disgusting). It’s amazing what I will eat when I’m hungry.

Anyway, I think all this buckwheat is making me really calm. Like, take today for example. I had to make a presentation and I didn’t experience even a tiny bit of anxiety like I usually do. I was standing there thinking, “30 people are staring me, why do I not care? Why isn’t my face going red? Why aren’t my palms sweaty? Why is my breathing normal? …Why am I trying to make myself nervous? Haha, it’s not working”. It was such a new feeling. And a very nice one too. I hope it stays.

Compliments

Another pretty cool thing happened yesterday before the whole guy thing. For my class, we had to go to the Sports Centre to draw people playing sports. When we got there, my class-friend (a person who I talk to a lot during that class) and I decided to draw some guys playing indoor soccer.

I said to her, "They'll think we're so weird staring at them! They'll be really uncomfortable." And she said, "No, you're pretty, they'll be flattered."

That was such a sweet thing to say! I don't consider myself pretty so it's so nice to hear that someone else does. Especially a girl 'cause she wouldn't have any wrong intentions behind it. Although I would love it if a guy would say I'm pretty. But then I might not believe him.

The last time I remember someone saying that I was pretty was in year 7 when one girl said to me, "You're pretty. You're smart. And you're nice. You're like a perfect person." I still remember that. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I think I cling to compliments so much because I'm insecure or something. Although I only cling to the ones that I feel are genuine. When Nadine used to say I was pretty, I didn't take her seriously 'cause I thought she was just saying that.

I read somewhere that you should tell a pretty girl that she's smart and to a smart girl that she's pretty. I thought that idea was very interesting.

The Perfect Stranger Who I Will Never See Again

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! I met a guy at the bus stop, had a conversation with him, caught the bus to the station with him, found out that he lives two stations away from mine, waited 25 minutes with him for our train (and at the same time finding out his age, what he was studying etc), got on the same train and… Amy was on it and took me away to another carriage never to see the guy again. Why, why, why??? I thought I was going to explode. How could she ruin something that I could only dream about?

The guy was so my type, did a very similar course to me, 25 year old, friendly, funny, sweet and lives so close too!!! It was so easy to talk to him and he was a complete stranger! I felt like I already knew him. Why do I have a feeling that I will never see him again?

During our conversation he did mention a ‘she’ but since I didn’t hear who he was referring too, I have no idea if it was his girlfriend, wife or what. I asked him to repeat what he said but he just repeated the last bit, rather than who he was talking about. I didn’t ask again.

I must calm down. I must. Why don’t things ever go as I want them to go? It’s as if him living close to me is enough for a nice surprise. But it’s not. It’s never enough until it has the wanted consequences.

Favourite Song Contest

Eurovision is coming up! Yay! That's my favourite song contest ever. Way better than all the Idol shows and Popstars. Even though last year's was disappointing. I don't know why I love it so much. It always makes me feel nostalgic and reminds me that I'm a European at heart. Even my Dad watches it, even though he doesn't watch anything else except news.

I watched the Junior Eurovision (kids' version) on the weekend and it made me think of when I was little and used to perform in musicals and piano concerts. Those were the fun times!

The 'About' Section

Look everyone! I finally made an 'About' section (well, it's more of a paragraph but still). I don't really like it 'cause I don't think it communicates what type of person I am. This summary could probably fit thousands of people.

I'm open to suggestions about how I should improve that paragraph. Do you think there's a word or phrase that would communicate to new visitors who they're reading about?

Coincidence?

A very strange thing happened last week that I forgot to write about.

April sent me a part of a script for our TV show (yes, we're still writing it, yet another version) and she had a character called Max who worked in exactly the same suburb that Max (the real one) lived in. How freaky is that? For a moment I thought she knew about him.

Sometimes I want to tell her about him but I never do. Probably because I don't see the point if he's not a part of my life anymore. That part of my past should stay in the past.

It was just weird seeing her write about an imaginary character like him. I get too paranoid about anything to do with him.

Comments

I love it when I get comments to my entries because it shows that people are interested in my blog. Yet, I very rarely post anything on my favourite blogs. And I feel bad about it because I don't want people to think that their blogs are boring when they're not. So if you (like I) think that no one is commenting because your blog doesn't interest anyone, let me assure you that it's not true. Sometimes I just like to be passively absorbed in someone's life.

Rant: Cold Weather

I love cold weather. Everything is clearer. Warmth feels nicer when it's cold. There are no mood expectations. It feels like I have more freedom. Everything seems more mysterious and intriguing. Emotions are more acute and numb at the same time. There's a nice sense of placidness and excitement.

I love cold weather.

Michael Buble

Does Michael Buble have a sexy voice or does he have a sexy voice?

I think I'm in love...

And I love pronouncing his name. It sounds French and cool no matter how you say it.

Re: My Diet

I finished my diet and went to the dietician who said that since it didn't work I'd have to go on another diet that has a 5% chance that it'll show what I'm intolerant too. This diet is a combination of the previous one and minus all wheat and dairy.

This is all just wonderful. I might as well starve and get a much worse disease than an itchy rash. But I'll be doing it starting next Monday for 2 weeks. I'm just happy that I can have a break before starting it. I'll need to fuel up on energy.

Best Friends

I finally saw my school friends this week. It was a while and I was starting to miss them. It takes extra effort to meet up this year ‘cause the ones that go to my uni don’t have the same breaks and the other two (April and Christine) are even harder to find the same free time.

I saw Amelia and Claudia yesterday because even though they finish uni a few hours before my lunch break, they stayed just to see me. Made me feel special. What made me feel even more special was the (late) birthday present that Amelia gave me. She gave me a bracelet-watch that she made herself. It was absolutely beautiful and she said she ordered some parts of it from overseas. I can’t believe she went to so much effort! I wanted a nice watch to wear to clubs and other dressy places for ages. The bracelet of the watch was made out of silver flower beads and aquamarines (my birth stone). So I’ll be having a unique watch that no one in the world has. How cool is that?! That present was so touching, I wanted to give Amelia a present just to say thank you. She and Claudia said they’ll be having Friday lunch breaks with me from now on. I’m so happy about that because I never get to see them anymore.

Today, Claudia, Christine, April and I went to a jewellery making ‘party’ at April’s friend of a friend house. It was a very girly get-together. But fun, nonetheless. I made nice earrings and an ok (due to lack of resources) necklace. After that, Claud, Christine, April and I went to a Mexican place for dinner which was really nice. It’s great to be able to have normal food again (until Monday, at least). They gave me a late (part of a) present. It was a travel diary for my upcoming trip to America. I remember telling April that I wanted one but not just any. I wanted a nice one that wasn’t too big but with enough room to write and different sections for things like addresses etc. I was looking for one before and couldn’t find one that I liked but they got me one that has everything I wanted. It’s perfect!

We were having a conversation (the same one that we had last year) about how we should meet up every month no matter what. We already decided on a date for our next meeting. I wonder if it will work this time. I guess we end up meeting anyway but sometimes we can go for more than a month without seeing each other.

It doesn’t really feel like that long though, especially with April because I talk with her almost every day either through MSN or phone. I also talk to the others but not as often. So I feel like I know what’s going on with all of them even if I don’t physically see them.

I have to say that I’m a bit surprised that I stay in such close contact with all of them after school ended. I wasn’t even such good friends with Claudia and Christine at school.

When I reflect on all this, it makes me feel so happy to have friends who make me feel so significant and accept me as I am and are there for me if I need them. I don’t think I can ever take them for granted. Sometimes they feel like my extended family because even though I get mad and upset at them sometimes, I still love them.

The Naked Guy

On ANZAC day, while everyone was enjoying their long weekend, I had to go to uni. Our teacher decided that since we usually have class on Mondays, we'd have to make up for the missed one which we could either do at the end of the semester, cutting into our holidays or we could just have it on Monday. I was very annoyed with this arrangement because it's not like people who don't go to work on a public holiday have to make up for it on another weekend. If that was true, there'd be no point in having public holidays.

In class we were supposed to draw a nude male model. I thought we were going to start drawing when the teacher told the guy that we were going to begin and he took his clothes off. Never having been in these sort of situations, I didn't know if it was rude to look at him before we started drawing so I decided to focus on the pretty picture on the wall.

Instead of getting to it, the teacher decided that it was a good time for introductions and asked the guy to tell us a bit about himself, while he was naked! As soon as I took my focus off the pretty picture on the wall, my face started to contort into a giggle because it was so wierd to have to take the naked guy seriously. He had no clothes on and was freely contributing to an intellectual conversation about the history of drawing nudes. That was too odd.

I never thought that seeing a nude model would make me laugh. I blame the girl next to me who at the beginning of class put the idea of giggling into my head ("I hope I won't giggle," she said).

I didn't want to be seen as the immature girl who couldn't distinguish between a 'nude model' and a naked guy. This was art, not some joke.

I tried thinking of a grey fabric (something I used to envision when my eyes watered). However, this time, this image failed me. I was looking more immature by the second, trying to force my face into a serious and sophisticated expression.

Drastic measures had to be taken. I had to think of something very depressing to save my reputation and keep my pride. Now, what could really depress me? Oh! How could I even give that question any thought? I imagined the grim reality of never getting married. Any smile was immediately wiped off my face. Although I did start to see the ridiculousness of thinking about never getting married while the naked guy was talking about new laws that prevented people from taking photos on the beach.

When we finally got to the drawing part, things started to get better, apart from me being confused whether it was rude to look at his penis. I decided to avoid that part and focus on the muscles in his shoulders and back which I thought were the safest to draw.

While I was drawing, I heard the teacher ask the girl next to me why she was avoiding drawing the naked guy's penis. Straight away I realised I was doing the same so I quickly added that anatomy part to my drawings. I didn't want her to think of me as a prude and childish (as I was proving myself to be). The teacher walked past my drawings without commenting which was a relief. However, she did comment on the works of the girl to the left of me. Unlike the girl on the right and myself, she only drew the naked guy's genitals. Every drawing was of the naked guy's penis from a different angle. So I wasn't the only one with 'issues'.

At the end, our teacher offerred to photocopy all of our works and give it to the naked guy "for reference". The naked guy politely declined.

Train Tale #2

I don't know what it is about long train journeys but that's always the time when my imagination goes into an overactive mode.

I was going home and as soon as I sat down, a guy sitting diagonnally in front of me caught my eye. Well, actually it was his textbook. Then his backpack. And only after that, I looked at him. 'Hmm, cute guy,' I thought. 'Hmm, a cute guy reading a textbook.' A cute guy reading a textbook on the train. Now, that I could relate to.

Cute guy has cool jeans. Hmm, smart and has good taste (which really just means: has my taste, but that's beside the point). Cute guy has a hairstyle that the Fab Five from Queer Eye would recommend. Cute guy is gay? No, I refuse to think that. Cute guy watches Queer Eye, and takes notes?! No, I refuse to believe that also.

The cute guy takes his eyes off his textbook and looks at my direction.

The cute guy takes his eyes off his textbook and looks at the window on my side of the train. Then looks back at his textbook.

I brush the hair out of my face. The cute guy brushes his hair off his face. Coincidence? I think not!

I look at my watch. He looks at his. This is fate. We're meant to be together.

The cute guy almost turns his head to look at me.

The cute guy turns to look at me and our eyes meet. "Were you staring at me?" asks the cute guy. "No!" I reply defensively. The cute guy looks embarrassed at making such an uncalled for accusation. "I'm sorry. That was stupid of me." The cute guy is about to turn away when I say, "No, that's ok. I was looking out of the window on your side so it's understandable that you thought I was looking at you." The cute guy smiles his very cute smile and turns back to his precious textbook.

This is not fair, I think, in a movie or TV show, the cute guy and I would be a couple in the very near future and this would be the perfect meeting. So coincidental and so arranged at the same time.

While I ponder on the reality of the situation (i.e. he's a complete stranger), the train comes towards my station and I get up. The cute guy gets up at exactly the same time and we accidentally bump into each other. Our eyes meet again and we both know that this is meant to be. We live happily ever after.

The cute guy gets up (a few stations before mine) and that's when I see them. His mauve striped briefs are sticking out of his jeans. That's one thing I really didn't need to see. I'm sorry but I cannot have a relationship with a guy who wears his jeans below the waist. Way below.

Let's just say I'm glad our perfect meeting happened in my head.

On The Road To America

Yesterday I made my very first deposit for my trip to America. It was very exciting 'cause it made the trip even more real. Since I was so prepared and the travel agent realised that, she gave us a very nice discount which was greatly appreciated.

I'm so excited!!! I absolutely can't wait!!!

A Memorable Day

I went to see Maroon 5 this week which was a very memorable experience (for not only the right reasons). It was quite thought provoking. It made me wonder if:

1. There is there a law that every rock band has to say ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’ at least 4 times during their every performance.
2. If the guitarist of the supporting band will remember this concert by the girl in the front who almost fainted right in front of his eyes (i.e. me).
3. If everyone standing around me will remember the concert by me almost fainting.
4. If everyone not around me will remember the concert by how the guitarist got distracted halfway through a song to inquire if I was ok.
5. If I will actually remember the concert as something other than the time I nearly fainted (i.e. I didn’t actually fall to the floor ‘cause I was caught by the girl behind me) and attracted so much attention from strangers, including band players.

The funny thing was that I didn’t even feel that embarrassed at the time, probably ‘cause I wasn’t conscious. It was afterwards that it hit me what a spectacle I made out of myself. After I got to the bathroom and washed my face and felt completely fine, strange people were coming up to me and asking if I was ok.

I also felt bad that Lauren’s friend who came with me to the bathroom didn’t go back to the front (where we got such good spots) just to be there with me if it happened again (which it didn’t). We ended up standing near the exit doors where we had pretty good views of Maroon 5, standing around the supporting bands’ members who were first blocking our views by making out with their girlfriends, right in front of our faces which really annoyed me. If they didn’t want to watch one of the greatest bands, they didn’t have to prevent us from watching one of the greatest bands.

Afterwards, when I caught the bus home, a girl from one of my classes was there with her boyfriend, also making out. If there’s one thing I hate it’s seeing people making out in public, especially if I know them and have to talk to them later.

So anyway, I got home, went to sleep and the next morning freaked out my parents by telling them about my losing of consciousness the night before. I know (and they know) that it was because of my horrible restrictive diet that I have to be on for another 3 weeks. And the annoying thing is that my allergies are supposed to improve after the 2nd week but they still haven’t which might mean that they are not from natural food chemicals but from something else.

The Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous

I watched "Newlyweds" yesterday and I couldn't believe that Jessica got Nick a $55000 watch!!! Well, actually I can believe that she got it.

But seriously, even if I was the richest person on Earth, I still wouldn't want a $55000 piece of jewellery. For heaven's sake, you can buy a car with that, and a good one too!

And who would get table top dancers for your husband's birthday party?! That's just ridiculous. It really is. And she popped out of the cake dressed as a stripper in front of all those people, including her family. I was talking to my brother about this and he said, "Did you see her Mum?! She probably said something like 'Come on Jess, you should dress up really slutty, it'd be fun!'"

But it's all those elements of sillyness and impracticality in the lifestyles of the rich and famous that makes the show so irresistible to watch.

Personal Blogs

I was just reflecting on what a wonderful creation blogging is. There is no other way that allows you to enter so many personal worlds and experience things that would never happen in your life. It's also amazing to see how other people think and reason in places all over the world. And to make it even better, all these different people can comminicate with each other when in real life it would've been impossible.

How often would you have an interesting conversation on the same level with someone decades older or younger than you? And how often would you be able to comment on a stranger's personal life?

Some people say that the internet has made people more isolated and less social (which on one hand may have some truth) but it has also brought so many people closer together and allowed them to connect with people from a much wider community.

Frustrations

Easter doesn't mean anything to me, especially that I can't eat any chocolate. Yesterday we had relatives over and Mum got all this yummy stuff plus the guests brought other yummy stuff so I couldn't even have dinner with them. Just sat in front of the computer talking to April.

I'm so sick of my diet, especially that it doesn't seem to be working. The doctor said that after 2 weeks I should see improvement. Well, it's 2 weeks today and my allergy is not getting better. Argh, so frustrating.

I'm getting nervous about my trip with Lauren to America at the end of the year. I've finished planning all accommodation and everything which she didn't really help (which I don't really mind since she said she's ok with anything that I decide). It's time to go to the travel agent and she's been avoiding my messages and email. Hmm... she better not have changed her mind cos that would REALLY piss me off. I wonder what's going on.

And please I don't want any comments about how I should put my problems in perspective. I'm allowed to be in a frustrated mood. Remember it's the little things that make life.

Just another thing. The worst thing you could say to someone who's in a bad mood is to smile and cheer up. That kind of higher moral ground (that some people like to put themselves on, mostly for insecurity reasons) just sounds condescending. And usually no one likes fake smiles. Or maybe that's just me.

Favourite Casual Job

I love market research!

Not the type that calls your home and wastes your time but the type that you get paid for. And quite well too! Yesterday was the second time I went and I have to say that it's my favourite casual job ever! Instead of trying to impress you interviewer, they actually want to listen to YOUR thoughts. And pay for it too! Too bad it's not on everyday.

It's weird to think how many different casuals jobs I've had over the last few years. I guess I've tried every casual job that I wanted to try, and some that I didn't. The only casual job left that I want to do is being an extra. Oh yeah, and one where I meet my boyfriend.

What were some of the most interesting casual jobs that you've had?

The Beauty Of Music

I went to the uni orchestra practice yesterday and it was amazing. I am now completely convinced that anyone who plays a classical music intstrument cannot possibly be an evil person. There was this one huge guy who if I saw in the street, would keep away from since he looked like someone who's capable of committing criminal acts. But the way he played the bass melted my heart. The precision, the gentleness, the concentration, the emotion... I felt like I was in a trance (and I'm not even a fan of classical music). The energy of the whole place was just beautiful.

I miss Max.

My Friend: "The Beauty Queen"

Amelia had her beauty pageant yesterday. Really wanted to go but I had no way of getting home since it finished quite late. Hope she won. And before you start judging her as one of those shallow people who usually enter beauty pageants, let me assure you that she's not your typical beauty pageant type of person. She was asked to enter by the organisers and was paid quite well just to wear a few dresses and dance a bit. She actually wasn't very happy about doing it but she didn't want to say no 'cause the organiser is a family friend. I'm sure she was quite happy about getting paid for it though.

She said she'll show me pictures. Can't wait to see them.

What Makes Me Happy

Since my blog has been commented as being on the negative side, I've read over the last few entries and noticed that there's truth in that. So today I will write about something happy in my life.

The two main things that make me happy are my family and friends:

- I love gossipping and being silly and childish with my brother.

- I love talking to April and laughing so hard that my sides hurt and I have tears running from my eyes.

- I love how my Dad is the best source of information on any subject and not just takes an interest in all my uni and travelling research but also helps me.

- I love how my Mum gives me hope about my future and shows how to be happy with myself.

- I love how my grandparents will always listen to the most boring details of my life and find them interesting.

- I love how Amelia make me feel important.

- I love how Nadine and I can talk for hours and still have more to say.

- I love how Sophia thinks I'm the funniest person.

- I love how Claudia is so sweet.

- I love how Lauren is so easy-going.

I love how I have 10 major things to love about my life.

Hope this didn't make you squirm!

Encounter

On Monday, I missed my usual train and ran into Amy (from school). She seemed excited to see me. I pretended to be excited to see her. She said that she hasn't seen me in a year and a half. Didn't seem that long to me.

She works and studies full time now so she's very busy. She also told me that a girl who was the first to get married from my year is now pregnant and another already has a kid (and is married too). I can't believe that there are already 2 girls who are married (the second one is the quietest girl and she ALREADY has a kid)!

It's wierd.

She also told me that she doesn't keep in touch with anyone from school except one girl who is doing the same course as her. That made me feel really sorry for her. I can't imagine what my life would be like without my high school friends, especially April and Amelia and Claudia. They are my biggest support network. Just thinking about not talking to them makes me really sad.

I sort of see her differently now. Before I just didn't want anything to do with her 'cause to me she was just someone who always put me in a bad mood to make herself feel better but now I see her as a real person who needs close friends just like I do and everyone else.

Headache Ruins My Favourite Day

Didn't go to uni today 'cause I woke up with a massive headache that didn't go away by the time I had to leave the house. Of course this just had to happen on my favourite day of the week. Seriously, Murphy's Law was created for my life.

Tuesday is my favourite day because I only have 2 hours of the easiest subject and because I get to talk to Daniel, since we're always the first 2 in class.

Did I not mention Daniel? He's the guy in my POBian class. Not the younger one who I mentioned before but the other one who I haven't mentioned before.

Daniel is an international student from Europe. He is fidgety but outspoken, clever but not driven. That's the only way I can think of describing him. Oh, and he's older than me. And being the ageist (April's word for my age prejudices) that I am, that's important to me.

Anyway, last week (and the week before) we had a really nice (and long) conversation about non-uni related stuff which is definitely an improvenment. He's like a perfect guy to have as a friend - easy to talk to and totally not my type. Hopefully we can become better friends by the end of the semester but somehow I doubt that will be happening.

The Diet

From today I have to be on this horrible diet to test whether I have natural food chemical intolerance because it's very likely that when I was sick with gallstones, my natural food chemical tolerance level took a dive.

So basically, my diet for the next four weeks will consist of potatoes, cabbage, bread, water, pears (no more than 2 a day) and freshly cooked meat (i.e. I can't have leftovers and I live on leftovers because no one can be bothered to cook every single day).

And if it will turn out that I am intolerant to natural food chemicals, I may need to be on this diet for another few years until my tolerance level will go up again. This sucks. I'm not old enough to have health problems. My Dad thinks that almost everyone (no matter what age) has some sort of health problems. Is that true for you?

Max Returns (To My Thoughts).

I miss Max. I miss getting emails and messages from him. I miss talking on the phone with him (not that I did that very often). I miss knowing that there’s a guy in the world that thinks about me and cares about what happens to me. I miss knowing that something really great might happen between us soon.

Or maybe I just miss the idea of all that, not Max.

Nadine's Trip

Finally got to talk to Nadine on Tuesday night. For several hours. Just listening to her stories about the trip got me so excited. I absolutely cannot wait!!!

Retail Therapy?

I never understood retail therapy. I find that spending money when I'm feeling depressed makes me more depressed because not only do I end up still feeling bad but I also have less money as a result.

What I do understand is library therapy. Bringing home free books can feel like I've got presents with no guilt attached (as with bought things).

Turning Twenty

I'm getting really depressed about turning 20 next week. It's not that I think it's old, it's... well, I do think it's old. Not old for someone else but old for me. I don't feel 20. I haven't done all the things I want to do before I turn 20. Well, actually it's one thing and if you've read my blog before you'd know exactly what that one thing is.

For those who haven't, it's having a relationship. I never thought I would turn 20 and never have a boyfriend. How could I not be depressed?

April turned 20 today. I called her to wish her a happy birthday but it wasn't very happy for her. She was sick all day and had to go to the doctor. That girl gets sick too often and always at the worst times. It's as if turning 20 is not depressing enough as it is.

I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life. I think I will probably be grumpy till my birthday and after that I will probably be even worse.

My life is over.

Bad Luck Forever

I'm cursed. Really, I am. I have proof:

Claudia and I decided to go to a dancing class (one that I found that finally could fit into my uni and work schedule). I was supposed to meet her today at 6pm which meant that after finishing uni at 5pm, I would wait for an hour.

But uni finished at 1pm which meant I had enough time to go to my grandparents' house (which is closer to uni than mine). So, I waited there excitedly because finally I was going to a dancing class after all the problems I've encountered in trying not only to find one but to find one that wasn't at the same time as uni or work.

So everything is going great until the train decides to stop. Not for a few seconds, or even a few minutes but for 30 freaking minutes!!! With no amount of effort could I establish a telepathic connection with the train willing it to move just A. Few. More. Metres.

Very conveniently, I was stuck in the tunnel which prevented me from calling Claudia to let her know that I did not forget about our well-organised and eagerly awaited meeting.

When the train arrived at the station, I almost jumped out and started running towards the place. I got there 20 minutes late and no Claudia in sight. I quickly dialled her number. Well, she decided that I wasn't coming and left. And it didn't sound like she tried to call either. I cannot believe that she thought I just wouldn't turn up. Although I'm just assuming the last bit 'cause I didn't get to talk too long with her over the phone.

So since I already missed almost half of the lesson and Claudia wasn't even there, I went back to the train station. I thought I was going to cry. Fortunately I didn't.

Do you not believe that something is keeping me from going to dancing lessons?!

'Once is an accident.'
'Twice is a coincidence.'
'Three times is a pattern.'

And this was about the 10th time.

I was really trying to find the funny side to all this but I just couldn't.

And did I mention that I missed a really good party where I had a very good chance of meeting nice guys because I didn't want to cancel on Claudia's and my plans?

Can't Wait

Nadine should be back today from America. I'm strangely (or maybe not so strangely) really looking forward to it. Can't wait to speak to her. Not exactly sure what time she's coming so I'll call her tomorrow.

Was talking to Lauren about our trip and it's getting closer and closer. As soon as I'll get all the details of Nadine's trip, we will check the lowest prices on the net and will go to the travel agent asking for even lower prices. Can't wait till November. Thinking about it is so exciting!

New Challenge

I got another tutoring job last week. When I got to the boy's house, I had a strong urge to never come back again.

It was something like you might see on Current Affairs - rundown, barely any light coming from windows that I couldn't even see, numerous kids of different nationalities, different pets running around, dirt everywhere (I couldn't even lean on the table because of hair and fresh stains). It was filthy.

The actual student, I'm sure, was on drugs. His eyes wouldn't focus and he kept slurring and had involuntary movements. Amazingly though he was quite bright and did some questions extremely quickly.

After I finished, the mother (who was wearing sunglasses when it was dark inside anyway) told me that she was so happy that I could come because I was their 6th tutor. Some decided they couldn't make it at the last minute, and others had other excuses. So, basically, I'm going back there next week. What can I say, I need the money and something in me wants to help the boy become something more than the road he is headed towards.

The Fun Times

I was just reading my dead message board and it made me remember how fun it was when people posted stuff.

Too Many Younger Guys

Any bit of hope that I had of meeting a guy that I might have any chance of going out is gone.

Today in class, there was a guy who seemed great in every aspect but one - he's 2 years younger than me. And yesterday there was an ok guy (with whom I've had a good conversation) but he was 1 year younger.

Ok, here's a question for you (if you're female): Would you rather go out with a guy who's 4 years older who you've met on the internet and who has no tertiary education and is a security guard OR a guy who's 2 years younger who you've met at uni and is studying law?